It Is Not Death To Die - Sovereign Grace

It's hard not to be moved at the pageantry of a full military funeral. The colors, the symbolism, the honor caused my heart to swell in gratitude. Even the very aged soldiers who were preforming the ceremony made me proud. I kept wondering why I couldn't hold myself together. Mr. Alonso was a kind-hearted, Korean War combat veteran with numerous medals, but I barely knew him. Then I realized, he and everyone of these men offered up their lives to die for my freedom and the freedom of our country. He was willing to die.

The next day, as I continued listening through John Piper's sermons, I came across the sermon entitled "Let the Nations Be Glad." I almost skipped it because I know the message and that God hasn't called me to leave my home to pursue full time missions to another culture. I was thinking, "Oh that sermon isn't for me." But for some reason, I listened. At the end of the sermon, I was fighting tears again. Why was I so emotional? Piper asked those in his audience who were called to full time cross-cultural missions to stand. I realized at that moment that those people were pledging to lay down their lives, their homes, their comforts to tell others the Good News. They were giving their very lives to share Christ. They were willing to die.

What is that like? What is my life? Do I give my life for any noble cause? If I don't lay down myself for the cause of Christ, then my life is wasted. Laying my life down doesn't look the same as war veterans or missionaries to Africa. But it should look differently from the lost world around me.

I'm a stay-at-home wife and mom who homeschools. That may look easy to those who've not looked at it closely and it requires a lot of me laying down my life for others. A  conference asking me to stand for everyone to clap for my service will not be necessary. A funeral where my coffin is draped in a flag won't happen either. But, I hope that in the end of my life, someone will be moved by my example to know that dying to serve others is a life well lived. I am willing to die.

Do You Feel Peace?

The following was written by a young woman and sent to me to share with others. It's a message that our self-help, feel-good society needs to hear.

A rare view from our living room window recently. 

I have peace. I do not feel peace. I have peace because Jesus lives in me. This does not mean that I always experience peace. I don't. But Jesus is peace and I have Him and He is enough-even when I don't feel peaceful. One day we will experience the feeling of peace, but that day may not be today. I've been told so many times that if you don't "feel a peace about it" then it's not God's will. Or as a true Christian you will feel peaceful even in suffering. Or that if you pray then God will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding. I believe you have hope in the midst of suffering; I believe you have peace (Jesus) but I don't believe that you always feel peace in it. 

Hearing these thing made me feel like a bad Christian or not a Christian at all. What was everyone else doing that I wasn't feeling this peace? I prayed all the time, yet I still felt stress. Then, the pursuit of peacefulness and feeling good became my idol. Finally someone told me, stop worrying about that feeling and just pursue God. Embrace Him no matter how you feel. 

Jesus is the prince of peace. He didn't live in turmoil. But, when Jesus went to die on the cross, I don't think He felt a peace about it. He was sweating blood. He suffered anguish (Luke 22:44). Yet, He obeyed the will of the Father. Sometimes you won't feel a peace. You may be called to give your life away. That doesn't always feel good. I feel like in my job I serve all day long. I love my job, but it doesn't always feel good. It feels exhausting. But I know that the Bible calls me to serve. I will continue to serve regardless the risk and regardless how much peace it brings me. 

So here's my confession. I often don't feel peaceful. But I do know that God has called me as His child and Christ took the punishment for my sins and Christ rose again. Because of this I have the living Jesus alive in me. He is my peace and even if I never feel peaceful, He is enough. 

No doubt you are, or you know a person, who struggles with anxiety or over thinkers or even someone who is really sensitive to all the pain in the world. There are benefits for those people. They are often very compassionate, very aware, servant hearted, and very gentle. However, in my experience, they very rarely feel peace. Sometimes they feel a lot of darkness because they can't stop noticing all the pain. They help people a lot but the pain seeps into their mind and it can be very dark. Know this, it takes one light to break darkness. 

Think of the most compassionate person you know. Compassion is painful and that person may feel a lot of darkness and little peacefulness. You can be that one light to break through their darkness. Show them some of the sensitivity that they have shown you. I have found light in something someone says to me or in a song or in a book. That song or person or book can put me back on track when I start to fall apart. But, no matter how much you care, you are human and you can not be a perfect light. 

Jesus is light and He is a perfect light. That's why I cling so hard to the promise that Jesus lives in me and won't stop living in me no matter how much darkness I allow in. He is light and He is peace and that is enough to give me hope even in my darkest moments. And when God looks at me, He doesn't see my sin. He sees Jesus in all of His perfection. That is what picks me up off the floor after I've been throwing up, gets my weak body showered and takes me to work, allowing me to serve all day. I haven't felt the peace that surpasses all understanding a lot, but I have felt a strength that surpasses understanding very often. Notice what God is doing for you and thank Him for that. Realize what He has done for you and embrace that as being enough. 

All this is not to say that it's okay to be living in darkness and anxiety. It's not. It's painful and no one should. I can't lie to you and give you eight steps to live a stress free. I'm not sure how to make it stop. I've tried everything that people say and there is still often this mental turmoil that I can't shake. There is still a lot of dark times. There are times when it feels like my mind is twisted up and screaming even though there is a smile on my face. I look for any bit of relief I can get in the moment. 

I've kind of stopped pursuing that peaceful feeling. Instead, I've embraced the fact that Jesus is a light in my dark mind and that He offers me hope that one day in heaven there will be no darkness and fullness of peacefulness. In Him, I will wait. I will grow weary, I will be stressed out, I will have panic attacks, I will fall into depression, I will look for relief in sinful places, I will fail. Thankfully, my assurance is not in my abilities but in His strength. Thankfully, "even the dark is light to Him" (Psalm 139:12). I will wait and I will hope in Him regardless how I feel. 

And I will stop condemning myself. If you are a struggling with anxiety, if you feel like a second rate Christian, if you're praying but not feeling peaceful, know this: "God is not disappointed in you. Because what disappointment means is that there are unmet expectations. God had no unmet expectations about you. All the expectations for righteousness and for your debt have been fulfilled in Jesus." (Elyse Fitzpatrick) 

One Star, One Child, One Night

In all of history, there has never been a star like the star. 

When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. 

Matthew 2:10

In all of the billions of babies born, there has never been born the Son of God.

 And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true; and we are in him who is true, in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. 

I John 5:20 

Except this one night. 

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

Luke 2:11

This night in history, a star appeared. And a baby was born, the one child, on this one night.

I am in awe.

I painted these canvases to give as gifts last year with this saying on them. I hope that they are received as what they are - not a work of art, but a reminder to worship the One True God who gave His Only Son on this one night in history.

Merry Christmas from the Rhodes Family

It's Not Cliche'

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

My sweet friend Natalie just gave birth to her fifth baby. (The baby is absolutely beautiful, named after Natalie's best friend, Sarah Michelle, who died last year from cancer.)

But the point of this isn't about her newest great joy. It's about my failure to do as God leads me.

During her labor, the verse that I kept thinking of to pray for Natalie was Philippians 4:13. I kept praying that God would give her strength through her faith in Him. I didn't text the verse to her because it seemed so cliche'. Of course, that's what everyone would say. But the thing about it - It's a great verse! 

Recently, I read the passage that was leading up to this verse. It's all about Paul telling the Philippians how he is able to survive all that he went through to share the gospel.  And then he explains how God will give others the strength to do what they need to do.

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

God gives us the strength that we need to do all of the things that he calls us to do.

Too often our "Pinterest" society takes one verse here and there to use haphazardly.  We don't get to fully enjoy the context because it's thrown around too easily. This is a reminder to me to use the Word of God carefully, but also not to neglect sharing it with others. It's not cliche' to give out God's Word.

He Is With You

No matter where He sends, He goes too!

The September 27 reading from the New Morning Mercies devotional book by Paul Tripp was so encouraging. This book speaks the Gospel in a way that applies to our lives right now.

"Hope for Moses's success is not to be found in his personal strength and wisdom, but in the expansive glory of the One who sent him. Remember today that when God sends, He goes too!" - Tripp

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8 (emphasis mine)  Moses knew from experience. He had been dismayed. He knew Joshua would be too.

Have you ever been dismayed? The Dictionary.com definition of dismay is to break down the courage of completely, as by sudden danger or trouble; dishearten thoroughly; daunt.

When we are called to do something that seems unpleasant or painful, something that we know will not be fun or encouraging or even something daunting, Deuteronomy 31:8 is helpful. When we remember that God goes with us, before us, we don't have to fear. He will not leave us or forsake us. He is literally with us in every way - physically, spiritually, emotionally. There is no need to be dismayed.

Choices Will be Made

By not choosing one or the other, you've made a choice. If you don't choose right away the choice will pass you by.

What's the best choice here? Both are ice cream, both are delicious, both are whatever you prefer. But you are faced with two choices, Neapolitan or rainbow sherbet. You must choose one of those, or a mixture of those.

Or is that so? If you don't choose either, you've made another choice. The delay in choosing is a choice itself. Considering ice cream, if you don't choose quickly, the choice ends up melted all over the place. So, make the choice and enjoy the decision.

What about dresses? Consider which one would be appropriate for the occasion and get dressed. You can't not wear something, so you must make a choice. You can't stand there all day undressed, nor can you go anywhere like that. (Unless you live in a nudist colony, which there is an option about ten miles from here.)

What about the choice to witness to your neighbor or someone you run in to at the store? Do you speak words of Christ to a lost person or do you wait again and let the opportunity to melt away?

I am so guilty of avoiding decisions that need to be made. I don't like to choose because I don't want to be responsible for any bad decision that may come about. Also, I don't want to offend anyone or stir up controversy.

But the decision to witness has to be made, and it has to be made quickly. Actually, the decision should be made before the opportunity arises. As Christians, we have to be ready at all times to answer questions about the hope within us or speak Jesus' name to a lost world.

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.  I Peter 3:15 (emphasis mine)

Am I ready to make a defense for the gospel? Am I ready to answer anyone who would ask the reason for the hope which is within me?  Will I choose to share with those I'll see tomorrow when I go to the grocery store?

The Heart of Rebellion

How do we keep our children's hearts from rebelling? There no guarantees.

We have three adult daughters and three more in different stages of growth. Rachel is married with three children; no rebellion there. Hannah is a first grade teacher at a Christian school, lives at home, getting her masters degree; no rebellion there. Sarah is enrolled at a technical college, lives at home, looking forward to her career; no rebellion there.

I often think with the number of children we have, chances are that some of them will rebel. Good thing we don't live our lives based on chances. God is sovereign over all. He uses circumstances to bring about His will. In His grace to our family we have no rebellion - yet.

Or do we?

Every time a child rolls her eyes or pouts or stomps her foot, she has rebelled. But that also makes parents rebellious doesn't it? How many times have we pouted, stomped our foot, or rolled our eyes? (If it's done in the heart, it's been done.) I am often thankful that no one around me can see me stomping my foot in my heart.

Our children have a special gift of revealing our own sin. They learned so much of what they do from us. Disrespect, bad attitude, discontent, anger, disregard for others are all sins that I have passed on to my girls. Some days, I wish I hadn't been such a good teacher.

One thing I know is that if the most godly person in the world had raised my children, they would still be sinners. Romans 3:23 says that we have all sinned. We are sinners by nature and by choice. We have rebellious hearts that want to sin.

By God's grace, He has provided a way of forgiveness through Christ.  While there is no special formula to keep our children's hearts from rebellion on this earth, we know that God is faithful to forgive those who call on Him.

(Someone gave us tickets to Cirque du Soleil where these pictures were taken.)

Questions

Mommy, have I sinned today?

Are we going to go to heaven?

Can we pray right now?

The questions of my littlest ones never cease to amaze me. Abigail was sitting on my bed and doing some real thinking and shooting questions out with both barrels. I didn't jump up and make her pray the "sinner's prayer." But, I did pray that Jesus truly would save her from her sins, give her an abundant Christian life and bring her to heaven when He does take her home. I am reminded again the importance of memorizing Scripture.

2 Timothy 4:2 ...be ready in season and out of season...

Joshua 4:21-22 ...when your children ask... then you shall let your children know...

Revitalizing Bible Study

My Bible studies seem to go in seasons.

The cycles include things like - reading through the Bible in a year, chronological reading, in-depth study of one book, or devotional reading (usually during the busiest months). This past December, I was feeling discouraged and a little too laissez-faire about my Bible study/devotional time.

For Christmas, I received a copy of Paul Tripp's New Morning Mercies devotional book. It seems to speak the gospel in devotional bits to me every day.  I know that the gospel isn't about me, but about Christ. The devotions deliver the gospel as it relates to every day life, then add scripture to read. Every day's scripture readings include selections that I think, "Oh, I should add this to my list of scripture to memorize and meditate on."

The Praying The Bible concept is still as refreshing as I had hoped it would be. I am not recommending we abandon Bible study, but sometimes, we need a fresh breath. I can't wait to finish the that our ladies are reading together, Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin.

Remember my sin issue of being easily irritated? I was thinking about one of those irritating habits my dear husband has - laundry. He doesn't always put his dirty clothes where I think he should. I haven't asked him to put his clothes somewhere special, just put them in the hamper. He's smart, he can see a hamper for dirty clothes. It isn't hidden away, he just can't always seem to ring it. He isn't sinning against me, sometimes, he just doesn't put his clothes where I want.

I can choose to let that make me mad. I can let that fester into a raging blister that gnaws at me - he doesn't care about me, I have so much work to do, he doesn't respect my job, he wants me to have more work to do, he doesn't love me, he wants to hurt me, etc. Do you see how easy it is for me to sin against him over something as ridiculous as dirty socks?

Even airing his dirty laundry here (pun intended) may give rise to my sinful heart. I have to turn from this train of thought and repent.

Don't we all have a way to do things? And isn't it the right way to do that thing? Whether it's laundry, dishes, filing, cutting the grass, cutting nails, reading a book, anything can be said that there is a certain way to do things.

Whose way is correct? It doesn't matter. What matters is our attitude. Look at what the Bible says about those we claim to love -

It does not insist on its on way: it is not irritable or resentful. I Corinthians 13:5

So when we are easily irritated by someone we love doing something we think should be done a different we we need to remember Scripture - 

...bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3 

Now I could roll out a list a mile long of things my husband does that is irritating. And my daughters... well let's just say the same goes double for them. But I love them, I love them more than I can explain. Because the Bible is where I get definitions of how I should live, I Corinthians 13 is key. 

I have read all of that chapter, especially verse four. Love is not arrogant either. In my arrogance, I could think that I'm not irritating or insist on my own way. We are all in need of the same love that we need to give. More on that later....

One thing I dearly love about my husband is how he loves the children. And he makes awesome pancakes!

What Sin Is So Great That Can't Be Forgiven?

What about my own sin in marriage? Do you remember, as a Christian, the moment that you realized that you were truly forgiven of your sins?

Have you ever examined the blackness of your heart and seen the forgiveness of Christ cover that? I heard a lady talk about how one day she begged God to show her the blackness of her sin. She described a truly awful moment of evil within her own heart, and yet, by her own admission, she still goes back to sin again.

 All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23 

She still falls into sin because she does what we all do - we sin. We are sinners by nature and we need a savior.  We love to sin, we hate to sin, we sin. Because I am a sinner, my marriage will suffer. I married a sinner too. If I continue in my sinful ways, whatever way that is, my marriage will not flourish.

This could get very depressing couldn't it?  If there were no hope of forgiveness for the dark deeds of life, there would be no hope in life at all.  I don't understand how non-Christians live day after day with that.

My mind, heart, words and body must focus on the work of Christ and what He has done to rescue me.  So, as I battle a bad attitude toward Ray or a lack of focus on my husband, I have to remember Christ and repent.

What about those big sins? The good news is that no matter what sin we have committed, Christ can forgive us.

The stories in the news of suicide shake me. Most recently, a pastor we knew and respected committed suicide. What man's sin is so great that it can't be forgiven by Christ and his people? This particular man had a long history of sin and was about to be exposed. (I know there must be consequences to sin, but forgiveness is possible.)

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

How does that transfer into marriage? Husbands and wives often sin against each other and sometimes those sins are huge. We have to remember that while we ourselves were sinners, Christ died for us. If the Holy One of God can forgive us in our blackest hearts, can't we forgive our spouses? Not only we can, but we must. 

Someone might say, "That's easy for you to say, your husband hasn't abused you or committed adultery or anything really 'big'." That's true, but I know the Savior who saves. The forgiveness He offers can flow through me. 

Now, if in the future I am faced with one of those "big" sin issues. I will have to face the reality of that truth. There will be hurt, anger, and every terrible emotion to be thought of I'm sure. But I will have to ask myself the same question, "What sin is so great that can't be forgiven?"

The Gospel in Marriage

Maybe I don't write much about marriage because I feel so far from qualified. Ray and I have been married for over twenty-seven years and yet sometimes I feel like we are in our first year again. You know the first year? Everything is great one moment, but the next you are wondering who you are living with.

That's my knee jerk reaction too, "Who are you?" It's easy to jump to the fact that my husband has done something to bother me and the snowball effect begins. It would be easy for me to pile on all that he does that irritates/insults/hurts/offends me. He's human right? Just writing this, my mind begins to think of things that I could accuse him of.

Hopefully, at this point in this post, it's clear who the real sinner is in my marriage. My pride and self preservation rises it's ugly head and doesn't want to admit my own sinfulness. Yes, he has upset me and sinned against me in the past. But my response is my responsibility.

It would be easy way for me to think the way the world does. When Ray and I got married, divorce was a common solution to problems in my family. We made a commitment that the word would never be allowed in our thoughts or discussions. It would never be an option.

So I have had to come to another way to solve any problems we might have. The gospel is the only answer. Because Christ came to live a righteous life, die on the cross to save me from sins and reigns in Heaven now, I can apply that to my life. The gospel is key to making my marriage great.

How does the gospel work beyond getting me saved from Hell? Knowing what Christ has done gives me the correct response to my husband and any way he might sin against me.

• When Ray doesn't put me first? - Christ did, he died on the cross for me.
• When he doesn't pick up after himself?- Christ lowered himself to serve in the most humiliating way.
• When Ray doesn't give me what I want?- What do I deserve?

My whole being cannot be wrapped up in how I am treated in our marriage. It has to be based on the gospel. Because of Christ, I can forgive his imperfections and realize that I'm the greater sinner.

The times in our marriage that we have felt disconnected/unhappy/bored have been hard. I have wondered if I could stand it until things were right again. Every one of those times there has been a sin issue on my part as well as Ray's. When I have examined my heart and we have discussed the issues, I can see my own pride, selfishness and unwillingness to forgive prevalent.

Because of the gospel, I can repent and our marriage can be restored to better than before.

I apologized to my friend for not getting to the prayer meeting and her response was so gracious, "That's okay, there were no expectations." 

I want to serve in so many ways, add to that all the ways others think I should serve then I am overwhelmed. I cannot do it all.  I know this, and yet, I still put unreasonable expectations on myself.

Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot. Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil—this is the gift of God.  For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart. Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 (emphasis mine)

How would that transform your day? One battle with joy, is that we think we have to "perform" to make God love us more. Maybe that thought is put there by others' expectations.  We discount the gospel when we get on our treadmill and run a little faster, trying to perform.

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;  let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you. Psalm 5:11

We can rejoice! We can take pleasure in the work that God has called us to do. And those expectations - self-imposed or not? 

Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil—this is the gift of God.  Ecclesiastes 5:19 (emphasis mine)

Heresy? Or Childishness?

During a recent Bible time we were talking about why we should love Jesus. This conversation had more than one stifling giggles.

Abigail - I don't love Jesus.

Me - You should never say that, you must love Jesus. 

Abigail - But I don't love him.

Me - He is God, the Creator of the World, and He died to save you from your sins.

We went back and forth about this but let the conversation end at her final declaration.

Abigail - But I don't love him. I just really love you Mama.

Girls! It wasn't too long ago that she was really sure that she didn't love me. What am I going to do with this girl? I think I'm going to keep her. 

She really loves Baby "Joziuh" too.

Ray is a proud Daddy and Granddaddy.

Why I Turned Down My Dream Job To Be a Nanny

I got this note from a young college graduate about something that I've felt very strongly about for a long time. I wanted to post it here because I think the message is important. This is important enough to say twice - You don’t have to be in Africa to “count”. Remember, God doesn’t need us anywhere. He can use us anywhere. If God says, “Go,” reply, “Here I am, send me”. If God says, “Stay,” reply, “Here I am, use me”.

It all started about a year ago when someone was asking about my life.  They were sincerely interested and we got very deep into conversation and ended up talking about the church and other ministries that I am involved with.

She told me, “You remind me of that girl Kisses from Katie…you should do something like she did.” She then asked me if I had ever been on a mission trip.

 I replied, “I like to think that the ministries that I’m involved are my mission work.”

“Ok, but I mean have you been on a real mission trip - overseas……"

People often feel called to missions overseas. “God called me to Africa”. I hear it all the time. That’s good. People in Africa need to gospel badly. 

When God calls you to go, then go.  

But when God says stay, you stay.  

What is God’s calling? We know that He calls His children to be saved, spread His gospel and then train and disciple those whom have believed (Matthew 28:19-20).  John MacArthur wrote a book called, Found: God’s Will.  In this book he explains the six things we know for certain about God’s will. 

1) We must be saved (1 Tim. 2:3-4).  

2) We must be Spirit-filled (Eph. 5:16-18). 

3) Be sanctified (1 Thes. 4:3-7).  

4) Submit to God (1 Peter 2:3-15). 

5) Be suffering (1 Peter 4:19).  

6) Do whatever you want (Psalm 37:4).  

If we are truly following hard after Christ—if we are saved, spirit-filled, growing in sanctification, submitted to God, and suffering for the sake of the gospel, then we will desire to do the right thing.  We will desire the same thing that God desires for our life.  

What does this have to do with me being a Nanny? 

Leaving the interview for my dream job, I was hooked. I wanted so badly to go and work there. I told my family, “Just a warning, if they offer me the job, I’m probably going to take it.” I was planning to move really far away to work and serve God there. 

When my dream job called and offered me the job, the lady could tell I was hesitant. I didn’t even know why I was hesitant. What was I thinking? She told me not to let fear hold me back. That’s when it hit me. I was fearful to not go. I just got my college degree…I have to use it right? My reasons for wanting that job were for the adventure and opportunity. It wasn’t to serve God. 

Will there be a day when I leave and work for them? Maybe. Part of me hopes so. But, today is not that day. It is not time for me to break relationships I have made with children here. 

There is nothing dishonorable about staying home.  I love home. I love my church. I love the kids I work with.  I love my ministries. I love my family.  I can serve and honor God AND fulfill His will for my life, AND fulfill the great commission right here in a small town, working as a Nanny. 

If you are preaching the gospel, making disciples and serving the church, then you are doing REAL mission work. You don’t have to be in Africa to “count”. Remember, God doesn’t need us anywhere. He can use us anywhere. If God says, “Go,” reply, “Here I am, send me”. If God says, “Stay,” reply, “Here I am, use me”.

Parenting - Tested

Well, it finally happened. My two year told me that she didn't love me. It was the first time any of my children had said those awful words to me.

I've never allowed the girls to say they don't love someone, their sisters, their friends, their worst enemies, and definitely not their parents. We don't use words like hate or call each other hurtful names. The girls have slipped up and said things like that but were always quick to reverse it. I know that the mouth spills out what is in the heart and they are bound to "feel" not nice ways towards others. They are also capable of self control to stop their mean words and to change the bad feelings in their hearts towards those they truly love.

This morning, Abigail was unusually bad.

She kept snatching, jerking away, demanding her own way. After she started wrestling with Mary over the iPad, I administered the "rod of correction." After it was over, I told her that I loved her and was sorry that their was sin in her heart.

Her sweet little face, stained with tears, looked up and said, "Well, I don't wove you."

I wasn't terribly bothered because I know she wasn't feeling any "wove" at the moment. We talked about honoring mommy and daddy, about saying things we don't mean, about how we really love each other.

She was very calm and deliberate when she said again, "I still don't 'wove' you."

I kept Proverbs 23:13-14 going over and over in my mind. Her heart was hard towards me and towards God's discipline for her at the moment. I was questioning everything I knew from twenty-four years of parenting.

It took almost an hour before she was able to say that she loved me, but her actions didn't show that she was feeling love towards me. That was hard to swallow for me. Even a while later when she was playing, she didn't really want to give me the "good bye" kiss while pretending to leave.

That part was crushing, like a heavy weight on my chest. The more I think about it the heavier it is.

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.Proverbs 23:13-14

Discipline and punishment are painful, to the child and the parent. But holding onto God's Word, I am confident that it is right. I guess my study of  Proverbs is being tested.

Quotes from Abigail...

We were getting ready to do devotions and practice our Scripture memory verses when Abigail asked if she could go first.
She said - can I say Isaiah?
Me - Sure, why don't you say Romans 1: 16? For I am not ashamed of the Gospel.
Abigail - I not scared of the gospel.
Me - No, it's ashamed, not scared. For I am not ashamed.
Abigail - Oh, oh, I not ashamed and Isaiah in this book.
She picked up a Justice League comic book. (It came free in a cereal box.)







I tend to spway to you hair daddy.

Daddy that was a good suppa. I don't think she knows who actually cooks at our house.


Abigail - I'm sick, yes, I'm weally sick. Oh, this, this will make me betta.
Me - What will make you better?
Abigail - Mustard, mustard will make me much betta. (Holding a pretend bottle of mustard.)






Abigail throws a shoe across the bathroom.
I'm so mad, weally mad. Let me call Grandma.
She picks up an old cell phone and proceeds to "tell" Grandma all her troubles. Then she puts phone down and says I need to call Courtney, I'm weally mad.




But my favorite Abigail story of recent is when I tried to get a nice, long soak in the tub before she went to bed. That nice, long soak in the tub, complete with candles and a good book, turned into bath time fun with a two year old. She really likes candles!

Privileges

O Lord God,

Teach me to know that grace precedes, accompanies, and follows my salvation, that it sustains the redeemed soul, that not one link of its chain can ever break.

From Calvary's cross wave upon wave of grace reaches me,
deals with my sin,
washes me clean,
renews my heart,
strengthens my will,
draws out my affection,
kindles a flame in my soul,
rules throughout my inner man,
consecrates my every thought, word, work,
teaches me thy immeasurable love.

How great are my privileges in Christ Jesus!

Without him I stand far off, a stranger, an outcast; in him I draw near and touch his kingly scepter.
Without him I dare not lift up my guilty eyes; in him I gaze upon my Father-God and Friend.
Without him I hide my lips in trembling shame; in him I open my mouth in petition and praise.
Without him all is wrath and consuming fire; in him is love, and the repose of my soul.
Without him is gaping hell below me, and eternal anguish; in him its gates are barred to me by his precious blood.
Without him darkness spreads its horrors in front; in him an eternity of glory is my boundless horizon.
Without him all within me is terror and dismay; in him every accusation is charmed into joy and peace.
Without him all things external call for my condemnation; in him they minister to my comfort, and are to be enjoyed with thanksgiving. 

Praise be to thee for grace, and the unspeakable gift of Jesus.

Something To Be Thankful For

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 

3 John 1:4

This past Wednesday our church had one of the most meaningful services that we have every year. It was our Thanksgiving service. Yes, we ate our fill of turkey, dressing, and pie, but what was most meaningful was the testimonies. We started the tradition when our church was small, only a few families, of each person having the opportunity to voice thanks to God in front of the whole group. There were so many beautiful testimonies of God's grace in so many was to the people personally, their families and our church. My heart was filled with love for the body of Christ as I heard them share.  I knew the time was coming for me to voice my thankfulness and I couldn't think of what I wanted to say.   I have so many things to be thankful for - 

• Godly husband
• Salvation
• Great friends
• Church in unity
• Family

But my mind kept going to this verse in 3 John. I am so very grateful to God that He has brought our children out of the darkness of sin and into a saving knowledge of who He is and what He has done for them. They aren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but they walk in their faith. They walk according to the truth of Scripture and try really hard to serve their gracious Savior. 

And that is what I wanted to say that am most thankful for. (I am praying diligently that He will save my sweet two year sinner, Abigail at a very young age!)

A Theology to Die With

Today would have been my father-in-law's seventy-sixth birthday if he were still alive. I hope you'll click here to read the article Ray wrote about him. It's a reminder to us all that life is brief and death changes us.