Do Not Be Easily Irritated

1 Corinthians 13:4-5- "Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way, it is not irritable or resentful."

When I love Christ and when I love my family I will not be irritable and rude. I will not insist on my own way. When I am rude and even think I deserve more than I'm getting, I am not loving others. I am loving myself.


This verse is a verse that I pray through often because I am often easily irritated.  Just when I think I have noticed that there are some improvements, I am knocked backwards at my own sin. 

Ray has been out of town for several days and this sweet little girl hasn't left my side. She has been with me every moment - sleeping, eating, bathing, yes, even the bathroom. She made a simple request to help with something, I don't remember, but it was really very little to ask. I snapped at her and told her to go somewhere else. 

One of my daughters looked at me with shock in her eyes and said, "It really isn't that big of a deal. Here, Abigail, come help me."  I made the lame excuse that I was tired and needed a little space and sulked. 

I didn't handle my irritations well at all. There are times when mothers need to be alone to rest, recharge and renew themselves. But there is still no excuse for sin. My daughter needs my attention more right now because her daddy isn't around this week. I must put aside my irritation and love her in a kind and patient way.

She has gotten in some time teaching her babies all that they need to know. The picture to the right is of her riding in the car going to music. This is basically how she usually rides, with her "Bubby" and "Just Plain Elephant".

Good Medicine

Susannah

One of the hardest things about being laid up is that I wasn't able to  hold these sweet babies. Rachel has been so good to bring them to see me and make sure they didn't climb on me. But that's also been one of the best things.  Nothing makes me feel better than to see those smiles and hear those giggles. God has been kind to give me healing and I am much better. Some days, I wonder if I'll ever be "back to normal."

I have a learned a few things -

• God will lay me down to rest.
• It's easy to pray when you can't do anything but lay on your back.
• The housework will wait, but the piles are getting gigantic!
• I have no patience, at all.

Josiah

• Josiah is better at the spirometer than I am. I was supposed to blow in it about six times a day. I may have tried it twice.

• I really like holding hands.

Abigail and "Just Plain Elephant"

• It's time for Abigail and "Just Plain Elephant" to move back tho their own bed.

Back to School

Abigail was bright and ready to start very early today. Who wouldn't be ready with a large pan of plastic lemons, eggs, and playhouse people? I never got to do any school with her, but that's okay. She is only three. Notice that Mary was not ready!

The first day of school usually isn't very pretty, but today was a ugly as it gets. The bright spot was a successful recipe for mocha frappuccino. My friend Kelly keeps telling me that we will have to give our kids lots of extra grace through this start up. But it's my kids who are giving me grace. By 11:30, I was hurting so bad that I had to go lay down. I took a two hour nap before I could do anything else with them. Eventually, I'll get back enough strength to be running through the house again, but until then, we are extending much grace.

The school desk at the beginning of the day was a shambles. The girls had started cleaning up when we snapped this picture.

When I told Lydia to pull down her science book, she sighed and said, "I sure do miss Jeanie Fulbright."

I kept the school planning table set up in the den since I wasn't running up and down stairs. I'm sad to say that looked like this for weeks, except of course, for the chocolate. That came and went very quickly. 

Grace-Filled Family Relations

There are just some seasons in life that one of the family members will need more help or attention than others. Sicknesses, schedule changes, school options, friendships, yes, even bad decisions will throw the kilter off of the family dynamics.

What are we to do? Flog the one causing the upset to the apple cart? How about tar and feathers? That leaves terrible images. (The John Adams BBC movie comes to mind at that moment.)

Rachel extending great grace about 2007.

No, we have to remember, we too, need a little grace.

The person who has to load the dishwasher may not have time to load or may not even be home when it's time. What are going to do? Save the dishes for her? No, extend a little grace. What if we have to always load for her? Keep extending grace.

The questions get trickier as the family grows up and gets older. The situations get harder to navigate.  Do we stop extending grace? No, there's plenty of grace to share even when we're old.

Are we planning ahead of time to show that kind of love to one another?  If we aren't then we will fall back on whatever way we resort to "get someone back." For example, she didn't do her dishes yesterday, I'll leave mine today. Then tomorrow, it'll show her, she'll have double the work.  Is that the way we really want to see our families work?

The division of chores are tiny example of how a family works.  But they can be a huge indicator of where the family stands with one another. The smaller children obviously cannot scrub huge pots and pans. Would you allow the older ones to leave them for a three year old? Obviously not.

Now take that to a bigger real life issue.  What would happen if the older children were constantly taking advantage of the younger? That sets them up for a life time of abusing others. Or the instances of calling names? A light-hearted "dummy" could set your child up for years of berating, belittling and looking down on others.

Back to the family, our family... As they grow older some of our girls have been able to do other things outside of the home more than others.  Gifts and preferences surface that they may have that are more helpful in some areas more than others.  One of our girls happens to to be better at cutting grass than the others. She is the obvious choice for grass cutting when it's time for that and the best duster gets that job. Dusting isn't always the most fun job, but that's what has to happen at the time.

But what about when one needs more sleep and time to study than another? The jobs don't line up equally, but grace is still needed.

There are many examples of running a household that come to mind that prove the need for a family to help each other and show extra grace. As I'm writing, I'm thinking of even more life issues that occur outside of our home. Issues that have required extending grace when it wasn't the desire of the heart. Grown up issues that aren't really to be shared publicly but in our family setting, reveal the heart.

As adults emerge in a home, their problems and issues get bigger. They need the same grace that was poured on them as little ones crying over a broken dish or toy. Whether it's a wrecked car, a family vacation upset, or a birthday party fiasco, we can keep loving each other because we know Christ. God only knows what is coming next!

Because we are sinners and saved by grace, we can decide now to extend grace. As our daughters get even older and have families of their own, there will be more opportunities to be faithful to that decision. How we respond to a sister "borrowing" our favorite shoes reveals the heart. Now is the time to change the heart.

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:14

Our Homeschool Vision

With all of my talk and work recently on next year's homeschool, I wanted to rethink some of my early questions on homeschool.

Why do we homeschool?

How do we homeschool?

What is our homeschool vision?

I have been working on auto-pilot in my schooling so much lately that I'm not sure I even know what a vision is, much less how to write it out in words. So the best that I can tell, I think this sums it up in a not so great form.

To be filled with grace and wisdom

Grace- Christ gave His life for us to live. We must be filled with grace and live for Him.

know Gods word and practice it

Memorize scripture

Learn theology

Learn about missionaries

Serve others- the church, needy, young mothers

Learn history from a Christian worldview
Art and music with a view towards service to God

Wisdom- learn God's world and truths, learn about the world He created

Math

Science

Language arts
Foreign languages

Now, obviously, I need to work on form and make this clear for our family. We all need to sign off on how this looks for our family. As I make plans to change everything about our homeschool this 

coming August, our family will be going through a sort of "homeschool boot camp" to figure out how the next three girls can become educated the best way that we can educate them.

Parenting - Tested

Well, it finally happened. My two year told me that she didn't love me. It was the first time any of my children had said those awful words to me.

I've never allowed the girls to say they don't love someone, their sisters, their friends, their worst enemies, and definitely not their parents. We don't use words like hate or call each other hurtful names. The girls have slipped up and said things like that but were always quick to reverse it. I know that the mouth spills out what is in the heart and they are bound to "feel" not nice ways towards others. They are also capable of self control to stop their mean words and to change the bad feelings in their hearts towards those they truly love.

This morning, Abigail was unusually bad.

She kept snatching, jerking away, demanding her own way. After she started wrestling with Mary over the iPad, I administered the "rod of correction." After it was over, I told her that I loved her and was sorry that their was sin in her heart.

Her sweet little face, stained with tears, looked up and said, "Well, I don't wove you."

I wasn't terribly bothered because I know she wasn't feeling any "wove" at the moment. We talked about honoring mommy and daddy, about saying things we don't mean, about how we really love each other.

She was very calm and deliberate when she said again, "I still don't 'wove' you."

I kept Proverbs 23:13-14 going over and over in my mind. Her heart was hard towards me and towards God's discipline for her at the moment. I was questioning everything I knew from twenty-four years of parenting.

It took almost an hour before she was able to say that she loved me, but her actions didn't show that she was feeling love towards me. That was hard to swallow for me. Even a while later when she was playing, she didn't really want to give me the "good bye" kiss while pretending to leave.

That part was crushing, like a heavy weight on my chest. The more I think about it the heavier it is.

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.Proverbs 23:13-14

Discipline and punishment are painful, to the child and the parent. But holding onto God's Word, I am confident that it is right. I guess my study of  Proverbs is being tested.

A Day In This Vain Life At Our House

As I move through the days of work it's good to keep this in mind.

There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God.

When I went to sleep last night, I was pretty frustrated with the whole day.

• Ray was out of town and couldn't talk all day
• I had decided to stop potty training 
• We had to "waste" three hours for all of us to go to the dentist
• I went to the grocery store to get milk and they were out
• I had the car washed and it started raining
• Abigail started crying at 5:00 and refused to eat supper
• I got to baby sit Susannah for two hours and she cried on and off for an hour
• I got irritated with Hannah for suggesting that Abigail might be hurting somewhere because she isn't usually this bad
• I snapped at two of the girls who were just playing with each other
• When I finally went to sleep a neighborhood stray cat created havoc around our house and I was convinced that there was someone walking around our house that shouldn't have been

This morning -  

• I woke up on time 
• Ray comes home today
• Abigail asked to go potty before her shower 
• I got Abigail's diaper on before she made a big mess after the shower
• Abigail ate a huge breakfast and gave everyone at the table kisses
• I realized that Abigail is cutting several teeth in the back of her mouth and our hard supper last night had to be really hurting (kudos to my sweet, sensitive Hannah)
• Susannah showed up and gave everyone her bright big happy smiles early this morning
• I found out that a couple of the girls were walking around and checking on things because they heard the noises too

So as I go through working, parenting, cooking, doing school I have to remember that I must enjoy this life that God gave me. I know this life is all vanity, but it is from the hand of God. I cannot get so frustrated.

And on my worst day, which this was not even close to, I know that my life is a bed of roses compared to others - which is just another reason why I should not get so easily frustrated. I tend to whine too much about my own little issues in life. In reality there are many who are dealing with life long illnesses, death, debilitation, extreme poverty, abuse, and so much more. So when you hear of my little temper tantrums, if that's what you want to call them, know that I know that I am truly blessed beyond measure.

Chill Out

Because I often fret and worry that I'm not the best mom because I can't do everything I think I'm supposed to do, Ray sent me this article. As always, he's right! All I need to do is - love God, love my husband, and love my children. Everything else will fall into place accordingly.

Loving by Example

When children naturally love people, they show more signs of compassion and seem to extend grace and mercy to others. But how do I get them to love others. I'm convinced that a big part of that is by my example. But how can I love others?

Colossians 3:12 says, "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved..."

I have been called, made holy and am loved by God, the Most High Creator. Knowing that I can love others.

Colossians 3:12 "Put on then... compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another..."

Because I have been called and made holy and beloved, then I can put on a compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, and bear with others. I can do that when others haven't been compassionate, kind, humble, meek, patient, or forbearing with me.

Colossians 3:13 "...and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

Because the Lord has forgiven me greatly, I can keep from complaining against others and forgive.

Practically, what does that look like? Compassion and kindness looks like a hug when another is down or broken, physically being there, feeling others' pains.  Humility and meekness is able to say I'm sorry and swallow pride, even when things may not be completely your fault. Patience and forbearing is understanding that we aren't all alike. We can dwell with others in unity and accept petty differences with a cheerful heart. (You know, I'm not talking about sinful practices.)

The main way to be able to live out Colossians three is knowing how I was called, made holy and beloved.

Romans 5:8 "but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

As I follow Christ's example, my children will see me love others, follow my example and love others. If I don't love, my children won't either. 

It Matters

Going to church with babies and toddlers doesn't always seem like a good idea. For young moms who are completely exhausted it is really hard to remember why we even bother going. I loved this article on why it matters for us to show up every time, even when we get nothing out of it. Our children are learning how to worship. They can't learn to worship with the body of Christ if we stay home and listen to sermons or have a quick prayer and devotion. They need to be in church.

Being a mom (or being a Christian) means that what we do isn't about us. Going to church with your arms full of baby isn't about you, it's about God. So while you go to church and pray that everyone there isn't staring at your child, know that God is glorified. I've been there before and I'm back there again. Sure it's a little easier when I've trained several girls already to sit quietly through church, but it's still hard. I'm there praying that God would help settle my child's heart and just make her be quiet and still. I'm the mom back at home asking my family about the sermon, wondering when I'll get to start back taking notes.

Today, I am reminded that my notebook won't always be filled with crayon scribbles and that I'll miss those days when they're gone. So I'll be encouraged to continue training Abigail to sit quietly and be praying for the other young parents training their own children to worship God.

By the way, I don't know this blogger or her theology, but I think it goes without saying that I'm not promoting a Lutheran doctrine here, just this article.

While serving those who are sick there are only two choices to make. The choice to serve as Christ or not.  Many times the sick and ailing can't or won't be considerate to those helping them. I have to decide how to respond, will I be Christlike or will I become annoyed and feel sorry for myself? On days like today, it is easier to think Christlike. After all, it is Good Friday. Jesus, the Ultimate Servant, suffered and died for those He came to serve. He was spit on and beaten, yet He did not turn away. But in the midst of numerous requests, full trash cans and mounds of dirty laundry, do I remember Christ? Not always.

Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

Picture above is Hannah, Mary, and Lydia with Dr. Al Mohler of SBTS. Ray is about to begin his doctoral work at Southern and made a trip with these girls to talk to the professors. As we begin this journey as a family we are excited and a little nervous. Ray will be reading about six thousand words a year along with writing papers and classes. This is all added to the work he already does. God is faithful to provide the strength and time he needs to do his work. Hopefully, as a family, we will be faithful to provide help, quiet and patience for Ray to do his work.

Speaking of Dirty Details

After a day that we thought couldn't get worse, my sweet son-in-law brought home flowers for me.

• The day started when Adrian came to tell me that our dishwasher was leaking over their closet so we shouldn't run it until it was fixed. 
• Rachel woke up very sick and spent most of the morning throwing up. 
• When she settled down I was about to take a shower when she said, "Maybe you should check downstairs." (We knew the septic tank had started to back up into her toilet and had already called a plumber.) When I opened the door to her house, I saw water everywhere. The septic tank had backed up into her house.  At that very moment the plumbers drove into our driveway. 
• After mucking, moving, cleaning and bleaching for hours, I went upstairs to start supper. I was supposed to have a friend over to visit, but I cancelled that mid-afternoon.
• Ray was supposed to leave at noon to be gone overnight and left two hours late. I'm so very glad he stayed to help and talk to the plumbers.
• I finally got a much needed shower at 4:30. While changing Abigail's diaper I heard a crash in the kitchen; the glass from a light fixture had fallen from the ceiling and shattered throughout the kitchen and laundry room. Thankfully, no one was nearby.
• Then Abigail chose that very moment to wet the bed; the bed that had just had clean sheets put on. And she thought it wise to wet all the way through to the mattress.

So, when Adrian showed up with flowers and chocolate for me, I almost cried. I am so very thankful that Rachel is married to a kind man.

What's My Response?

I was facing another frustrating moment today when I had to make a decision - How am I going to respond? Abigail had been crying for a long time, I was trying to figure out something on the computer, and I needed to be cooking supper. Once I thought of my options, I knew I had none. As a believer in the power of the Gospel to change lives, I knew I couldn't fall apart. I didn't get a shower until 5:15 in the afternoon (with just enough time to get ready for church), the girls stepped up to help (again), the computer actually worked for me, and supper turned out edible.

I glanced at Facebook at some point later in the day and this was a friend's status. I don't know what his thinking was for putting it up, but it was a nice reminder for me too.

Wherever you may live, and whatever may be your trials; however great your difficulties, and however small your helps; nothing should prevent your aiming at the highest standard, to behave like one who believes that Christ is coming again! You should resolve, by God’s help, to live so that the day of Christ shall find you needing as little change as possible! You should seek to have...

your tastes so heavenly,

your affections so spiritual,

your will so subdued,

your mind so unworldly

...that when the Lord appears, you may be thoroughly in tune for His kingdom!

Sarah Is Trying To Recover

In the past six weeks as Sarah is really trying to recover from her concussions, she (and the rest of us) have had to be really patient with her lifestyle change. The doctors are seeing results and are very hopeful she can return to full play in the next few months. She is able to get back to some light school work and minimal activity. (Some of the girls are hoping that means doing the dishes.)

Here a just a few conversations we've had these recent weeks :

I'm so bored!

Sarah, "I've lost so many muscles that I feel like a limp washcloth."
Me, "Think about how I feel. I haven't been able to exercise in almost nine months."
Sarah, "Well that's ok, you're more like a fluffy bath towel."
Lydia, "What about me? What am I like?"
"You're like a bar of soap."

I'm so bored!

Sarah, "When does the time change?"
Me, "Tonight."
Sarah, "Well that stinks."
(Everyone else in the world is thankful for the extra hour of sleep.)

I'm so bored!

Me, "Sarah, are you watching that game on television?"
Sarah, "No, I have my head under a blanket. I'm just listening."

I'm so bored!

One thing that has been exciting for her is to introduce Abigail to the Dawgs. Her philosophy of sports? - "Start 'em young, raise 'em right." Watching television is still not something she can do much of but she sneaks in as much GA football as she can.

Surgery

With all of the excitement of yesterday we have that much calmness today. Rachel had surgery on her right foot today to fix a wayward bunion and the other girls had the living room filled with cards and well wishes. The late afternoon was spent trying to keep Lydia quiet until time for church. The surgery went great and she is feeling groggy, but okay. Now she has to learn to be patient with us as we learn how to take care of her and get her whatever she needs when she needs it. I am remembering last year when I broke my ankle and just wished everyone could read my mind and know what I needed.

Step Into My Office

These days my life has been resolved to the sofa. As I recover from my "bad day of walking" I am learning more about patience than I ever wanted to know. Watching the world move around me, I can tell you things like where the dust bunnies hide when someone walks through the room and how many flies it takes to make me throw a pillow at the ceiling. While I have done some productive things like watching a bird family in the cherry tree in our back yard, I have also spent too much time feeling sorry for myself. It is common knowledge that I don't sit still very well and lying on the sofa these few days has taught me that I need serious help in the patience department. I do not like asking for every little thing and feel awful watching the girls do my work. Another problem I have is a lack of coordination. The shocking news is that I'm not athletic so I haven't quite figured out the crutches bit. Rachel still feels like she should walk with me when I get up to go to the bathroom, and I don't blame her. Wobbling around like I do, I am kind of glad she is staying close. The doctors say I'll be able to walk on this boot before too long, which is already too long for me.
Because my mom had major surgery on her back this week, I am especially disappointed about my clumsiness. I had planned on going to the hospital and staying for several days; now that is left to other family members. Thankfully there are several who are more than willing to be there and have been so good to her. I have to pray even harder when I hear her suffering and know I can't be there. It's another evidence of "We make our plans, but God directs our paths."
Before I sound too pitiful, I must say that I have done some things I know would never have gotten done. I have watched hours of a new writing program on dvd that would have taken me years to go through if I wasn't confined. I am able to read and listen to the girls better too. As we are making plans to start school soon, I hope that all this sitting will make me a more focused teacher and help me not worry so much about household duties. Amazingly, I have also gotten to talk to several friends on the phone this week which usually only happens on the run and in short snippets of time. Another blessing is that I have witnessed that some of our girls are truly capable of running a household for a longer period of time and I may even want to take a long vacation after I can get around. (ha-ha)
Now you know, if your are in our area and want to visit I'm sitting on the sofa for the next five weeks and two days, that is unless I can figure out these crutches.