A True Friend

Have you ever noticed in social media that when someone is having a fight with another person, they will post all kinds of stuff about it? Maybe they never post a person's name, but they'll share a meme or articles that relate to the fight. Their comments may or may not be intended to jab at the other person, but they want to make it a public, "in your face" remark. This isn't about that. This is just because I noticed recently that I have some really great friends.

We often discuss the definition of a true friend in our home. Having teenage girls means that friends come and go. I have been so grateful that God has blessed my life with the friends that I have. There are no perfect people in the world, but I may have found one friend who gets it pretty close.

L is someone that I can talk to about anything at all. She wants to discuss deep things about our savior, yet she can be silly too.

She's the lady that I can say anything to. She knows my greatest sins, and doesn't pass judgement in the wrong manner. She isn't shocked about my questions about the faith.

She doesn't let me wallow in sin. Because I know she cares about me, I'm not mad when she confronts me. She isn't going to let me gossip or wallow in self pity.

Her advice is applicable to my life. The day she told me, "if you can't worship God in the chaos that God gave you, you need to question who you worship," was life changing.

I don't have to pick up or clean up anything at all when she comes in to my house. And I don't feel the need to apologize for something that I haven't done. I'm completely comfortable with her. The last time she was at my house, she helped me fold five loads of laundry.

Her friendship isn't one-sided. If I go too long without checking on her, she checks on me. Because L understands the grace of God, she is able to freely extend it to me.

How can you be true friend? Only through a relationship with Christ. The only perfect person on earth was Christ. Proverbs 18:24 - A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Christ is that perfect friend.

L is not named because she is also really humble and would be embarrassed.

Put off, put on.

I had complained to Ray that I was tired of picking up his shoes and socks. He didn't typically leave them all over the house, but he did leave them all over the bedroom and bathroom. I was often picking them up and putting them in the closet where they belong.  I didn't want them anywhere besides the closet because I'm clumsy and fall over them; and I'm busy and don't need anything else to pick up. But, the main reason I said anything is because I'm sinful and just don't want to pick up his socks and shoes.

Since I've complained to him, not only does he pick up his socks and shoes, I can't even find a stitch of his dirty clothes anywhere, except the hamper.

It isn't bad that I asked him to pick up his socks and shoes. Husbands and wives can ask questions like that of each other, gracefully. There could be a lesson in communication for me I'm sure.

What is bad is that I let it fester. By the end of many days, I was fuming over how many socks I had picked up. I would be counting and throwing them in the hamper myself, with force, I might add. His office is at home, he comes and goes, and often changes clothes for different tasks. So there might be several socks here and there.

But...

The chapter in The Excellent Wife that the ladies are discussing this week discusses the "Biblical Process of Change". (It's by Martha Peace, page 24)

Ephesians 4:22-24
to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Instead of me fuming about the socks, and becoming an angry Michael Jordan, I should have changed my thinking. I should have put off anger, ...

And I should have put on -

... then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, Colossians 3:12

Last year while we were in Oxford, England I wasn't thinking about picking up socks...

Laundry as a Holy Experience

Speaking of laundry, where did this come from?

I was looking at a mound of laundry before me and made a conscience decision. I could moan and groan or I could spend some time praying. After I started praying quietly, I was surprised at how quickly the time went and I was able to pray for so many things that I wouldn't have normally thought of. There were even some items that needed extra prayer, so I held on to them a little longer than needed. This might be a good exercise to give your children to try while they tackle their own laundry.

Here is just a sample of what I found in my heap and a little of how I prayed for each.

• A stray outfit of Susannah's- prayer for her salvation
• Sarah's Oregon T-shirt that she got on a mission trip- prayer for missions
• Lydia's Minnesota T-shirt - prayer for Adrian's family
• Pajamas - prayer for rest for those who have trouble going to sleep or resting
• Mary's Ocala T-shirt - prayer for our dear friends at Olivet Baptist Church in Ocala
• Lydia's Nanny T-shirt - prayer that we remember our heritage and the faith of those gone before us
• My jeans - prayer that my day to day walk with God would honor Him
• Dish towels - prayer that we would clean to bring order to our world
• Sarah's Spartan race T-shirt - prayer that she would be able to get back to exercising and be strong and healthy
• Baby towels - prayer that God would always bless our homes with babies
• Jeans that are too little and socks with holes - prayer for provision of new clothes when we need them, and that we would buy what we need, not frivolous
• Hannah's teaching clothes - prayers for her classroom, students, attitude, strength, wisdom, school
• Stray towel left by a friend that visited - prayers for that family 
• Cloth napkins - provision for food, service to our family and others
• The dress Hannah wore to a wedding shower - obvious prayers there
• Mounds of underclothing from five daughters bring lots of ways to pray for modesty,  good health, protection from evil, future husbands

I'm Not a Clean Freak...Really, I'm Not

There may be a problem with me. I'm not a "clean freak," even though my daughter over heard someone tell another person that I was. But I do feel really accomplished if I clean my house every week, not like everything is sanitary and sparkling, but wiped down and somewhat picked up.

It's always in the back of my mind if I haven't changed my sheets or there is a ring around my bath tub. I'm not talking about the stack of books that we are reading or the basket of toys dumped from a little one, that's all just life happening. I just love to get to do my Saturday cleaning.

I don't know why I'm this way, but maybe-

• It's the thought of a ninety year old woman, bent double still cleaning houses to make a living (she worked for my mom for years when I was a teenager)
• It's the years of design school that taught me that appearance is everything (I know, not true)
• It's because I stumble and trip over anything on the floor, especially shoes
• It's the knowledge that God is a God of order and it is good for things to be orderly

I have come a long ways. This morning I brushed aside the crumbs from the table cloth and out of the seat in the chair to have my quiet time. There was a time not too many years ago that I wouldn't have been able to even sit in that room, much less been able to read my Bible with such a mess. I would try to leave one room picked up before I went to bed every night so that I could have a spot to read my Bible with out going on a ridiculous straightening frenzy.

I have a friend who posted about how thrilled she was to have just spent three hours gardening. My first thought was to announce how excited I was that I just spent three hours cleaning the garage, actually, I was a little giddy. If you had seen how dirty it was you would totally understand. But what is it that makes me so beside myself to get something clean?

When my family came home from a fun day out all day long, I actually had them take a trip to the garage so that I could show them all my hard work. There was the obligatory oohs and aahs, then life went on, but I'm going to sleep tonight knowing that all of the coolers in my garage have been scrubbed today.

Yea.... I may have a problem.

Now, reading this, a person could get the idea that our home is spotless, it isn't. The dust bunnies in the dining room do not make up for a mopped garage floor. I'll tackle those little monsters another day.

Margin is...

• frozen waffles for breakfast instead of homemade muffins. Because let's face it, it takes longer to dress baby dolls than a two year old, especially when your two year old is helping.
• not vacuuming the house for a few weeks while I spend extra time at my oldest daughter's new home, helping her get set up to her own new house.
• leaving dishes in the sink when your two year old says, "let's snuggle mommy."

I stopped right in the middle of cooking supper and let Abigail brush my hair.

• being content with the same old hairstyle instead of taking the time to get it cut.
• putting up the Valentine's decorations, even though the Snow Village is still out.
• skipping the blog for more days than I had planned.
• a tea party before you go to Kroger.
• skipping homeschool for the morning to go to breakfast with girls that grow up too fast.
• deciding that a sleep over at the cousins' house is more important than a school day (this time).

I know that I am still over scheduling and making wrong decisions about time, but I also know my heart is beginning to follow what I know is right. I must stop over scheduling my family! I have to leave room for rest, creativity and growth. (And snuggling!)

Stress Free Holiday....

Hahahahaha.... I'm still laughing. But not really. I purposed at the beginning of the season to remain as stress free as possible, and there was less stress. I planned to do things like

• take a frozen lasagna to Christmas supper at Nana's house
• skip blogging every two days
• shop online more than I would like
• not change my sheets every week (gasp!)
• make an easy Christmas Day lunch 
• let the dust bunnies live a little longer
• I even left a stripe of red velvet cake scraped across the floor for so long that it actually wore off! (Now that's just gross! I have to mop my house.)

But there were a few glitches. You know those well laid plans?

A couple of weeks ago, when I picked up Mary from a friend's house, they were all still in their pajamas sitting at the kitchen table playing a game. And, shocking as it was, it was around eleven o'clock in the morning. The way I keep my schedule so tight it is very rare for me to still be in my pajamas that late in the day unless it was a cleaning day and then I would probably still have changed to different clothes. At that point, I made it a goal to have at least one morning that I stayed in my pajamas and played with the girls, just played, no other agenda.

The morning I chose was a day when Mary and Lydia had friends over, I planned to make a pancake Christmas trees and paint nails, but most of all, stay in my pajamas and not be stressed. As it turned out, Abigail decided that was the day that she would give meaning to the "terrible twos." The pancake tower of Christmas trees looked more like deformed snow flakes. Everyone got their nails painted but I broke a brand new bottle of sparkly glitter nail polish in my hands and ruined mine. Abigail ended up getting several spankings and I was reduced to a bumbling mess and gave meaning to the "mean mother."

In God's sovereignty, He placed very helpful and understanding older girls in my home. Hannah dropped off the friends, took Mary and Lydia shopping and I put Abigail down for a long nap. Then I hid in my room with a cup of coffee to unwind. The afternoon turned out much better and I remembered yet again, that my life isn't going to be calm and quiet.

There is always noise and activity, but I can worship God, enjoy my family and serve others in the midst of it all. Some of my well laid plans fell through and I got stressed a few times, but my attitude toward it all was better.

The dust bunnies are still growing but they seem to be a little friendlier these days.

Proverbs 31:10-31

I have been wanting to do this project for a very long time, but for many reasons kept putting it off. There never seemed to be enough time to get the wall perfectly ready or the room cleaned out enough. I decided to move everything out and just go for it. The laundry room had become a dumping ground for us all. I put everything that didn't have a good home out into the garage and haven't missed it. Since I painted the wall, no one seems to want to put anything against it and we've even had some days of folding clothes in the there. (Imagine that!) I used a Sharpie paint pen and a ruler to keep myself in line and wrote the verses free hand. I have a few mistakes but I'm not going to point them out to you. You'll have to come fold clothes to see if you can find them yourself.

The picture on the right is where Abigail put her really cute sparkly silver shoes in the laundry room next to the other girls' boots and yard shoes. 

It's the thought that counts, right? Wrong!

Consider our lunch conversation:

Sarah - "If everyone would be considerate and load their own dishes after every meal, dishes would be so easy." 

Me - "Imagine what our house would look like if everyone were considerate in every room. Speaking of chores, Mary did you change the laundry?" 

Mary - "Ohh noo! I forgot, I was going to, I told Lydia to watch Abigail while I went to do it.....and ..... I never did it. But I thought about it, it's the thought that counts, right?" 

Me - "That thought didn't get the laundry changed." 

Hannah - "No. This guy told me that the other day, he drove by me at school and thought about picking me up. Then he said, 'it's the thought that counts, right?' I told him, 'No, because I still had to walk up the long hill.'"

So if you think about doing something, do it. (You know that I mean good and reasonable things. I'm not advocating drugs, crime or other sin.) It doesn't encourage my friend if all I ever do is think about calling her, I need to actually call.  If all you ever do is think, them you've done nothing.

Why Do We Do Chores?

While trying to update our chores list for the next semester, I asked the girls about why we do chores. I thought some of their responses were pretty good so I included the better ones on their list. Maybe, as they go through the list and do their duties, they might remember why they are actually doing what they do. I'm interested in how other families divide up chores and often ask children who visit here how they help out at home. 

Following is a copy of what our newest list looks like. This time the list includes the extra weekly chores that when/if there were to be an extra moment, I can point to that for someone to do. Nothing gets done every week but hopefully it will get hit at or done every once in a while.

Why do we do chores?

-To work heartily unto the Lord

-God is a God of order

-To learn to be a Proverbs 31 lady

-To honor father and mother

-To not become a sluggard

-To set a good example before others

Monday

-laundry- Sarah / Hannah

- dishes-unload: Mary

                  Load: Lydia

                  Clean, cook: Sarah

- sweep- Lydia

- trash- Mary

- pick up everywhere- Sarah

-pets- Mary

-extra- appliances, turtle tank, wash & vacuum cars

Tuesday

-laundry- Mary / Hannah

dishes-unload: Lydia

              Load: Sarah

               Clean, cook: Mary

- sweep - Mary

- trash- Sarah

- pick up everywhere- Lydia

- pets- Lydia

-extra- sheets, fish tank, garage

Wednesday

-laundry- Rachel

-dishes- unload: Sarah

                  Load: Mary

                  Clean, cook: Lydia

- sweep- Sarah

- trash- Lydia

- pick up everywhere- Mary

- pets- Sarah

- extra- master bath, downstairs

Thursday

-laundry- Sarah / Hannah

- dishes-unload: Mary

                  Load: Lydia

                  Clean, cook: Sarah

- sweep- Lydia

- trash- Mary

- pick up everywhere- Sarah

-pets- Mary

- extra- hall bath, cabinets

Friday

-laundry- Mary / Hannah

dishes-unload: Lydia

              Load: Sarah

               Clean, cook: Mary

- sweep - Mary

- trash- Sarah

- pick up everywhere- Lydia

- pets- Lydia - extra - M/Ly bath, clean laundry room, bedrooms

Saturday

-laundry- Lydia / Hannah

-dishes- unload: Sarah

                  Load: Mary

                  Clean, cook: Lydia

- sweep- Sarah

- trash- Lydia

- pick up everywhere- Mary

- pets- Sarah

-extra- mop, dust & vacuum LR, DR, bedrooms, iron, check on windows, baseboards, door frames

Completely, Immediately, Cheerfully

I keep trying to write this blog - something keeps stopping me. Maybe it's a fourteen month old that hasn't quite learned this concept. Do your children know it? My older ones know it, but sometimes it doesn't seem like they do. What is it? Obedience, of course. Any time you make a request or give a command this should be the response you and I get from our children. Notice I said, should be. Because we live in a fallen world, this isn't the response we always get. How does it even happen?

Completely
First of all, get started. Start training now. I know that to get Abigail to pick up her toys at four years old, I will have to have her pick them up now, with me helping of course. But she will have to pick up every one, every time. I can't let her leave them to go take a nap without her quickly getting the message that picking up her toys is an option - sometimes, pick them up, sometimes not. I know fourteen months old is young to expect her to pick up all of her toys, but she is the one who pulled them out right? I'm not so unreasonable as to know that babies can't always pick up, but the point is that when she works with me now, she'll be able to do it later. I am convinced that consistency is key!

Immediately
I heard a story years ago of a dad who trained his daughter to obey him by the time he counted to three.  He would tell her to do something then say, "One, two, ....." This dad told of a time that his child was running across their yard and a power line had just fallen. The dad realizing what had happened starting yelling for the child to stop. In his own words, the child didn't take him seriously and didn't stop. Well, the result was tragic and the story has stuck in my mind. Children must obey immediately. I have said to the girls, "If that had been a snake, you'd have been bit." Meaning - they didn't obey quickly enough.

Cheerfully
Do you know what your child's face looks like when she isn't happy? I know there are some kids who can pull off the fake smile for a while, but most parents can tell when their child isn't thrilled about something. I would say, the least thrilling thing I've asked the girls to do lately is go out on the coldest morning of the year to take a lot of boxes to the road to be picked up by the garbage truck. Of the four girls that went, I got every response possible, well.... not every response possible, but four different ones. The first one out the door went so fast that she didn't even hear all of the instructions. The second one went shivering and chattering but very quickly too. The third one out never said a word, but went about the job obediently and immediately, her face set in a resolve to get it done as quickly as she could. The fourth child dragged around, groaned and moaned and waited so long that the first one out told her to go back inside that she would take care of her part. Now, in this instance, the first child out the door accomplished "completely, immediately, cheerfully" better than I could have asked her to.  I wish I could have bottled up the way she was running up and down the drive way picking up boxes that were dropped. I could market it to parents to sell as 'cheerful obedience' in a bottle. As an aside, I must note that the first girl out is a morning person, and the fourth one out had very sore muscles from canoeing. But that shouldn't matter in cheerful obedience. Our child's heart should be so happy to obey that she exudes cheerfulness even when the job is not pleasant.

Once children know the joys of obedience, their hearts can obey with cheerfulness. What are the joys of obedience? I think I'll ask my girls to see what they think.

In the meantime, I need to do some training. Abigail's toys are spread out all over my bedroom and the kitchen, while she is busily unloading the clothes hamper. I am a long ways from all of my girls obeying completely, immediately, and cheerfully, and that reveals my lack of training and consistency as much as it reveals their disobedience.

Two Days in Our Life With A Corn Patch

While all of the other girls were at Nana's house and camp, guess what happened? The corn got ready, and you know, corn doesn't wait for extra helpers to come home.  So Ray pulled and shucked very early in the mornings and Rachel and I worked all day putting it up.  I wish I knew how many ears we did but with no little girls helping and Abigail not helping, I'm glad to get these pictures.

Because Ray does such a good job with the shucks and silks, washing is the easy job.

Rachel worked best with the corn cutting tool, but I couldn't figure it out and just cut myself. I had to use a small paring knife.

This part of the process always reminds me of when my mom and aunts use to work together filling freezers. I'm afraid I wasn't as much help as I should have been back then.

Done!

And on to the butter peas. We put ten jars of salsa and are in the process of a bushel of butter peas. And yes, I have a bleeding callous right now form shelling.

This is what it looks like to do laundry with Abigail. I only wish I had taken this picture of all of the other girls. Every one of them loved to ride and sit in the basket with the clothes.

Managing Your Home

Women are often called home managers, they are in charge of taking care of the home. That may look different for some women than others but there will be some basic similarities. One of those is to keep your home clean. I don't mean white glove clean, but clean. There should never be long periods of time with things growing in the toilet and trash overflowing. We have to discipline ourselves to take care of that which God has given us. Our house is kind of big, not huge, just big enough to hold our family, and it takes a while to get it clean. I don't know of a time when the entire house was completely clean from top to bottom, but a general picture of orderliness and safety is a must. As I type I'm reminded of the nights I've pushed through the girls' rooms to make a clear path to the door. After all, how would they get out if there was a fire. That isn't often, but it does happen.

I don't think it's a secret I like for the beds to be made at my house. The whole bedroom looks better if the bed is made and it's a good discipline to have. The idea of good habits in house cleaning gets your house in a good general order and it never gets completely out of hand. (... like mine did recently) Women have so many conveniences to keep a house in order that it seems I should do better about keeping clean. I don't have to hand wash all of our clothes or draw water up from a well. I can load a dishwasher, fill up my giant capacity washer and dryer and guide my vacuum around the house. I just have to discipline myself to do those things. It would be easy for me to get up from the table and say, "I'll do those dishes later." But what really happens is that the later it gets, the more tired I get and ... I wait till morning. Then I have a mess for the new day.

With a baby in the house now, I'm reminded that cleaning isn't always as simple as I make it out. A mom may not be able to jump up after every meal and do the dishes. I know that there are some meals that a mom never even actually gets to sit down. I remember those days too. The days of having many small children are hard physically. A mom might have to wait a few years to have the entire house clean at the same time. She may have to settle with short bursts of clean. She may not be able to plan gourmet meals for a while, hamburgers and spaghetti will be sufficient.  The days of having little ones every where go by quickly. Don't be afraid to take all the shortcuts you can. Clean the sink and toilet while they are in the bathtub. Let them sit in one side of the sink while you wash veggies and dishes. Rachel remembers sitting on the side of the sink with her feet in the soapy water. All of my babies have ridden in the laundry hamper to take the clothes from the dryer to the sofa, and they LOVE "helping" like that. Give them their own small brooms and wet cloths to help with. And remember that the days they use cooking oil to mop the kitchen will pass by quickly. Take lots of pictures and smile. (In case you're wondering, this picture of Abigail doesn't show an unclean floor. It shows life with a baby in the house! Let your children LIVE in the house too.)

As your children grow, give them responsibilities to help you. They need to learn good disciplines and to be orderly too. A comforter and pillow make the bed easy for your little one to make. And if they can pull a toy out, they can put it away. Insist on it, or you'll be picking it up for them. Habits like that give them the impression that they are in charge and you are their servant. Gradually add to their jobs as soon as possible. You'd be surprised at how young children can really help take care of themselves and the home. Sarah would stand on a stool at three years old to unload part of the dishwasher. Our girls have had all kinds of chores and we switch them up regularly to keep them learning.

I know that being a home manager doesn't mean your house is spotless. There are a lot of things that go into home management, but it's a start. Writing this may also give the impression that my house is always clean. It isn't! Sometimes it's really embarrassing. But we are a work in progress and it is better than it was. As I grow with my family, I am able to figure out ways to make things a little easier. So stop by anytime, and I'll try really hard not to apologize for whatever I haven't cleaned up.

We were created to work. Work was instituted before sin entered into the world and we will work for God's glory into eternity. The more I think about that the more I am encouraged in my work here at home. I have been talking to the girls about this a lot. (You know I am finally teaching the younger ones to do chores.) Our dishwasher broke so that makes the kitchen work a little more not-so-fun. After a major dishwashing marathon Mary, who our most contemplative child, said, "I don't think chores or washing dishes is so bad. When you think about it, it's kind of fun." Wow! Thank you God for a moment of seeing that sometimes what we teach our children really does sink in.

It was time to teach the younger girls to do chores. Because we have three older daughters, I had gotten slack about having the younger ones help enough. Sarah was determined not to be the only kid in the house who knew how to load the dishwasher. The moment Rachel and Hannah left for the summer, Sarah set about to teach Mary and Lydia how to do chores. My favorite line of the first week of summer was, "Mary, you may have to get your hands dirty if you're going to learn how to do the dishes." I am proud to announce that everyone now knows how. Now that knowledge has been accomplished, what about the desire?

You know it's time to give your six year old more chores when she says, "I just don't know where my shorts went, they just haven't appeared in my closet."

Great Day!

On Saturday, we were expecting to be snowed in and I had planned the day of cleaning and hanging around the house. I was pleasantly surprised when Ray told me some friends from out of town were coming to take us to supper and talk for a while. The girls all got busy and worked on their chores and helped me get the house cleaning that I wanted done. When they finished they asked for other ways they could help. I heard (almost) no complaining and no bickering! There was such peace in the house that when our friends were visiting we all decided to stay home to eat supper. The girls joined us in conversation part of the time and played on their own part of the time, while we sat by the fire and talked. Later in the evening I had to stop and thank God for such a relaxing and enjoyable day. I couldn't think of a better way to spend a day at home!

Lydia's Idea of Chores

Rachel sent Lydia to get started on the clothes. This is what she found when she got there.