A Strong Tower

"My ability to do this job ran out about two years ago." This was what someone said to me recently when we were discussing hardships of life. I didn't tell him that God will not give him more than he can handle. Because that's not true. At least not in the way that I've always heard it spoken.

It is not true that "God will not give you more than you can handle." He may give you so much that you wonder where He is, if He is listening or does He even care. There have been many moments in the past few years that it felt like God wasn't available for us.

There have been many times in my adult life that grief and sorrow were so strong, but I could always "feel" that God would see us through. But lately, the grief of this life has seemed overwhelming, with no help in sight.

God wants you and me to totally depend on Him. He wants us to cry to Him like the psalmist. When our heart is faint, He is the Rock that is higher than we are.

Because I know that God is sovereign and omniscient, I can rest. I don't have to "feel" like He will see me through one heartache or another. He will. I must depend on Him, rest in His care, and trust Him to help me.

He is strong enough to handle my life. He is a Strong Tower.

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.
 Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah For you, O God, have heard my vows; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.
 Prolong the life of the king; may his years endure to all generations! May he be enthroned forever before God; appoint steadfast love and faithfulness to watch over him!
 So will I ever sing praises to your name, as I perform my vows day after day.     Psalm 61

SharIng Grief

Why do we share our lives with the world? The pictures of empty rocking chairs and sick babies are heart wrenching to us and yet we share them with everyone. Our story is a testimony to God's faithfulness to his people. We are not promised a life of health and wealth. We are promised that He will see us through our storms.

Psalm 57:1-3

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.  I cry out to the God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.  He will send from heaven and save me; he will put to shame him who tramples on me. God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness.

Troubles come and go. God is faithful, steadfast. We can stand strong with Him.

Not everyone chooses to share their losses with the world. That's okay, each one's grief is his own, to do with as he sees right.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, sot that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

I want to comfort others with the great hope in the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. The entire passage in 2 Corinthians 1:3-11 is so encouraging and we have found it  to be a source of great comfort over the years.

"Our hope for you is unshaken..."

"...rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead."

"... and he will deliver us again."

A Comfort To Me

This is from Rachel's Facebook post this week. I see a strong Godly response to grief. 

"If you had asked us last Monday what this Monday would look like, we would have said that our bathroom would be remodeled, Susannah would be potty trained, our babies would be healthy, and we would be anticipating a healthy first check-up with the midwife next week. None of our plans have worked out the way we thought. But, all of God's plans went exactly as he wanted. "Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases." Psalm 115:3
"Who has spoken and it came to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come?" Lamentations 3:37-38

These verses would not be comforting to us, except that we know that "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." 

So our babies are sick, our bathroom is torn apart, Susannah isn't potty trained, and the most sad of all, we never get to hold our third baby until we get to heaven. Our hearts are aching, the pain is still strong. At the same time, we are not shaken. God is our refuge and we know that he is in control. No amount of faith, no planning on our part could keep our baby alive. God's plan cannot be thwarted. He is sovereign, and he is good. That is comforting. 

We appreciate the many prayers and kind words we have received so far. Thank you all. As you continue to pray, know that we are still hurting and will always miss our baby, but we are ok, because we are resting in Christ and striving to be occupied with joy."

These words make this mother's heart glad. To know that my children are walking with the Lord is something to rejoice about (2 John 4).  If your children do not walk with God, how can they handle loss? What hope is there in any life without Christ?

The picture above is Rachel's rocking chair that was given to her when she was a baby and a blanket that she and Adrian knitted the day after they found out about their loss. It will always be a tangible thing to hold while she waits to see this precious life.

Rachel and Adrian's sweet baby boy, Josiah, has bronchiolitis and daughter Susannah has battled a head cold. Josiah did not like the breathing treatments until his Grammy gave him one. (Psst, I'm the Grammy.)

More Waiting

Our family is no stranger to grief, especially the grief of miscarriage. But walking through this valley with my own daughter is heart wrenching. It's usually easy for me to hide from grief by holding a baby, cooking, cleaning, or basically just avoiding it. There are many needs in our busy household that could easily demand my attention. In the moment of tragedy, the busyness comes to a screeching halt. Plans change, schedules rearrange and we grieve.

No matter how hard I want to hide from the pain, the "crushing hand of God" is ever present. The pain of loss feels like my heart is physically coming out of my chest. The knowledge that the God who created the Heavens and the earth is the one who holds this precious life is the only comfort. He has held many of our babies and he holds us. There are moments when I wish I could physically feel that hold, but I always know He is the Very Present God.

I know that I cannot bring this baby back, nor would I want to since he has seen the face of God.  I rest in the fact that we will see this baby and others that have gone before. (2 Samuel 12:23)

These pictures were taken for Rachel and Adrian's pregnancy announcements. Now they are reminders of a new life that we have to wait to see.

Happy New Year?

I was on the phone today with someone I love dearly who was grieving the loss of a ten year old little boy. This child was close to her family and church and had died in an accident while enjoying life with his family. She had been consoling me over now nine days of sickness in our home and I was lamely trying to console her.

Neither of us spoke of the giant cloud of another family that we both know and love in serious brokenness. Our hearts are heavy and without thinking, I said, "If we didn't serve a great, almighty God who is ruling over the universe, life would be hard."

Silence on both ends of the phone... Life IS hard.

This new year rings in to heavy weights bearing down hard on many. A family ripped apart because of unrepentant sin. Another family with a huge gaping wound at the sudden loss of a child and serious injuries to another. Families all over the world facing loss simply because they claim the name of Christ.

Years ago, I heard John Piper say something like, "If I didn't know that God was sovereign and in control, I would not be able to handle all this trouble."

Life is hard, but we do serve a Savior who is in control. At our family meal tonight, Ray asked everyone for a Bible verse that could bring in the new year. Several quoted verses about plans, God directing our steps and even a new life in Christ. The only verse that Abigail could remember was,

"And Mary said, 'My soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.'"

We do have hope and we can rejoice because God is alive and well. He is the Savior and will reign triumphant.  We can face difficulties with grace because He has given us His Helper to see us through.

This week as random strangers wish you "Happy New Year," return the greeting with, "Yes, it is a Happy New Year." Maybe not a silly, slaphappy nonsense that we'll see on Times Square, but a peace and blessing kind of happy that can't be conjured up or faked.

Yes, life is hard, but we are confident that God will see us through.

I attended a funeral today.

Our church family cleaned and repaired a house for a disabled man in our church to move into over the weekend. He was moved into his new place on Monday. He was found dead on Wednesday. Was he prepared? I don't know. I mean, I'm sure he was a Christian, but did he know his day of death was upon him? I don't know. But I know it was a reminder to hug my family tighter and make sure that when my time comes, all I have to do is die.
I appreciate Ray's theology on death and dying. He writes here on what would have been his father's seventy-sixth birthday about dying.

A Letter to My Daughters on Getting Along

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! Psalm 133:1

Are my daughters fighting? Having trouble getting along? At odds over anything at all? No, but they have in the past and probably will be again. I wanted to take this moment to make sure they know how I feel about their relationships with one another.

The verse above was one of the first verses that I taught Rachel when she was a little girl. I wanted to be very purposeful in making sure my girls didn't fight, argue, bicker or, in general, be just plain mean to each other. They had to learn from the beginning that even though they weren't always happy with each other, they still had to love each other. They haven't always been perfect angels to each other and I don't expect them to be, but I do expect them to apply Scripture to their relationships with one another and others. But this letter is specific to them about their bonds with each other.

What does it look like for brothers, in this case, sisters to dwell together in unity?

• At three, it means giving your sister the bigger half of the cookie.
• At five, it means letting your sister have the prettiest hair bow.
• At seven, it means reading each word carefully so that your sister can pretend she can read too.
• At thirteen, it means doing your sister's part of the chores, again, when she has too much going on.
• At fifteen, it means teaching your sister how to curl her hair.
• At eighteen, it means teaching your sister to shave because your mom is too busy at the moment.
• It means laughing your head off at the dumbest inside jokes that no one else will ever possibly understand.  (By the way, who is Fred?)
• It means loving your sister's choice of a husband, even when you don't like him (at first).
• As an adult, it means weeping with your sister as she suffers her biggest losses - whether it's a job, a boyfriend, a house, a baby, a husband.....
• It means rejoicing with your sister at her greatest joys, even when you don't want to.
• It means praying for her often, encouraging and admonishing her in a way that you would want.

When you are all grown up, I won't always be around. I can't even be a part of every thing now. You must apply what you know about Scripture to your relationships. You all will face challenges so much greater than you can think of now. In the adult world, problems like not getting to start in a basketball game seem minute. Your biggest heartache will not be having to go to church with less than perfect hair. There will be really hard things that you will face. As you follow Christ and love your own individual families, remember, how good and pleasant it is for sisters to dwell together in unity.

It means NOT laughing when your sister falls off of the top of the pyramid :)

A Theology to Die With

Today would have been my father-in-law's seventy-sixth birthday if he were still alive. I hope you'll click here to read the article Ray wrote about him. It's a reminder to us all that life is brief and death changes us.

Overwhelmed

While driving in the car with Hannah, I made a few phone calls to check on some people. After talking to the third person, I realized that Hannah was crying. She was overwhelmed at the sorrow and distress that so many are in right now. We talked about how last year at this time we were in their place and God gave us the grace to get through. He was faithful to us and He will be faithful to them. He provided so many people to help us and gave us the strength to not give up.

So - for the mom of five with a newborn who can't seem to get out of her house until four in the afternoon, or the family who lost their beloved grandfather and uncle, or the mom who is unable to move because of a bad neck while her husband works out of town - God is faithful! He will give you the grace to see this through. And... as much as possible, I will be delivering chicken soup.....

Christmas Morning

After many days of being at the hospital with his dad, thanks to some sacrificial family members, Ray got to come home on Christmas Eve night and wake up at home for Christmas. We enjoyed the time like no other. This past season helped us appreciated the little moments we had together. After the worship service with our church and lunch we learned that Ray's dad had died in the afternoon on Christmas Day. It made for a somber day but we are grateful that we got to be together for that short time.

This is the extent of creativity at Christmas crafts this year. We got the idea from Lydia's music teacher and they were quite easy to make. It's powdered sugar doughnuts with mini chocolate chips for eyes and candy corn for the noses.

I just wanted to share what's been happening in our family these past few weeks. As we have struggled with the suffering of our dear father and grandfather we have been blessed beyond measure by our church family. Here is a sampling of an email sent out by Ray's fellow elder and dear friend. I can't imagine walking these days without them. Notice the use of the word - we. The church is one body.

Pastor Ray’s Dad died this afternoon. Ray will send out the funeral arrangements once they are complete. For now, please continue to pray for the family. Once the situation has solidified, I will send out some suggestions for how we may minister to them. Ray made it home last night and is with Lori and the girls today.

As you know, Rachel and Adrian’s Wedding is scheduled for Saturday, so we will have a funeral and a wedding this week. As we read this morning, God Himself will provide – Praise be to Him. We His people are often the instruments of His provision, so let us consider together how we may be of comfort and help to the Rhodes at this hour. May our faithfulness be a balm to their souls.

I trust that the Gospel has informed and deepened your Christmas experience and allowed you to minister to your families, extended families, friends, and neighbors. Remember that the shadow of the Cross lies across the Bethlehem manger and thus gives hope to the hopeless and comfort to the grieving.

Let us all look to Christ and long for His return to put an end to sin and suffering and death.

Eliza Ray Bennett

This story starts years ago, with Christy (Ray's sister) and her husband, Corey... with the miscarriage of what would have been their first child... with that kind of loss the feelings of what-could-have-been haunt a mother for the rest of her life. Fast forward to last fall.... Christy is finally pregnant again with all of the beautiful signs of pregnancy. Then at 20 weeks, the doctors tell her there is no way that the baby can live and recommend she end the pregnancy. After lots of questions, research and soul searching, Christy and Corey decide to carry the baby as long as her body could.

What unfolds after that is a weekend I'll never forget. Christy is in labor at thirty one weeks and the whole family is rushing to the hospital. When we arrived we weren't able to see Christy because she had already started pushing. In a short time Corey came out and told us the baby had been born and had been taken to the nursery. We peeked through a crack in the nursery window and watched as the doctors and nurses worked diligently on this tiny little thing.

Eliza Ray Bennett entered this world in the dark of a cold wintry night in hospital with all sounds in a hush, as if the building itself knew her struggles to breathe on her own. She weighed 3 pounds 4 ozs and was shaped as perfectly as any baby could be. Watching her precious mommy and daddy hold her while she took her last breath, two hours after her birth, was one of the hardest things I have ever seen. I watched in amazement as grandparents, aunts and uncle held her and loved her.

After touching Eliza's fragile hair, I ended up spending the rest of the night over a trash can in the waiting room. My body has a weird way with grief... bleh. The next morning, while Christy was getting ready to leave the hospital, one of the sisters helped me hold Eliza. While I held her, the thoughts of what-could-have-been flooded my own heart. Knowing that while I held her tiny shell, her precious soul was already in heaven with those of mine I've lost but never held.

The funeral service was as hard as any I've ever attended. (And I'm a pastor's wife, I've attended a lot of funerals.) The girls did the music and even though there wasn't a sound system, I thought that they had never sung more beautifully. They chose hymns that were God honoring and that have ministered to our family in the past. Rachel, Hannah, and Sarah sang The Arms That Hold the Universe to the family then played the song I Will Carry You by Selah who have experienced these same deep pains. Ray had trouble keeping his composure while he preached, but honored God with kind words of hope to those who know Christ - we will see her face again. Jesus truly loves the little children of the world.

The grief that follows Christy and Corey now is something that can never be taken away, only comforted by a Holy and Righteous God. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:3

I Thessalonians 5:18

"Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
I'm getting close to my due date and have really had a hard time this week. I know it is God's will that I miscarried but I am still a little too weepy. My dear friend Lisa asked me what specific things I was doing to get through these days of sadness. I just shrugged it off and said that I would be keeping myself extra busy. (That's how I handle most everything.) After church she pulled me aside and reminded me that extra time in Scripture has really helped her in days of sorrow. I thanked her and thought, "Maybe I should do more Bible reading tomorrow." This morning I Thessalonians 5:18 was the last section I read in my daily Bible reading. God is so good to bring us to where He knows we need to be. His word is true to give us comfort and lead us to where He would have us to be. I don't know His will in my miscarriages, but I know He is faithful and true to lead us. Thank you Lisa for your ever so gentle admonition to seek the God of all Comfort.

Wolfgang

What do you do when you think the love of your daughter's life is dying? Well, you cry with her and pray. Even though he's a horse, you pray. One of the sweetest things I've seen Ray do for Rachel is lay his hands on Wolfgang's head and pray for him. Yesterday we got the call that Wolfgang was down and we needed to come. After several hours with the veterinarian and Nana Jarrard care, he was back on his feet and trotting around. Rachel spent the night with him and he is much improved. It looks like Wolfgang had a bad case of colic and apparently he thought he was dying too.
Rachel was given Wolfgang when she was about eleven or twelve and the rescue barn where she was working for her lessons closed. I am sure that horse has helped protect her heart. When a young girl has to work with an animal and care for him so much she doesn't have any inclination to chase boys. Besides, at that age I had been working hard to tell her boys had cooties. (I had to stop telling the girls that when I realized that they were actually going to have to marry one of those boys one day.) I'm not saying the best way to protect your daughter's heart is to get her a horse, but it sure helped us.

Finalization

About ten days ago, Aunt Thelma fell and hit her head with such a force that caused a blood clot to form on her brain. Because it was so severe, there was no hope for her to live through the damage. As we sat by her bedside for the following six days, so many thoughts went through my mind. Aunt Thelma couldn't know how close she was to dying because she never regained conscientiousness. But she was prepared. Years ago, she told Ray of how she talked to Jesus and waited for Him to take her to heaven. It was a sweet time for me to know that she was slipping closer and closer to heaven and would be at peace with her Savior. Her body would work with no pain and her mind would be perfectly clear. The girls got to visit and sing her favorite hymns one last time while she was in the hospital. I have a lot of respect for Ray's mother and father who cared for her so diligently and were with her until her dying breath. As our family went through this process I hope we were all sobered to think of our last moments on this earth and know that we will be prepared to meet Jesus when we die.
The funeral was a finalization of sorts for me. The process of grief over losing the baby and the feelings of guilt for not being able to take care of Aunt Thelma after the miscarriage were very strong. Our home has returned to its usual chaos. It is a blessing to be back to our "routine" of homeschooling, church, and ministry responsibilities. I know God had a purpose for the times that Aunt Thelma was with us and for the loss of this baby. He is faithful and whatever He does is good. Though these were deep valleys for me to cross, I will look at this past year a spiritual mountaintop experience.

Aunt Thelma

Aunt Thelma is reaching her last days. Please pray for her and the rest of the family as she nears the moment when she sees her Savior face to face.

Where is God in All of This? by Deborah Howard

Because we are book sellers, Ray receives free books from P & R Publishing as their new books come out. Just a few weeks ago in God's sovereignty, this book arrived at our home. I just finished reading this book and would highly recommend it. It helps answer questions about why Christians suffer and I am including the titles of the chapters and the Scripture reference that corresponds.
Chapter 1 - The Purposes of Suffering Romans 5:2-5
Chapter 2 - The Origin of Suffering Genesis 3:6-7
Chapter 3 - To Complete Our Sanctification James 1:2-4
Chapter 4 - To Drive Our Souls to God 2 Corinthians 1:8-10
Chapter 5 - To Teach Us to Trust God's Promises Hebrews 6:17-19
Chapter 6 - To Prepare Us for Coming Glory James 1:12
Chapter 7 - To Give Us Opportunities to Witness 1 Peter 3:14-15
Chapter 8 - To Make Us More Grateful and Appreciative Psalm 63:3-7
Chapter 9 - To Equip Us to Comfort Others 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Chapter 10 - To Teach Us God's Law Psalm 119:71-72
Chapter 11 - To Demonstrate God's Love Proverbs 3:11-12
Chapter 12 - To Discipline His Wayward Children Hebrews 12:5-6, 11
Chapter 13 - To Wean Us from This World 1 John 2:15-17 "It makes no difference how firmly we grasp the things we love on this earth. Our grip can never be so tight as to keep them out of God's reach. However, it does make a difference in another sense. If we cling to the things of this earth, even trying to keep them from God, we turn them into idols, which the Bible repeatedly warns against."
Chapter 14 - To Reveal Sin in Us Psalm 139:23-24
Chapter 15 - To Punish the Wicked Isaiah 13:11
Chapter 16 - What's the Bottom Line? Romans 8:28-29 "Suffering and death are powerful tools at His disposal. However, Christians can rest assured that He wields the tools carefully, precisely, lovingly, and always for our best good and for His glory."

As I read the articles and books that dear sweet friends have sent me I know I am getting better. I even looked at the sonogram pictures and baby outfits tucked in my drawer without crying today. One article that is very meaningful describes the dark night of the soul and how the true Christian responds, how grief may reach the deepest parts of our souls but it will not result in bitterness. I know God is and has always been good and He will not give me more than I can endure and what he has given is for my good.

Last week is now over, thankfully. For the past week, I have cried myself to sleep every night and woke up crying in the morning praying that God would give me strength. Waking up Saturday, I felt like I could see the sunshine. I feel fine physically and have had fewer moments of random crying today, I even played in the kiddie pool with Mary and Lydia. God is seeing me through these hard days.

Lydia Questions

These are just a few of the questions we got this week:

• Do you always talk to Mama about God when she's laying in the bed?
• Why does God just let babies die?
• How can we trust Him more if He does that?
• Is the birth canal a secret only doctors know?

I am so thankful that God is big enough to handle a little girl's searching heart..... and a mommy's heart too.