Table Sitting

Some time ago, I gave a presentation to the ladies in our church entitled, Table Sitting. Someone asked for my notes and I promised to get them to her and am just now editing them a little for others to be able read.

Table etiquette is important. My mom taught me manners, like - how to set the table properly, keep my elbows off the table, don't chew with your mouth open. I was so set on teaching my own children manners that in the beginning it became a legalistic practice of wills. I even tried to teach my own husband a thing or two. How wrong for me to presume that I could teach a grown man how to behave at the table! I forgot to enjoy my family. It is very important to teach your children to stay seated until they have been excused and not to interrupt others, but it's also a great time to enjoy the gifts that God gave you.

Every moment doesn't have to be about teaching.  Praise be to God! The psalmist just sat in praise of His God and found many things to be thankful for. How about having a time around the table to just sit and enjoy one another?

At a normal meal at our home, everyone who is home comes to the table. There may be certain times when Ray is super busy and he'll grab a sandwich and go back to his office, but usually everyone sits. There are no phones, TVs, or other gadgets at the table. If I remember to turn on music, I'll turn on very low soft instrumentals. One of the girls or I will serve up the plates mainly because we have always had small children at the table that aren't able to pass hot dishes. I would like for them to eventually learn how to do that. As far as food, everyone gets what's on the table on their plate and tastes it. I don't force eggs on everyone every morning, but for the most part, I insist they eat what I cook. We stay seated till we're done. No one is left at the table alone still eating.

As small children the big girls would always say, "I enjoyed it, may I please  be excused?" They would get it confused and it turned into, "I'm excused, may I be enjoined it?"  We have to insist on manners now, because it gets harder later.

Reading etiquette books, you could get so caught up in the rules, you would miss the point of manners. Manners is just a consideration of others. Because we love God, we must show respect to others and treat them with dignity, no matter who they are. And if we treat with dignity those we live with, then it won't be difficult to honor those special guests that show up. And it won't be so difficult to sit at a table in public with small children.

I feel strongly that as moms we are responsible to teach our children. We need to teach  them  respect and manners. I found that if my children won't obey me and respect me, with or without Ray at home, they won't respect other authority and won't respect God. Respect for me, respect for their father, respect for others begin at the table.

I used to think manners could go by the golden rule. Behave in the same way that you want to be treated. But that isn't necessarily true. Some of my girls would have no problem with another person laying on the table or crunching their ice very loudly, in fact they would love it so they could do that too. But that still doesn't show respect. Posture, demeanor, and tones are what show others respect - good posture, kind demeanor and sweet tones.

Does that mean our table times are good, quiet and kind? No, our regular family meals get very loud and very lively! We try to keep the "family meeting" type conversations for another time. Meal times may often be the only time your family is able to have a family meeting, but we will try to make it brief and upbeat if it has to be during the meal. It's probably best to call for family meetings after you've finished eating. At our table there is often uncontrollable laughter and lively debates. Ray will often read the Bible or a book that he's reading to us. Right now, we are reading a new children's book called Help Mom, There's an Armenian Under My Bed.  I'm sure that much of our family's theology has been shaped at the table. That's where we discuss sermons, books, music, relationships, life!

Practicalities of setting the table? Make it look nice. It's amazing how everyone's behavior straightens up when we sit in the dining room versus the kitchen. On special occasions, I go to extra trouble to make the table look nice. I want the girls to understand that mealtimes are important to our family and life. I like decorating the table. God made our world beautiful so it's okay to enjoy pretty things. God is creative with so many glorious colors, we should relish those colors.

Day to day- real dishes work for us because paper products are too expensive. The girls have broken very few dishes because they learned to handle them. Cloth table clothes and napkins are all we ever use. They are inexpensive and easy to make.

To decorate the table, for special occasions, the first thing I do is choose a color. That choice comes from whatever flowers are in bloom, how many people are coming, or the season. Or I might choose a theme for a party. For Adrian's birthday meal the first year he and Rachel were married I had a first knight's party. He was the first "knight in shining armor" to come along so that needed to be celebrated. For every special occasion such as a birthday, shower, graduation or such I will buy at least one roll of ribbon, or some other small trinket to decorate with. For this event, I purposely only bought two rolls of ribbon to prove that if you think futuristically about your purchases, it's very inexpensive to set a pretty table. Don't be afraid to pull things from different places in your house to decorate with. Kim might recognize some paper and ribbon from Grady's baby shower.

For Ray's mother's 60th birthday, we decorated about 12 tables with dolls, took scrap fabric to make table runners and it was very pretty. Kim's baby shower was decorated with all of Ray's old childhood toys. I loved Natalie's idea of having a children's book party for Desiree. It was beautiful, fun and so appropriate for the occasion. I use a lot of paper to make banners, place cards and other decorations. All scraps are saved so that they can be used again. If you buy ribbon, candle holders or dishes, make sure that you could use them again. Years ago, I bought these plates on the table for 50 cents each and use them all the time. You may or may not have places to store lots of sets of dishes, but if you're creative you would be surprised at how much you can do with what you have.

Buying solid colors and clear glass helps stretch your decorations. You can mix solid yellow plates for every season, black is classic and makes an occasion more formal. Thrift stores and Goodwill often have odd pieces that work well when put together. Most of these decorations will pull double duty for Father's Day this weekend. I'll add a little twine and red wrapping paper gifts and take out the lace doilies and it will be fit for the men of the house.

We don't have meals like this every week. We decorate as much as we can when someone comes over for a regular meal and our day to day meals get a set table. The main idea is to enjoy our families, teach them to respect others and lead them to worship the great God of all Creation.