I'm a Helper

Is someone in your home very disorganized, losing things, forgetful?

At a recent wedding

For years, I would get so mad that Ray couldn't find his keys, phone, wallet, glasses or any combination of those things. He would walk in the house and put them down in random places, then forget where they were. He has a drawer right beside the back door to put those things in, but he often doesn't. He's intelligent, creative, compassionate and an all around great man, but he was (and sometimes still is) very disorganized.

When it would be time for him to leave the house, oftentimes he'd be rushing around looking for what he had lost. I would call out to everyone available to help find the lost item, then he could go on his way when it was recovered. If you're thinking that this post is about how to make someone else more organized, think again, it isn't. I have no idea how to help you.

But Ray's losing very important things was constantly making me mad. It took up my time, the kids' time and his time. It created unnecessary frustration.

The day that I realized that disorganization is not a sin was eye opening. It isn't a sin for him to put his things down wherever he wanted. How I responded was often very sinful! My irritation was sinful and it rubbed off on the girls. I could see their sinful eye rolls or irritations when they had to stop what they were doing to help their daddy with something so silly. After all, he's a grown man, why can't he find his own glasses?

Over the years, either, he has gotten better, or we have figured out where he is putting his things. There is less time digging, searching and scrambling than I remember. But the change may be that I realized that my job is to be his helper. Maybe focusing on what God has called me to do has shifted the big deal from his forgetfulness to my own sinful heart.

God created me to be Ray's helper.

Genesis 2:18 "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'"

So, when he says, "Have you seen my glasses?" I can respond with a cheerful heart. If I'm able to stop what I'm doing and help him, I do, and hopefully with a better attitude.

Ray and me with some of the most adorable people in the world - Caleb, Susannah and Josiah

But it's time to close now, I need to help him find his phone....

As a Pastor's Wife

I love my job! I am my husband's wife. That's all, nothing more, nothing less. But being the wife of a pastor has unique challenges, as does being the wife of a plumber, doctor, mechanic, etc. I'm sure. But how often do you get introduced like this, "This is my mechanics wife?"

As a pastor's wife in the 1700's, before her husband was given an increase in salary, Sarah Edwards had to record every expenditure to make sure that she wasn't being frivolous with the family's finances.  That's Jonathan Edwards' home! Such scrutiny in a pastor's home is often painfully unfair. 

There have been times I have felt that scrutiny, whether it was justified or not. I have often taken things out of context and felt the pressure to perform as others would have me, even when it wasn't what I or my husband wanted. My children have often felt the uncomfortable realities of living in a glass house.

But it's still a job I love. The blessings outweigh the problems. I have first hand knowledge of people and can pray for them when no one else can. I may have to be on the phone for hours at a time, but I have God's Word to help me counsel. 

There are times like this wedding that I relish. Ray officiated the wedding of a young couple in our church family. We got to walk with them, like others in the past, through counseling and wedding preparations. God is glorified through them and I am greatly encouraged. 

A visitor to our church remarked about how involved I was in the lives of the couple. I keep thinking how sad I am for her own pastor and his wife, whom she shared has little to do with the church.  I understand that too. Sometimes, it's easier to separate yourself from people to avoid being hurt, used or even abused in some way.

But for me, today I thank God for this family of believers that He has placed me in. I wouldn't want to be anywhere other than Grace Community Church.

Put off, put on.

I had complained to Ray that I was tired of picking up his shoes and socks. He didn't typically leave them all over the house, but he did leave them all over the bedroom and bathroom. I was often picking them up and putting them in the closet where they belong.  I didn't want them anywhere besides the closet because I'm clumsy and fall over them; and I'm busy and don't need anything else to pick up. But, the main reason I said anything is because I'm sinful and just don't want to pick up his socks and shoes.

Since I've complained to him, not only does he pick up his socks and shoes, I can't even find a stitch of his dirty clothes anywhere, except the hamper.

It isn't bad that I asked him to pick up his socks and shoes. Husbands and wives can ask questions like that of each other, gracefully. There could be a lesson in communication for me I'm sure.

What is bad is that I let it fester. By the end of many days, I was fuming over how many socks I had picked up. I would be counting and throwing them in the hamper myself, with force, I might add. His office is at home, he comes and goes, and often changes clothes for different tasks. So there might be several socks here and there.

But...

The chapter in The Excellent Wife that the ladies are discussing this week discusses the "Biblical Process of Change". (It's by Martha Peace, page 24)

Ephesians 4:22-24
to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Instead of me fuming about the socks, and becoming an angry Michael Jordan, I should have changed my thinking. I should have put off anger, ...

And I should have put on -

... then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, Colossians 3:12

Last year while we were in Oxford, England I wasn't thinking about picking up socks...

Normandy Inn of Winshape Retreat Center

As I write, Ray and I are at a pastor's and wives marriage enrichment retreat. What a joy! We've been here before and have always enjoyed it.

Ladies, take your husbands away. We live in a society with so many distractions. You could rattle off twenty things right now that are vying for your attention, anything that could separate you and your husband.

Date nights are vital! Go out or stay in, often, even weekly if any way possible. It's not uncommon for Ray and me to go out every week. Our girls think that all we do is go on dates, but that's okay. I want them to understand that my marriage comes first. That message isn't always conveyed as clearly as it should be, but that's my desire.

Marriage retreats, conferences, getaways, etc. are also important to you as a couple. When you block out a certain amount of time that says, "this is all for you," good things can happen.
You can remember why got married again.

• Learn to be friends again.
• Listen more carefully.
• Resolve an issue.
• Actually sleep.
• Talk without interruption.

We highly recommend the Winshape Retreats, but realize the cost of something like that isn't possible. It's worth any investment that's possible to get away. There are so many creative ways to save money by camping, house swapping with a couple in another location, etc. You can even turn your own home into a retreat center by being creative (cut off Internet, fill it with candles, get all take out food, anything you wouldn't normally do). The key is to make it a top priority, then make the plans.

Planning can be difficult. Young children don't understand that daddy should have a higher priority on mommy's time. But when parents love each other and have a great relationship, children benefit tremendously. Swapping babysitting duties with another family, grandparents or other couples who don't have children but would love to test out yours (hehe) are all great options for babysitting.

The time should be structured AND unstructured. If you go to a conference, the time is set for you. But you should set a schedule or some sort of ground rules for yourselves. What are you going to do with the time that isn't involved in a conference class? Talk to each other about what you would like to see happen, then write it down and make it happen.
Ideas on free time could be:

• Play games
• Take a tour
• Cook together
• Take walks
• Play a sport
• Read a book
• Memorize a passage of scripture
• Sleep
• Pick a topic of interest and learn something new 
• Watch a marriage conference

Be creative! Whatever you do, make the time count. Sometimes, we're so busy working or entertaining ourselves to death that we don't realize that we haven't even kissed our husbands for the entire day. 

Ray and I try to carve out at least one overnight per year away from home. Sometimes we even get to do more than that. It's that important! We can come up with as many excuses as anyone that I know that we don't have the time or money to get away. But it's too important not to.

New Orleans

The Chapel on campus.

Ray and I drove to New Orleans in September to attend a workshop and for him to do a little Spurgeon research. We stayed on the campus of New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. When we got married over twenty-eight years ago we left from our wedding to go to our honeymoon, then straight to seminary. We lived there for a little over a year before we got back to Georgia as fast as we could. We were reminiscing a lot and wishing we had enjoyed certain things about the city more while we were there.

One of the things that we would like to have done more is eat out. We lived on my part time salary as a minimum wage clerk at the bookstore. Our grocery and gas budget back then was $35.00 per week and that included eating out!

Muffalatas at Cafe' Maspero was one place where we ate more than once. It is still just as yummy! 

We didn't find things that different than the last time we were there together, twenty-five years ago. St. Peter's Square is still beautifully crazy and diverse. The darkness of the French Quarter is even more over-whelming to me. Having been flooded after Katrina, I'm sure those who know the city would think it is completely changed from twenty-eight years ago. But memories seem to cloud with time.

I don't know how we missed the Camelia Grill all those years ago, but it had the best breakfast we've had in a long time. Maybe it wasn't there....

Remember my sin issue of being easily irritated? I was thinking about one of those irritating habits my dear husband has - laundry. He doesn't always put his dirty clothes where I think he should. I haven't asked him to put his clothes somewhere special, just put them in the hamper. He's smart, he can see a hamper for dirty clothes. It isn't hidden away, he just can't always seem to ring it. He isn't sinning against me, sometimes, he just doesn't put his clothes where I want.

I can choose to let that make me mad. I can let that fester into a raging blister that gnaws at me - he doesn't care about me, I have so much work to do, he doesn't respect my job, he wants me to have more work to do, he doesn't love me, he wants to hurt me, etc. Do you see how easy it is for me to sin against him over something as ridiculous as dirty socks?

Even airing his dirty laundry here (pun intended) may give rise to my sinful heart. I have to turn from this train of thought and repent.

Don't we all have a way to do things? And isn't it the right way to do that thing? Whether it's laundry, dishes, filing, cutting the grass, cutting nails, reading a book, anything can be said that there is a certain way to do things.

Whose way is correct? It doesn't matter. What matters is our attitude. Look at what the Bible says about those we claim to love -

It does not insist on its on way: it is not irritable or resentful. I Corinthians 13:5

So when we are easily irritated by someone we love doing something we think should be done a different we we need to remember Scripture - 

...bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3 

Now I could roll out a list a mile long of things my husband does that is irritating. And my daughters... well let's just say the same goes double for them. But I love them, I love them more than I can explain. Because the Bible is where I get definitions of how I should live, I Corinthians 13 is key. 

I have read all of that chapter, especially verse four. Love is not arrogant either. In my arrogance, I could think that I'm not irritating or insist on my own way. We are all in need of the same love that we need to give. More on that later....

One thing I dearly love about my husband is how he loves the children. And he makes awesome pancakes!

What Sin Is So Great That Can't Be Forgiven?

What about my own sin in marriage? Do you remember, as a Christian, the moment that you realized that you were truly forgiven of your sins?

Have you ever examined the blackness of your heart and seen the forgiveness of Christ cover that? I heard a lady talk about how one day she begged God to show her the blackness of her sin. She described a truly awful moment of evil within her own heart, and yet, by her own admission, she still goes back to sin again.

 All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23 

She still falls into sin because she does what we all do - we sin. We are sinners by nature and we need a savior.  We love to sin, we hate to sin, we sin. Because I am a sinner, my marriage will suffer. I married a sinner too. If I continue in my sinful ways, whatever way that is, my marriage will not flourish.

This could get very depressing couldn't it?  If there were no hope of forgiveness for the dark deeds of life, there would be no hope in life at all.  I don't understand how non-Christians live day after day with that.

My mind, heart, words and body must focus on the work of Christ and what He has done to rescue me.  So, as I battle a bad attitude toward Ray or a lack of focus on my husband, I have to remember Christ and repent.

What about those big sins? The good news is that no matter what sin we have committed, Christ can forgive us.

The stories in the news of suicide shake me. Most recently, a pastor we knew and respected committed suicide. What man's sin is so great that it can't be forgiven by Christ and his people? This particular man had a long history of sin and was about to be exposed. (I know there must be consequences to sin, but forgiveness is possible.)

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

How does that transfer into marriage? Husbands and wives often sin against each other and sometimes those sins are huge. We have to remember that while we ourselves were sinners, Christ died for us. If the Holy One of God can forgive us in our blackest hearts, can't we forgive our spouses? Not only we can, but we must. 

Someone might say, "That's easy for you to say, your husband hasn't abused you or committed adultery or anything really 'big'." That's true, but I know the Savior who saves. The forgiveness He offers can flow through me. 

Now, if in the future I am faced with one of those "big" sin issues. I will have to face the reality of that truth. There will be hurt, anger, and every terrible emotion to be thought of I'm sure. But I will have to ask myself the same question, "What sin is so great that can't be forgiven?"

Ephesians 5:31-32

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. this mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

We are to leave all other in this world and cling to our spouses. Whatever is in this world that satisfies - job, children, possessions, status, comfort...ladies, what is the first thing that you think of when I say, "What brings you the most joy in this world?"  Don't blurt it out because it could be very embarrassing.

This refers to Christ and the church. What did Christ do for the church? He died for her. He willingly laid down his life for His bride. That's what God calls husbands to do every day for their wives. God is glorified in that.

But, what must the bride do? 

Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.

Colossians 3:18 - Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

We can talk about the word submit all day long. It has been discussed many times, by so many better than I. The little phrases at the end of each of those two verses keep jumping out at me. 

"as to the Lord" and "as is fitting in the Lord"

If we filter everything we do for or against our husbands through those words, how would our lives change? I bet we wouldn't -

• grumble under our breath
• text a thoughtless comment 
• sigh a little extra loudly to get the point across
• roll our eyes
• think thoughts that are less than God honoring
• "forget" to do something that he asked to be done

• allow our children to say, do or think less than honorable thoughts about their father
• be easily offended because he is exhausted from working 

That's just a short list of that came to mind quickly. What are the "little" responses that you sinfully make in response to your husband? 

If the phrase "as is fitting in the Lord" was on the minds of more women, how could our marriages be changed?  It's these "little" sins that compound. They become huge when multiplied. 

So, right now, write across your heart, "as is fitting in the Lord." How will you respond to a hurt, reply to a thoughtless word, repent of a sinful deed? There are so many things in our lives that could call for a "big" response. Filtering our responses through this lens would make dramatic changes. 

If you don't know what "as is fitting in the Lord" means, try spending some time in the Psalms.  The psalmist knows the Almighty, ever present God who created the universe and is involved in the tiny details of our lives. Worshipping that God gives earthly brides a way to honor their earthly husbands.

God of the Detail

God's Hand is evident in the "big" things of life. Creation, the Exodus, oceans, childbirth, etc. are just a few examples that are easy to see the big ways that God moves. But what about the details? Have you ever seen the tiny close up detail pictures of sea creatures that live on the bottom of the ocean floor? No one sees them but God. Psalm 104:26 says that God created the Leviathan to play in the ocean, yet no one knows where or what the Leviathan is. God moves in every detail.

Nearly three weeks ago, we were in a car wreck. The van crumbled in the impact (and was totaled, by the way.) Yesterday, Ray talked to a man who was involved in a car wreck several years ago, very similar to mine. He was driving an older suburban, like I used to drive. The injuries they had were so extensive that the man and his wife nearly died and spent a long time in the hospital. The suburban didn't crumble, it bounced everything off of them, it stayed strong. The detail that I see God's hand in and how does it apply to us? I just bought a van with the latest safety features, it was supposed to crumble and take the impact of the crash, so we didn't have to. Some engineer, that I don't know, researched and figured out that a crumpled vehicle is safer than a metal bouncer. God has used those tiny details to save lots of lives, including Hannah, Abigail and me.

In front of the Tower Bridge in London.

But what about other details? Today, Ray and I celebrate twenty eight years of marriage. How many details has God orchestrated to get us here, where we are today? Many bumps in the road, many mountain top experiences are under our belts, lots of "big" events, we do have six children and two grandchildren. Yet, detail after detail God has moved us together.

I am thankful for twenty-eight years of details that God has intricately woven in the depths of the earth. (Psalm 139:15)

Men and Women are Different

Consider my schedule for this particular morning-

5:30 wake up, shower
6:00 breakfast for Hannah and Sarah
6:30 quiet time
7:00 breakfast for the other girls
7:45 leave for group school

In the course of the morning, I was dealing with getting children ready, meals for the day and trying to get prepared for the literature class I was supposed to teach (which was not at all ready for).

Ray came into the bathroom while I was blow drying my hair holding a book and grinning. I turned off the blow dryer to listen to him while he read. I had just been running from room to room, rushing through and grabbing what I needed as I went. I certainly didn't have time to stop to chat.

He had things to do and deadlines too. He was finishing up preparations for an upcoming marriage conference and had found a new book. Besides the fact that Sunday is always coming, sermon preparation is always looming.

In the midst of the morning rush, he was able to stop everything and read. You can guess what the book was about- Intimacy! Men can stop on a dime for some subjects. Women take longer to see the humor or interest.

Now, I truly do not remember if I made it to my class on time, if I left the house dressed in what I wanted, if the girls were well fed or even if my literature class went off without a problem. In the big picture of our family, those things didn't matter. What mattered was my husband.

So, ladies, turn off the hair dryer and remind yourself to slow down and think. Think about the
differences and enjoy them. In the midst of a rush, our husbands need us to slow down, listen, smile with them and enjoy the discussion.

Who Is Your Neighbor?

I love watching how Rachel and Adrian love each other.

Have you ever been to wedding showers or other events that say write a note of advice to the bride and groom?  My response always says-

Love God more than you love spouse OR yourself.

Did you know that these verses are about marriage?

Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:29-31

Who is our closest neighbor? Our husband. He shares every part of our lives, yet we have to be reminded how to love him.

"And so train the younger women to love their husbands..." Titus 2:4

We are so busy with loving ourselves, our children, the world and all of its trappings that we forget to love the one whom God has given us - our closest neighbor.

Some Great Reasons for Holding Hands

Daytona Beach 2010

How do you feel when your husband reaches for your hand? There should be a connection that no other hand brings. R. C. Sproul, Jr. wrote about hand holding and I really like the way he says it here.

Hand holding is a way to say both, “You are safe with me” and “Follow me into the adventure.”

These are just a few of my favorite reasons to hold hands -

• Holding your husband's hand is different than holding your child's. His is bigger, protecting you, leading you through the world. Like Sproul said- safety and adventure.
•  There have been times when Ray has reached for my hand and I didn't really want to hold his. Hand holding softens those bad feelings, feelings that need to be corrected. I have also purposefully taken his hand to help ease problems we might have been facing at the time.
• Every time my girls see an even older couple than us holding hands all romantic sentimentalities are expressed. "Oohs, aahs and how cute is that!" are just a few things we might hear from them. Children love to see sweet expressions of love.

Try holding hands today with your husband and talk about how it makes you feel with him.

 Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us,
        and establish the work of our hands upon us;
        yes, establish the work of our hands! (Psalm 90:17 ESV)

Respect Your Husband

Ephesians 5:33  However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Why does the Bible tell the wife to see to it that she respect her husband?

Maybe what happened in Genesis has something to do with it. Eve ate the fruit, and God said that she would always have the desire to rule over her husband. (Genesis 3:16)

When the wife is busy trying to lord over her husband she doesn't have respect. When she is has no respect, then she will dishonor him and God. There are no caveats in Scripture that say to respect our husbands if they deserve respect. We must respect the place where God has them which is as our husbands. If God had wanted you to rule over your husband, you would have been born a man. Instead, we are simply told to respect him.

The job of respecting my husband becomes easier when I understand what all of Ephesians five means. He has the great responsibility to love me as Christ loved the church, laying down his life for me. I know me, that's hard.

What does respect look like? Think of the person whose opinion you admire the most. How would you behave in front of them? Then that's how you behave about your husband -
all the time.

It's a heart issue, your own heart, not his. Of course, the task would be easier if he was perfect, but he isn't. So we look to Christ, and change our heart towards the one man that God called us to respect.

Practically, that means:

• every negative thought towards him must be changed to think on what is true and honorable (Philippians 4:8)
• every word is gracious, seasoned with salt (Colossians 4:6)
• every action does him good and not harm (Proverbs 31:11-12)

There are many places to find lists of how to show respect to your husband, but I think the best way to find out how is to ask him. With a sincere heart, ask your husband what are ways that he sees respect communicated? Then put those to practice. I'm planning to ask Ray, but not now. I'll ask in the morning because it wouldn't be respectful to wake an exhausted man.

The Gospel in Marriage

Maybe I don't write much about marriage because I feel so far from qualified. Ray and I have been married for over twenty-seven years and yet sometimes I feel like we are in our first year again. You know the first year? Everything is great one moment, but the next you are wondering who you are living with.

That's my knee jerk reaction too, "Who are you?" It's easy to jump to the fact that my husband has done something to bother me and the snowball effect begins. It would be easy for me to pile on all that he does that irritates/insults/hurts/offends me. He's human right? Just writing this, my mind begins to think of things that I could accuse him of.

Hopefully, at this point in this post, it's clear who the real sinner is in my marriage. My pride and self preservation rises it's ugly head and doesn't want to admit my own sinfulness. Yes, he has upset me and sinned against me in the past. But my response is my responsibility.

It would be easy way for me to think the way the world does. When Ray and I got married, divorce was a common solution to problems in my family. We made a commitment that the word would never be allowed in our thoughts or discussions. It would never be an option.

So I have had to come to another way to solve any problems we might have. The gospel is the only answer. Because Christ came to live a righteous life, die on the cross to save me from sins and reigns in Heaven now, I can apply that to my life. The gospel is key to making my marriage great.

How does the gospel work beyond getting me saved from Hell? Knowing what Christ has done gives me the correct response to my husband and any way he might sin against me.

• When Ray doesn't put me first? - Christ did, he died on the cross for me.
• When he doesn't pick up after himself?- Christ lowered himself to serve in the most humiliating way.
• When Ray doesn't give me what I want?- What do I deserve?

My whole being cannot be wrapped up in how I am treated in our marriage. It has to be based on the gospel. Because of Christ, I can forgive his imperfections and realize that I'm the greater sinner.

The times in our marriage that we have felt disconnected/unhappy/bored have been hard. I have wondered if I could stand it until things were right again. Every one of those times there has been a sin issue on my part as well as Ray's. When I have examined my heart and we have discussed the issues, I can see my own pride, selfishness and unwillingness to forgive prevalent.

Because of the gospel, I can repent and our marriage can be restored to better than before.

Little Foxes

Catch the foxes for us,
    the little foxes
that spoil the vineyards,
    for our vineyards are in blossom.

Song of Solomon 2:15

Song of Solomon has become my favorite book of the Bible in the last few years. Ray has spent some time teaching from it and he often uses it as a springboard for notes that he writes to me.

Thinking about this verse I have tried to identify some of the "little foxes" in my marriage and often think to myself, "I gave birth to the little foxes."

The girls take a lot of my time, but I also have to be honest with myself. It isn't just the girls. It's my own heart. I am easily distracted from the things that matter most. It does matter that I spend time with my children, but I can't let them get in the way of my relationship with the most important person in my life - my husband.

Because children are loud and have urgent needs, it is easy to let them invade too much into their parents' time. But as parents, we have to remember that urgent needs do not necessarily mean the most important needs.

However easy it is for me to blame my children for distracting me from my husband and his needs, I have to remember my own heart. It takes nothing for me to get side tracked and loose focus. You know the joke about the squirrel? "Oh, look, there's a squirrel!" It gets me every time. And there I am again, wondering what I was doing.

Staying close to scripture, listening to my husband and tuning out the world's noises are the best ways I know to stay in tune to my marriage. I love this picture of us because it puts into proper focus what I believe is my most important role in life - Ray's wife.

Just a Moment of Thankfulness

After twenty-seven years of marriage, I can say I'm really in love. It's not the sappy kind of love, but the lifetime kind of love. We have weathered many trials and monumental heartaches and I think we're going to make it another twenty-seven more.

Lately, I've been thinking more about marriage in general and more thankful than ever for my husband. I'm working on some things about marriage, but I'm a little shy about posting just yet.

So, while my sweet husband, lies in the bed tonight, sleeping with the gentle sounds that only a deep sleep can bring, I am thanking God for him. I'm also thankful that on the rare night that I can't sleep, he isn't snoring.

We had our family pictures taken and they have just come back to me. This picture reminds me of how much he loves me and cherishes me.

Perspective

written on November 6, 2014

I'm waiting again on my doctor, on results of a test this time.   Three abnormal Pap smears should be dealt with. After having the same OBGYN for over twenty years, I knew what he was going to say. His nature is to jump to the worst scenario first, then slowly back down to what is more likely the out come.

So after some time and prayer, I had a small part of my cervix removed and a biopsy done. And now I'm waiting.

I don't think I have panicky nature, but these kinds of things do give me time to think about my perspective on life.

In the beginning of the school year we had to focus on school, a lot. It had to take top priority for a while. But once it got going a little more smoothly I remembered that just because we are knee deep in mud at the Battle at Passchendaele doesn't mean that's the most important thing to be learning.

We are learning to keep an above the sun perspective. Studying Ecclesiastes, along with unfavorable doctors visits, along with hardships in life for those I love has made me ask hard questions. Am I focusing too much energy on vain pursuits? Am I more concerned with my neighbors' souls than with pulling weeds? Do my children know Scripture as well as they know Taylor Swift? Does my husband receive my care as much as my children and the church? Do I work harder on the extra inches around my waist than on my heart for God?

Laying in the bed with my two year old's arms squeezed tight around my neck, I had to face hard answers. She squeezed with all of her might and said, "I just want to keep you here forever and ever." That's a sweet picture, and one I'll always cherish, but it's not possible. One day I will die, hopefully not anytime soon, but it will happen. Has my life made on impact on her, or anyone else for that matter, for eternity?

completed on November 10, 2014
The tests came back and I am all clear. The tests showed the early stage of cancer but it was not invasive and the doctor was sure that he got all of it. Little more needs to be done now.

I am not a contemplative person or one who is a big worrier so I am glad though for this glimpse of my own life, it's brevity and it's impact. God is kind to give us gentle reminders sometimes.

Scheduling Your Days

The last ladies Bible study from Proverbs.

Read Proverbs 31:10-31

I dare say most of you have grown up hearing about the Proverbs 31 lady, real person or not, she is one to emulate. She's the woman who has it all- adoring husband, precious children, beautiful clothes, land, you name it, she has it.

But what about her? A girl could think if I just model my life after her, then I could have it all too, right? Wrong.

After committing these verses to memory ten or fifteen years ago, I wanted to see how they had changed my life. Because that's one reason why we memorize scripture, to change our lives, for the good of course.

I'm a list maker, so I wrote out what my day looked like at the time and examined it next to the Proverbs 31 lady's day.  I know this isn't what she did every day, but it was a pattern. I walked step by step through my day and checked to see if it lined up with scripture. Somewhere on my blog there is the step by step ordering of my day back then.

My days were filled with many of the same things-

• Rising early to cook breakfast- read verse 15
• Walking for exercise- read verse 17
• Dressing my family- verse 21-22 (Scarlett, purple and fine linen)
• Gardening (at the time we had a big garden, but now it's just mostly my flower bed)- verse 16

But I wanted my life to be more than just doing the same things, I wanted it to have the heart change too. There has to be the heart change to go with the lists and schedules. You can't model your days after the Proverbs 31 lady without the heart examination.

Look at her heart-

• Trustworthy- read verse 11
• Does her husband good- read verse 12
• Industrious- read verse 24
• Strength, dignity, laughs at the future( no worry about tomorrow, and a joy in her life)- read verse 25
• Wisdom, kindness- read verse 26
• Takes care of her household, diligent- read verse 27

I want to encourage you to look at your days, consider how you spend them. Examine what you do on a regular basis and ask another godly person to help you look at your days. Are the days spent in vain toil under the sun, are you striving after the wind, do you look like the sluggard? Or are you enjoying the fruit of your hands, are you eating and drinking and finding enjoyment in your toil?

If there is a lack of joy or an abundance of frustrations in your days you need to do some more examining. I know I often to have to reassess my days.

First of all do you know Christ? Is He the One you turn to in praise or in need? Is He the One you want to glorify? Repent and turn from your sin, cry to Him for help.

But if you know Christ as your Savior, you can enjoy life with an above the sun perspective.  Why would we want to do that? Proverbs and all of Scripture is filled with the way to live but also the whys.

Why do we schedule our days according to Scripture?

• Read Proverbs 1:1-4 I want to know wisdom and understanding, receive instruction
• and 1:9- these words are a graceful garland around your neck
• Read verse 2:5-7

This is just the beginning of Proverbs, search the whole Bible to find other reasons why.

The third question of the children's prove it catechism asks why did God make us and all things?

• Read Romans 11:36

This goes back to the question how can you glorify God? Answer: by loving Him and doing what He commands.

• Read Deuteronomy 6:5,6

Verse six goes back to the top of what we are talking about. These words shall be on your heart. Read them, memorize them, study them, model your life by them, schedule your days by them.

How Have I Grown in My Faith?

As a young believer and newly married, there was the complaint that older, more mature Christians weren't doing their jobs in the church. Generally, they would be the ones always in Bible studies, never leading or always backing away from the leadership jobs. Too often we would hear, "Oh, let the young folks do that."

Now I'm the "mature, older one."

That seems so strange to me. I don't feel old ... usually. I don't feel mature ... ever.

What am I doing today that I wasn't doing, five years ago, fifteen years ago, twenty-five years ago? What has my slowly trekking along in the faith produced?

I am a strong proponent in the slow, methodical progression of life. Strong outbursts of flurry in any area of life will often lead to sudden death in those same areas of life. I know that a slow growth upward is the way I work and what I admire most in others.

Long term, faithful growth cannot be faked or manipulated.

But in that long term growth, what is different about my life of faith?

There are areas of my life that are painfully lacking in improvement- sins that still haunt me from my past, ties to this world, lack of Scripture memory -to name just a few.

I'm sure there is growth forward-

• Willingness to serve from the heart and without others noticing
• More faith that how God leads is how I must follow
• Stronger confidence in my convictions
• Commitment to The Church, the Bride of Christ

As I think through ways I personally have grown, I can't think farther than in the lives of those around me. As a wife and mother, I can see my spiritual growth directly connected to the growth of my husband and children.

Seasons when we have been faithful to the Word in various ways prove to be the seasons that we have been faithful to the walk that we have been called. Prayer life, scripture memory, family devotions, and service to others are all closely connected to how we grow.

My prayer life is often a good indicator of my connectedness to others, especially my husband and children.  If I am praying selfish prayers for my husband then our relationship isn't all that it could be. If my prayers for my children are directed at changing behavior and not their hearts then I am missing great opportunities of spiritual growth for us all.  (Yes, there is a such thing as selfish prayers.)

As I examine this area of my own life, I am so very thankful to God for the growth I see, but more burdened than ever for the lack of growth too.

Margin by Richard A. Swenson

Marginless is being thirty minutes late to the doctor's office because you were twenty minutes late getting out of the bank because you were ten minutes late dropping the kids off at school because the car ran out of gas two blocks from the gas station- and you forgot your wallet.
Margin on the other hand, is having breath left at the top of the staircase, money left at the end of the month, and sanity left at the end of adolescence.
Marginless is the baby crying and the phone ringing at the same time; margine is Grandma taking the baby for the afternoon. Marginless is being asked to carry a load five pounds heavier than you can lift; margin is a friend to carry half the burden. Marginless is not having time to finish the book you're reading on stress; margin is having time to read it twice.

After the fiasco of the morning that I tried to stay in my pajamas and purposefully relax and enjoy my life and children instead of herding them in the direction they must go for he day. I picked up this book. Ray had to read it for some of his doctoral studies and thought it really applied to us. I don't want my children to grow up thinking that they were herded through their childhood, school, or life.

That last sentence about not finishing a book hit me particularly. I often don't finish books because I don't have time. I have filled my time so full that I can't catch my breath, minister to others or hear my children, much less be the help meet that I want to be to my husband.

Is God pro-exhaustion? Doesn't He lead people by the still waters anymore?

I know that God does still lead by the still waters, He does want us to be quiet and listen to His voice, He does speak in a gentle whisper. I cannot hear Him if I am running through my house and my life at break neck speed. 

As I look at the goals for the past year and set new ones for this year, I will be praying for that which causes me to sit and be still and listen.