Ballet Begins Again

Rachel took ballet for a couple of years when she was very young. Today, we started ballet lessons for Abigail and Susannah with one of our favorite friends. Mary Margaret has been close friends with Mary for so many years and has agreed to teach Abigail and Susannah at our home. My face hurts from smiling so much while watching these two little beauties dance with her. They looked at her like she was a queen and she treated them like little princesses.

We haven't been able to figure out a good schedule for each child to do a sport and a music or art class. With so many daughters, it's really impossible for everyone to get to do all they want. We feel like sports, music and art are all important, but it's  impossible to do everything. It takes a lot of creativity and organization to get homeschooling done as well as extra curricular activities.

We have grappled with this topic for many years as the older girls grew. I'm sure there are gaps in a lot of their learnings, but so far they seem to be doing okay. There are no easy answers to growing healthy, well-rounded, contributors to society that love and honor God. Today, we got to enjoy a little bit of the process.

Josiah watched in amazement the whole time.

I'm a Helper

Is someone in your home very disorganized, losing things, forgetful?

At a recent wedding

For years, I would get so mad that Ray couldn't find his keys, phone, wallet, glasses or any combination of those things. He would walk in the house and put them down in random places, then forget where they were. He has a drawer right beside the back door to put those things in, but he often doesn't. He's intelligent, creative, compassionate and an all around great man, but he was (and sometimes still is) very disorganized.

When it would be time for him to leave the house, oftentimes he'd be rushing around looking for what he had lost. I would call out to everyone available to help find the lost item, then he could go on his way when it was recovered. If you're thinking that this post is about how to make someone else more organized, think again, it isn't. I have no idea how to help you.

But Ray's losing very important things was constantly making me mad. It took up my time, the kids' time and his time. It created unnecessary frustration.

The day that I realized that disorganization is not a sin was eye opening. It isn't a sin for him to put his things down wherever he wanted. How I responded was often very sinful! My irritation was sinful and it rubbed off on the girls. I could see their sinful eye rolls or irritations when they had to stop what they were doing to help their daddy with something so silly. After all, he's a grown man, why can't he find his own glasses?

Over the years, either, he has gotten better, or we have figured out where he is putting his things. There is less time digging, searching and scrambling than I remember. But the change may be that I realized that my job is to be his helper. Maybe focusing on what God has called me to do has shifted the big deal from his forgetfulness to my own sinful heart.

God created me to be Ray's helper.

Genesis 2:18 "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'"

So, when he says, "Have you seen my glasses?" I can respond with a cheerful heart. If I'm able to stop what I'm doing and help him, I do, and hopefully with a better attitude.

Ray and me with some of the most adorable people in the world - Caleb, Susannah and Josiah

But it's time to close now, I need to help him find his phone....

Keep Going

Easter 2017

I have found that it's harder to keep going after discouragement in parenting. It's easy to say, "I've done all I could, it's up to them now." Parenting is a long road, it shouldn't stop when the children get older.

Some time ago at church, I asked all of the children who had memorized their scripture memory verses to come to me to see how they are doing. The oldest child who came was eleven and said, "Oh, I'm the only one?" and walked off. She didn't even attempt to tell me how far she had gotten.

I found it sad to think that none of the teenagers had come to say their verses. Then I realized that one of my own children was in that group. I had told her to memorize, but I hadn't followed through, I had left it up to her.

There does come a time when we have to take a step back and let them take care of themselves. But I hadn't even attempted to follow through. Parenting teenagers is difficult. They have opinions and real life needs.

A few days after that night, that particular daughter mentioned something about the verse and said she had forgotten to come to me to tell me what she memorized. Whew, I'm off the hook, right? Wrong.

Just because she did the right thing at that moment, doesn't mean I could stop doing my job.

My job may look different, but it doesn't stop. Parenting Mary is a lot different than parenting Abigail. I no longer hold her hand to ensure she pick up her toys, I don't even tell her to. (Well, I try
not to.)

Mary knows that her things need to be picked up. If she doesn't, they may disappear, and she pays the consequences. Those consequences could be the time it takes to find the lost items, having to replace the lost items or living without the lost items.

I often have to remind myself that Mary isn't as old as Hannah and Sarah and she still needs guidance. Hannah and Sarah do too, but not as often. Parenting Rachel looks different too.

But how do we parent these older girls? One particular week I was in quite a dilemma. Hannah had been very sick and I have told her many times that she shouldn't go to work. A sick teacher produces sick students. She didn't think she could miss, saying that she thought she could do it.

I had to make a decision. Was I to let her go or not? In the end, she went.  It was a decision that I had to turn over to her.

Questions about concerts, over nights at friends' houses, parties with people we don't know send me into a tailspin sometimes. Can't I just pull all of my cubs inside my bear cave? That's what I want to do!

God's mercy to our family is so evident as the girls grow. He is the one to uphold us, as well as our children. They continue to grow and will make mistakes. But God will remain faithful to the end.

Easter 2017 at Nana's house
Catherine, Sarah, Lydia, Aunt Robin, Rebekah, Mary, Hannah

It's A Girl!

Rachel and Adrian are expecting a new baby girl in August. 

Grandparenting

One small part of parenting adult children is helping them. We want to help Rachel and Adrian build their marriage. That means encouraging short trips away from their babies. We get to benefit from that by babysitting. See, parenting adult children can be fun:)

Spending three days with my grandchildren was exhausting! But it was also priceless! There are a few things that you forget when you have a house full of preschoolers. Here are just a few -

• to go to the bathroom.
• to sit down, anywhere.
• how to clean up, toys are everywhere.
• they give compliments differently. My favorites this time were - "I'm going to marry you," and "Here, you can have one of my guns." The sloppy kisses and uninhibited hugs are pretty amazing too.
• boys and girls play differently from each other. I know this in theory, but nothing prepares you for it until it's experienced. 

Playing balls was so fun! Life lessons were learned after all the balls were left outside over night and our dog ate them (not every piece of them, but a piece out of all of them.)

This is the first time that Susannah and Abigail finally learned to fall asleep together. I see many nights of sleepovers and giggles happening.

This picture explains it all - boys play differently than girls. I didn't tell Josiah to find a gun, he just did. 

The sofas became launching pads, the pillows landing pads, the rest of the house became every imaginable place in the universe.

Valentines

I love our Valentines traditions. We eat the traditional steak and potatoes meal by candlelight with everyone. (This is the only time every year that I will buy steak.) Ray gives everyone a heart box of chocolate. He wants the girls to be treated with love all the time and it's good for them to have a tangible picture of it on a special occasion. How he treats them now is giving them a standard to expect from their future husbands.

We often draw names to give gifts to our Valentine. It's fun to see the thoughtfulness put into each gift. Rachel actually touched our dog to make a painting for Mary. (If you know Rachel, she doesn't like dogs, at all.)

This was by far the easiest "special dessert" we've ever had. I bought a Sara Lee pound cake and sliced it. Abigail used cookie cutters to make hearts and the word Love to place on a plate around fruit. Then we dipped it in melted chocolate.

Where Do You Want Your Children to Love to Be?

Gospel Project class

A parent told us years ago that they want their children to love to be at home and church more than any other place. We thought about that and wanted that a priority for our children as well, but we weren't sure how to make that happen.

After many years, I can say for the small children, at least, they love church! Decide the three places that you believe are the most important for your family to love to be and work to make that happen.

A few things that we have learned about getting our children to love church:

• Be there, it's not an option, go when the doors open. Be there for every service that's appropriate. Take your little girls to ladies' meetings, boys to men's meetings, if possible. Attend special events, showers, weddings, funerals, etc.
• Go with a cheerful heart. This is where we worship God, the God of great joy, comfort and peace! We are the pastor's family, believe me, we know that it's not always something you "feel" like doing.
• Go with them, do not send them, do not drop them off, they want to be with you. If you can't possibly get there, send them. 
• Stay with them. Sometimes, age graded activities are fun and helpful. Sometimes they aren't. Be with your children and talk to them, participate with them, help them understand the beauty of worshipping God.
• Sometimes, do not go with them. Yep! No one has to be at every service or activity that the church does. The regular worship services of the church are non-negotiable. But sometimes, churches may have so many programs going on that there isn't an ounce of time left for family. 

Now, I'm still working on the idea of teaching them to love being at home...

Children are Savages

Beautiful, adorable, amazing, made in God's image creatures, but they are still savages.

Susannah

Consider the newborn that has just emerged from the womb, the toddler who hasn't had his nap, the older child's eyes rolling... those are just a few ways that reveal the savage heart of a child.

Those little savages are slowly and gently turned into respectable grown adults. But it's a long hard process. Parents must be diligent and seek wisdom.

Going from the mother gently bouncing a crying newborn to the parent patiently listening and advising a young adult is a very long process.

For the parent it involves a laying down of themselves. To be a parent of savages requires diligence. There isn't a day when you can say, "Today I am not a parent, someone else can take care of them." Even though, I have (jokingly, of course) told my children that my parenting button is off after 9:00 pm and that I'm done with them for the night.

Sometimes parents need a break, to recharge, to breathe air that doesn't smell like dirty diapers and sweaty socks. But there is never a time that they can turn off their parenting buttons. If those buttons are paused, they and the children need to know the clear boundaries of where everyone is supposed to be and what they are supposed to be doing.

I can't tell you how many times I've failed his myself. I am praying for wisdom and the strength.

I know God has blessed our home tremendously. I am reminded that without His great mercy and grace, we would be in utter chaos.  I was told years ago that it's impossible to do this job (of parenting) without Christ. How true! Follow Christ first and foremost, He will lead you to parent your little savages.

Adrian and Josiah

Here's a few pictures of some of my favorite "savages" during our short blast of Winter. Rachel and Adrian are doing a great job of raising our grandchildren. What a privilege to be a part of their lives!

Caleb

Christmas Program

One of the highlights to our Christmas very year is the church program. Abigail was "Mary" this year and did a beautiful job. Everyone actually did great! One of the best sounds in the world is hearing children sing!

The morning following the performance, Abi had a little trouble coming to grips with reality. She was still in the actress mode, and felt the need to sit on the kitchen counter to eat.

Family Gatherings

Abigail loves to sit with Nana (Ray's mom) and Mr. Walter.

Hannah, Sarah, Lydia and Mary with Nana.

Papa loves to read to the littles.

Grandma (my mom) with Sarah and Brewer (my niece's son). Brewer fell in love with Sarah this visit because he found out that she's an EMT and gets to ride on an ambulance.

We had planned on having Christmas with my family at our house this New Year's but my mom got sick and couldn't travel. 

Christmas Morning

 We have the usual messy hair and pajamas pictures as everyone else. But I wanted to share a few of my favorite Christmas morning pictures.

When twelve people wake up to Christmas morning, the tree is going to look like we overdid the presents thing. This year we spent less, gave fewer gifts, and had a much more meaningful gift giving experience. 

Susannah and Josiah loved the playhouse.

 This gift was the the highlight of the gift giving all December. Someone learned that it had been Lydia's dream to play the cello. They bought one for her and gave her a year's worth of lessons. 

 She was blown away on Christmas morning when she found out.

The gifts didn't necessarily have to be so amazing as a cello to bring about great joy. Abigail, Susannah, and Josiah loved the box of peanuts that the cello came in. We had to literally drag them away from it to open presents.

It's a Birthday Party at the Rhodes House

Ray turned fifty-five in October and we did a lot of cooking. He likes lots of options on the table so for his birthday, that's what he got - fried chicken, fried eggplant, potato casserole, roasted cauliflower and zucchini, and crusty bread. Dessert was a pound cake with strawberries and homemade whipped cream. He usually likes healthy eating, but he didn't get that.

An activity he really likes is something we've been calling the read a line game. Everyone in the house gets a book that they've been reading lately and reads a line, a paragraph or a page from it. I'm always impressed by what the girls find meaningful that they want to share. I wish we did it more often.

I love that the little ones wanted to read books that they have memorized. Their sweet little voices have already gotten the hang of the sing-song rhythm of reading aloud. Josiah chose Little Blue Truck, Susannah read If You Give a Pig a Pancake, and Abi read The Red Ripe Strawberry and the Big Hungry Bear.

This is the first time Rachel and Adrian played with us and we couldn't get her to stop reading. We should probably come up with a few rules like-

• pick your portion before anyone starts
• no reading silently while others are reading aloud
• have a question or comment about each person's reading
• there should probably be a time limit too

It's a good thing to enjoy books and reading!

Daytona Beach - Summer 2015

I've been cleaning up my blog posts and came across this. I don't know why it was never posted, but I can't wait to get back to the beach! It will be interesting to see how the beach looks after the hurricane.

A most familiar, but loved view for our family.

Abigail and Lydia

Sarah, always ready with a camera.

Sitting in the waves with this sweetie was absolute joy!

Adrian, Lydia, Hannah and Sarah spent a lot of time on the boogie boards. 

Abigail and Susannah loved playing together and had a great time!

We take almost all of our food and we LOVE Rachel's homemade cinnamon rolls.

It took Josiah most of the time that he was there but he finally learned to love the beach.