Yoga Pants

Well, I did it!

I wore my yoga pants out in public, not just to run into the grocery store. I wore them to music class with the girls and shopping for several hours. Yes, it bothered me. I had pulled my hair into a pony tail and dressed to exercise. Then, my friend was coming over for coffee. She would be leaving in time for me to go to music. The problem is that music started an hour before I remembered. When I realized this, I had to immediately run out of the house. Abigail had already missed once because I had the time written down wrong.

When I got to music, a lady introduced herself to me like she had never met me. (Our kids had been in the same class for at least four weeks.) This lady didn't recognize that she had seen me out of ten other moms and I had personally talked with her child. That'll do something for a person's self-esteem, won't it? The only thing I could think was that she couldn't recognize me because I had on yoga pants.

There isn't anything sinful about yoga pants/exercise pants/sweatpants. I had just made the personal decision not to wear them in public. In my mind, it says several things about myself.

For me, wearing yoga pants in public says that I don't care what I look like, that I am going to be comfortable. Yoga pants are very comfortable, well, unless I pass by a mirror. Yoga pants also tell me where my exercising and eating has gone wrong.

I am also very sensitive to older ladies' opinions of me. Many older ladies that I respect would never wear "lounging" clothes in public. These are the same ladies who wouldn't wear pants to church or to the doctor 's office or on an airplane, etc.  I know there aren't many of these ladies around, but in my mind, if I ran into them at Kroger, I would be embarrassed.

There has come a time in our society that personal comfort should have top priority over everything. Just because you can wear something doesn't mean you should. Wearing what's appropriate for the occasion is important. Our society's sense of propriety is gone.

When I hear my own mother comment on the first lady's sleeveless dress as inappropriate, I am shamed. I have no problem wearing sleeveless. But I am also reminded that that bothers a generation gone by. Pride in self presentation, respect for elders and propriety are virtues that have seemed to have disappeared.

If I run into you at Kroger and you're wearing your comfiest clothes, I'm not going to reprimand you. I probably won't even notice. I'm a lot harder on myself than you, I promise.

The modesty of yoga pants is a completely separate debate. There is a reason that I am not posting a picture of myself in yoga pants.

The Reason To Dress Modestly

And it isn't what you think!

I get it! Men (and boys) are visual. They see an immodestly dressed female and they lust. Well, not all men jump straight to lust, but in the Christian culture, that's the message that is put out there. All men see immodesty and immediately start lusting. Poor men, they just can't help themselves, so we women have all the responsibility to protect them from themselves. Notice the sarcasm? I know this is a problem and we need to recognize the problem, but I think we've gone over board with that line of thinking.

Besides, I have a news flash! Some girls are visual too, they may struggle with lust as much as men. But there aren't hundreds of blogs dedicated to telling men to cover their chests. Other than a few lone speakers, I rarely hear the message that some women think lustful thoughts when they see a handsome man showing off his carved chest. So men and boys, for the sake of your "sisters in Christ," cover up please!

Back to the reason to dress modestly....

Dressing modestly isn't about your "brother in Christ." It's about God! When you have a heart to honor God, you will want to please Him in every area, including your clothes.

It is a female's responsibility to do what she should to protect her "brother," but please, that "brother" isn't who she is dressing for.

When a girl gets dressed for the day, I can assure you that if her first thoughts are to be pleasing to God, then her clothing will reflect that.  Having a hemline measure is fine. A guide to go by helps to maintain the standard at a particular place, but it certainly has nothing to do with the heart.

Some of my girls balk at any discussion of modesty because the conversion has gone so over board. (yes, I know, their heart issue) They aren't hearing anything about girls' hearts. They just hear, "protect those poor guys who can't help themselves."

Lately, I'm trying to come up with a response to the girls when they moan about not being able to wear certain things. They want to discuss how it isn't fair that they can't wear what they think is a "cute" outfit because it might cause someone to stumble. My response to that, "Life isn't fair." But I want them to think more than about justice. I want them to think about honoring God.

If their line of thinking goes straight to, "Does this honor God?" Then, they never have to think about whether it's immodest or displeasing to someone else. And.... it comes back to the heart. What's in the heart is what they will be thinking.

To Tell the Truth

John MacArthur said recently the most loving thing you can do is tell someone the truth.

Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

I'm not a confrontational person, I don't like controversy, but I can get riled up. I see things on Facebook or hear things first hand and often feel the need to address those things. I don't want to create conflict or hurt anyone's feelings, so I usually stay quiet about the matter. But after talking with a friend lately, it seems necessary to address a few things. No, they may not be earth shattering, but they could have long term implications if they aren't addressed.

So here it is-

• Do not tell your small children that medicine is candy. It isn't, that's a dangerous lie. She may want to eat more "candy" when you aren't looking. And if that's not true, what else are you telling her is candy? Tell her the truth every time. She needs your honesty.
• Don't frighten your children in the name of fun at Halloween. That's mean spirited and teaches them to do the same. You can't scare your children one day and then expected them to trust you the next.
• There is no need to forward those sweet sentimental sayings thinking that God will bless you through that. There is no proof of connection between your clicking a button and God sending special favors to you or those you love. It's a nice idea, but God blesses you through His Word and the prayers of His people.
• About bullying- Don't bash bullies when you aren't willing to teach your children to take responsibility for themselves. Yes, bullying is wrong! But sometimes (yes, sometimes) children ask for it. It's no excuse for bullying, bullying is wrong. But teach your children to stand up and say a definitive no to wrong words and behavior, not to always run from it. There are times when a child must run, but I think we're creating a scared society. Children cannot constantly hide behind their parents' skirt tails. They must learn right from wrong and that their parents cannot bail them out. Yes, I know bullying is wrong! And another thing, it isn't bullying when someone disagrees with you.
• Stop bashing immodesty in girls and never address the boys, especially if you are wearing low cleavage blouses, short skirts and bikinis.

Did I offend anyone? I hope not, but sometimes the truth is offensive. Do I want to speak in love? Absolutely! Each of these points have so much that could be developed, and I have spoke to some of them in the past. But I hold back too many times for fear of offending. So please don't be offended, just know that I'm trying to speak the truth in love.

Do I need to be spoken to in love? Definitely! I'm sure there are things in my life that need to be spoken to and I hope I receive it with the intent that I give it.

Legalism Versus Grace - Part Two

And then, there are the children raised in homes where grace is abused. You may not recognize these kids as easily as the ones who grew up in legalism. These kids will look much like the rest of the lost world we live, worldly. Only their worldliness has "Christian" attached to it. They still go to church and worship with others in their relevant places that are cool to be pumped up for Christ. But they also drink alcohol freely, because they can. They get tattoos, because they can. They smoke and go to hookah bars, because they can. They are "free in Christ" and they do it all. But just because they can, does that mean they should? And does it have to be so "in your face" just because they can?

Where's the balance between legalism and grace abusers? How do we live and teach our children to love the Law of God and be properly thankful for grace? One thing I know is example, we must model to our children obedience to the Law of God and civil authorities. There is no more need to drive five over the the speed limit than there is to "fib" on your taxes. Both are wrong, both break the law and both are a sin against our Holy God. That's obeying the law.

How can we keep from abusing grace and practice our liberties in Christ? Scripture addresses grace abusers. 

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? Romans 6:1

It is sin that says we can do anything we want to do and that it doesn't matter who it offends. Activities that can cause others to stumble or profane the name of Christ must be done with discretion and wisdom. Study Romans chapters thirteen and fourteen and see for yourself. I'm the last person who would tell you not to get a tattoo. I don't think it's wise and I will try not to make any judgements on who you are as a person because you did. I just think that it could be very offensive to some people and it isn't necessary as a Christian.

Years ago, a "good" Christian would never be caught playing cards, going to a theater, or dancing, yet all of those things are completely acceptable now. In fifty years, will getting a tattoo be the same? Maybe, but right now, in the culture we live, it isn't among everyone. (Yes, I know on the college campus it is, but most of the world doesn't live on a college campus.) So why push it? Why the need to be so "out there"? We don't help the weaker Christian by pushing our freedoms, and we don't prove ourselves the stronger Christian by flaunting them.

All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful, but not all things build up.  Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor. I Corinthians 10:23-24

Legalism Versus Grace - Part One

In her effort to throw off legalism, she would bind others with her own form of legalism- lawlessnes.

I don't know where I got this quote from, maybe I made it up, I don't know, but every time I read it I am thankful for grace, God's grace. I see children raised in homes where legalism abounds grow up to throw off all restraints. These children have been sheltered away from culture to an extreme, given laws about dress, and heard judgements passed on anyone who doesn't live up to a certain set of rules. Every move is regulated and every motive is judged. Children from these homes often bolt the first moment they can, to anywhere they can as long as it's away from home. 

Talking to a mom who thought she somewhat fell into the throws of legalism as a parent, I was able to see her heart. She was afraid that if she didn't hold onto her children tight enough and regulate their every move enough that somehow they would be lost. She confessed that she thought her way was what would protect them and she didn't fully trust them to God's way. Now her every prayer is that they become godly. 

Her comment, "If only they would be serving God in some remote place..." struck me to the core.  How many times have I hoped and tried not to pray that God would send my children to a remote land to serve Him? If only.... I am in a place at this moment that may be considered enviable to most moms. My children are all very close, under the same roof.... today. When God moves them across town I will cry, if He moves them across the world, I will cry. But I pray that those cries will always be, "Please just make them godly."

So, as we parents do our job, we need to remember that our way is not always God's way. We must be searching the Scripture, praying for wisdom, remaining faithful to His laws and trusting God to lead our children. 

So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good. Romans 7:12

Here is a note from someone battling the feelings of having been too legalistic:

 A little while ago (today), I was thinking about that book "Don't Make Me Count to Three" (I think that is the title). Anyway, I got to thinking about the "don't make me" part. I know it's supposed to be the parent talking, but what about the child? To some extent, as they get older, we have to stop "making" them obey and choose wisely and follow God-they have to do it because it's their choice. I've been realizing lately that in my effort to protect (control), I made their choices for them. I wonder if I didn't really teach them to make godly choices on their own. Does that make sense? I know when they are very young it's different, but as they get older giving more freedom (unlike I did) seems like a much wiser parenting choice. I have also very much been wanting a way to warn other parents of the dangers of legalism, fear, trying to be in control, etc. 

A Letter to All of the "Mrs. Halls"

This post about modesty blew up my news feed on Facebook the day it came out. Everyone kept sharing it! And, I agree with everything she said. Yes, girls, please cover up and don't post inappropriate pictures that cause a guy's imagination to run wild. The pictures originally posted on this blog were as inappropriate as if there had been girls in bikinis. To give the author credit, she did create another post that people could share of her boys with clothes on, but that isn't the one that circulated. After she realized how popular the blog went, she took down the swimsuit pictures and replaced them completely.

But I have to ask, why aren't we seeing posts asking young men to cover up? I have six daughters and I have worked hard to keep them dressed modestly. They have been taught to dress to honor God and protect any males that see them. Yes, there have been some mistakes.

My girls have often asked why the double standard for boys. Why is it okay for boys to walk around without shirts and girls ought not even wear spaghetti strap tops? Guys, as a general rule have more of a problem with their thoughts on this subject than girls, but this is an issue for some young women.

Young men need to be taught propriety and modesty in their dress and life as much as girls do. Ladies do not want to see anyone's boxers hanging out of their pants nor wrapped in a towel in a locker room. And no, we don't want to see flexed muscles, save that for your wives.

If you are obsessed with your body and working out, it sends a wrong message. Taking pictures and posting them on Facebook makes me think that this all done for prideful reasons. Sure Facebook is
 a "brag page" of sorts, but let's face it, single ladies do not need to see anyone's six pack. The men I know who are working hard to keep their bodies strong are doing it to protect their families and to
please their own spouses. Sure there is a time when men will take off their shirts to swim or work on
in the yard, but that doesn't need to be public.

Okay, there's my rant on this subject!

Here is another post that I think did a better job with more of the reasons that this article didn't sit well. I really appreciate this blogger putting some of the responsibility back on men.

My stand on modesty is still- who are you dressing for? If you are dressing to please your Heavenly Father, Maker of Heaven and Earth, you don't have to worry about being "blocked from Mrs. Hall's Facebook page forever" or be afraid that you've caused anyone else to stumble.

"It's funny that all over Daytona, you see girls walking around in bikinis and people don't seem to think it's strange. But we would never see anyone doing that in Dawsonville," an observation from Mary while on vacation.

"Where do you find modest clothes for your daughters?"

I started writing this article several weeks ago when I was asked this question. My quick response was quick and easy, "No where and everywhere." And that begs for explanation. Then I started thinking about modesty in general, how have we done with it, have we been successful or not.... Modesty is a giant issue. Another issue is that we have known some people that to hear them discuss modesty you would think salvation is wrapped up in how modest a girl is. Girls can dress in up to date styles, cover themselves appropriately, and enjoy their clothes and still honor God. We don't have to wear my grandmother's clothes if we don't want to in order to dress modestly.

So to answer the question, "No where,"  isn't quite fair.  In general, clothing stores cater to the trends of Hollywood, and we know that's not good. Younger girls' clothing trends along with that. I don't want my girls dressing like Hollywood. I also don't want the little ones to look older than they are.

Modest clothes can be found, you just have to look harder. There are lots of websites devoted to such a thing. I just don't have time and money to spend that way. Our girls mix clothes that are found at thrift stores, hand-me-downs, and the outlet malls to come up with their outfits. They take longer than the general public to pick out their clothes so as to make sure they work, but I don't mind about that.

If I had to say one or two stores that we find the most clothes I couldn't. It's different for each of them. Ross has some better brands and good prices, the outlet mall has a few stores that we go to periodically, and Target seems to be one place we go to a lot. Places like Land's End and the Gap have clothes for little girls that don't always seem too grown up, but they can get pricey. If you keep up a close eye on your daughter's sizes you can shop their sales and online. I don't do a lot of online shopping mainly because we don't have one store we stay faithful enough to know the right size for each girl. I like The Loft by Ann Taylor for me but have to shop the clearance racks at the outlet mall.

Swim suits - are an ever painful subject. Recently, I spent about six hours away from home to try to find a bathing suit for Mary with no success. The minute we got home Ray asked, "You were gone all day and you couldn't find one thing you could live with?" (You would think he would have learned by now.) To take a young girl to try on bathing suits is so hard for her. Everything is too immodest, expensive, too "momish," too something for her body. This is an area that we usually spend way more money on than anything else. If it fits, covers everything necessary, and isn't too embarrassing for her, I'll pay almost anything for it. I'm not ashamed to say that once I paid $80 for a one piece that will never go out of style for one of the girls. For the most part, if I find any piece in our sizes at a decent price, that is somewhat modest, I'll buy it and it'll fit someone. Most of our suits consist of skirted or boy short bottoms and tankinis that go all the way to meet the bottoms.

Leggings - help lengthen dresses, but not super short ones. Dresses that you can't tell if it's a dress or a shirt are best left at the store. And it depends on which girls' legs and where she will be. Standing on the stage at church needs longer dresses than shopping or hanging out with girl friends. We tend to be stricter on the girls with shapelier legs. Some say that leggings are just an excuse to wear shorter dresses. I don't think that's always the case. It doesn't take long to get to know a girl's character and to know if she is just trying to show off her body or if she is just enjoying a pretty dress.

Camis, tank tops, and sweaters - come in every color imaginable, and we have them all here. With shirts that are too short or too low cut, girls can find things to wear under them to stretch them out. One of my girls has a very long torso for her body so she has to be super careful. Another one has a more developed chest so she has to be careful the other way. Sweaters are helpful too. They can be worn in air conditioned places and keep stray straps from showing. We actually keep a dish of safety pins at the back door to catch straps and things that we haven't caught while dressing. 

The clothes have to fit the occasion. It isn't uncommon for one of the girls to go back and change her clothes just because it doesn't seem right for what we're doing. I would wear a shorter skirt on a date night with Ray than I would going to meeting with him. It's uncommon for me to wear shorts anywhere other than here at home, to a family member's house, or to run to Kroger.

To teach girls that modesty is a heart issue is the most important thing about dressing them. When we love God and want to honor Him, we will be more thoughtful of what we wear. I have read so many articles on modesty that have been helpful and some that were just irritating. I haven't ever liked the "modest is hottest" quote. It gives the idea that you still want guys to be looking at you and lusting over you. I can't tell you how many times my girls have been shocked at how something they were wearing could cause a guy to stumble, sometimes I'm shocked too. Their dad is the best source of what's modest.  If he approves, then I don't have a problem with it. Dads need to love their girls in such a way as to let them know that they are beautiful and loved no matter what they wear. 

I don't feel completely equipped to write on modesty. I've gotten somewhere in public and thought, "Ohhh, that's not something my girls should be wearing." We've made mistakes. More than once I've had to ask one to change clothes. But I can honestly say, I think they want to honor God. They don't want to cause guys to stumble or lust over them.

Does that answer the question, "Where do you find modest clothes for your daughters?" I hope so. If not, go shopping with us. It's not an easy answer.

Doing Some Hard Things

The girls organized a youth event at our church this past week that turned out great. We were thrilled to have great teaching and a good number of people come. The conference was centered around two messages, modesty and the myth of adolescence, preached by Pastor Kent Keller from Peachtree City. We also had a little fun watching everyone walking around in only one shoe for a while. We are thankful that our girls have a heart for youth and are trying to do the hard things in life by living for Christ and not the world we are placed in. I'll put a link to the sermons when they get posted.

Clothing Issues

One day this week Lydia met a guest to our home in the driveway wearing a lime green sleeveless shirt and a plaid skirt. It didn't matter to Lydia that we were enjoying 45 degree weather, she doesn't consider those things when she gets dressed. She wears what she likes which is usually dresses and skirts. At four years old she can get away with dressing like a clown most of the time. From the picture you can tell that some of our girls really don't love to wear jackets, but I was able to convince Lydia to come in and get a sweater. She thought the pink cap turned backwards really was cute. Brandon, the dog thinks everything they do is wonderful.

As I have picked back up the book Keeping House: the Litany of Everyday Living, I have just finished reading the chapter on clothes. The author relates a story of the mom whose three year old insisted on going out in public after dressing herself (like a clown would). The mom then pinned a note to the back of her daughter's shirt that said, "I dressed myself today." I laughed because there have been many times that I wouldn't let one of my girls leave the house until I had "fixed" their outfits. Little girls want to dress themselves and this would be a good time to discuss submission, but that can wait for another day. This Christmas Lydia got a really cute pair of hot pink shoes and decided right then to wear them everyday of her life, no matter that they were a little small and didn't match a thing. I tried to sneak them to get them exchanged so at least they would fit, but I wasn't successful. Thankfully, the new has worn off and she is back to wearing what I recommend, most of the time.
Now, I am hoping that the focus of our dressing isn't in keeping with the world's focus. I would love to see the girls dress in a way that brings attention to their modesty and love for God. That doesn't always happen when their changing bodies take us all by surprise. T-shirts and safety pins have become a major part of our young girls' wardrobes and can fix a lot of last minute issues. I just hope we notice the "issues" before they leave the house. Here is a great website for helping little girls keep a little bit of modesty. http://www.amorettidesigns.com/

Thoughtful Dressing

Why do we wear what we wear? Out of my five daughters, there are five different reasons. There is the one who is all about style; the outfit must be the most stylish she can get into. Of course, there is the one who insists on comfort alone, it has to fit absolutely perfectly and feel good too. Then there is the one who wears what fits her mood for the day and everyone knows the mood. Next is the girl who wears the outfit that looks the most like what her sisters would wear. Then, last but not least is the princess type who thinks she's the princess of the family and must dress accordingly.

Besides being appropriate for the day, the most important thing I look for when choosing my clothes is modesty. Then I consider what Ray likes. I love it when he is impressed with my clothes. I love dressing for him and I know that's dressing for success.

Our society has all these images of what a woman should look like. There is the business woman in the pants suit or the sexy model type who must show as much skin as is legally acceptable. Teens are sold jeans that are too low and shirts that are too short and everything is too tight. We have a kind of blanket rule for clothes for different settings, but generally nothing provocative. By provocative I mean it shouldn't be off the charts in any direction. Not too flashy nor too drab. The outfit shouldn't be a "look at me everyone, I'm in the room" type nor "I don't care what I wear". Not a Hollywood red carpet nor bargain basement.

So just a few thoughts on dressing your daughters and yourself:

• think modesty - Clothing should not be too tight, low or show your underclothing. If the imprint of your underclothing shows, it's too tight or needs another layer. Does your clothing bring the eyes to a certain part of the body?
• consider your husband and their father - Certain types of shorts, skorts, skirts or tops bring to mind inappropriate images for some men. Ask your husband what he thinks. If it's great for you to wear for only him, then save it for the bedroom. Would he want his grandmother to wear it in public?
• consider the event - Just as you don't wear flip flops to the White House, consider if you should wear them to church. (Side note - sometimes we do. The point is to be thoughtful.)
• enjoy what you wear - Read Proverbs 31:22. She dresses in pretty clothes of the day.

When talking to your daughters about clothing, ask them why they are drawn to certain outfits. Often young girls don't see the reason to dress modestly and may need to learn a little about how the minds of men work. It seems to be better to protect our men and boys than for any of us to be unthoughtful.

The picture above is Lydia's 4th birthday. She dressed like a princess and had her cousins come over for a tea party. Aunt Amy thrilled all the girls by dressing in her wedding dress too. Timothy made a great Prince Charming.