I Am Not a Minimalist

I have a confession... 

I like my stuff... there it is... now you know.  

I have things in my house just because I like them. They serve no purpose, they may or may not be beautiful, but I like them.

There would be a story for almost everything. There are stacks of books, some stacks on top of stacks, numerous toys, pretty dishes, handmade treasures, pictures upon pictures, etc.

We are hearing a lot lately about minimalism, that clutter causes stress, stuff like that. That may be true. I have a  harder time sitting still if my clutter is out of order.  Extra stuff creates more work - it has to be dusted and such.  I understand the idea behind minimalism. 

Using less sometimes means more. But what if you like more? Sitting in a sparsely decorated room may make some people uncomfortable. Maybe some people like to look around at lots of interesting things. It's not bad, just different. The Summer is coming and I plan to do some painting and extra cleaning out, but I don't think I'll be getting rid of too much.

I threw away one late trash bag of old homeschool files and took four large bags of stuff to our local women's shelter. (I'd rather not donate to Goodwill, but I will if necessary.)

Ten Ways To Destroy the Imagination of Your Child

It has been a long time since I've read a book that has challenged me so. I don't know who Anthony Esolen is but I suspect our theology is a bit different. For several reasons, his book on parenting has kept me awake recently.

The style- 

I'm sure there is a literary term for the style of the book, but I don't know what it is, however, the title kind of gives it away. It is written in the opposite of what would actually be helpful to training a child. So when the author says to keep your child indoors all of the time, he actually means to keep them outside. Having so many things written in the negative, I have to stay on guard while I'm reading, asking myself, "Is this what he thinks parents should or should not do?"

The subject-

The author deals with serious pieces of literature, works of art, many languages, random types of government, and scientific methods. He gives a complete run down on how a car works using words like - cylinders, differential, universal joint. He introduces Greek gods and obscure characters in literature like they are well known friends. He discusses poetry of every genre, Augustine, and Scripture alongside Chopin and Beethoven. He makes a fine argument against organized sports and programs, but for gangs of kids playing in the streets. My brain is stretched! 

The guilt- 

I should have been doing some of this all along. Sometimes I mourn for the older girls' losses because of my lack of wisdom. As a parent, I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. I know that God takes us where we are and uses us in His own plan, but I do wish I hadn't been so ignorant when Rachel was born. I nearly starved the poor child and then gave her straight apple juice out of a bottle. God's grace and mercy to us is so obvious through those days. Now, I haven't near the wisdom that I need to continue parenting, but at least I know that I don't know what I'm doing.

*Don't worry, I'm not about to sit Abigail out the back door and make her stay for twelve hours on her own, nor am I removing her from her formal music lessons. I can't throw all safety to the wind but I am trying to consciously build her imagination.

Dawn Cocktail

One day this week I leaned over to blow dry my hair upside down. I couldn't get back up! For three days, I have limped, moaned and groaned. It seems I pulled a muscle. All that to say, between a back ache and my normal chaos, my house was gross. Nasty! Disgusting!

While I was hobbling around spraying and wiping, I thought that my job would be so much harder if I were still using that other stuff I use to buy. My sister-in-law convinced me to try this solution to clean. It has all the ingredients to clean my house and leaves a really clean smell when I'm done. (Well, I'm never done, but when I stop wiping.)

Her recipe was told to me like this - "You pour about this much Dawn dish liquid in a spray bottle. (She held up her fingers to show what was about two inches, but I'm still not sure about what size spray bottle.) Then you add about that same amount of vinegar. Then fill up the rest of the bottle with water, I like to heat my water up."

Well after playing around with her negotiable measurements, I have found the cleaning solution that I love.

What?

On the way to the library, I started giving Lydia a list of things I wanted to do once we were there. She stopped me and said, "Wait, are you not going in?" My response, "Oh yes, I just know that the minute I walk inside the door, I'll forget everything. By the way that I've been lately, I may not remember any book I own or that I even know how to read."

Consider this- I walk into the grocery store and wonder what I came for. We have food at our house, the pantry is full, I'm sure of it, well probably. But no matter, maybe no one in our house even wants to eat today. So why did I go the grocery store? That's a true story!

Why is that? I've always been a sort of list person. I have lists for everything. In the past I made lists of errands to run, then leave the list at home. That wasn't too much of a problem because since I had written it down, I could remember enough of what I needed to do.

Now that I have a smart phone, my lists usually go with me. So helpful, right? Wrong! I'm becoming the bothersome friend that can't remember her head if it weren't attached. Today, I forgot my phone at home!

I use to be so responsible, I don't know what's happening. I don't even remember the point of this post.

This is a screenshot of the lists on my phone.
The lists are in order of when they have been edited.
I arranged them around so that you couldn't see the titles that I give some of them.
I'm not that open with myself.

What Is My Joy in Life?

Last Fall, our family was offered three tickets to the Georgia football game. If you know us remotely well you'd know that was awesome. There was excitement and lots of questions. Who would go was at the top of the list?

The statement- "I haven't done anything 'fun' in over six weeks," hit me wrong. I was mad and wanted to let everyone know. I turned it back to myself- When have I done anything fun? What do I even do for fun? If I have a free moment, I fill it with cleaning, cooking or doing what someone else wants. Wah, wah, wah...

The path of self pity seemed easy to take. Woe is me. All I ever do is work.

Then I started trying to think about what I would do if someone wanted me to do something just for fun. I had no ideas. When I get free time, I will clean, do some extra cooking, maybe even read. Then I realized that I like to do those things. I like to see the house clean or try new recipes. 

My friend, Michele, has taught herself to knit. And true to what seems to be her personality, there's no part way knitting. It's the real deal - dyeing her on yarn, knitting her own socks, you know, that kind of stuff. I've even been a little jealous that I can't go learn to knit. But, is that what I would want to do if I could?

I had to ask myself some hard questions about all of this. Is my joy in life hobbies, going places, learning new things, entertaining myself or relaxing? My joy in life must be Christ! I like serving others, I like being a wife and mom. I'm glad He called me to this life. (Please note, that I'm not saying if you don't serve others all the time you aren't serving Christ.)

At the retreat last week, another pastor's wife asked me what do I do for myself, you know, "me time". I started trying to grab for something, anything that I could tell her. I felt like I needed to report to her some great thing that I do for myself. I couldn't think of one thing. And I'm okay with that. I like to read some, cook some, clean some and sleep a little.

I can joyfully serve Christ doing things that I like to do.

While I was working on this post, Lydia was reordering her bedroom that she shares with Abigail. She was making it easier for Abigail to get to her toys. Mary rearranged her own room last week. 

This is our den on Christmas morning. There are no "after" pictures.

This daily battle is over.

I no longer am fighting the urge to keep my house spotless because it's Christmas and trying to keep everything clean to give my family the Norman Rockwell image to remember. Nor am I letting the housework go because I want my family to have these beautiful experiences of baking cookies, wrapping gifts and sipping hot chocolate while we enjoy the glow of the season.

Is it a real battle? Or did I make that up? What's important? Now that Christmas is long past, can you even remember what you did on many days during December? Were you purposeful in your days or did you let each day fall out as it could?

Christmas isn't the only time I fight that fight. Do I stay very strict and keep the house running smoothly, or do I throw up my hands and and let the laundry land where it lands? I often battle the "idol" of order in my home.

Hopefully, my children will remember a balance. They'll remember being allowed to have fun in our home, but not being embarrassed to bring their friends inside. We live in our home and we live hard, and there's no one going to be eating off of our floors. The bedroom can't be a fire trap, but I may need to keep the doors closed more than I'd like.

Stacks of books mean people are interested in things. Toys mean that children are allowed to do their "work." Laundry on the sofa for a week? Well, that's when I start to get uneasy with myself. It's all about balance. Norman Rockwell didn't paint the picture of a messy house for a reason.

There's no Norman Rockwell theology here, just a message to myself about balance. Next week I'll be dreaming of dusted furniture and Abigail will probably still be riding her bicycle in the house.

It's Official!

I'm the worst mother ever! This week, I've earned the title. I have-

And there's this...
Vacuuming!

• Made my kids do school while I laid down.
• Made one wash the cat food bowls even though her greatest fear is tiny worms and spiders.
• Failed to remind one enough times that a bill was coming due, so it was late getting mailed.
• Allowed one of them to keep doing school past five, even though they are supposed to stop at three.
• Made them memorize two verses this week instead of one because it was too easy.
• Had one ask me, "How long does menopause last?" That was in the middle of her two hour cleaning chores.
• Punished one because she "just felt like" telling another sister how awful and spoiled she was.
• Insisted my girls tell me EVERY time they leave who they are riding with. (Yes, I know bad grammar, but you can't use bad grammar and be mad, can you?)

But the best was when-

I ruined one of my girls' life because I wouldn't let her swim before breakfast. She actually said, "Well, thanks for ruining my life!"

At least I've been appreciated this week....

Recently, Rachel and Adrian invited our entire church over to their house. The plan was to set up tables in their front yard and everyone eat outside and play games. She was a little busier than she expected and couldn't get things as clean as she wanted.

I told her, "Don't worry about your dust, it'll make people feel more comfortable."

No one can attain perfection in their housework when they have small children. (That can't always do it without children either but it is a little easier I think.)

Have them over anyway. Make them comfortable.  I've had a few people seem relieved when they have found my house in a mess. No one can keep things perfectly clean, but that's easy to forget.

On the day that our church was to gather at their house, guess what happened?

As God would have it - Rain, and lots of it. People still came. 

We took of our shoes at the door and piled in. 

Adrian pushed the furniture against the wall and we ate together, sang together and played together. It was loud, but so fun.

Abigail and her sweet friend Karalynn held hands while they sang for a long time. The picture above doesn't show how many children there were gathered to sing together, but it was a sweet time. 

This Summer our church celebrates ten years together. I am grateful to God for the sweet fellowship.

Back to School

Abigail was bright and ready to start very early today. Who wouldn't be ready with a large pan of plastic lemons, eggs, and playhouse people? I never got to do any school with her, but that's okay. She is only three. Notice that Mary was not ready!

The first day of school usually isn't very pretty, but today was a ugly as it gets. The bright spot was a successful recipe for mocha frappuccino. My friend Kelly keeps telling me that we will have to give our kids lots of extra grace through this start up. But it's my kids who are giving me grace. By 11:30, I was hurting so bad that I had to go lay down. I took a two hour nap before I could do anything else with them. Eventually, I'll get back enough strength to be running through the house again, but until then, we are extending much grace.

The school desk at the beginning of the day was a shambles. The girls had started cleaning up when we snapped this picture.

When I told Lydia to pull down her science book, she sighed and said, "I sure do miss Jeanie Fulbright."

I kept the school planning table set up in the den since I wasn't running up and down stairs. I'm sad to say that looked like this for weeks, except of course, for the chocolate. That came and went very quickly. 

Pay Attention

I was bragging to a friend last week about how great our system of keeping up with library books was working. We've had almost no overdue fines and no lost books in a very long time. 

Well, I opened our library account yesterday morning and nearly cried. There was big red letters that said they had stopped adding up the fines because there is a limit as to how much they charge you. Did you know that the library puts a limit on its overdue fines? I was ever so grateful to learn that! I tried to renew our books, but it just said that I must bring everything to the library immediately. It was embarrassing and aggravating and frustrating and expensive and well..., you get the point, I'm sure. 

So, the whole day I was running errands and kicking myself for such negligence and ... get this, avoiding wrecks. I had three very near wrecks in the same day, all due to other people not paying attention. One was an eighteen wheeler, another the vehicle was completely in my lane coming at me head on.

I could easily get on my high horse and say I would never do such a thing. But then I remember that blinking red dollar sign. We all get distracted, these days more than ever. An unmanned car isn't nearly as bad as a maxed out library card, but it's still a bad sign, a sign of distraction. 

Lydia returning our massive load of books.

Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. (Acts 20:28 ESV)

I need this reminder today as much as anyone! The end of the school year is approaching quickly and I'm having trouble focussing on that too.

Different But Together

Sarah and Lydia

One thing that I think may have been the most damaging to my girls' relationships was to separate some of them into different bedrooms. When Rachel was ten, I let her move to her own bedroom across the hall from Hannah and Sarah. Though she and Hannah are the closest in ages of all of our children, this was the time when I saw the age difference the most. It seemed like a good idea at the time and it was to some degree, but I think it hurt their relationship more than helped. (Not that they have a bad relationship now.)

All girls are different and have different needs. As Christians we all need to live together in harmony. Now that I have six girls, five still living in our home, practically they can't all live in the same room. (Actually they could, but it would be very tight.) Based on ages and personalities, presently they are divided out with the two older girls living together, the fifteen year old alone, and the two younger together.

I gave Hannah and Sarah (ages 23 and 20) the option of their own rooms, but they still wanted to share. So much did they want to share that when we moved them to two rooms in the basement, they chose to have one room for a bedroom and the other for a "dressing room/ office." The before and after pictures tell a huge story in itself!

Everyone needs a little space of their own, but not too much. Sometimes it's difficult to even think with so many around. Each of us are individuals, not just part of a herd.  Their bedrooms were never off limits to the other sisters because of privacy and selfishness. For logical reasons the younger girls weren't allowed in the older girls rooms though. Make up, art supplies, electronics and textbooks are not for a four year old.

Mary and Hannah

It seemed wise to me for each of the girls to have their own private drawers and journals. These were things that no one would ever bother. I have never picked up one of my daughters' journals or notes and read it without asking. They know I have the freedom to and I would immediately if I thought there was reason. Snooping and parenting don't mix. (That's a different post.) It is important that no one intrude on those private thoughts without invitation, sisters included.

But the biggest reason for sisters to share bedrooms is late night secrets, whispers, giggles, pillow fights, counseling sessions happen much more freely when they are together. A bond is sealed when you are with someone at their most vulnerable moments. And who isn't vulnerable when they are sleeping?

Nightmares, sleeping walking, and monsters in the night are easier to carry with a sister by your side. The sleep talk recordings could only happen if their is sister there to film your silliest dreams. And stomach bugs are more endurable if you share them. Well, not really, but it still happens.

If I had a do-over with the three older girls, I would have had them all sleep in the same room. The room across the hall could have been used for a play room, schoolroom, dressing room, whatever the needs were based on their stages in life. I still don't want my fifteen year old in the same room as Abigail because I don't want to fight the issue of art supplies, books and makeup. But Abigail (3) and Lydia (11) share a room and they both love it. Tomorrow? We'll see when that gets here.

Give Them Something To Do

Mary, art

Rachel, horseback riding

Children need things to do. Each of us need a balance of work, play and rest. Early on, we thought that if each child had an activity to do that was enough. Then we decided that music wasn't going to be an option so we added that. Multiply an activity and music lessons by the number of school age girls and things began to get out of hand.

There are so many options out there for children - every sport, musical instrument and arts galore. We kind of got stuck in a rut with basketball, but have had a few other options over the years. Some of the girls have tried more activities than others because of where our family was at the time practically (finances, extra hours in the day, number of drivers in the house.)

Hannah, soccer

Doubling up activities and lessons helped ease the schedule a little. Carpooling would have helped on many occasions but it didn't come along very often.  We had to make hard decisions to not participate in things we really wanted to and  had to make the heart breaking decision to completely pull out of an activity because it interfered with church.

Lydia, piano

Sarah, basketball

Are there regrets? Of course, but don't we all?

These are a few pictures of the girls doing some of the things that they loved to do at the time. Are these the things they will make a career out of? Probably not, but they learned some valuable lessons from them. And our family has been enriched because of them.

Soy

Hannah has had headaches and fainting spells for a long time. She went through every test that could be taken. After hundreds of dollars and countless doctor's appointments she was still constantly dizzy and randomly fainting. Someone suggested she look up different diets and menus for people with headaches, specifically migraines.

We cut out lots of different foods and finally found that the biggest culprit is soy and cured meats. She has been some time without fainting, feeling dizzy or debilitating migraines. She had dropped a few pounds (which is not good for her) but her weight seems to have leveled off again.

It was harder than I thought it would be to cut out soy, but once we got used to it, it isn't so bad. The first thing that I learned was that vegetable oil is actually soybean oil. And an olive oil bottle that says contains pure olive oil doesn't actually mean that it's 100 percent olive oil, it means that there is some olive oil in it but that there also may be some soybean oil.

I have appreciated her attitude about the whole thing. When she is in public she tries not to make a big deal about any food that is served. If she can't ask discreetly and politely about the soy, she doesn't eat. (Usually, there is the fresh fruit option.)

I have learned how to cook healthier and have expanded my recipes. The most useful is- I always have a bottle of this available. It's actually really good in chicken salad and on sandwiches.

Italian Salad Dressing

• 1 tablespoon garlic salt
• 1 tablespoon onion powder
• 1 tablespoon white sugar
• 2 tablespoons dried oregano
• 1 teaspoon ground black pepper

• 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1 teaspoon dried basil
• 1 tablespoon dried parsley
• 1/4 teaspoon celery salt
• 2 tablespoons salt

Directions

1. In a small bowl, mix together the garlic salt, onion powder, sugar, oregano, pepper, thyme, basil, parsley, celery salt and regular salt. Store in a tightly sealed container.
2. To prepare dressing, whisk together 1/4 cup white vinegar, 2/3 cup canola oil, 2 tablespoons water and 2 tablespoons of the dry mix.

Grace-Filled Family Relations

There are just some seasons in life that one of the family members will need more help or attention than others. Sicknesses, schedule changes, school options, friendships, yes, even bad decisions will throw the kilter off of the family dynamics.

What are we to do? Flog the one causing the upset to the apple cart? How about tar and feathers? That leaves terrible images. (The John Adams BBC movie comes to mind at that moment.)

Rachel extending great grace about 2007.

No, we have to remember, we too, need a little grace.

The person who has to load the dishwasher may not have time to load or may not even be home when it's time. What are going to do? Save the dishes for her? No, extend a little grace. What if we have to always load for her? Keep extending grace.

The questions get trickier as the family grows up and gets older. The situations get harder to navigate.  Do we stop extending grace? No, there's plenty of grace to share even when we're old.

Are we planning ahead of time to show that kind of love to one another?  If we aren't then we will fall back on whatever way we resort to "get someone back." For example, she didn't do her dishes yesterday, I'll leave mine today. Then tomorrow, it'll show her, she'll have double the work.  Is that the way we really want to see our families work?

The division of chores are tiny example of how a family works.  But they can be a huge indicator of where the family stands with one another. The smaller children obviously cannot scrub huge pots and pans. Would you allow the older ones to leave them for a three year old? Obviously not.

Now take that to a bigger real life issue.  What would happen if the older children were constantly taking advantage of the younger? That sets them up for a life time of abusing others. Or the instances of calling names? A light-hearted "dummy" could set your child up for years of berating, belittling and looking down on others.

Back to the family, our family... As they grow older some of our girls have been able to do other things outside of the home more than others.  Gifts and preferences surface that they may have that are more helpful in some areas more than others.  One of our girls happens to to be better at cutting grass than the others. She is the obvious choice for grass cutting when it's time for that and the best duster gets that job. Dusting isn't always the most fun job, but that's what has to happen at the time.

But what about when one needs more sleep and time to study than another? The jobs don't line up equally, but grace is still needed.

There are many examples of running a household that come to mind that prove the need for a family to help each other and show extra grace. As I'm writing, I'm thinking of even more life issues that occur outside of our home. Issues that have required extending grace when it wasn't the desire of the heart. Grown up issues that aren't really to be shared publicly but in our family setting, reveal the heart.

As adults emerge in a home, their problems and issues get bigger. They need the same grace that was poured on them as little ones crying over a broken dish or toy. Whether it's a wrecked car, a family vacation upset, or a birthday party fiasco, we can keep loving each other because we know Christ. God only knows what is coming next!

Because we are sinners and saved by grace, we can decide now to extend grace. As our daughters get even older and have families of their own, there will be more opportunities to be faithful to that decision. How we respond to a sister "borrowing" our favorite shoes reveals the heart. Now is the time to change the heart.

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:14

Homeschooling Is Not My Savior

It's coming along slowly.

It is my job.  With the changes to our homeschool this year I have been reduced to tears and felt like a "newbie". Our girls will be meeting once a week with two other families. While commiserating on all that we have to do, my friend reminded me that every year school is difficult for the first few weeks. It takes a while to get back to the routine and adjust to the growing lives around us. I was encouraged to keep going.

I don't want our home and lives to be about homeschool, even though that's the way it has seemed lately. I want our lives to be about Christ. When others see us, I want them to think "Christ, godliness, holiness, servant-like, etc." It would be easy to give others the impression that we are that family that "home schools, has six daughters, the dad is a pastor, etc."

So with all the talk of the changes in homeschool and such, please remember that it isn't who I am, who we are, or what we worship.

This was not the way to start the year, a crashed chair on top of Abigail.

Homeschool Changes

For about six or so years, I haven't done a lot of homeschool prep. It took little time to clean out the old books and replace with the next thing we would do. In comparison to now, it had been easy. We had been on auto-pilot for so long, that when I thought we needed to make a change I didn't realized the implications.

I've never had an unlimited homeschool budget, and have pretty much used what I was able to get my hands on at a good price. I would figure out how to make it work for my family. God has been so gracious to us to allow so many people to basically give us their left overs. We have used lots of textbooks, workbooks, whole book curriculum, the internet and the library.

For many reasons, I thought we needed to make some changes this year. So change came... and all that comes with it.

I have felt like a first time homeschool mom again, one night even reduced to tears. Moms have a lot of responsibilities, all moms. My situation is not that unique, but it is still MY situation and I must deal with it in a godly manner.

Recently, I was embarrassed at the condition of my house while I sat in the dining room with the two other homeschool moms to discuss our plans for the upcoming year. I was overwhelmed at the pile of dishes, the stacks of laundry, toys scattered everywhere, lack of food cooked. One of the girls came in grieved over something on her heart and I got even more overwhelmed. Allowing self-pity to creep in, I sinned.

I have felt like a failure, like I was alone in this mess, and that it was a bad idea to make the changes that I was making. I have been stretched. I want things to stay the same, I don't want to change any more.

Too late. I've spent more money than I thought I would need to and have spent too many hours planning.

I'm sure everything will turn out great. The whole school year will be harder, but over all, the girls will get a better education.  With more structure, my free style girl will learn a little more discipline...hopefully. With a better schedule, my structured girl will know what to expect and not freak out when she doesn't know what's coming...hopefully. And everyone will still have the "love of learning" that I pray for so often...hopefully.

My House Exploded...

Again!

It wasn't the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. But what could I do? The past four days have been a great whirlwind of activity for all of us.

It started on Tuesday morning when Rachel texted and asked me to come over, then she texted again and asked if I could come over sooner rather than later. At that, I was suspicious. I dropped everything and went to her house. Within two hours, she and Adrian were racing to the hospital and I was dropping off Susannah at my house to take her nap with Abigail. Rachel's contractions started at eight that morning and Josiah was born before two in the afternoon.

Since then, we have all come in and out, dropping and grabbing as we could. We wanted to be at the hospital and then at Rachel and Adrian's house as much as possible and there was still church, jobs, and other activities to maintain. Dishes and laundry had been partially done here and there, but the house looked rough. Because the girls were really helpful over the past few days, it really wasn't as bad as it could have been.

So where should I start?

I started in the sink and actually ran the dishwasher with just pots and pans. (A big waste of money, in my opinion.) Getting the sink clean, the laundry folded and my bed cleared felt like I could sleep peacefully. Picking up things off of the floor helped and as I moved (ahem..trotted, almost ran) from one room to another I was dropping things in at least the correct room. So really in an hour's time, our chaos was back to the manageable "mess, but we're a family who lives here look."

I know babies don't wait to grow, they even sneak around and do it while we aren't looking. So for now, I'll try not to worry about the dust bunnies, finger prints and piles of papers. I'm spending every moment that I can playing with a very active thirteen month old and rocking a very snugly newborn. Being a Grammy really is a fun job!

How Am I Cultivating "The Village"?

Some would say that I'm growing my own village. We have always told the girls jokingly that when they get married they must marry a godly man that always wants to live near us. As parents, we want our children to live in the same house with us forever, or at least stay very close. It's kind of a joke, but it may not be all bad.

If Rachel hadn't lived so close to us, what would she have done the day she was pregnant and constantly vomiting, the septic system backed up all over her house, at the moment that Adrian couldn't possibly leave work? She spent the day on our sofa while we took care of the dirty business. We did it joyfully, not because I thought Adrian would bring home flowers (which he did), but because we love her and we wanted to help her.

Having daughters, I have always taught them to help at home. They can all cook, clean and take care of babies. I was very purposeful in teaching these things for two reasons. One reason is so that they could help others and the other reason was because I needed help.  My marriage needed that and I needed that. It was a glorious day when Ray and I could leave the house together without children. They are fully capable and even cheerful about taking care of things here when I need for them to. I have often said that I don't know how I got Rachel raised without her help.

Now, I'm reaping the rewards of teaching them to care for a home, but I hope others will too. There have been a few times when they have gone to a family member's or friend's house to help out, but not often enough. I can see firsthand of how helpful my older girls are to me and I want them to do the same for others.

When we see life getting hard for a friend we should step in and help. Wash her dishes so she can sit down to feed her baby with joy. Sit with her children while she goes to the grocery store alone. Prepare her a meal to serve at her home when she needs it. That's all part of living in a "village".

While Rachel is pregnant with her second child and working on a house, she needs extra help again. We are part of the "village" that she lives in. Our community is our family and church. So many times we have been at their new house and she would mention someone's name that had been over to help for a few hours. What a sweet reward to "living in a village."

Don't you love the story about Solomon asking the people to give of their belongings to build the temple and they gave so freely that he had to ask them to stop giving.

A pastor friend just recently died after a brain tumor. The family was so blessed by meals coming every day that his wife had to ask the meals to slow down, the people were giving too much. In her grief, the community wanted to pour their love on her and surround her with help.

I have to ask myself, have I given so much of myself that someone would consider asking me to stop? That's part of being in the village.

Sure you're going to come across someone that always wants your help. They keep asking and asking, but never seem to return the favors. There's a scripture about that too.

But what I want is for my family to be helping the body of believers that God has placed us in and for them to help me. That's the village that I really want to live in.

Who Happened to the Month of May Anyway?

Wow! What a busy time of the year! Every year I think that May won't be so overwhelming, but it always seems to throw me for a loop. With Mother's Day, end of the school year, graduations, a wedding, and birthdays, we have had a full month of celebrations.

It's funny the things that mark how busy you have been. Today, I found myself washing three loads of delicate clothes. That doesn't include the endless mound of tablecloths, blankets, sheets, and towels or just the regular day-to-day clothes.

I wish you could see her 37 week pregnant belly here.

On Monday morning, I slept until after nine,
only to wake up to Lydia trying to keep Abigail from waking me up. After feeding the girls, I laid down on the sofa for an hour and snuggled with Abigail. She was so glad to have my attention that she kept grabbing me around the neck and telling me sweet things like, "I love you so much, you're my best friend, you're my princess."

Tuesday was my birthday so I purposely avoided the laundry room and kitchen. I sat on the back porch, ate a piece of cake and drank a mocha latte at ten in the morning. I watched the girls shoot bow and arrows and play on the swing set. (When I woke up this morning, I wondered which train wreck went through the house.)

Lydia, likely to be in a tree or shooting arrows.

My tendency isn't to sit and relax. I have to purpose to sit still, but these few days have been nice. God gives His beloved rest, He has given us the example of rest, and we do well to follow that example as much as possible. Sitting on the front porch swing, dangling my feet and feeling the breeze is a good way to relax, remember my creator and count my blessings. It certainly helps me recharge for the days of work ahead.

Susannah knows no fear in the swing!

Looking back through pictures from this past month, I have been counting my blessings. God has provided for us in so many wonderful ways and my heart is full of thanksgiving for my big family, sweet friends and church.

Scheduling Your Days

The last ladies Bible study from Proverbs.

Read Proverbs 31:10-31

I dare say most of you have grown up hearing about the Proverbs 31 lady, real person or not, she is one to emulate. She's the woman who has it all- adoring husband, precious children, beautiful clothes, land, you name it, she has it.

But what about her? A girl could think if I just model my life after her, then I could have it all too, right? Wrong.

After committing these verses to memory ten or fifteen years ago, I wanted to see how they had changed my life. Because that's one reason why we memorize scripture, to change our lives, for the good of course.

I'm a list maker, so I wrote out what my day looked like at the time and examined it next to the Proverbs 31 lady's day.  I know this isn't what she did every day, but it was a pattern. I walked step by step through my day and checked to see if it lined up with scripture. Somewhere on my blog there is the step by step ordering of my day back then.

My days were filled with many of the same things-

• Rising early to cook breakfast- read verse 15
• Walking for exercise- read verse 17
• Dressing my family- verse 21-22 (Scarlett, purple and fine linen)
• Gardening (at the time we had a big garden, but now it's just mostly my flower bed)- verse 16

But I wanted my life to be more than just doing the same things, I wanted it to have the heart change too. There has to be the heart change to go with the lists and schedules. You can't model your days after the Proverbs 31 lady without the heart examination.

Look at her heart-

• Trustworthy- read verse 11
• Does her husband good- read verse 12
• Industrious- read verse 24
• Strength, dignity, laughs at the future( no worry about tomorrow, and a joy in her life)- read verse 25
• Wisdom, kindness- read verse 26
• Takes care of her household, diligent- read verse 27

I want to encourage you to look at your days, consider how you spend them. Examine what you do on a regular basis and ask another godly person to help you look at your days. Are the days spent in vain toil under the sun, are you striving after the wind, do you look like the sluggard? Or are you enjoying the fruit of your hands, are you eating and drinking and finding enjoyment in your toil?

If there is a lack of joy or an abundance of frustrations in your days you need to do some more examining. I know I often to have to reassess my days.

First of all do you know Christ? Is He the One you turn to in praise or in need? Is He the One you want to glorify? Repent and turn from your sin, cry to Him for help.

But if you know Christ as your Savior, you can enjoy life with an above the sun perspective.  Why would we want to do that? Proverbs and all of Scripture is filled with the way to live but also the whys.

Why do we schedule our days according to Scripture?

• Read Proverbs 1:1-4 I want to know wisdom and understanding, receive instruction
• and 1:9- these words are a graceful garland around your neck
• Read verse 2:5-7

This is just the beginning of Proverbs, search the whole Bible to find other reasons why.

The third question of the children's prove it catechism asks why did God make us and all things?

• Read Romans 11:36

This goes back to the question how can you glorify God? Answer: by loving Him and doing what He commands.

• Read Deuteronomy 6:5,6

Verse six goes back to the top of what we are talking about. These words shall be on your heart. Read them, memorize them, study them, model your life by them, schedule your days by them.