Hannah, the College Graduate

She has started her life, twenty-two years ago.

I can't say how proud I am of this girl. She is diligent in her school work, loves to learn, and loves to serve God. 

Graduating from college gets lots of questions about the future. But one question that has bothered me the most has come too many times - 

"When are you going to start your life?"

That's probably a valid question for a lot of college students, graduates too, I'm sure. But not Hannah. She has worked hard to serve in our church, in a ministry near her college and our family. Besides having great grades, she participated in athletics when she was able and made life long friends.

Her graduation ceremony is Saturday, is completing her online certification course in 

Biblical counseling and has begun a "paying job" to support the ministry work she will continue. 

This theme goes along with the last post. I want to see a movement of "ordinary" Christians faithfully doing what God has called them to do. 

Scheduling Your Days

The last ladies Bible study from Proverbs.

Read Proverbs 31:10-31

I dare say most of you have grown up hearing about the Proverbs 31 lady, real person or not, she is one to emulate. She's the woman who has it all- adoring husband, precious children, beautiful clothes, land, you name it, she has it.

But what about her? A girl could think if I just model my life after her, then I could have it all too, right? Wrong.

After committing these verses to memory ten or fifteen years ago, I wanted to see how they had changed my life. Because that's one reason why we memorize scripture, to change our lives, for the good of course.

I'm a list maker, so I wrote out what my day looked like at the time and examined it next to the Proverbs 31 lady's day.  I know this isn't what she did every day, but it was a pattern. I walked step by step through my day and checked to see if it lined up with scripture. Somewhere on my blog there is the step by step ordering of my day back then.

My days were filled with many of the same things-

• Rising early to cook breakfast- read verse 15
• Walking for exercise- read verse 17
• Dressing my family- verse 21-22 (Scarlett, purple and fine linen)
• Gardening (at the time we had a big garden, but now it's just mostly my flower bed)- verse 16

But I wanted my life to be more than just doing the same things, I wanted it to have the heart change too. There has to be the heart change to go with the lists and schedules. You can't model your days after the Proverbs 31 lady without the heart examination.

Look at her heart-

• Trustworthy- read verse 11
• Does her husband good- read verse 12
• Industrious- read verse 24
• Strength, dignity, laughs at the future( no worry about tomorrow, and a joy in her life)- read verse 25
• Wisdom, kindness- read verse 26
• Takes care of her household, diligent- read verse 27

I want to encourage you to look at your days, consider how you spend them. Examine what you do on a regular basis and ask another godly person to help you look at your days. Are the days spent in vain toil under the sun, are you striving after the wind, do you look like the sluggard? Or are you enjoying the fruit of your hands, are you eating and drinking and finding enjoyment in your toil?

If there is a lack of joy or an abundance of frustrations in your days you need to do some more examining. I know I often to have to reassess my days.

First of all do you know Christ? Is He the One you turn to in praise or in need? Is He the One you want to glorify? Repent and turn from your sin, cry to Him for help.

But if you know Christ as your Savior, you can enjoy life with an above the sun perspective.  Why would we want to do that? Proverbs and all of Scripture is filled with the way to live but also the whys.

Why do we schedule our days according to Scripture?

• Read Proverbs 1:1-4 I want to know wisdom and understanding, receive instruction
• and 1:9- these words are a graceful garland around your neck
• Read verse 2:5-7

This is just the beginning of Proverbs, search the whole Bible to find other reasons why.

The third question of the children's prove it catechism asks why did God make us and all things?

• Read Romans 11:36

This goes back to the question how can you glorify God? Answer: by loving Him and doing what He commands.

• Read Deuteronomy 6:5,6

Verse six goes back to the top of what we are talking about. These words shall be on your heart. Read them, memorize them, study them, model your life by them, schedule your days by them.

In Your Face Parenting

I read this article from Matt Walsh on parenting. His article on the very specific nature of each child, and each parent in their very individualized situation hit home with me. Every child is different and every parent is different at many different periods of their lives. His calculations said that each parent has raised approximately 0.000000001 percent of the children of the world and their experience does not give them the right to tell anyone else how to parent. I have heard tales of this and I'm sad to say that I have probably been too pushy myself with parenting advice. (I try really hard not to give it unless asked though.)

Recently, I heard a shocking story of a grandmother who was verbally scolded by a complete stranger for feeding her grandchild a bottle of pumped breast milk (from the child's own mother). Who does this woman think she is, to walk up to a complete stranger, a woman older than she, and say, "Shame on you for not nursing your baby!'? How many times do we ourselves jump to conclusions about someone else's parenting?

Walsh makes the argument that the only rule in parenting is to love your children.  I totally agree, but that love must be grounded in Scripture, otherwise, it could get mislead. Love without wisdom, discernment and discipline is dangerous. 

Here are just a few scriptures about other things that our children really need.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Mark 10:14 But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God."

Joel 1:3  Tell your children of it,and let your children tell their children,and their children to another generation.

Proverbs 13:4 Whoever spares the rod hates his son,but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Mentor Your Daughters

Hannah had the opportunity to speak at a Mother/Daughter Tea this week and asked me to share a little on mentoring as a parent. My notes are posted here. I'll try to share Hannah's too, she spoke longer and her presentation was much better than mine. 

Hannah and me

          I. As a mentor and parent you are responsible to teach your children the truth about God. Teach his Word.

Palm 78 :1 Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! 2 I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, 3 things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. 4 We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. 5 He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, 6 that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, 7 so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; 8 and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God.

I have loved the Charlotte Mason scripture memory system. It's an index card file system that helps you review your verses at least once a month so that you all will hide God's Word in your heart.  Whatever system you use to learn the Scriptures, use it! It is important.

            II. As a mentor and parent you are responsible to teach your children how to follow God's Word. Live by his commandments by word and example.

Deuteronomy 6:1 "Now this is the commandment-the statutes and the rules-that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, 2 that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son's son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. 3 Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.

We were glad to have family there-Ray's sister Robin and her daughter,  Rebekah

          III. As a mentor and a parent you must teach your children to live by their convictions.

I Thessalonians 1:2 We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, 3 remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 4 For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, 5 because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction. You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake. 6 And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy Spirit, 7 so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. 8 For not only has the word of the Lord sounded forth from you in Macedonia and Achaia, but your faith in God has gone forth everywhere, so that we need not say anything.

In kindergarten, Hannah spoke out about a movie that she had not been allowed to watch in front of her whole class. Her teachers later told me that she was respectful, considerate of others but firm with why she wouldn't watch the movie. The teachers told me that she was such a sweet example to them that their thinking on this particular movie was changed and they would be more discerning in the future.

What your convictions are is how you will live. It's one thing to know the Scripture and to say you believe things about God and His Word, but your convictions is how you will live. 


          IV. As a mentor and parent you are responsible to come alongside your children without provoking them to anger. You can be your daughters' friend AND parent.

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Mary, Robin's other daughter, Catherine and their friend Lilly

This is a two fold responsibility, children are to be obedient and we aren’t supposed to provoke them. But parents don’t be afraid to get involved in your daughter’s life. She needs you now more than ever. As middle school begins, friendships become more and more important. Don’t let that stop you. Be dogmatic that you stay close to your girls. Sometimes they naturally pull away, it’s the process of growing up. But that shouldn’t be when you relax pull out of their lives. You must continue to push your way in. Does that mean you go to every slumber party or read every note? Not necessarily, though you have the freedom to. I don’t do that, but I do have the freedom to.

What it means to push your way in to their lives, is to sit on the bed at midnight. Ask probing questions about their lives. Don’t just get by with, “Hi honey, how was your day?” "Fine." Get the details. Talk about what has happened in the light of Scripture, how God is working in their lives through each event, maybe what he could be teaching them.

One of my girls just went through a really big disappointment in her life. She didn’t yell and scream, slam doors, say things like “you just don’t understand!” Though she was very sad, she said things like “I want to know what God is trying to teach me through this, I don’t understand why, but I’m trusting you and Daddy.” THAT makes my heart full. I can weep with her, but I know because of God’s grace and her great relationship with us, she is going to be all right.

I can’t tell you what a joy it is to know that you have just heard from one of my very best friends. My daughters truly are the best friends a girl could have.