What?

On the way to the library, I started giving Lydia a list of things I wanted to do once we were there. She stopped me and said, "Wait, are you not going in?" My response, "Oh yes, I just know that the minute I walk inside the door, I'll forget everything. By the way that I've been lately, I may not remember any book I own or that I even know how to read."

Consider this- I walk into the grocery store and wonder what I came for. We have food at our house, the pantry is full, I'm sure of it, well probably. But no matter, maybe no one in our house even wants to eat today. So why did I go the grocery store? That's a true story!

Why is that? I've always been a sort of list person. I have lists for everything. In the past I made lists of errands to run, then leave the list at home. That wasn't too much of a problem because since I had written it down, I could remember enough of what I needed to do.

Now that I have a smart phone, my lists usually go with me. So helpful, right? Wrong! I'm becoming the bothersome friend that can't remember her head if it weren't attached. Today, I forgot my phone at home!

I use to be so responsible, I don't know what's happening. I don't even remember the point of this post.

This is a screenshot of the lists on my phone.
The lists are in order of when they have been edited.
I arranged them around so that you couldn't see the titles that I give some of them.
I'm not that open with myself.

What Is My Joy in Life?

Last Fall, our family was offered three tickets to the Georgia football game. If you know us remotely well you'd know that was awesome. There was excitement and lots of questions. Who would go was at the top of the list?

The statement- "I haven't done anything 'fun' in over six weeks," hit me wrong. I was mad and wanted to let everyone know. I turned it back to myself- When have I done anything fun? What do I even do for fun? If I have a free moment, I fill it with cleaning, cooking or doing what someone else wants. Wah, wah, wah...

The path of self pity seemed easy to take. Woe is me. All I ever do is work.

Then I started trying to think about what I would do if someone wanted me to do something just for fun. I had no ideas. When I get free time, I will clean, do some extra cooking, maybe even read. Then I realized that I like to do those things. I like to see the house clean or try new recipes. 

My friend, Michele, has taught herself to knit. And true to what seems to be her personality, there's no part way knitting. It's the real deal - dyeing her on yarn, knitting her own socks, you know, that kind of stuff. I've even been a little jealous that I can't go learn to knit. But, is that what I would want to do if I could?

I had to ask myself some hard questions about all of this. Is my joy in life hobbies, going places, learning new things, entertaining myself or relaxing? My joy in life must be Christ! I like serving others, I like being a wife and mom. I'm glad He called me to this life. (Please note, that I'm not saying if you don't serve others all the time you aren't serving Christ.)

At the retreat last week, another pastor's wife asked me what do I do for myself, you know, "me time". I started trying to grab for something, anything that I could tell her. I felt like I needed to report to her some great thing that I do for myself. I couldn't think of one thing. And I'm okay with that. I like to read some, cook some, clean some and sleep a little.

I can joyfully serve Christ doing things that I like to do.

While I was working on this post, Lydia was reordering her bedroom that she shares with Abigail. She was making it easier for Abigail to get to her toys. Mary rearranged her own room last week. 

This is our den on Christmas morning. There are no "after" pictures.

This daily battle is over.

I no longer am fighting the urge to keep my house spotless because it's Christmas and trying to keep everything clean to give my family the Norman Rockwell image to remember. Nor am I letting the housework go because I want my family to have these beautiful experiences of baking cookies, wrapping gifts and sipping hot chocolate while we enjoy the glow of the season.

Is it a real battle? Or did I make that up? What's important? Now that Christmas is long past, can you even remember what you did on many days during December? Were you purposeful in your days or did you let each day fall out as it could?

Christmas isn't the only time I fight that fight. Do I stay very strict and keep the house running smoothly, or do I throw up my hands and and let the laundry land where it lands? I often battle the "idol" of order in my home.

Hopefully, my children will remember a balance. They'll remember being allowed to have fun in our home, but not being embarrassed to bring their friends inside. We live in our home and we live hard, and there's no one going to be eating off of our floors. The bedroom can't be a fire trap, but I may need to keep the doors closed more than I'd like.

Stacks of books mean people are interested in things. Toys mean that children are allowed to do their "work." Laundry on the sofa for a week? Well, that's when I start to get uneasy with myself. It's all about balance. Norman Rockwell didn't paint the picture of a messy house for a reason.

There's no Norman Rockwell theology here, just a message to myself about balance. Next week I'll be dreaming of dusted furniture and Abigail will probably still be riding her bicycle in the house.

Pay Attention

I was bragging to a friend last week about how great our system of keeping up with library books was working. We've had almost no overdue fines and no lost books in a very long time. 

Well, I opened our library account yesterday morning and nearly cried. There was big red letters that said they had stopped adding up the fines because there is a limit as to how much they charge you. Did you know that the library puts a limit on its overdue fines? I was ever so grateful to learn that! I tried to renew our books, but it just said that I must bring everything to the library immediately. It was embarrassing and aggravating and frustrating and expensive and well..., you get the point, I'm sure. 

So, the whole day I was running errands and kicking myself for such negligence and ... get this, avoiding wrecks. I had three very near wrecks in the same day, all due to other people not paying attention. One was an eighteen wheeler, another the vehicle was completely in my lane coming at me head on.

I could easily get on my high horse and say I would never do such a thing. But then I remember that blinking red dollar sign. We all get distracted, these days more than ever. An unmanned car isn't nearly as bad as a maxed out library card, but it's still a bad sign, a sign of distraction. 

Lydia returning our massive load of books.

Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. (Acts 20:28 ESV)

I need this reminder today as much as anyone! The end of the school year is approaching quickly and I'm having trouble focussing on that too.

New Year's Has to Wait

Two weeks of sickness really brings out who we really are... sinners.

We have to be careful not to sin. Everyone is tired, feels bad and bored. Life and any semblance of routine is nonexistent. Placing one foot in front of the other is a chore, not to mention the mounds of dishes and laundry.

My goal for Christmas decorations every year is to have everything down and put away before Mary's birthday on the third. We were so far behind that we actually didn't even celebrate her birthday until the fifth.... And the decorations are still up and shining brightly, well, not too bright, they are covered in dust now. You know your Christmas decorations have been up too long if they need dusting this badly.

So, now that we have mostly recovered, I am trying to retrain an especially spoiled three year old. Abigail has been to two birthday parties in the past few days and revealed a serious sin nature! Having spent the past two weeks "Christmasing" and doing whatever it takes to survive, child training has been lacking here!

But not only is my three year in need of remembering how to behave, I am too. I have to keep reminding myself that just because I feel bad, I do not have permission to sin. The dishes can wait, I need to recover. The girls have felt bad too, they can wear wrinkled clothes.

The temptation is to feel sorry for myself when I look at how far I am behind. I'm not allowed to be grumpy and irritable about getting back to the routine. Tempers can easily get out of hand and the blame game could escalate.

Knowing these things, I decided to unplug my Christmas lights and let them continue gathering dust for a while longer. I am spending the afternoon looking at where we are in school and praying through those needs and other New Year's goals.


Here is the best picture I got of Mary blowing out the candles on her lame birthday cookie cake. (Much of the cake spilled all over the oven and is still there.) Maybe one of my New Year's goals should be to clean the oven....

Homeschool Changes

For about six or so years, I haven't done a lot of homeschool prep. It took little time to clean out the old books and replace with the next thing we would do. In comparison to now, it had been easy. We had been on auto-pilot for so long, that when I thought we needed to make a change I didn't realized the implications.

I've never had an unlimited homeschool budget, and have pretty much used what I was able to get my hands on at a good price. I would figure out how to make it work for my family. God has been so gracious to us to allow so many people to basically give us their left overs. We have used lots of textbooks, workbooks, whole book curriculum, the internet and the library.

For many reasons, I thought we needed to make some changes this year. So change came... and all that comes with it.

I have felt like a first time homeschool mom again, one night even reduced to tears. Moms have a lot of responsibilities, all moms. My situation is not that unique, but it is still MY situation and I must deal with it in a godly manner.

Recently, I was embarrassed at the condition of my house while I sat in the dining room with the two other homeschool moms to discuss our plans for the upcoming year. I was overwhelmed at the pile of dishes, the stacks of laundry, toys scattered everywhere, lack of food cooked. One of the girls came in grieved over something on her heart and I got even more overwhelmed. Allowing self-pity to creep in, I sinned.

I have felt like a failure, like I was alone in this mess, and that it was a bad idea to make the changes that I was making. I have been stretched. I want things to stay the same, I don't want to change any more.

Too late. I've spent more money than I thought I would need to and have spent too many hours planning.

I'm sure everything will turn out great. The whole school year will be harder, but over all, the girls will get a better education.  With more structure, my free style girl will learn a little more discipline...hopefully. With a better schedule, my structured girl will know what to expect and not freak out when she doesn't know what's coming...hopefully. And everyone will still have the "love of learning" that I pray for so often...hopefully.

I'm Not a Clean Freak...Really, I'm Not

There may be a problem with me. I'm not a "clean freak," even though my daughter over heard someone tell another person that I was. But I do feel really accomplished if I clean my house every week, not like everything is sanitary and sparkling, but wiped down and somewhat picked up.

It's always in the back of my mind if I haven't changed my sheets or there is a ring around my bath tub. I'm not talking about the stack of books that we are reading or the basket of toys dumped from a little one, that's all just life happening. I just love to get to do my Saturday cleaning.

I don't know why I'm this way, but maybe-

• It's the thought of a ninety year old woman, bent double still cleaning houses to make a living (she worked for my mom for years when I was a teenager)
• It's the years of design school that taught me that appearance is everything (I know, not true)
• It's because I stumble and trip over anything on the floor, especially shoes
• It's the knowledge that God is a God of order and it is good for things to be orderly

I have come a long ways. This morning I brushed aside the crumbs from the table cloth and out of the seat in the chair to have my quiet time. There was a time not too many years ago that I wouldn't have been able to even sit in that room, much less been able to read my Bible with such a mess. I would try to leave one room picked up before I went to bed every night so that I could have a spot to read my Bible with out going on a ridiculous straightening frenzy.

I have a friend who posted about how thrilled she was to have just spent three hours gardening. My first thought was to announce how excited I was that I just spent three hours cleaning the garage, actually, I was a little giddy. If you had seen how dirty it was you would totally understand. But what is it that makes me so beside myself to get something clean?

When my family came home from a fun day out all day long, I actually had them take a trip to the garage so that I could show them all my hard work. There was the obligatory oohs and aahs, then life went on, but I'm going to sleep tonight knowing that all of the coolers in my garage have been scrubbed today.

Yea.... I may have a problem.

Now, reading this, a person could get the idea that our home is spotless, it isn't. The dust bunnies in the dining room do not make up for a mopped garage floor. I'll tackle those little monsters another day.

Some Lessons Learned from 15! Years of Homeschooling

Has it been that long? Can you tell I have homeschooling on the brain?

• Just because it worked out okay for the older girls doesn't mean it can't be better.

• I can't do it alone.

• It can't be done on the fly.

• It takes more planning than I think that it does.

• I don't have to do something just because it works so well for others.

• My children are my responsibility.

• A noun is a noun in the second grade, the third grade, the fourth grade,... I don't have to teach the same thing over and over.

• My whole family needs to have the same commitment to homeschooling that I do.

• Order in my home looks differently than what it used to.

It looks like after fifteen years, I would be better at this.

"My Wife Homeschools Too"

Unexpected guests at the door were met with an apology that things weren't ready for guests. We were in he middle of our morning routine, homeschooling, chores, half dressed kids, mom with wet hair. One of the men coming to meet with Ray shrugged it off politely saying, "Oh it's fine, my wife homeschools too."

Something struck me - "my wife..."

What about him? Does this husband not doing anything to homeschool his children? I'm sure he is involved, but I want to change the way he and we word that phrase.

Homeschooling has to be a family deal. If you teach your children at home, you are a homeschooling family. Now I know as well as anyone that looks different for each family.

Some families relate everything they do to homeschool. Their houses look like school- complete with labs growing in the refrigerator and Grammar rules hanging on the walls. Their schedules revolve around school- nothing happens between eight in the morning and five in the afternoon if it isn't school worthy. Their friends- they all homeschool too and use the same mode of teaching and curriculum. Their vacations- think Williamsburg, Gettysburg, an ice berg, .... Their clothes- okay, I'm not going there! Homeschooling is what defines them.

But in some families, homeschool has been integrated as part of their normal lives. The homeschool is important but doesn't rule their lives. Whether the children always sit together or go to their own rooms, they are getting their school work done and learning in a valuable way. There may be some children doing all of their lessons at home, some that go to a co-op and even some to a full time school. Flexibility in curriculum and schedules can be a great motivator to teach at home.

But no matter what your homeschool looks like, it involves the entire family! If everyone isn't fully committed there will be serious consequences. That doesn't mean that both parents are teaching equally and each child has the same love for the mode of teaching. It means that there is a respect from everyone in the household of the importance of an education and how the family has chosen to go about that.

There will be interruptions. There's a fine line between a want and a need in many cases and it's up to the parents and children to decide which direction to go. Who decides what will be done every day? How much time will be devoted to every subject? What counts as a "field trip?" Who decides if a concept has been learned? Who watches the clock to make sure the required time has been put in? What about the phone, internet and guests who drop by?

For each family those, and many more, are all questions that have to be answered.

But the biggest obstacle to homeschooling can often come from within the own home. It takes a lot of time, energy and money just to plan to homeschool.... Actually pulling it off takes that too.

Both parents must make the decisions about curriculum, style of teaching, and how consuming it will be in the family. Every member has to consider the other members and how their behaviors affect another's way of learning. All of these things need to be taken into consideration before homeschooling begins. As the years of homeschooling pass, and they will quickly, each family needs to reassess.  There are many decisions about changes that need to be made and what they want to continue. But it's still all in the family.

I'm not advocating that children have an equal say so in the decision making, but that they can give their opinion and make requests. I am emphasizing the need for both parents to work together, with their children, to make decisions about how school is to happen.

This is where I go back to the statement at the beginning - "My wife homeschools too." In the typical family one parent, usually the mom, will take on most, if not all, of the actual teaching of the children. But that doesn't mean that the other parent isn't very involved. He must know what's going on. He should know that homeschool is happening and that his children aren't learning in a haphazard way. He should have a real idea of the mode of teaching that works in his family and have a major hand in choosing those things.

I'm not bashing our guest for his statement, I don't even know him, much less how involved he is in the homeschool process. But I want to change his wording. I want him to say, "our family homeschools too" with the complete knowledge of what that means.

New Year's Resolutions

Here they are! I have prayed over these and know that it isn't anything earth shattering, but I think it's where God would have me change. There were a few more things but they are a little too personal to put out there.

2014 Goals

Tackle household projects list- one a month
Attend or acknowledge funerals and weddings - This may not be on anyone else's resolutions list, but I think it's important to people to show up to these events.
Financial- save a dollar for each week of the year. $1 for week one, $2 for week two, $3 for week three and so on
Physical- three days a week exercise, dessert 3 times per week, drink a cup of water before every cup of coffee
Parenting - daily physical contact, waking them with a hug or back rub, write in the girls' journals weekly
Marriage - kiss every day (not just your every day run of the mill peck on the cheek), put kids to bed by their bedtime
Learn to use iPad, audio books, download pics and music
Scripture- memorize even when we aren't in school, read from a physical Bible not the iPad
Read 10 minutes of a book besides the Bible during quiet time

Margin by Richard A. Swenson

Marginless is being thirty minutes late to the doctor's office because you were twenty minutes late getting out of the bank because you were ten minutes late dropping the kids off at school because the car ran out of gas two blocks from the gas station- and you forgot your wallet.
Margin on the other hand, is having breath left at the top of the staircase, money left at the end of the month, and sanity left at the end of adolescence.
Marginless is the baby crying and the phone ringing at the same time; margine is Grandma taking the baby for the afternoon. Marginless is being asked to carry a load five pounds heavier than you can lift; margin is a friend to carry half the burden. Marginless is not having time to finish the book you're reading on stress; margin is having time to read it twice.

After the fiasco of the morning that I tried to stay in my pajamas and purposefully relax and enjoy my life and children instead of herding them in the direction they must go for he day. I picked up this book. Ray had to read it for some of his doctoral studies and thought it really applied to us. I don't want my children to grow up thinking that they were herded through their childhood, school, or life.

That last sentence about not finishing a book hit me particularly. I often don't finish books because I don't have time. I have filled my time so full that I can't catch my breath, minister to others or hear my children, much less be the help meet that I want to be to my husband.

Is God pro-exhaustion? Doesn't He lead people by the still waters anymore?

I know that God does still lead by the still waters, He does want us to be quiet and listen to His voice, He does speak in a gentle whisper. I cannot hear Him if I am running through my house and my life at break neck speed. 

As I look at the goals for the past year and set new ones for this year, I will be praying for that which causes me to sit and be still and listen. 

Stress Free Holiday....

Hahahahaha.... I'm still laughing. But not really. I purposed at the beginning of the season to remain as stress free as possible, and there was less stress. I planned to do things like

• take a frozen lasagna to Christmas supper at Nana's house
• skip blogging every two days
• shop online more than I would like
• not change my sheets every week (gasp!)
• make an easy Christmas Day lunch 
• let the dust bunnies live a little longer
• I even left a stripe of red velvet cake scraped across the floor for so long that it actually wore off! (Now that's just gross! I have to mop my house.)

But there were a few glitches. You know those well laid plans?

A couple of weeks ago, when I picked up Mary from a friend's house, they were all still in their pajamas sitting at the kitchen table playing a game. And, shocking as it was, it was around eleven o'clock in the morning. The way I keep my schedule so tight it is very rare for me to still be in my pajamas that late in the day unless it was a cleaning day and then I would probably still have changed to different clothes. At that point, I made it a goal to have at least one morning that I stayed in my pajamas and played with the girls, just played, no other agenda.

The morning I chose was a day when Mary and Lydia had friends over, I planned to make a pancake Christmas trees and paint nails, but most of all, stay in my pajamas and not be stressed. As it turned out, Abigail decided that was the day that she would give meaning to the "terrible twos." The pancake tower of Christmas trees looked more like deformed snow flakes. Everyone got their nails painted but I broke a brand new bottle of sparkly glitter nail polish in my hands and ruined mine. Abigail ended up getting several spankings and I was reduced to a bumbling mess and gave meaning to the "mean mother."

In God's sovereignty, He placed very helpful and understanding older girls in my home. Hannah dropped off the friends, took Mary and Lydia shopping and I put Abigail down for a long nap. Then I hid in my room with a cup of coffee to unwind. The afternoon turned out much better and I remembered yet again, that my life isn't going to be calm and quiet.

There is always noise and activity, but I can worship God, enjoy my family and serve others in the midst of it all. Some of my well laid plans fell through and I got stressed a few times, but my attitude toward it all was better.

The dust bunnies are still growing but they seem to be a little friendlier these days.

Table Sitting

Some time ago, I gave a presentation to the ladies in our church entitled, Table Sitting. Someone asked for my notes and I promised to get them to her and am just now editing them a little for others to be able read.

Table etiquette is important. My mom taught me manners, like - how to set the table properly, keep my elbows off the table, don't chew with your mouth open. I was so set on teaching my own children manners that in the beginning it became a legalistic practice of wills. I even tried to teach my own husband a thing or two. How wrong for me to presume that I could teach a grown man how to behave at the table! I forgot to enjoy my family. It is very important to teach your children to stay seated until they have been excused and not to interrupt others, but it's also a great time to enjoy the gifts that God gave you.

Every moment doesn't have to be about teaching.  Praise be to God! The psalmist just sat in praise of His God and found many things to be thankful for. How about having a time around the table to just sit and enjoy one another?

At a normal meal at our home, everyone who is home comes to the table. There may be certain times when Ray is super busy and he'll grab a sandwich and go back to his office, but usually everyone sits. There are no phones, TVs, or other gadgets at the table. If I remember to turn on music, I'll turn on very low soft instrumentals. One of the girls or I will serve up the plates mainly because we have always had small children at the table that aren't able to pass hot dishes. I would like for them to eventually learn how to do that. As far as food, everyone gets what's on the table on their plate and tastes it. I don't force eggs on everyone every morning, but for the most part, I insist they eat what I cook. We stay seated till we're done. No one is left at the table alone still eating.

As small children the big girls would always say, "I enjoyed it, may I please  be excused?" They would get it confused and it turned into, "I'm excused, may I be enjoined it?"  We have to insist on manners now, because it gets harder later.

Reading etiquette books, you could get so caught up in the rules, you would miss the point of manners. Manners is just a consideration of others. Because we love God, we must show respect to others and treat them with dignity, no matter who they are. And if we treat with dignity those we live with, then it won't be difficult to honor those special guests that show up. And it won't be so difficult to sit at a table in public with small children.

I feel strongly that as moms we are responsible to teach our children. We need to teach  them  respect and manners. I found that if my children won't obey me and respect me, with or without Ray at home, they won't respect other authority and won't respect God. Respect for me, respect for their father, respect for others begin at the table.

I used to think manners could go by the golden rule. Behave in the same way that you want to be treated. But that isn't necessarily true. Some of my girls would have no problem with another person laying on the table or crunching their ice very loudly, in fact they would love it so they could do that too. But that still doesn't show respect. Posture, demeanor, and tones are what show others respect - good posture, kind demeanor and sweet tones.

Does that mean our table times are good, quiet and kind? No, our regular family meals get very loud and very lively! We try to keep the "family meeting" type conversations for another time. Meal times may often be the only time your family is able to have a family meeting, but we will try to make it brief and upbeat if it has to be during the meal. It's probably best to call for family meetings after you've finished eating. At our table there is often uncontrollable laughter and lively debates. Ray will often read the Bible or a book that he's reading to us. Right now, we are reading a new children's book called Help Mom, There's an Armenian Under My Bed.  I'm sure that much of our family's theology has been shaped at the table. That's where we discuss sermons, books, music, relationships, life!

Practicalities of setting the table? Make it look nice. It's amazing how everyone's behavior straightens up when we sit in the dining room versus the kitchen. On special occasions, I go to extra trouble to make the table look nice. I want the girls to understand that mealtimes are important to our family and life. I like decorating the table. God made our world beautiful so it's okay to enjoy pretty things. God is creative with so many glorious colors, we should relish those colors.

Day to day- real dishes work for us because paper products are too expensive. The girls have broken very few dishes because they learned to handle them. Cloth table clothes and napkins are all we ever use. They are inexpensive and easy to make.

To decorate the table, for special occasions, the first thing I do is choose a color. That choice comes from whatever flowers are in bloom, how many people are coming, or the season. Or I might choose a theme for a party. For Adrian's birthday meal the first year he and Rachel were married I had a first knight's party. He was the first "knight in shining armor" to come along so that needed to be celebrated. For every special occasion such as a birthday, shower, graduation or such I will buy at least one roll of ribbon, or some other small trinket to decorate with. For this event, I purposely only bought two rolls of ribbon to prove that if you think futuristically about your purchases, it's very inexpensive to set a pretty table. Don't be afraid to pull things from different places in your house to decorate with. Kim might recognize some paper and ribbon from Grady's baby shower.

For Ray's mother's 60th birthday, we decorated about 12 tables with dolls, took scrap fabric to make table runners and it was very pretty. Kim's baby shower was decorated with all of Ray's old childhood toys. I loved Natalie's idea of having a children's book party for Desiree. It was beautiful, fun and so appropriate for the occasion. I use a lot of paper to make banners, place cards and other decorations. All scraps are saved so that they can be used again. If you buy ribbon, candle holders or dishes, make sure that you could use them again. Years ago, I bought these plates on the table for 50 cents each and use them all the time. You may or may not have places to store lots of sets of dishes, but if you're creative you would be surprised at how much you can do with what you have.

Buying solid colors and clear glass helps stretch your decorations. You can mix solid yellow plates for every season, black is classic and makes an occasion more formal. Thrift stores and Goodwill often have odd pieces that work well when put together. Most of these decorations will pull double duty for Father's Day this weekend. I'll add a little twine and red wrapping paper gifts and take out the lace doilies and it will be fit for the men of the house.

We don't have meals like this every week. We decorate as much as we can when someone comes over for a regular meal and our day to day meals get a set table. The main idea is to enjoy our families, teach them to respect others and lead them to worship the great God of all Creation.

Finally - a Homeschool Picture

Here we have Abigail enjoying our new school space. I added another bookcase, moved the school table to a sunny window and moved an old desk that Lydia likes to use in front of the bookcases. It cleared some floor space and gave us enough room to bring in more of our books. A huge map of the world hung on the wall below the bar window would be a great addition some day. The easel works great there for our Bible verses.

Design for Your Life

Aunt Thelma's cabinet

My training in interior design was great. I loved what I learned and have enjoyed it since I left school. The problem with my degree is that I really didn't learn to design spaces with real life families. What I learned was to design for people who don't really live in their homes.

The best design advice I think I've ever gotten from someone was an organizational book. It said something to the effect that you put an item where you are going to use it, then you make it look the way you want it to look. That's the part I enjoy.

As I am rearranging different pieces of furniture in my own house, I am getting closer and closer to that model- putting things where I use them. The secretary that has been on one wall in my den for the past eight years has come to my bedroom to be used as my desk. Aunt Thelma's cabinet that has many different homes will move to the den. And I hope that the cabinet that houses a television that we haven't turned on in months will disappear completely.

Uncle Griff's Secretary

No, I don't have the latest style of furniture, nearly all of it is hand me downs. But I love it. Most of the pieces have a story to tell. The pie safe that houses our current homeschool work and actually sits beside the homeschool table was my great-grandmother's. I remember it at her house, then at my grandmother's house, then at my mother's house (where it had to be refinished because of a fire). Now it sits at my house, enjoying the life that runs by. The doors are opened a hundred times a day for a little girl to grab a hand full of crayons, or a stack of Bibles to be gathered for family worship, or a deck of cards to be retrieved for the latest magic trick, and yes, the stack of books that are training our school girls' minds and hearts.

So, I'm glad that I was trained to look at the latest trends in design in the 1980's. But I'm even more glad that I have learned to live in my home with my family and love the style we have grown here.

On any given day in  a large family there are needs and desires. Usually only one child or possibly another will need something - it will be the "special" time of her life to get the attention. But most of the children will be coasting through life, just being part of the family with a request or need only here and there. Occasions such as graduations, weddings and illnesses naturally will bring more attention and thought to one child for her "season".
Recently, I have been overwhelmed with so many of my children going through their "special" seasons at the same time. Rachel being pregnant and Sarah graduating are glorious reasons to celebrate. Some of the needs may not be super serious, they just require attention.
For instance, Hannah has been having episodes of dizziness and headaches for a long time and they've gotten worse. We have been going to doctors for about five months now and seem to be getting close to answers, but that takes a lot of time and thought. Mary is moving out of the bedroom she has been sharing with Lydia and moving upstairs with the "big girls". That has taken a lot of time and thought. Lydia is going through a season of spiritual questions that take more than time and thought than I thought a nine year old could have. I needed Help from our Holy God. Many nights, I was reduced to long night prayer times. It's a good thing that night time prayers do not deduct from the sleep bank.
These past few weeks have been such a relief to me. With school out and everything settling down, I am thankful that God answered my prayers for a break. Rachel has a beautiful baby and doing great. Hannah is taking medication for now and seeing the cardiologist again next week. Mary gets to sleep in her own room tonight by herself. Abigail has made it two nights in a row without waking anyone up before 6:00. Lydia has been reading her Bible every night (as well as morning) until she falls asleep. I love how smoothly our home runs when I am at home for long periods of time and am able to manage it more thoughtfully. 

What to Do.... What to Do....

When Rachel moved out of our house, Vanessa moved in. When Vanessa moved out, Courtney moved in. And then, as college students do, Courtney moved out. Then we have this extra room, upstairs... where the big girls are... where I don't see everything... where I don't want the little girls hang out a lot.

I debated over and over with myself and we've had many family discussions about what to do with the room. There were more options than kids, but nothing seemed to be perfect. Hannah and Sarah have always shared a room and didn't want to be split up. Sarah will be living at college in the Fall. Abigail needed to move out of my bedroom. The upstairs bathroom is in need of major help. The little girls' room couldn't hold three girls. I didn't want Mary to be upstairs. I don't like for any of the girls to have their own room. I needed a place to store craft and sewing supplies so that I could actually use them. And all of the extra homeschool material that we aren't using at the moment needed a home besides the garage. Nothing seemed to work.

As of now, we have decided to move Mary up to Rachel's old room along with all of the craft and sewing supplies. The room is big enough to keep a small table set up with a project on it, but it isn't ideal. Mary's desk is facing a wall in the middle of all of the storage stuff, but it will have to do for a while. As I come up with extra time and money, I have lots of ideas to fix it up, but for now, Mary will have a lot to keep her creative juices flowing.

As usual for the Summer, I'll be juggling organizing projects to fit things that need to be rearranged to adjust to our growing family. I will be spending a lot of extra time in what is now Lydia and Abigail's room helping Abigail get used to being kicked out of my room. The first night she cried in her crib for an hour before she fell asleep, then woke up after forty-five minutes and cried for another hour. This picture is her on Lydia's bed sobbing just before I got in the bed and slept with her all night.

And for now I'll keep digging through boxes in the garage to get school books.

It's the thought that counts, right? Wrong!

Consider our lunch conversation:

Sarah - "If everyone would be considerate and load their own dishes after every meal, dishes would be so easy." 

Me - "Imagine what our house would look like if everyone were considerate in every room. Speaking of chores, Mary did you change the laundry?" 

Mary - "Ohh noo! I forgot, I was going to, I told Lydia to watch Abigail while I went to do it.....and ..... I never did it. But I thought about it, it's the thought that counts, right?" 

Me - "That thought didn't get the laundry changed." 

Hannah - "No. This guy told me that the other day, he drove by me at school and thought about picking me up. Then he said, 'it's the thought that counts, right?' I told him, 'No, because I still had to walk up the long hill.'"

So if you think about doing something, do it. (You know that I mean good and reasonable things. I'm not advocating drugs, crime or other sin.) It doesn't encourage my friend if all I ever do is think about calling her, I need to actually call.  If all you ever do is think, them you've done nothing.

Ordering My Day

Sometime ago I went through the Proverbs and thought through what my day should look like. I have a daily schedule that I try to keep close to when we are at home. With my eye opening experience with Abigail, I need to rethink my schedule and remember how to parent a toddler.

How easy is it to forget? Consider this story - When Mary was three years old, I was lamenting to another mom about how hard it was to do things with her. Mary wanted to get into everything and I was having a hard time getting anything done. She gave me some wise words that I have been so very thankful for. She said something like, "You're a good mom, you know what to do with her. Sit her down and make her behave. Small children will run over you if you let them and it sounds like you have let her run wild." I was shocked. She was right. I had let Mary run wild. Mary didn't have any attention disorder, she had a mom disorder. Her mom needed to remember how to parent a toddler. Within days, she was settled down and I was able to conduct school again.

Granted Abigail is sixteen months old and that is a big difference in maturity than three years old. But it is past time for her to sit for a few minutes in a room alone. (With watchful eyes peeking in, of course.) At this point, she acts like we are punishing her if we make her sit next to her toys for a few minutes without us.

Abigail's Plans

How do you go about your day? There are many options on how to go about your day -

• you have a strict schedule that you follow
• you wake up and let the needs propel you forward
• you are paralyzed by what the needs are and curl up in a fetal position
• your day is bouncing somewhere in between those options

Recently, I had three days that Ray took several of the girls to Kentucky and I was left with Sarah and Abigail. I woke up each day feeling a little strange because the house was so empty and I wasn't sure what to do. A lot of my daily work had left me at home with Sarah and Abigail. I had this grand idea that since so many were away that I would have lots of time to do my "extra" work. As it turned out, I was farther behind when they got home than when they left. What happened?

One thing, I think I over estimated how well behaved Abigail really is. All those times that I thought she plays really well by herself? Not! I need to work on that for sure. With so many in our house, she doesn't usually need to play by herself, but it's definite a skill all small children need to have.

Another thing is that I forgot how much help that the older girls are. If I'm in another room and need to know what Abigail is doing, I can just ask if anyone sees her. Unless she's into something, they will say she's fine and I can continue on. Without all of the extra eyes, I was constantly running from room to room to check on her or trying to get her to play in the room that I was in. That ending up turning into her thinking that I was playing and her not being satisfied with anything unless I was entertaining her.

I thought about my well layed plans and schedule and wondered if I would get anything done while Ray was gone. At the end of the three days, I had accomplished very little and was frustrated. Having a toddler in the house slows down everything and puts a whole new dynamic on house keeping. She plans for us to entertain her and be at her command at all times of the day. As I try to rethink how to discipline her to behave on her own, I have to think seriously about any projects I might attempt.