Do You Feel Peace?

The following was written by a young woman and sent to me to share with others. It's a message that our self-help, feel-good society needs to hear.

A rare view from our living room window recently. 

I have peace. I do not feel peace. I have peace because Jesus lives in me. This does not mean that I always experience peace. I don't. But Jesus is peace and I have Him and He is enough-even when I don't feel peaceful. One day we will experience the feeling of peace, but that day may not be today. I've been told so many times that if you don't "feel a peace about it" then it's not God's will. Or as a true Christian you will feel peaceful even in suffering. Or that if you pray then God will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding. I believe you have hope in the midst of suffering; I believe you have peace (Jesus) but I don't believe that you always feel peace in it. 

Hearing these thing made me feel like a bad Christian or not a Christian at all. What was everyone else doing that I wasn't feeling this peace? I prayed all the time, yet I still felt stress. Then, the pursuit of peacefulness and feeling good became my idol. Finally someone told me, stop worrying about that feeling and just pursue God. Embrace Him no matter how you feel. 

Jesus is the prince of peace. He didn't live in turmoil. But, when Jesus went to die on the cross, I don't think He felt a peace about it. He was sweating blood. He suffered anguish (Luke 22:44). Yet, He obeyed the will of the Father. Sometimes you won't feel a peace. You may be called to give your life away. That doesn't always feel good. I feel like in my job I serve all day long. I love my job, but it doesn't always feel good. It feels exhausting. But I know that the Bible calls me to serve. I will continue to serve regardless the risk and regardless how much peace it brings me. 

So here's my confession. I often don't feel peaceful. But I do know that God has called me as His child and Christ took the punishment for my sins and Christ rose again. Because of this I have the living Jesus alive in me. He is my peace and even if I never feel peaceful, He is enough. 

No doubt you are, or you know a person, who struggles with anxiety or over thinkers or even someone who is really sensitive to all the pain in the world. There are benefits for those people. They are often very compassionate, very aware, servant hearted, and very gentle. However, in my experience, they very rarely feel peace. Sometimes they feel a lot of darkness because they can't stop noticing all the pain. They help people a lot but the pain seeps into their mind and it can be very dark. Know this, it takes one light to break darkness. 

Think of the most compassionate person you know. Compassion is painful and that person may feel a lot of darkness and little peacefulness. You can be that one light to break through their darkness. Show them some of the sensitivity that they have shown you. I have found light in something someone says to me or in a song or in a book. That song or person or book can put me back on track when I start to fall apart. But, no matter how much you care, you are human and you can not be a perfect light. 

Jesus is light and He is a perfect light. That's why I cling so hard to the promise that Jesus lives in me and won't stop living in me no matter how much darkness I allow in. He is light and He is peace and that is enough to give me hope even in my darkest moments. And when God looks at me, He doesn't see my sin. He sees Jesus in all of His perfection. That is what picks me up off the floor after I've been throwing up, gets my weak body showered and takes me to work, allowing me to serve all day. I haven't felt the peace that surpasses all understanding a lot, but I have felt a strength that surpasses understanding very often. Notice what God is doing for you and thank Him for that. Realize what He has done for you and embrace that as being enough. 

All this is not to say that it's okay to be living in darkness and anxiety. It's not. It's painful and no one should. I can't lie to you and give you eight steps to live a stress free. I'm not sure how to make it stop. I've tried everything that people say and there is still often this mental turmoil that I can't shake. There is still a lot of dark times. There are times when it feels like my mind is twisted up and screaming even though there is a smile on my face. I look for any bit of relief I can get in the moment. 

I've kind of stopped pursuing that peaceful feeling. Instead, I've embraced the fact that Jesus is a light in my dark mind and that He offers me hope that one day in heaven there will be no darkness and fullness of peacefulness. In Him, I will wait. I will grow weary, I will be stressed out, I will have panic attacks, I will fall into depression, I will look for relief in sinful places, I will fail. Thankfully, my assurance is not in my abilities but in His strength. Thankfully, "even the dark is light to Him" (Psalm 139:12). I will wait and I will hope in Him regardless how I feel. 

And I will stop condemning myself. If you are a struggling with anxiety, if you feel like a second rate Christian, if you're praying but not feeling peaceful, know this: "God is not disappointed in you. Because what disappointment means is that there are unmet expectations. God had no unmet expectations about you. All the expectations for righteousness and for your debt have been fulfilled in Jesus." (Elyse Fitzpatrick) 

The Heart of Rebellion

How do we keep our children's hearts from rebelling? There no guarantees.

We have three adult daughters and three more in different stages of growth. Rachel is married with three children; no rebellion there. Hannah is a first grade teacher at a Christian school, lives at home, getting her masters degree; no rebellion there. Sarah is enrolled at a technical college, lives at home, looking forward to her career; no rebellion there.

I often think with the number of children we have, chances are that some of them will rebel. Good thing we don't live our lives based on chances. God is sovereign over all. He uses circumstances to bring about His will. In His grace to our family we have no rebellion - yet.

Or do we?

Every time a child rolls her eyes or pouts or stomps her foot, she has rebelled. But that also makes parents rebellious doesn't it? How many times have we pouted, stomped our foot, or rolled our eyes? (If it's done in the heart, it's been done.) I am often thankful that no one around me can see me stomping my foot in my heart.

Our children have a special gift of revealing our own sin. They learned so much of what they do from us. Disrespect, bad attitude, discontent, anger, disregard for others are all sins that I have passed on to my girls. Some days, I wish I hadn't been such a good teacher.

One thing I know is that if the most godly person in the world had raised my children, they would still be sinners. Romans 3:23 says that we have all sinned. We are sinners by nature and by choice. We have rebellious hearts that want to sin.

By God's grace, He has provided a way of forgiveness through Christ.  While there is no special formula to keep our children's hearts from rebellion on this earth, we know that God is faithful to forgive those who call on Him.

(Someone gave us tickets to Cirque du Soleil where these pictures were taken.)

Questions

Mommy, have I sinned today?

Are we going to go to heaven?

Can we pray right now?

The questions of my littlest ones never cease to amaze me. Abigail was sitting on my bed and doing some real thinking and shooting questions out with both barrels. I didn't jump up and make her pray the "sinner's prayer." But, I did pray that Jesus truly would save her from her sins, give her an abundant Christian life and bring her to heaven when He does take her home. I am reminded again the importance of memorizing Scripture.

2 Timothy 4:2 ...be ready in season and out of season...

Joshua 4:21-22 ...when your children ask... then you shall let your children know...

Back to School

Abigail was bright and ready to start very early today. Who wouldn't be ready with a large pan of plastic lemons, eggs, and playhouse people? I never got to do any school with her, but that's okay. She is only three. Notice that Mary was not ready!

The first day of school usually isn't very pretty, but today was a ugly as it gets. The bright spot was a successful recipe for mocha frappuccino. My friend Kelly keeps telling me that we will have to give our kids lots of extra grace through this start up. But it's my kids who are giving me grace. By 11:30, I was hurting so bad that I had to go lay down. I took a two hour nap before I could do anything else with them. Eventually, I'll get back enough strength to be running through the house again, but until then, we are extending much grace.

The school desk at the beginning of the day was a shambles. The girls had started cleaning up when we snapped this picture.

When I told Lydia to pull down her science book, she sighed and said, "I sure do miss Jeanie Fulbright."

I kept the school planning table set up in the den since I wasn't running up and down stairs. I'm sad to say that looked like this for weeks, except of course, for the chocolate. That came and went very quickly. 

Grace-Filled Family Relations

There are just some seasons in life that one of the family members will need more help or attention than others. Sicknesses, schedule changes, school options, friendships, yes, even bad decisions will throw the kilter off of the family dynamics.

What are we to do? Flog the one causing the upset to the apple cart? How about tar and feathers? That leaves terrible images. (The John Adams BBC movie comes to mind at that moment.)

Rachel extending great grace about 2007.

No, we have to remember, we too, need a little grace.

The person who has to load the dishwasher may not have time to load or may not even be home when it's time. What are going to do? Save the dishes for her? No, extend a little grace. What if we have to always load for her? Keep extending grace.

The questions get trickier as the family grows up and gets older. The situations get harder to navigate.  Do we stop extending grace? No, there's plenty of grace to share even when we're old.

Are we planning ahead of time to show that kind of love to one another?  If we aren't then we will fall back on whatever way we resort to "get someone back." For example, she didn't do her dishes yesterday, I'll leave mine today. Then tomorrow, it'll show her, she'll have double the work.  Is that the way we really want to see our families work?

The division of chores are tiny example of how a family works.  But they can be a huge indicator of where the family stands with one another. The smaller children obviously cannot scrub huge pots and pans. Would you allow the older ones to leave them for a three year old? Obviously not.

Now take that to a bigger real life issue.  What would happen if the older children were constantly taking advantage of the younger? That sets them up for a life time of abusing others. Or the instances of calling names? A light-hearted "dummy" could set your child up for years of berating, belittling and looking down on others.

Back to the family, our family... As they grow older some of our girls have been able to do other things outside of the home more than others.  Gifts and preferences surface that they may have that are more helpful in some areas more than others.  One of our girls happens to to be better at cutting grass than the others. She is the obvious choice for grass cutting when it's time for that and the best duster gets that job. Dusting isn't always the most fun job, but that's what has to happen at the time.

But what about when one needs more sleep and time to study than another? The jobs don't line up equally, but grace is still needed.

There are many examples of running a household that come to mind that prove the need for a family to help each other and show extra grace. As I'm writing, I'm thinking of even more life issues that occur outside of our home. Issues that have required extending grace when it wasn't the desire of the heart. Grown up issues that aren't really to be shared publicly but in our family setting, reveal the heart.

As adults emerge in a home, their problems and issues get bigger. They need the same grace that was poured on them as little ones crying over a broken dish or toy. Whether it's a wrecked car, a family vacation upset, or a birthday party fiasco, we can keep loving each other because we know Christ. God only knows what is coming next!

Because we are sinners and saved by grace, we can decide now to extend grace. As our daughters get even older and have families of their own, there will be more opportunities to be faithful to that decision. How we respond to a sister "borrowing" our favorite shoes reveals the heart. Now is the time to change the heart.

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:14