Different But Together

Sarah and Lydia

One thing that I think may have been the most damaging to my girls' relationships was to separate some of them into different bedrooms. When Rachel was ten, I let her move to her own bedroom across the hall from Hannah and Sarah. Though she and Hannah are the closest in ages of all of our children, this was the time when I saw the age difference the most. It seemed like a good idea at the time and it was to some degree, but I think it hurt their relationship more than helped. (Not that they have a bad relationship now.)

All girls are different and have different needs. As Christians we all need to live together in harmony. Now that I have six girls, five still living in our home, practically they can't all live in the same room. (Actually they could, but it would be very tight.) Based on ages and personalities, presently they are divided out with the two older girls living together, the fifteen year old alone, and the two younger together.

I gave Hannah and Sarah (ages 23 and 20) the option of their own rooms, but they still wanted to share. So much did they want to share that when we moved them to two rooms in the basement, they chose to have one room for a bedroom and the other for a "dressing room/ office." The before and after pictures tell a huge story in itself!

Everyone needs a little space of their own, but not too much. Sometimes it's difficult to even think with so many around. Each of us are individuals, not just part of a herd.  Their bedrooms were never off limits to the other sisters because of privacy and selfishness. For logical reasons the younger girls weren't allowed in the older girls rooms though. Make up, art supplies, electronics and textbooks are not for a four year old.

Mary and Hannah

It seemed wise to me for each of the girls to have their own private drawers and journals. These were things that no one would ever bother. I have never picked up one of my daughters' journals or notes and read it without asking. They know I have the freedom to and I would immediately if I thought there was reason. Snooping and parenting don't mix. (That's a different post.) It is important that no one intrude on those private thoughts without invitation, sisters included.

But the biggest reason for sisters to share bedrooms is late night secrets, whispers, giggles, pillow fights, counseling sessions happen much more freely when they are together. A bond is sealed when you are with someone at their most vulnerable moments. And who isn't vulnerable when they are sleeping?

Nightmares, sleeping walking, and monsters in the night are easier to carry with a sister by your side. The sleep talk recordings could only happen if their is sister there to film your silliest dreams. And stomach bugs are more endurable if you share them. Well, not really, but it still happens.

If I had a do-over with the three older girls, I would have had them all sleep in the same room. The room across the hall could have been used for a play room, schoolroom, dressing room, whatever the needs were based on their stages in life. I still don't want my fifteen year old in the same room as Abigail because I don't want to fight the issue of art supplies, books and makeup. But Abigail (3) and Lydia (11) share a room and they both love it. Tomorrow? We'll see when that gets here.