Motherhood

...is another name for guilt!

I told the girls recently that if you looked up the word motherhood in the dictionary it would have as its first definition, guilt. One of the girl's mouth dropped open in disbelief until she realized I was just kidding.

Seriously, I think guilty feelings are at the top of every mother's thoughts on motherhood. It starts very early! For me, the first time I remember it was when I was pregnant with Hannah and hiding in the closet to eat a snack. I know it had to be earlier than that because Rachel was twenty-one months old when I got pregnant. This morning Rachel was feeling guilty that she was feeling nauseous and needed a nap when Susannah wanted to play.

I can't tell you how many times I've felt guilty because I said no to my child's childhood dreams of making millions of dollars at a lemonade stand or becoming the next great chef because I didn't want her to waste anymore flour or actually made her do her own chores even when she was tired.

Raising children is hard and I am bound to make a lot of mistakes. I have so many regrets like not staying up an extra ten minutes to read a little longer with one of the girls. Living a life of no regrets means a person has been completely perfect or is completely blinded to her own failures. I am thankful for a forgiving savior who provides a way for me to say, I'm sorry for not doing everything perfectly. I'm sorry that I chose sleep over reading, or whatever else I did that was selfish on my part. I'm sorry for being guilty of not caring for them in the best way possible.

There are times for mothers to step back and refresh themselves. It isn't selfish to occasionally read your own book, get your hair done, or visit with a friend. But, as a mom, I still feel guilty. Aren't you glad we don't parent by guilt?

Etiquette Changes for Changing Times

Growing up, I always heard that you don't have a baby shower for any of your babies except the first one. "You wouldn't want people to think you're asking for presents." For each of my children, we were in a different situation and friends insisted on giving a shower if some kind. I always felt bad for letting them do it, but they really seemed to want to.

Lately, I've had a change of mind on that little rule of etiquette. I think every baby should be celebrated no matter how many children the parents have. Life is precious and if we Christians don't celebrate it, who will? In our day and time, with abortion rampant, we need to be very vocal about the precious gift of life. There doesn't have to be a huge par with lots of presents, but some celebration seems to be very appropriate.

In the past couple of months, I was so happy to participate in celebrating with two different moms that was each having her fifth child. One is my sister-in-law, Anna, who gave birth in May to her fifth boy. We celebrated Eli's birth by going out to lunch with all of the sisters and getting pedicures just before she gave birth.

The other shower was a friend in church. The hostess had a book shower. All the decorations, food, and gifts were about children's books. It was creative, fun, involved all of the children and paid proper tribute to a new life. I love this picture of Desiree surrounded by lots of children, some her own, some were not.

Ray's sisters hosted a baby shower for Rachel a few weeks ago. Everything was so pretty and she got some beautiful things.

Megan, Amy, Rachel, Anna, Robin, and Me

They decorated with Rachel's first baby doll and frilly dress.

The food was delicious AND  beautiful.

Abigail sitting and waiting to be admired.

I loved this picture of Rachel and Anna enjoying pregnant life together.

It's a Girl!

Decorating for the gender reveal party, I was overwhelmed with joy and ending up teary eyed all day. It was a sweet time for me to pull out some of Rachel's baby things and remember as best as I could remember how amazing life was when she was born. (I really wished I had thought ahead enough to have some of Adrian's baby things for them too.) Having a grandchild coming to our home is different than our own baby. As I have heard, it's all the joy without all the responsibilities, and the baby hasn't even been born yet.

Since children are a heritage from the Lord, I thought it would be fun to use our old things to decorate with. The baby doll is Rachel's first baby, the Tonka trucks and puppy squeeze toy is Ray's and the blanket was mine.

The wreath had a newborn picture of Rachel and of Adrian with ribbons for everyone to cut to tie on and make their guess - boy or girl. The Raggedy Ann and Andy was mine and more trucks of Ray's.

We hung up a few of Ray's and Rachel's baby clothes. I also put Abigail's baby sweater on the line because I love it so.

The Rink family Skyped in to get the big announcement at the same time.

Here are the teams wearing their ribbons. As cute as the boy team guessers are - no cigar!

They had this sweet dress wrapped in layers of pink and blue tissue paper to reveal the gender.

Speaking of Dirty Details

After a day that we thought couldn't get worse, my sweet son-in-law brought home flowers for me.

• The day started when Adrian came to tell me that our dishwasher was leaking over their closet so we shouldn't run it until it was fixed. 
• Rachel woke up very sick and spent most of the morning throwing up. 
• When she settled down I was about to take a shower when she said, "Maybe you should check downstairs." (We knew the septic tank had started to back up into her toilet and had already called a plumber.) When I opened the door to her house, I saw water everywhere. The septic tank had backed up into her house.  At that very moment the plumbers drove into our driveway. 
• After mucking, moving, cleaning and bleaching for hours, I went upstairs to start supper. I was supposed to have a friend over to visit, but I cancelled that mid-afternoon.
• Ray was supposed to leave at noon to be gone overnight and left two hours late. I'm so very glad he stayed to help and talk to the plumbers.
• I finally got a much needed shower at 4:30. While changing Abigail's diaper I heard a crash in the kitchen; the glass from a light fixture had fallen from the ceiling and shattered throughout the kitchen and laundry room. Thankfully, no one was nearby.
• Then Abigail chose that very moment to wet the bed; the bed that had just had clean sheets put on. And she thought it wise to wet all the way through to the mattress.

So, when Adrian showed up with flowers and chocolate for me, I almost cried. I am so very thankful that Rachel is married to a kind man.

A Mother's Love

We've all known the fierce love of a mother when her child has been wronged. It is often likened to that of a "Mama Bear." I've experienced it many times in the past twenty-two years. Whether my child is in the right or not, there is a fierce desire to protect and defend.

This week I have felt another type of great love - a grateful love. If I had to go over again the past eight years to get to this point, I would would do it a million times over. Enduring being pregnant over and over again would be worth it to know this great treasure I have now. I am most grateful to God for for allowing this amazing gift to come to our home. Every time I stop to think of what happened for our family on Monday, I have to fight tears.

Just one of many moments of thanking God with our tears! We have not prayed for anything more in our marriage than for the birth of this baby.

Every birth has its momentous experiences and this one was no exception. I am so glad the older girls and my mom got to be in the room with Ray and me when our sweet baby was born. The cameras were flashing and the tears were flowing freely. Mary and Lydia came into the room very quickly after to see their new baby.

The Baby's Coming!

On Monday morning I am being admitted into the hospital to be induced, if I haven't started labor on my own. I have gone back and forth on my thoughts of inducing and really didn't want to go too early. The doctors have discussed my age at every visit, and since I am forty-four, they don't want to take any chances. The baby is at seven pounds, and her measurements haven't changed for a couple of weeks. So, since she is at a good weight we are planning to get started then. My prayer has been that I will be strong enough to deliver without too much trouble. I have worried too much about the fact that I haven't been exercising and will be really weak. This weekend I am focusing on resting as much as I can. And my Monday evening I will be holding my new precious little girl.

What's Rachel Doing?

Since Rachel took this semester off from school, I kind of thought she would have all kinds of free time. In God's providence, her time off from school has been the help we needed in our home. It's no secret that planning a wedding takes a lot of time, especially when you do everything yourself to save money. Her blog documents some of her fun date times with Adrian and some of the work they are doing to get their apartment ready. She doesn't really keep documented there all of what she's doing, but she is busy non- stop.

But what I am so thankful for is her willingness to help at home. Lately, her first question to me every morning has been, "What do you need me to do today?" She has spent the past several months cooking when I can't, cleaning where I can't, and driving where I can't. All busy moms know that it takes a lot to keep up a home, do homeschool, and stay active in ministry. I am grateful that Rachel has been such a help to me these past few months. (No, she isn't perfect and we clash sometimes, but she is willing and available.)

Rachel and Adrian treated us to lunch in Dahlonega on a double date for a couple of hours.

Pregnancy update

A pumpkin for my little pumpkin...

My sister-in-law, Anna seems to thrive when she's pregnant. She's pregnant with her fifth and is doing great. If she ever feels bad, you would never know it. Me, on the other, I complain too much and don't thrive during pregnancy. In a normal pregnancy, I have the typical nausea and yuckiness at first, then a few months of feeling pretty good. Several months before the baby comes I get so very ready to not be pregnant.

That's the feeling I remember most of all- just ready to not be pregnant anymore. Then came this pregnancy. I don't remember the desire to hold the baby being this strong. Maybe it's my history of miscarriages or new technology, but I've had this incredible desire to hold the baby like I don't remember. In the past few weeks the false contractions have started overshadowing my desire to hold the baby and I'm back to - just so ready to not be pregnant.

I'm at 36 and a half weeks and have gained 33 pounds. I have to wake up at night to turn over, then wake up to go to the bathroom, then wake up to get something to drink. I can't wait for the baby to get here so I can get some sleep :)

...only my little pumpkin isn't so little.

I just saw this picture and someone is in big trouble. I think they are making fun of me!

Baby Shower

Our church gave my friend Natalie and me a joint baby shower. I was overwhelmed with how beautiful everything was and the effort the ladies went to to make it special. What a blessing to have enough diapers to last for a very long time!

My girls went crazy and bought way too many gifts, but they had so much fun doing it. I had been going through my old baby clothes so they also knew exactly what I needed. I never tire of baby girl clothes. It is so fun to get out all of the girls baby dresses that they wore and remember how sweet they were.

The gift that made me cry? This sweater. Natalie started hand-making this for me before she knew what she was having. Even after she found out her baby was a girls too, she still gave it to me. her sacrificial love is a definite testimony! And the sweater... it will be a treasure for this baby forever.

Baby Update

"Mama, you know you look just like Templeton when you lay like that. You know when he ate too much and his big tummy just flops. You know who Templeton is don't you, from Charlotte's Web?" - Yes... I know who Templeton is, and I also know that came from Rachel!

Even though I've gained a whopping 27 pounds, this week my uterus hadn't grown so the doctors did another sonogram. The baby is up to four pounds and two ounces and doing great! Next week, I start going to the doctor every week for non-stress tests on the baby, which is normal for women of "my age". Apparently, all I'll have to do is lay down, eat something and let them monitor the baby. That's the kind of tests I like:)

Seasons of Life

I'm loving these different season of my life... well, most of the time. But right now, I am loving it. We got the Fall decorations out of the attic so our kitchen table is again home to the happy little Pilgrims and Indians with our Fall table cloth. But what's funny is the diaper cake sitting on the table too. The church had a shower for me and my sweet friend Natalie and we got lots of diapers, including diaper cakes. There were many other goodies too, but for right now, my kitchen shows signs of the different seasons of our lives. (You wouldn't believe what's happening in the dining room... Hint - it has everything to do with a certain someone's wedding.)

Maternity Pictures

Have you ever seen those really cute photo shoots with pregnant moms and their small children? Sarah was going for something like that. This is what our family came up with...

I think they were mocking me...

With so many big girl hands, it just looks awkward.

They had fun any way. I love having girls!

Big News

A few weeks ago we had the doctor put a note in an envelope saying if we were having a boy or a girl. We took the family out for a special meal and opened it up. Here is the answer! We remain a focused family.

The Baby Bump

Eighteen Weeks

Baby Update

I am now at seventeen weeks, gained a whopping eighteen pounds and feeling great. I started back walking this week and have actually gotten to just over a half mile. I am pretty much back to most of my normal activities, but sleeping later and taking afternoon naps sometimes.

Baby Update

At fourteen weeks, the doctor is very encouraging. He said I was progressing like an eighteen year pregnant girl. Hannah and Sarah even got to see the baby on an ultrasound.

Prayers

After reviewing my post on waiting, I feel like I am stuck in a rerun... a really bad one. We found out yesterday that the baby I am carrying has no heartbeat. I will have yet another D&C on Monday and continue to greive the loss of another of God's tiniest treasures. Please pray for our family at this sad time as we know that God is in control of all things.

Big News

A while ago I started a blog about how far behind I am and how frustrating it is. No need to publish that since we are all in the same situation. We have to take what God has given us and use it in a way that would be pleasing to Him. (Can we ever be pleasing to Him? That's another story all together.) And I don't mean that we should approach life with, "Ho hum, God, is this what I have to do?" I am as guilty as anyone by thinking thoughts like that. I often approach some of my duties as something I must endure. There has to be a different attitude in my heart. I have to know that God has given me those tasks for my own good. -Romans 8:28.
One task that God gave me that has been an amazing source of joy is motherhood. Sure the girls disappoint me sometimes, and I'm sure I disappoint them even more often. There is sweet satisfaction in the Lord when one of them come and squeeze me for no reason at all, or when I read a note of praise to God written by one of them, or when they are laughing with each other uncontrollably. The recent Mother's Day weekend was another reminder of what great children with which God has blessed our home.
All that to say that God has given our family another blessing in the way of children. I am ten weeks pregnant and looking forward to seeing how God will use this new baby in our home. We had wanted more children all along, but had given up hope. I had even set goals in February that would not be able to include a new baby. Now instead of learning to play the piano soon, I'll be listening to the joyous sounds of a newborn and instead of running a marathon with Ray, I'll be chasing a toddler for the next few years. I've had struggles carrying babies past five weeks, but this pregnancy seems to be going great. Even though I am almost 42 years old, the doctor is pleased with my progress and thinks we are looking forward to a healthy pregnancy. God is good all the time!