Family Gatherings

Abigail loves to sit with Nana (Ray's mom) and Mr. Walter.

Hannah, Sarah, Lydia and Mary with Nana.

Papa loves to read to the littles.

Grandma (my mom) with Sarah and Brewer (my niece's son). Brewer fell in love with Sarah this visit because he found out that she's an EMT and gets to ride on an ambulance.

We had planned on having Christmas with my family at our house this New Year's but my mom got sick and couldn't travel. 

It's a Birthday Party at the Rhodes House

Ray turned fifty-five in October and we did a lot of cooking. He likes lots of options on the table so for his birthday, that's what he got - fried chicken, fried eggplant, potato casserole, roasted cauliflower and zucchini, and crusty bread. Dessert was a pound cake with strawberries and homemade whipped cream. He usually likes healthy eating, but he didn't get that.

An activity he really likes is something we've been calling the read a line game. Everyone in the house gets a book that they've been reading lately and reads a line, a paragraph or a page from it. I'm always impressed by what the girls find meaningful that they want to share. I wish we did it more often.

I love that the little ones wanted to read books that they have memorized. Their sweet little voices have already gotten the hang of the sing-song rhythm of reading aloud. Josiah chose Little Blue Truck, Susannah read If You Give a Pig a Pancake, and Abi read The Red Ripe Strawberry and the Big Hungry Bear.

This is the first time Rachel and Adrian played with us and we couldn't get her to stop reading. We should probably come up with a few rules like-

• pick your portion before anyone starts
• no reading silently while others are reading aloud
• have a question or comment about each person's reading
• there should probably be a time limit too

It's a good thing to enjoy books and reading!

Ten Ways To Destroy the Imagination of Your Child

It has been a long time since I've read a book that has challenged me so. I don't know who Anthony Esolen is but I suspect our theology is a bit different. For several reasons, his book on parenting has kept me awake recently.

The style- 

I'm sure there is a literary term for the style of the book, but I don't know what it is, however, the title kind of gives it away. It is written in the opposite of what would actually be helpful to training a child. So when the author says to keep your child indoors all of the time, he actually means to keep them outside. Having so many things written in the negative, I have to stay on guard while I'm reading, asking myself, "Is this what he thinks parents should or should not do?"

The subject-

The author deals with serious pieces of literature, works of art, many languages, random types of government, and scientific methods. He gives a complete run down on how a car works using words like - cylinders, differential, universal joint. He introduces Greek gods and obscure characters in literature like they are well known friends. He discusses poetry of every genre, Augustine, and Scripture alongside Chopin and Beethoven. He makes a fine argument against organized sports and programs, but for gangs of kids playing in the streets. My brain is stretched! 

The guilt- 

I should have been doing some of this all along. Sometimes I mourn for the older girls' losses because of my lack of wisdom. As a parent, I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. I know that God takes us where we are and uses us in His own plan, but I do wish I hadn't been so ignorant when Rachel was born. I nearly starved the poor child and then gave her straight apple juice out of a bottle. God's grace and mercy to us is so obvious through those days. Now, I haven't near the wisdom that I need to continue parenting, but at least I know that I don't know what I'm doing.

*Don't worry, I'm not about to sit Abigail out the back door and make her stay for twelve hours on her own, nor am I removing her from her formal music lessons. I can't throw all safety to the wind but I am trying to consciously build her imagination.

Homeschool Goals

I'm really trying to get homeschool planned for next year so that I'm not scrambling at the last minute. I have learned that I have to have my homeschooling vision and goals before me to keep moving forward. The logistics and curriculum take a lot of time and effort to plan successfully. But I think the vision and goals of homeschooling are more important.

I read over a lot of things that I had written in the past about homeschool. Some days it was funny, some days I wondered who those kids are that I teach. But I noticed a common theme, homeschooling is hard. I would like to place before my family the vision and goals for our family to keep us all focused to carry on.

Now if I can just figure out what they are...

But looking back at pictures, I realized that we did do a few good things.  Below are a few snapshots from our end of the year celebration.

All of our children had to memorize a major portion of scripture, song or written work. Mary read The Confessions of Augustine and wrote a paper to present to the families that gathered. Some of the other things presented were -

• 10 Commandments
• The Athanasian Creed
• Proverbs 3
• Come Thou Fount
• And about a million (jk) verses from our unit studies

a newspaper by the writing class

I don't know if this was the cutest thing we did all year but it was pretty close to the top. These beautiful faces dressed up as forest friends and acted out the book Very Special Friends by Jane Chapman.

This is part of the Spanish class after acting out something about an elephant and a flight attendant. I'm not a Spanish speaker but what I understood was hilarious.

On the last day of classes, our favorite history teacher returned from a deployment to Jordan. All of the kids were surprised and lots of happy tears flowed. 

What Is My Joy in Life?

Last Fall, our family was offered three tickets to the Georgia football game. If you know us remotely well you'd know that was awesome. There was excitement and lots of questions. Who would go was at the top of the list?

The statement- "I haven't done anything 'fun' in over six weeks," hit me wrong. I was mad and wanted to let everyone know. I turned it back to myself- When have I done anything fun? What do I even do for fun? If I have a free moment, I fill it with cleaning, cooking or doing what someone else wants. Wah, wah, wah...

The path of self pity seemed easy to take. Woe is me. All I ever do is work.

Then I started trying to think about what I would do if someone wanted me to do something just for fun. I had no ideas. When I get free time, I will clean, do some extra cooking, maybe even read. Then I realized that I like to do those things. I like to see the house clean or try new recipes. 

My friend, Michele, has taught herself to knit. And true to what seems to be her personality, there's no part way knitting. It's the real deal - dyeing her on yarn, knitting her own socks, you know, that kind of stuff. I've even been a little jealous that I can't go learn to knit. But, is that what I would want to do if I could?

I had to ask myself some hard questions about all of this. Is my joy in life hobbies, going places, learning new things, entertaining myself or relaxing? My joy in life must be Christ! I like serving others, I like being a wife and mom. I'm glad He called me to this life. (Please note, that I'm not saying if you don't serve others all the time you aren't serving Christ.)

At the retreat last week, another pastor's wife asked me what do I do for myself, you know, "me time". I started trying to grab for something, anything that I could tell her. I felt like I needed to report to her some great thing that I do for myself. I couldn't think of one thing. And I'm okay with that. I like to read some, cook some, clean some and sleep a little.

I can joyfully serve Christ doing things that I like to do.

While I was working on this post, Lydia was reordering her bedroom that she shares with Abigail. She was making it easier for Abigail to get to her toys. Mary rearranged her own room last week. 

Praying the Bible

I just finished reading Praying the Bible by Don Whitney. We have been taught these concepts for many years, but the book was so refreshing and helpful in the method of praying Scripture. The idea is to actually use the words of Scripture to inform and guide your prayers. The last chapter was worth reading the entire book.

I started writing out one prayer recently and I was so encouraged. Here are my notes on what I was prompted to pray for in less than ten minutes.

Psalm 69

Verse 1 
- Save me, O God...
Salvation for those that are lost.
- for the waters have come up to my neck.
Help for me in the midst of this season that I feel like I don't have time to breathe.

Verse 5 
- O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from You.
What a verse that reminds me of sin that swells up in my own heart.

Verse 13 
- But as for me, my prayer is to You, O Lord, at an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in you saving faithfulness.
The sliver of the moon rising in the darkness directly in front of me, is just one reminder of God's great faithfulness. He places reminders immediately in front of us to show us that He is faithful. The sun rises, the sun sets, the moon rises, the moon sets, etc. God is faithful!

Verse 19 
- my foes are all known to you.
I don't know who my immediate enemies are, but God does. The enemies at large are those who would wipe out Christians. I struggle praying for them the verses 22 through 28, but I can pray that God's Justice would be enacted where He sees appropriate.

Verse 29 
- let your salvation, O God, set me on high.
I believe and am so grateful for my salvation. 
Please God don't let my self righteousness cause me to think more highly of myself than I ought. I could easily lift myself up to think I don't deserve any conflict, much less persecution.

Verse 30-31 
- I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving. This will please the Lord more than an ox or a bull with horns and hoofs.
I must praise God continuously and magnify Him. My works will not. I am reminded that the Lord loves obedience better than a sacrifice. (I Samuel 15:22)

Verse 33
- For the Lord hears the needy.
The needy we always have among us... The prayers of supplication could be unending.

Pay Attention

I was bragging to a friend last week about how great our system of keeping up with library books was working. We've had almost no overdue fines and no lost books in a very long time. 

Well, I opened our library account yesterday morning and nearly cried. There was big red letters that said they had stopped adding up the fines because there is a limit as to how much they charge you. Did you know that the library puts a limit on its overdue fines? I was ever so grateful to learn that! I tried to renew our books, but it just said that I must bring everything to the library immediately. It was embarrassing and aggravating and frustrating and expensive and well..., you get the point, I'm sure. 

So, the whole day I was running errands and kicking myself for such negligence and ... get this, avoiding wrecks. I had three very near wrecks in the same day, all due to other people not paying attention. One was an eighteen wheeler, another the vehicle was completely in my lane coming at me head on.

I could easily get on my high horse and say I would never do such a thing. But then I remember that blinking red dollar sign. We all get distracted, these days more than ever. An unmanned car isn't nearly as bad as a maxed out library card, but it's still a bad sign, a sign of distraction. 

Lydia returning our massive load of books.

Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. (Acts 20:28 ESV)

I need this reminder today as much as anyone! The end of the school year is approaching quickly and I'm having trouble focussing on that too.

Parenting Those "In Between Age" Kids

I need some serious parenting advice, and I believe you're just the person to help me...
I am having trouble with disobedience from a certain 9 year old.  We've tried ...  We've taken away... We talk to him constantly about why he has to obey- what the Bible says about obedience, what is required of him and the importance of being obedient.  I'll ask him to do something and he'll say, "yes, mam" and then "forget."  I know the disobedience is his sin, but I feel like I'm failing in teaching him.  I know he's not going to obey perfectly every single second of every single day, but right now I'm struggling to get him to obey at all when I ask him to do a task/chore.  He always "forgets"...  How do I keep him from forgetting?  Any advice/help will be greatly appreciated!  Thanks so much!

Two of my favorite girls who are navigating those in between years beautifully.

When this note came to me I thought, "Oh sure, I can answer that one." I was ever so humbled! My next thought was, "I have no idea. When you find out, let me know!" The note came weeks ago and I still can't really form an easy answer. I think the answer to this is very complex and will take a long time. I know that's not really encouraging to this parent because her child is the nine year old. She doesn't have the years it takes to figure it out.

My favorite resource for parenting children this age is Age Of Opportunity by Tedd Tripp. The first few chapters are so convicting and have helped my thinking so much that I have actually only read the book through once. But because I have five daughters that have passed this age, I've read through those first few chapters at least five times.

But today, I want this parent and others who are in the midst of raising children in this age group to be encouraged. These middle years are so full of amazing things for them. They are beginning to think more deeply about life and everything else.

Staying close to them and involved in their lives, knowing what makes them tick is really important right now. Teenage years are zooming very close. They aren't to be dreaded unless you loose your child's heart now.

So for this parent - while I go back and walk myself through my own parenting class, try to stay encouraged, be diligent in your teaching and pray more than ever for his little heart.

Date Your Daughters

Do what it takes to spend time with your children alone. One on one visits with them mean a lot, now and in the years to come. One of the girls told me that some of her favorite childhood memories will always be of us going to the grocery store alone together. So fight the urge to run errands alone because you need some free time or want to get done quickly. In the long run, it's worth the effort to grab a hand and leave the rest at home. (Of course, don't leave them alone if they aren't old enough.)

Ray has always taken the girls out for a birthday date to the restaurant of their choice. As they have grown, he has gone to so many places, from Waffle House to Ted's Montana Grill and everything in between. The older they get the more they realize that Waffle House is NOT the best place to go. He has found out many great things about the girls that he wouldn't have known if our whole crowd had been with him. Their dates always seem to end with him spending too much at Barnes and Noble.

This past Summer, Mary and I went down to Agnes Scott College to hear one of her favorite authors speak. It was really fun! Even though the feminist, liberal agenda was evident, we got to talk about things that were said and enjoy each other's company. (And Mary got two free books.)

Our Homeschool Vision

With all of my talk and work recently on next year's homeschool, I wanted to rethink some of my early questions on homeschool.

Why do we homeschool?

How do we homeschool?

What is our homeschool vision?

I have been working on auto-pilot in my schooling so much lately that I'm not sure I even know what a vision is, much less how to write it out in words. So the best that I can tell, I think this sums it up in a not so great form.

To be filled with grace and wisdom

Grace- Christ gave His life for us to live. We must be filled with grace and live for Him.

know Gods word and practice it

Memorize scripture

Learn theology

Learn about missionaries

Serve others- the church, needy, young mothers

Learn history from a Christian worldview
Art and music with a view towards service to God

Wisdom- learn God's world and truths, learn about the world He created

Math

Science

Language arts
Foreign languages

Now, obviously, I need to work on form and make this clear for our family. We all need to sign off on how this looks for our family. As I make plans to change everything about our homeschool this 

coming August, our family will be going through a sort of "homeschool boot camp" to figure out how the next three girls can become educated the best way that we can educate them.

Privileges

O Lord God,

Teach me to know that grace precedes, accompanies, and follows my salvation, that it sustains the redeemed soul, that not one link of its chain can ever break.

From Calvary's cross wave upon wave of grace reaches me,
deals with my sin,
washes me clean,
renews my heart,
strengthens my will,
draws out my affection,
kindles a flame in my soul,
rules throughout my inner man,
consecrates my every thought, word, work,
teaches me thy immeasurable love.

How great are my privileges in Christ Jesus!

Without him I stand far off, a stranger, an outcast; in him I draw near and touch his kingly scepter.
Without him I dare not lift up my guilty eyes; in him I gaze upon my Father-God and Friend.
Without him I hide my lips in trembling shame; in him I open my mouth in petition and praise.
Without him all is wrath and consuming fire; in him is love, and the repose of my soul.
Without him is gaping hell below me, and eternal anguish; in him its gates are barred to me by his precious blood.
Without him darkness spreads its horrors in front; in him an eternity of glory is my boundless horizon.
Without him all within me is terror and dismay; in him every accusation is charmed into joy and peace.
Without him all things external call for my condemnation; in him they minister to my comfort, and are to be enjoyed with thanksgiving. 

Praise be to thee for grace, and the unspeakable gift of Jesus.

Fifty Years Ago

At lunch today, Ray read to us from The Last Battle and a children's biography on J. F. Kennedy's assassination. It was moving to be reminded of all that took place that day, but distinctly, the images of Walter Cronkite weeping on live television as he announced the death of the president. And the world missed the story of the death of C. S. Lewis that happened only an hour before.

Visit The Dancing Puritan as we remember a great man, C.S. Lewis.  Lewis died at 5:30 PM (Oxford Time) on November 22, 1963 about an hour before JFK was shot in Texas at 12:30 PM. 

End of the Spear

"My father lost his life at the end of a spear and it was at the end of a spear that I found mine." Steve Saint

I just finished reading a Jim Elliott biography to Mary and Lydia during our devotions and I cried like a baby through the last two chapters, even though this was the third time I've read it. Then I walked around in a state of mourning and weepy for the rest of the day. To make matters worse, we watched End of the Spear together the next day so they could weep with me. The story of the five men who lost their lives trying to reach a tribe in the jungles of Ecuador has been told many times and from many perspectives and it's compelling every time. It happened over fifty years ago and is so moving every time I hear it.

I've heard Elisabeth Elliott and others related to the five men in the story say how often people will approach them and tell how this single event was most influential to their being in missions. Just last week, I met one of those people. He grew up as a child of missionaries in Sweden and mentioned how he was influenced to evangelism by their story.

I would encourage you to dig into this story with your children. There are so many aspects of God's sovereignty displayed and examined over the course of events leading up to and following the massacre on an unknown stretch of beach in the Woudani territory. It was interesting the questions that were raised from the few details we learned from Elliott's biography that we read. Elisabeth Elliott also has some great books on her husband's life. A very interesting book on the events after the deaths is by Steve Saint, the pilot Nate Saint's son, who was the oldest of the children and remembers a lot of the story first hand. The book is the same title as the movie, End of the Spear. The theology of the book and movie is a little mystical, but who can say what the natives saw the day of the massacre?

The movie was a little too graphic for Mary and Lydia, but you can't make a movie about natives in the jungles in the 1950s without a lot of nearly naked men and women. And the spearing of entire families, yes- even babies, is the terrible truth of what happened before the gospel reached these people. So we spent a lot of time covering our eyes.

How's life without all the sports going?

Coming to grips with that question, I realized a few things. Life is busy all the time, with or without added activities and sports. So, if you don't have to drive to practices and games every day, something else will fill that gap quickly. But I also realized that homeschool is really nicely done at - well.... home. It's amazing what children can learn when I'm at home with them and they are at home relaxed and ready to learn. I think it comes about because I'm not always preparing to leave the house for the next event. I'm sure that's coming again soon because Lydia really wants to play basketball, but for now, I'm enjoying homeschool.

Highlights from this week's school have included:

• healthy debates on whether or not Jim Elliot was waiting on God to lead him to marry Elisabeth or if he was just being a dumb guy.
• learning all five of the basic biomes, again, for the fourth time, only this time, Lydia got to draw them.
• real life daily scripture memory, every day.
• actually singing the preposition song, not just looking at it and saying, "oh that's nice, move on."
• Ray reading a book to us every morning at breakfast.
• the girls asking if we could just keep on having devotions.
• actually cooking from real recipes and not throwing random casseroles together. (Okay, that's not homeschool, but it sure is nice since I'm at home more.)

I'm enjoying homeschool so much, who knows, I might even have the girls try to make a diorama this year. It might have been about thirteen years since we've actually tried that!

Finally - a Homeschool Picture

Here we have Abigail enjoying our new school space. I added another bookcase, moved the school table to a sunny window and moved an old desk that Lydia likes to use in front of the bookcases. It cleared some floor space and gave us enough room to bring in more of our books. A huge map of the world hung on the wall below the bar window would be a great addition some day. The easel works great there for our Bible verses.

Ecclesiastes

"I don't think it is just the English teacher in me that leads me to this conclusion about our basic problem in Bible study these days: we've forgotten how to read! We're so used to fast food that we think we should be able to drive by the Scriptures periodically and pick up some easily digestible truths that someone else has wrapped up neatly for us. We've disowned that process of careful reading...observing the words...seeing the shape of a book and a passage...asking questions that take us into the text rather than away from it...digging into the Word and letting it speak! Through such a process, guided by the spirit, the Word of God truly feeds our souls."

I am so excited to begin a new Bible study this week from Kathleen B. Nielson on the book of Ecclesiastes. I am guilty - I read short clips of things and avoid those things that require long term energy and focus, even the Bible sometimes. My Bible reading often falls under the headings of habit, perfunctory, bland, ...drive through, fast food. My prayer through this Bible study for me and the other ladies engaged in it with me is that of Nielson's, "that, by means of these studies, people would be further enabled to read the Scriptures profitably and thereby find life and nourishment in them, as we are meant to do."

The Broken Heart

O LORD,No day of my life has passed that has not proved me guilty in thy sight.Prayers have been uttered from a prayer less heart;Praise has been often praise less sound;My best services are filthy rags.Blessed Jesus, let me find a covert in thy appeasing wounds.Though my sins rise to heaven thy merits soar above them; Though unrighteousness weighs me down to hell,thy righteousness exalts me to thy throne.All things call for my rejection,All things in thee plead my acceptance.I appeal from the throne of perfect justice to thy throne of boundless grace.Grant me to hear thy voice assuring me:that by thy stripes I am healed,that thou wast bruised for my iniquities,that thou hast been made sin for methat I might be righteous in thee,that my grievous sins, my manifold sins, are all forgiven,buried in the ocean of thy concealing blood.I am guilty, but pardoned,lost, but saved,wandering, but found,sinning, but cleansed.Give me perpetual broken-heartedness,Keep me always clinging to the cross,Flood me every moment with descending grace,Open to me the springs of divine knowledge,sparkling like crystal,flowing clear and unsulliedthrough the wilderness of life.

Valley of Vision, Puritan Prayers and Devotions

This Momentary Marriage by John Piper

"... Mutuality of submission and servanthood do not cancel out the reality of leadership and headship. Servanthood does not nullify leadership; it defines it. Jesus does not cease to be the Lion of Judah when he becomes the lamb like servant of the church." Page 78

I'm reading this book and discussing it with a friend. I am struck over and over of the true definition of marriage. Piper drills the idea that marriage is first and foremost a picture. It is a picture of Christ and the church. Ephesians five seems to be the foundation of the book, laying out the biblical roles of husbands and wives.

The above quote struck me soundly. My husband is never more precious to me than when he sacrifices himself to serve me. That's the real picture fleshed out in my life and home. He is the head and leader, yet he sacrifices for and serves us well.

Will to Change

Considering sports again, I need to change. It's easy to say now that most sports are over for a while that I'll do better. I don't know how many times I've left from a game irritated with myself for my behavior, complaining about a call or getting mad about a play, something like that.  I have come a long way from yelling at a referee to sitting on my hands and biting my tongue to keep quiet. But my heart still will rise up inside of me.

I have to battle my own will to change. Reading Idols of the Heart I was convicted in this area again. But according to Ephesians 4:22-24, I am a new creature, I can change my behavior. It's called sanctification. 

It is a purposeful-

• putting off the old behavior
• changing attitudes to be in line with what's right
• and putting on the new behavior.

We'll see how much my heart has learned this Fall when basketball starts back...

Idols of the Heart

"My life is in the hands of God. And truly I am willing to break off opium and die, but not willing to continue in sin and live." Pastor Hsi of China, page 182 Idols of the Heart. As this book has revealed the many idols of  my heart, how have I changed. I haveto ask myself, "Am I willing to break off this idol and die? Or will I continue in sin and live?"

The ladies who have read this book cannot deny the impact of probing the heart to cleanse it of idols- those things which we bow down to instead of God. Though we haven't built before ourselves golden calves and may not struggle with opium addiction, we have set our idols high. Selfishness, worldliness, laziness, pride, others' good opinions, etc. are only a small dent in the lists of idols that could have been revealed. My prayer is that I will take the time to pray and ask God to give me the strength to say, "Tough I die, I will never touch it again!" (Hsi, page 182)

This is a book I would highly recommend to you by Elyse Fitzpatrick.