Yoga Pants

Well, I did it!

I wore my yoga pants out in public, not just to run into the grocery store. I wore them to music class with the girls and shopping for several hours. Yes, it bothered me. I had pulled my hair into a pony tail and dressed to exercise. Then, my friend was coming over for coffee. She would be leaving in time for me to go to music. The problem is that music started an hour before I remembered. When I realized this, I had to immediately run out of the house. Abigail had already missed once because I had the time written down wrong.

When I got to music, a lady introduced herself to me like she had never met me. (Our kids had been in the same class for at least four weeks.) This lady didn't recognize that she had seen me out of ten other moms and I had personally talked with her child. That'll do something for a person's self-esteem, won't it? The only thing I could think was that she couldn't recognize me because I had on yoga pants.

There isn't anything sinful about yoga pants/exercise pants/sweatpants. I had just made the personal decision not to wear them in public. In my mind, it says several things about myself.

For me, wearing yoga pants in public says that I don't care what I look like, that I am going to be comfortable. Yoga pants are very comfortable, well, unless I pass by a mirror. Yoga pants also tell me where my exercising and eating has gone wrong.

I am also very sensitive to older ladies' opinions of me. Many older ladies that I respect would never wear "lounging" clothes in public. These are the same ladies who wouldn't wear pants to church or to the doctor 's office or on an airplane, etc.  I know there aren't many of these ladies around, but in my mind, if I ran into them at Kroger, I would be embarrassed.

There has come a time in our society that personal comfort should have top priority over everything. Just because you can wear something doesn't mean you should. Wearing what's appropriate for the occasion is important. Our society's sense of propriety is gone.

When I hear my own mother comment on the first lady's sleeveless dress as inappropriate, I am shamed. I have no problem wearing sleeveless. But I am also reminded that that bothers a generation gone by. Pride in self presentation, respect for elders and propriety are virtues that have seemed to have disappeared.

If I run into you at Kroger and you're wearing your comfiest clothes, I'm not going to reprimand you. I probably won't even notice. I'm a lot harder on myself than you, I promise.

The modesty of yoga pants is a completely separate debate. There is a reason that I am not posting a picture of myself in yoga pants.

Laundry as a Holy Experience

Speaking of laundry, where did this come from?

I was looking at a mound of laundry before me and made a conscience decision. I could moan and groan or I could spend some time praying. After I started praying quietly, I was surprised at how quickly the time went and I was able to pray for so many things that I wouldn't have normally thought of. There were even some items that needed extra prayer, so I held on to them a little longer than needed. This might be a good exercise to give your children to try while they tackle their own laundry.

Here is just a sample of what I found in my heap and a little of how I prayed for each.

• A stray outfit of Susannah's- prayer for her salvation
• Sarah's Oregon T-shirt that she got on a mission trip- prayer for missions
• Lydia's Minnesota T-shirt - prayer for Adrian's family
• Pajamas - prayer for rest for those who have trouble going to sleep or resting
• Mary's Ocala T-shirt - prayer for our dear friends at Olivet Baptist Church in Ocala
• Lydia's Nanny T-shirt - prayer that we remember our heritage and the faith of those gone before us
• My jeans - prayer that my day to day walk with God would honor Him
• Dish towels - prayer that we would clean to bring order to our world
• Sarah's Spartan race T-shirt - prayer that she would be able to get back to exercising and be strong and healthy
• Baby towels - prayer that God would always bless our homes with babies
• Jeans that are too little and socks with holes - prayer for provision of new clothes when we need them, and that we would buy what we need, not frivolous
• Hannah's teaching clothes - prayers for her classroom, students, attitude, strength, wisdom, school
• Stray towel left by a friend that visited - prayers for that family 
• Cloth napkins - provision for food, service to our family and others
• The dress Hannah wore to a wedding shower - obvious prayers there
• Mounds of underclothing from five daughters bring lots of ways to pray for modesty,  good health, protection from evil, future husbands

Legalism Versus Grace - Part One

In her effort to throw off legalism, she would bind others with her own form of legalism- lawlessnes.

I don't know where I got this quote from, maybe I made it up, I don't know, but every time I read it I am thankful for grace, God's grace. I see children raised in homes where legalism abounds grow up to throw off all restraints. These children have been sheltered away from culture to an extreme, given laws about dress, and heard judgements passed on anyone who doesn't live up to a certain set of rules. Every move is regulated and every motive is judged. Children from these homes often bolt the first moment they can, to anywhere they can as long as it's away from home. 

Talking to a mom who thought she somewhat fell into the throws of legalism as a parent, I was able to see her heart. She was afraid that if she didn't hold onto her children tight enough and regulate their every move enough that somehow they would be lost. She confessed that she thought her way was what would protect them and she didn't fully trust them to God's way. Now her every prayer is that they become godly. 

Her comment, "If only they would be serving God in some remote place..." struck me to the core.  How many times have I hoped and tried not to pray that God would send my children to a remote land to serve Him? If only.... I am in a place at this moment that may be considered enviable to most moms. My children are all very close, under the same roof.... today. When God moves them across town I will cry, if He moves them across the world, I will cry. But I pray that those cries will always be, "Please just make them godly."

So, as we parents do our job, we need to remember that our way is not always God's way. We must be searching the Scripture, praying for wisdom, remaining faithful to His laws and trusting God to lead our children. 

So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good. Romans 7:12

Here is a note from someone battling the feelings of having been too legalistic:

 A little while ago (today), I was thinking about that book "Don't Make Me Count to Three" (I think that is the title). Anyway, I got to thinking about the "don't make me" part. I know it's supposed to be the parent talking, but what about the child? To some extent, as they get older, we have to stop "making" them obey and choose wisely and follow God-they have to do it because it's their choice. I've been realizing lately that in my effort to protect (control), I made their choices for them. I wonder if I didn't really teach them to make godly choices on their own. Does that make sense? I know when they are very young it's different, but as they get older giving more freedom (unlike I did) seems like a much wiser parenting choice. I have also very much been wanting a way to warn other parents of the dangers of legalism, fear, trying to be in control, etc. 

Dieting

Do the calories count if I snack on chocolate while I'm making a salad? 

I've been having a lot of issues with my weight lately. Yes, I know I'm not over weight. My weight has just been redistributed in the past few years and I'm not a fan of redistribution (of weight or wealth). At the beginning of the summer, I couldn't button a pair of shorts that I bought last year. 

Rachel's baby is only five weeks old and she's working hard on her weight and already gotten back into her jeans. Recently, at the grocery store, Rachel and I saw a new mother with a baby younger than Rachel's but the mom had obviously gotten back into her regular clothes quickly and beautifully. Rachel noticed her too. I told her that there will always be someone skinnier, shapelier, healthier, stronger, ... you get the idea. We have to do the best we can with what we have. We have to honor God with our own bodies.

I'm never going to be a body builder, elite runner or super model nor do I want to. I just have to take the body God gave me and use it for His glory. I know that when I'm eighty years old, I will probably have some health issues. If I do what's right with my body now, those issues may not be as severe. I don't want my children to have extra burdens then because I didn't have self control or was lazy now.

I'm not a heavy eater, but I do like food, especially chocolate. If I don't practice self control while I'm eating, I'm not glorifying God. I don't usually consider myself to be a lazy person, but when it comes to exercise I might be. It's much easier to sleep thirty minutes longer than to get up and walk. 

I heard of a study that found for women over forty they have to do sixty minutes of cardio exercise a day to maintain their weight if they still eat the same amount of food that they ate before they were forty. I don't have sixty minutes a day every day of the week to exercise, I don't have any day of the week that I have sixty minutes to exercise. Since the episode with my shorts at the beginning of the summer, my goal has been the normal thirty minutes at least three times a week. Some weeks, I've done a little more, some a little less. 

I've always known that I wouldn't be able to maintain eating the same amount that I've always eaten. Haven't you ever heard anyone say, "Enjoy it now, you won't be able to eat like that forever."? There was a time when I could have had one of Natalie's delicious orange muffins and Kelly's cinnamon rolls for breakfast, but not anymore, 
today I have to choose.  I have even cut out eating chocolate every day (gasp). 

Now writing a post like this could have some negative ramifications. Please, just know my heart. I want to glorify God with my body, not condemn others. In the past few weeks, two different people have told me that they had gained fifty pounds that they want to loose. I was shocked, because I don't notice things like that. Honestly, I'm too distracted to notice or examine other's weight issues or judge them about that. 

So tomorrow, I'll wake up, exercise, eat a cinnamon roll (I ate the orange muffin today) and put on the shorts that I couldn't button several weeks ago. 

"Where do you find modest clothes for your daughters?"

I started writing this article several weeks ago when I was asked this question. My quick response was quick and easy, "No where and everywhere." And that begs for explanation. Then I started thinking about modesty in general, how have we done with it, have we been successful or not.... Modesty is a giant issue. Another issue is that we have known some people that to hear them discuss modesty you would think salvation is wrapped up in how modest a girl is. Girls can dress in up to date styles, cover themselves appropriately, and enjoy their clothes and still honor God. We don't have to wear my grandmother's clothes if we don't want to in order to dress modestly.

So to answer the question, "No where,"  isn't quite fair.  In general, clothing stores cater to the trends of Hollywood, and we know that's not good. Younger girls' clothing trends along with that. I don't want my girls dressing like Hollywood. I also don't want the little ones to look older than they are.

Modest clothes can be found, you just have to look harder. There are lots of websites devoted to such a thing. I just don't have time and money to spend that way. Our girls mix clothes that are found at thrift stores, hand-me-downs, and the outlet malls to come up with their outfits. They take longer than the general public to pick out their clothes so as to make sure they work, but I don't mind about that.

If I had to say one or two stores that we find the most clothes I couldn't. It's different for each of them. Ross has some better brands and good prices, the outlet mall has a few stores that we go to periodically, and Target seems to be one place we go to a lot. Places like Land's End and the Gap have clothes for little girls that don't always seem too grown up, but they can get pricey. If you keep up a close eye on your daughter's sizes you can shop their sales and online. I don't do a lot of online shopping mainly because we don't have one store we stay faithful enough to know the right size for each girl. I like The Loft by Ann Taylor for me but have to shop the clearance racks at the outlet mall.

Swim suits - are an ever painful subject. Recently, I spent about six hours away from home to try to find a bathing suit for Mary with no success. The minute we got home Ray asked, "You were gone all day and you couldn't find one thing you could live with?" (You would think he would have learned by now.) To take a young girl to try on bathing suits is so hard for her. Everything is too immodest, expensive, too "momish," too something for her body. This is an area that we usually spend way more money on than anything else. If it fits, covers everything necessary, and isn't too embarrassing for her, I'll pay almost anything for it. I'm not ashamed to say that once I paid $80 for a one piece that will never go out of style for one of the girls. For the most part, if I find any piece in our sizes at a decent price, that is somewhat modest, I'll buy it and it'll fit someone. Most of our suits consist of skirted or boy short bottoms and tankinis that go all the way to meet the bottoms.

Leggings - help lengthen dresses, but not super short ones. Dresses that you can't tell if it's a dress or a shirt are best left at the store. And it depends on which girls' legs and where she will be. Standing on the stage at church needs longer dresses than shopping or hanging out with girl friends. We tend to be stricter on the girls with shapelier legs. Some say that leggings are just an excuse to wear shorter dresses. I don't think that's always the case. It doesn't take long to get to know a girl's character and to know if she is just trying to show off her body or if she is just enjoying a pretty dress.

Camis, tank tops, and sweaters - come in every color imaginable, and we have them all here. With shirts that are too short or too low cut, girls can find things to wear under them to stretch them out. One of my girls has a very long torso for her body so she has to be super careful. Another one has a more developed chest so she has to be careful the other way. Sweaters are helpful too. They can be worn in air conditioned places and keep stray straps from showing. We actually keep a dish of safety pins at the back door to catch straps and things that we haven't caught while dressing. 

The clothes have to fit the occasion. It isn't uncommon for one of the girls to go back and change her clothes just because it doesn't seem right for what we're doing. I would wear a shorter skirt on a date night with Ray than I would going to meeting with him. It's uncommon for me to wear shorts anywhere other than here at home, to a family member's house, or to run to Kroger.

To teach girls that modesty is a heart issue is the most important thing about dressing them. When we love God and want to honor Him, we will be more thoughtful of what we wear. I have read so many articles on modesty that have been helpful and some that were just irritating. I haven't ever liked the "modest is hottest" quote. It gives the idea that you still want guys to be looking at you and lusting over you. I can't tell you how many times my girls have been shocked at how something they were wearing could cause a guy to stumble, sometimes I'm shocked too. Their dad is the best source of what's modest.  If he approves, then I don't have a problem with it. Dads need to love their girls in such a way as to let them know that they are beautiful and loved no matter what they wear. 

I don't feel completely equipped to write on modesty. I've gotten somewhere in public and thought, "Ohhh, that's not something my girls should be wearing." We've made mistakes. More than once I've had to ask one to change clothes. But I can honestly say, I think they want to honor God. They don't want to cause guys to stumble or lust over them.

Does that answer the question, "Where do you find modest clothes for your daughters?" I hope so. If not, go shopping with us. It's not an easy answer.

The Littlest Matroyshka

I don't know why but I have always had this fascination with nesting dolls. I want to open every one that I see and spread them out, look at them, then stack them back together. I never had any of my own so a few years ago, Mary convinced Ray to buy me one for our wedding anniversary. It holds a prominent place in our den and Lydia is allowed to play with anytime she wants (as long as she is on the rug).
We found this book at the library called The Littlest Matroyshka that has tells the sweetest story of how the oldest sister (the biggest nesting doll) is to watch out for her younger sisters (smaller dolls). We checked it out from the library so many times that I bought it to "give to Lydia" for Christmas. Now I can read it anytime I want.
On Sunday night, my sweet friend, Lisa brought in a belated Christmas present - a long sleeve t-shirt with nesting dolls across the front. I loved it so much that I wore it two days in a row. Then I started feeling like a kid who wouldn't take off her new clothes to be washed so I took it off. After all, I am the mom, I should set a good example for the kids:)

Keeping House

I finally finished the book Keeping House: the Litany of Everyday Living. It was well worth the effort to continue the battering I took for not doing all I should do as a homemaker. I don't know if the author intended to convict me about all I seem to let go by the wayside but I stand corrected. I don't fully agree with every point she made, but she did make one thing clear. As a keeper at home, you must be home and plan time to keep the home.

Here is a quote from the last chapter of the book. "A well-kept house thus possesses a kind of sacramental quality. It is no substitute for either the kingdom of God or the church. But it is a kind of foretaste of the kingdom. A nurturing and hospitable home can be a reminder that God has always been in the business of making a home for people, that God desires that people should have the food and clothing and shelter associated with home, that one day our tattered and partial provision of these things for one another will be gloriously supplanted by God's perfect provision of shining robes and a sumptuous feast in God's own house."

Clothing Issues

One day this week Lydia met a guest to our home in the driveway wearing a lime green sleeveless shirt and a plaid skirt. It didn't matter to Lydia that we were enjoying 45 degree weather, she doesn't consider those things when she gets dressed. She wears what she likes which is usually dresses and skirts. At four years old she can get away with dressing like a clown most of the time. From the picture you can tell that some of our girls really don't love to wear jackets, but I was able to convince Lydia to come in and get a sweater. She thought the pink cap turned backwards really was cute. Brandon, the dog thinks everything they do is wonderful.

As I have picked back up the book Keeping House: the Litany of Everyday Living, I have just finished reading the chapter on clothes. The author relates a story of the mom whose three year old insisted on going out in public after dressing herself (like a clown would). The mom then pinned a note to the back of her daughter's shirt that said, "I dressed myself today." I laughed because there have been many times that I wouldn't let one of my girls leave the house until I had "fixed" their outfits. Little girls want to dress themselves and this would be a good time to discuss submission, but that can wait for another day. This Christmas Lydia got a really cute pair of hot pink shoes and decided right then to wear them everyday of her life, no matter that they were a little small and didn't match a thing. I tried to sneak them to get them exchanged so at least they would fit, but I wasn't successful. Thankfully, the new has worn off and she is back to wearing what I recommend, most of the time.
Now, I am hoping that the focus of our dressing isn't in keeping with the world's focus. I would love to see the girls dress in a way that brings attention to their modesty and love for God. That doesn't always happen when their changing bodies take us all by surprise. T-shirts and safety pins have become a major part of our young girls' wardrobes and can fix a lot of last minute issues. I just hope we notice the "issues" before they leave the house. Here is a great website for helping little girls keep a little bit of modesty. http://www.amorettidesigns.com/