Put off, put on.

I had complained to Ray that I was tired of picking up his shoes and socks. He didn't typically leave them all over the house, but he did leave them all over the bedroom and bathroom. I was often picking them up and putting them in the closet where they belong.  I didn't want them anywhere besides the closet because I'm clumsy and fall over them; and I'm busy and don't need anything else to pick up. But, the main reason I said anything is because I'm sinful and just don't want to pick up his socks and shoes.

Since I've complained to him, not only does he pick up his socks and shoes, I can't even find a stitch of his dirty clothes anywhere, except the hamper.

It isn't bad that I asked him to pick up his socks and shoes. Husbands and wives can ask questions like that of each other, gracefully. There could be a lesson in communication for me I'm sure.

What is bad is that I let it fester. By the end of many days, I was fuming over how many socks I had picked up. I would be counting and throwing them in the hamper myself, with force, I might add. His office is at home, he comes and goes, and often changes clothes for different tasks. So there might be several socks here and there.

But...

The chapter in The Excellent Wife that the ladies are discussing this week discusses the "Biblical Process of Change". (It's by Martha Peace, page 24)

Ephesians 4:22-24
to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Instead of me fuming about the socks, and becoming an angry Michael Jordan, I should have changed my thinking. I should have put off anger, ...

And I should have put on -

... then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, Colossians 3:12

Last year while we were in Oxford, England I wasn't thinking about picking up socks...

Yoga Pants

Well, I did it!

I wore my yoga pants out in public, not just to run into the grocery store. I wore them to music class with the girls and shopping for several hours. Yes, it bothered me. I had pulled my hair into a pony tail and dressed to exercise. Then, my friend was coming over for coffee. She would be leaving in time for me to go to music. The problem is that music started an hour before I remembered. When I realized this, I had to immediately run out of the house. Abigail had already missed once because I had the time written down wrong.

When I got to music, a lady introduced herself to me like she had never met me. (Our kids had been in the same class for at least four weeks.) This lady didn't recognize that she had seen me out of ten other moms and I had personally talked with her child. That'll do something for a person's self-esteem, won't it? The only thing I could think was that she couldn't recognize me because I had on yoga pants.

There isn't anything sinful about yoga pants/exercise pants/sweatpants. I had just made the personal decision not to wear them in public. In my mind, it says several things about myself.

For me, wearing yoga pants in public says that I don't care what I look like, that I am going to be comfortable. Yoga pants are very comfortable, well, unless I pass by a mirror. Yoga pants also tell me where my exercising and eating has gone wrong.

I am also very sensitive to older ladies' opinions of me. Many older ladies that I respect would never wear "lounging" clothes in public. These are the same ladies who wouldn't wear pants to church or to the doctor 's office or on an airplane, etc.  I know there aren't many of these ladies around, but in my mind, if I ran into them at Kroger, I would be embarrassed.

There has come a time in our society that personal comfort should have top priority over everything. Just because you can wear something doesn't mean you should. Wearing what's appropriate for the occasion is important. Our society's sense of propriety is gone.

When I hear my own mother comment on the first lady's sleeveless dress as inappropriate, I am shamed. I have no problem wearing sleeveless. But I am also reminded that that bothers a generation gone by. Pride in self presentation, respect for elders and propriety are virtues that have seemed to have disappeared.

If I run into you at Kroger and you're wearing your comfiest clothes, I'm not going to reprimand you. I probably won't even notice. I'm a lot harder on myself than you, I promise.

The modesty of yoga pants is a completely separate debate. There is a reason that I am not posting a picture of myself in yoga pants.

Revitalizing Bible Study

My Bible studies seem to go in seasons.

The cycles include things like - reading through the Bible in a year, chronological reading, in-depth study of one book, or devotional reading (usually during the busiest months). This past December, I was feeling discouraged and a little too laissez-faire about my Bible study/devotional time.

For Christmas, I received a copy of Paul Tripp's New Morning Mercies devotional book. It seems to speak the gospel in devotional bits to me every day.  I know that the gospel isn't about me, but about Christ. The devotions deliver the gospel as it relates to every day life, then add scripture to read. Every day's scripture readings include selections that I think, "Oh, I should add this to my list of scripture to memorize and meditate on."

The Praying The Bible concept is still as refreshing as I had hoped it would be. I am not recommending we abandon Bible study, but sometimes, we need a fresh breath. I can't wait to finish the that our ladies are reading together, Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin.

Ephesians 5:31-32

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. this mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

We are to leave all other in this world and cling to our spouses. Whatever is in this world that satisfies - job, children, possessions, status, comfort...ladies, what is the first thing that you think of when I say, "What brings you the most joy in this world?"  Don't blurt it out because it could be very embarrassing.

This refers to Christ and the church. What did Christ do for the church? He died for her. He willingly laid down his life for His bride. That's what God calls husbands to do every day for their wives. God is glorified in that.

But, what must the bride do? 

Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.

Colossians 3:18 - Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

We can talk about the word submit all day long. It has been discussed many times, by so many better than I. The little phrases at the end of each of those two verses keep jumping out at me. 

"as to the Lord" and "as is fitting in the Lord"

If we filter everything we do for or against our husbands through those words, how would our lives change? I bet we wouldn't -

• grumble under our breath
• text a thoughtless comment 
• sigh a little extra loudly to get the point across
• roll our eyes
• think thoughts that are less than God honoring
• "forget" to do something that he asked to be done

• allow our children to say, do or think less than honorable thoughts about their father
• be easily offended because he is exhausted from working 

That's just a short list of that came to mind quickly. What are the "little" responses that you sinfully make in response to your husband? 

If the phrase "as is fitting in the Lord" was on the minds of more women, how could our marriages be changed?  It's these "little" sins that compound. They become huge when multiplied. 

So, right now, write across your heart, "as is fitting in the Lord." How will you respond to a hurt, reply to a thoughtless word, repent of a sinful deed? There are so many things in our lives that could call for a "big" response. Filtering our responses through this lens would make dramatic changes. 

If you don't know what "as is fitting in the Lord" means, try spending some time in the Psalms.  The psalmist knows the Almighty, ever present God who created the universe and is involved in the tiny details of our lives. Worshipping that God gives earthly brides a way to honor their earthly husbands.

The "H" Word

It's a word I truly cannot stand to hear! All my life, I have heard it as an excuse, a curse word, a scapegoat, a justification for sin. It's really a terrible word.

I've heard it from doctors when they didn't know what to say, especially in my teenage girls. In an especially frustrating week, I even growled at my chiropractor one day, "Don't ever say that word to me again!"

HORMONES!

You've heard it too.

The ebb and flow of hormones (pun intended) comes and goes in crazy cycles (and again) all of our lives. Women know that it's always coming.

Before Ray and I got married, he told me that I could never go through menopause. As a young mother, I read things about it and thought that it wouldn't be that hard. I would just have to remember that with age, things change. Having children later in life, I've heard, postpones the onset of the dreaded event.

Well, here I am! Growl intended there too.

The physical part is nothing compared to the mental part. I haven't figured out how to completely control the thoughts that come along with my changing hormones. But I am working on it.

This onset of emotions has me a lot quieter than I normally would be sometimes. If I don't keep my mouth closed, I am too tempted to say things that I shouldn't.

Feelings of loneliness, discouragement and despair are heightened. Though nothing has really changed in my stage in life, I "feel" like it has.

Anytime that the word "feel" comes to my mind, an automatic red flag flies up too. I do not trust my feelings, nor should I. My go to Bible verse is Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

If I can't get control of my mind, I will not have control of my mouth, hands, body. No one wants to live around an out of control hormonal woman. Thankfully, there is help in Titus 2:11-12.

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age. (emphasis mine)

Training is the key word. I am in training. Grrrrrr....

Men and Women are Different

Consider my schedule for this particular morning-

5:30 wake up, shower
6:00 breakfast for Hannah and Sarah
6:30 quiet time
7:00 breakfast for the other girls
7:45 leave for group school

In the course of the morning, I was dealing with getting children ready, meals for the day and trying to get prepared for the literature class I was supposed to teach (which was not at all ready for).

Ray came into the bathroom while I was blow drying my hair holding a book and grinning. I turned off the blow dryer to listen to him while he read. I had just been running from room to room, rushing through and grabbing what I needed as I went. I certainly didn't have time to stop to chat.

He had things to do and deadlines too. He was finishing up preparations for an upcoming marriage conference and had found a new book. Besides the fact that Sunday is always coming, sermon preparation is always looming.

In the midst of the morning rush, he was able to stop everything and read. You can guess what the book was about- Intimacy! Men can stop on a dime for some subjects. Women take longer to see the humor or interest.

Now, I truly do not remember if I made it to my class on time, if I left the house dressed in what I wanted, if the girls were well fed or even if my literature class went off without a problem. In the big picture of our family, those things didn't matter. What mattered was my husband.

So, ladies, turn off the hair dryer and remind yourself to slow down and think. Think about the
differences and enjoy them. In the midst of a rush, our husbands need us to slow down, listen, smile with them and enjoy the discussion.

Who Is Your Neighbor?

I love watching how Rachel and Adrian love each other.

Have you ever been to wedding showers or other events that say write a note of advice to the bride and groom?  My response always says-

Love God more than you love spouse OR yourself.

Did you know that these verses are about marriage?

Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:29-31

Who is our closest neighbor? Our husband. He shares every part of our lives, yet we have to be reminded how to love him.

"And so train the younger women to love their husbands..." Titus 2:4

We are so busy with loving ourselves, our children, the world and all of its trappings that we forget to love the one whom God has given us - our closest neighbor.

Some Great Reasons for Holding Hands

Daytona Beach 2010

How do you feel when your husband reaches for your hand? There should be a connection that no other hand brings. R. C. Sproul, Jr. wrote about hand holding and I really like the way he says it here.

Hand holding is a way to say both, “You are safe with me” and “Follow me into the adventure.”

These are just a few of my favorite reasons to hold hands -

• Holding your husband's hand is different than holding your child's. His is bigger, protecting you, leading you through the world. Like Sproul said- safety and adventure.
•  There have been times when Ray has reached for my hand and I didn't really want to hold his. Hand holding softens those bad feelings, feelings that need to be corrected. I have also purposefully taken his hand to help ease problems we might have been facing at the time.
• Every time my girls see an even older couple than us holding hands all romantic sentimentalities are expressed. "Oohs, aahs and how cute is that!" are just a few things we might hear from them. Children love to see sweet expressions of love.

Try holding hands today with your husband and talk about how it makes you feel with him.

 Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us,
        and establish the work of our hands upon us;
        yes, establish the work of our hands! (Psalm 90:17 ESV)

A Candle Burning at Both Ends

This past weekend I had every second planned out, with some of those seconds over scheduled. I felt like I was a candle burning at both ends. I jokingly told someone that I was going to Google "a candle burning at both ends" to see what I looked like. I did that this afternoon and this is an image that I found with this scripture reference.

Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength. (Isaiah 40:28-29, ESV)

Yes, I was the one who over committed my family and myself, but God is the One who gives power to the faint and increases strength. 

I felt very inadequate all weekend to complete the things that I had signed myself up for and to complete those things well. How I completed wasn't dependent on me or how I could pull myself up by my bootstraps. It was dependent on who God is and what He has done in my life. It was up to Him how things ended.

It Takes a Village

- Natalie is a young pregnant mom of three children under five years old. Her husband leads the worship music in our church and isn't able to sit with her for much of the service on Sunday mornings. One morning recently, their two year old was unusually fussy. In my heart I was praying for them when I noticed another friend, Kelly, slip out of her seat to go offer help.*

- When Rachel was less than a year old, I had a friend named Lena who lived around the corner from us. She and her teenage daughters would come pretty often and load Rachel's car seat into their car and take her to play at their house.*

- Courtney is a college student who lived with us for two semesters and saw how 'real' life is in our home. A few nights ago, she came for supper and spent the night. At supper, she asked if she could cook breakfast for us the next morning.*

These are just small illustrations of "it takes a village to raise a child." I'm not speaking of Hillary Clinton's village, the one of government programs that provide assistance in any area of life. These are  programs that offer "help" that many times in the end undermine the parent's ability to parent.

I'm referring to a proverb quoted by many that spoke of how we all need family and community to raise our children. It is difficult to raise small children! I know! Mothers are often home alone for many hours every day, balancing children of many ages with housework and cooking, and that doesn't mention anything that happens outside the home such as grocery stores and music lessons. What is a young mother to do when she is pregnant, sick, having another baby, or simply stretched thin by her responsibilities? It's impossible to think she can do it all alone.

Years ago, Ray made a comment to me that he regretted immediately. I was complaining about my workload with so many small children. He said, "If my grandmother could do it, so can you. She didn't even conveniences that you have." With great indignation I told him that he didn't marry his grandmother, he married me! Later I thought about that. Why did it seem so much harder for me than his grandmother?

I think it's because of the lack of community. We don't live in a society where the women meet together to wash clothes, make soap, talk to each other, and watch each other's children. Everything we need is in our own homes or we go to the store to buy it. We live too far away for close relatives to just drop by and pick up a child for a little while or offer help. Days are gone when young families live in the same communities that they grew up in and they know everyone in town. Now, a young family can go throughout the course of many days without bumping into someone they know. Here is a very interesting article that discusses why and how we lost this community.

The problem with this kind of isolation is that we are alone. We need help! We need to cry on someone's shoulder. We need someone to hold the baby while we just go to the bathroom. We were created for community and isolation breeds loneliness, exhaustion, despair....

We need community! Since we have moved away from extended family, we have to seek community elsewhere. I think the only place for that is the church. We have a family in the church body that loves us like no other, that sees us often (or they should!), and can see when we need help. How would Kelly have known that Natalie needed help if she hadn't been involved in her life? How would Lena have known that picking up Rachel very few days was so helpful to me if she hadn't been involved in my life? How would Courtney have known that cooking a meal for me would be such a great help if she hadn't been involved in our lives?

I'm busy, too busy! I'm not involved enough in others' lives to see as many needs as I know that there are. But the needs that I do see are overwhelming, not to mention those under my own roof! I don't know how women with small children function well without others? When my older girls were very small their Aunt Amy would take them sometimes or they would stay with everyone's favorite babysitter, Mrs. Wanda. Sometimes they even went for overnights to grandparents' houses. But I still remember feeling tired, overwhelmed and sometimes like I was harming them because I didn't enjoy them as much as could have.

I didn't realize what they needed was for me to rest, spend more energy on my marriage and let others help me. This article explains well what moms really need. I know we need to pray and seek God's help, relying on His strength to do our duties. But it's hard to remember that when you have to go to the grocery store in the pouring rain, get supper ready and your two year old has decided to throw a fit.  There have been many times when I would be thinking something like, "Sure, I know I need God's help, but is it too much to ask for Him to mop the kitchen?" He isn't going to mop the kitchen, but he does give me the strength to when I do it, or he provides someone else.

Now I'm wondering how to further this village mentality...

*Names are not changed to protect the innocent, but to encourage the weary.

My Opinion on Marriage

"I hate seeing young people throw their lives away. Getting engaged before they're even 20 - marriage is not the end goal in life. There is so much more out there!"

I was so sad when I saw this Facebook post. I thought, "Poor girl! I need to respond quickly and set her straight." Thankfully, I held my tongue- or, fingers, since after all, we don't actually TALK to people. In my opinion, getting married at a very young age was great for me and anyone else that's ready for that commitment. But that's my opinion, I think very valid, but I have no proof, just my own great life.

I got to thinking, this young lady is clearly not ready to get married and is entitled to her opinion. The next post on my news feed was from a guy confessing that he likes to eat black olives straight out of the can. I didn't swell up against him, even though I don't think that's a good idea.

Facebook is a place to share ideas, events, happenings, opinions. Everyone does that on their posts and it's their right. We typically 'friend' those with similar interests of us and sometimes even 'unfriend' those who don't share our views. I'm not anywhere close to 'unfriending' my young friend because she disagrees with me on this topic.

So why did it make me so sad to see this post? I think it's because I feel so strongly about marriage.
Marriage is like everything else that God created- the purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. So, if as a young, single adult, a person can accomplish that, she should do that with all her heart.  Enjoy the single life set apart to serve God.

In many circles, marriage is nothing close to glorifying God. It's seen as a prison where there is no
more joy, no more life. The image of Christ and the church is completely foreign to most of the world, yet that's what marriage is all about.

• A husband who is willing to lay down his life for his bride
• A bride who is willing to follow her husband

So, when I see marriage looked upon with disdain, I am sad and want to share my opinion on the matter. And my opinion is that it is very good.

Table Sitting

Some time ago, I gave a presentation to the ladies in our church entitled, Table Sitting. Someone asked for my notes and I promised to get them to her and am just now editing them a little for others to be able read.

Table etiquette is important. My mom taught me manners, like - how to set the table properly, keep my elbows off the table, don't chew with your mouth open. I was so set on teaching my own children manners that in the beginning it became a legalistic practice of wills. I even tried to teach my own husband a thing or two. How wrong for me to presume that I could teach a grown man how to behave at the table! I forgot to enjoy my family. It is very important to teach your children to stay seated until they have been excused and not to interrupt others, but it's also a great time to enjoy the gifts that God gave you.

Every moment doesn't have to be about teaching.  Praise be to God! The psalmist just sat in praise of His God and found many things to be thankful for. How about having a time around the table to just sit and enjoy one another?

At a normal meal at our home, everyone who is home comes to the table. There may be certain times when Ray is super busy and he'll grab a sandwich and go back to his office, but usually everyone sits. There are no phones, TVs, or other gadgets at the table. If I remember to turn on music, I'll turn on very low soft instrumentals. One of the girls or I will serve up the plates mainly because we have always had small children at the table that aren't able to pass hot dishes. I would like for them to eventually learn how to do that. As far as food, everyone gets what's on the table on their plate and tastes it. I don't force eggs on everyone every morning, but for the most part, I insist they eat what I cook. We stay seated till we're done. No one is left at the table alone still eating.

As small children the big girls would always say, "I enjoyed it, may I please  be excused?" They would get it confused and it turned into, "I'm excused, may I be enjoined it?"  We have to insist on manners now, because it gets harder later.

Reading etiquette books, you could get so caught up in the rules, you would miss the point of manners. Manners is just a consideration of others. Because we love God, we must show respect to others and treat them with dignity, no matter who they are. And if we treat with dignity those we live with, then it won't be difficult to honor those special guests that show up. And it won't be so difficult to sit at a table in public with small children.

I feel strongly that as moms we are responsible to teach our children. We need to teach  them  respect and manners. I found that if my children won't obey me and respect me, with or without Ray at home, they won't respect other authority and won't respect God. Respect for me, respect for their father, respect for others begin at the table.

I used to think manners could go by the golden rule. Behave in the same way that you want to be treated. But that isn't necessarily true. Some of my girls would have no problem with another person laying on the table or crunching their ice very loudly, in fact they would love it so they could do that too. But that still doesn't show respect. Posture, demeanor, and tones are what show others respect - good posture, kind demeanor and sweet tones.

Does that mean our table times are good, quiet and kind? No, our regular family meals get very loud and very lively! We try to keep the "family meeting" type conversations for another time. Meal times may often be the only time your family is able to have a family meeting, but we will try to make it brief and upbeat if it has to be during the meal. It's probably best to call for family meetings after you've finished eating. At our table there is often uncontrollable laughter and lively debates. Ray will often read the Bible or a book that he's reading to us. Right now, we are reading a new children's book called Help Mom, There's an Armenian Under My Bed.  I'm sure that much of our family's theology has been shaped at the table. That's where we discuss sermons, books, music, relationships, life!

Practicalities of setting the table? Make it look nice. It's amazing how everyone's behavior straightens up when we sit in the dining room versus the kitchen. On special occasions, I go to extra trouble to make the table look nice. I want the girls to understand that mealtimes are important to our family and life. I like decorating the table. God made our world beautiful so it's okay to enjoy pretty things. God is creative with so many glorious colors, we should relish those colors.

Day to day- real dishes work for us because paper products are too expensive. The girls have broken very few dishes because they learned to handle them. Cloth table clothes and napkins are all we ever use. They are inexpensive and easy to make.

To decorate the table, for special occasions, the first thing I do is choose a color. That choice comes from whatever flowers are in bloom, how many people are coming, or the season. Or I might choose a theme for a party. For Adrian's birthday meal the first year he and Rachel were married I had a first knight's party. He was the first "knight in shining armor" to come along so that needed to be celebrated. For every special occasion such as a birthday, shower, graduation or such I will buy at least one roll of ribbon, or some other small trinket to decorate with. For this event, I purposely only bought two rolls of ribbon to prove that if you think futuristically about your purchases, it's very inexpensive to set a pretty table. Don't be afraid to pull things from different places in your house to decorate with. Kim might recognize some paper and ribbon from Grady's baby shower.

For Ray's mother's 60th birthday, we decorated about 12 tables with dolls, took scrap fabric to make table runners and it was very pretty. Kim's baby shower was decorated with all of Ray's old childhood toys. I loved Natalie's idea of having a children's book party for Desiree. It was beautiful, fun and so appropriate for the occasion. I use a lot of paper to make banners, place cards and other decorations. All scraps are saved so that they can be used again. If you buy ribbon, candle holders or dishes, make sure that you could use them again. Years ago, I bought these plates on the table for 50 cents each and use them all the time. You may or may not have places to store lots of sets of dishes, but if you're creative you would be surprised at how much you can do with what you have.

Buying solid colors and clear glass helps stretch your decorations. You can mix solid yellow plates for every season, black is classic and makes an occasion more formal. Thrift stores and Goodwill often have odd pieces that work well when put together. Most of these decorations will pull double duty for Father's Day this weekend. I'll add a little twine and red wrapping paper gifts and take out the lace doilies and it will be fit for the men of the house.

We don't have meals like this every week. We decorate as much as we can when someone comes over for a regular meal and our day to day meals get a set table. The main idea is to enjoy our families, teach them to respect others and lead them to worship the great God of all Creation.

Legalism Versus Grace - Part One

In her effort to throw off legalism, she would bind others with her own form of legalism- lawlessnes.

I don't know where I got this quote from, maybe I made it up, I don't know, but every time I read it I am thankful for grace, God's grace. I see children raised in homes where legalism abounds grow up to throw off all restraints. These children have been sheltered away from culture to an extreme, given laws about dress, and heard judgements passed on anyone who doesn't live up to a certain set of rules. Every move is regulated and every motive is judged. Children from these homes often bolt the first moment they can, to anywhere they can as long as it's away from home. 

Talking to a mom who thought she somewhat fell into the throws of legalism as a parent, I was able to see her heart. She was afraid that if she didn't hold onto her children tight enough and regulate their every move enough that somehow they would be lost. She confessed that she thought her way was what would protect them and she didn't fully trust them to God's way. Now her every prayer is that they become godly. 

Her comment, "If only they would be serving God in some remote place..." struck me to the core.  How many times have I hoped and tried not to pray that God would send my children to a remote land to serve Him? If only.... I am in a place at this moment that may be considered enviable to most moms. My children are all very close, under the same roof.... today. When God moves them across town I will cry, if He moves them across the world, I will cry. But I pray that those cries will always be, "Please just make them godly."

So, as we parents do our job, we need to remember that our way is not always God's way. We must be searching the Scripture, praying for wisdom, remaining faithful to His laws and trusting God to lead our children. 

So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good. Romans 7:12

Here is a note from someone battling the feelings of having been too legalistic:

 A little while ago (today), I was thinking about that book "Don't Make Me Count to Three" (I think that is the title). Anyway, I got to thinking about the "don't make me" part. I know it's supposed to be the parent talking, but what about the child? To some extent, as they get older, we have to stop "making" them obey and choose wisely and follow God-they have to do it because it's their choice. I've been realizing lately that in my effort to protect (control), I made their choices for them. I wonder if I didn't really teach them to make godly choices on their own. Does that make sense? I know when they are very young it's different, but as they get older giving more freedom (unlike I did) seems like a much wiser parenting choice. I have also very much been wanting a way to warn other parents of the dangers of legalism, fear, trying to be in control, etc. 

Guilty Again

Why is it that I always feel guilty? 

For several reasons, I didn't have a quiet time this morning and I've felt guilty about that. Then I laid down and took a two hour nap, and talk about feeling guilty! I haven't been long having that hour long fest on Pinterest, now post-poning Bible time and taking a long nap? 

I've told the girls before that when you look up the word mom in the dictionary, you'll find that the definition beside it is the word guilty.  I think that, as a mom, I set up standards for myself that I can't always stand up to. Then I feel guilty. 

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

As I am faithful to God's Word and do what He has called me to do, I must not set up a standard for myself that does not allow for me to rest when it's time to rest and enjoy this life that He has blessed me with.

Ecclesiastes

"I don't think it is just the English teacher in me that leads me to this conclusion about our basic problem in Bible study these days: we've forgotten how to read! We're so used to fast food that we think we should be able to drive by the Scriptures periodically and pick up some easily digestible truths that someone else has wrapped up neatly for us. We've disowned that process of careful reading...observing the words...seeing the shape of a book and a passage...asking questions that take us into the text rather than away from it...digging into the Word and letting it speak! Through such a process, guided by the spirit, the Word of God truly feeds our souls."

I am so excited to begin a new Bible study this week from Kathleen B. Nielson on the book of Ecclesiastes. I am guilty - I read short clips of things and avoid those things that require long term energy and focus, even the Bible sometimes. My Bible reading often falls under the headings of habit, perfunctory, bland, ...drive through, fast food. My prayer through this Bible study for me and the other ladies engaged in it with me is that of Nielson's, "that, by means of these studies, people would be further enabled to read the Scriptures profitably and thereby find life and nourishment in them, as we are meant to do."

Dieting

Do the calories count if I snack on chocolate while I'm making a salad? 

I've been having a lot of issues with my weight lately. Yes, I know I'm not over weight. My weight has just been redistributed in the past few years and I'm not a fan of redistribution (of weight or wealth). At the beginning of the summer, I couldn't button a pair of shorts that I bought last year. 

Rachel's baby is only five weeks old and she's working hard on her weight and already gotten back into her jeans. Recently, at the grocery store, Rachel and I saw a new mother with a baby younger than Rachel's but the mom had obviously gotten back into her regular clothes quickly and beautifully. Rachel noticed her too. I told her that there will always be someone skinnier, shapelier, healthier, stronger, ... you get the idea. We have to do the best we can with what we have. We have to honor God with our own bodies.

I'm never going to be a body builder, elite runner or super model nor do I want to. I just have to take the body God gave me and use it for His glory. I know that when I'm eighty years old, I will probably have some health issues. If I do what's right with my body now, those issues may not be as severe. I don't want my children to have extra burdens then because I didn't have self control or was lazy now.

I'm not a heavy eater, but I do like food, especially chocolate. If I don't practice self control while I'm eating, I'm not glorifying God. I don't usually consider myself to be a lazy person, but when it comes to exercise I might be. It's much easier to sleep thirty minutes longer than to get up and walk. 

I heard of a study that found for women over forty they have to do sixty minutes of cardio exercise a day to maintain their weight if they still eat the same amount of food that they ate before they were forty. I don't have sixty minutes a day every day of the week to exercise, I don't have any day of the week that I have sixty minutes to exercise. Since the episode with my shorts at the beginning of the summer, my goal has been the normal thirty minutes at least three times a week. Some weeks, I've done a little more, some a little less. 

I've always known that I wouldn't be able to maintain eating the same amount that I've always eaten. Haven't you ever heard anyone say, "Enjoy it now, you won't be able to eat like that forever."? There was a time when I could have had one of Natalie's delicious orange muffins and Kelly's cinnamon rolls for breakfast, but not anymore, 
today I have to choose.  I have even cut out eating chocolate every day (gasp). 

Now writing a post like this could have some negative ramifications. Please, just know my heart. I want to glorify God with my body, not condemn others. In the past few weeks, two different people have told me that they had gained fifty pounds that they want to loose. I was shocked, because I don't notice things like that. Honestly, I'm too distracted to notice or examine other's weight issues or judge them about that. 

So tomorrow, I'll wake up, exercise, eat a cinnamon roll (I ate the orange muffin today) and put on the shorts that I couldn't button several weeks ago. 

Meditate on the Law of the Lord

Two counselors were discussing a particular lady that they were in the process of trying to help. One made the comment that this lady can recall in vivid detail every wrong done against her, back to her very young childhood days. She has spent many hours and days going over those things in her mind. That is her heart meditation. She meditates on that day and night.

Scripture tells us to meditate on the Law of The Lord. If our hearts can't think of nothing but how others have hurt us, then our hearts are deceiving us. I know that when we have been sinned against it is very hurtful. But no matter that hurt, we can move on. No sin that has been committed against us is too great for Christ to forgive. We are great sinners, as Christians, He has forgiven us. Because He has forgiven us, we can forgive others.

(This is not a treatise on lawbreaking. I know that unlawful activity must be punished. Often times someone will hold onto petty arguments and disagreements for a life time.)

So what should we do with all that space in our hearts and minds? It seems clear to me.

 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,  and on his law he meditates day and night.(Psalm 1:2 ESV) 

 This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.(Joshua 1:8 ESV)

I Thessalonians 4:9

Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another.

I am often over whelmed by how God's Word touches me. After the ladies luncheon this week, I was impressed by how much I love the dear ladies of our church. We have come from different places of the country, from different backgrounds, yet God has given us love for one another and for that I am thankful.

Managing Your Home

Women are often called home managers, they are in charge of taking care of the home. That may look different for some women than others but there will be some basic similarities. One of those is to keep your home clean. I don't mean white glove clean, but clean. There should never be long periods of time with things growing in the toilet and trash overflowing. We have to discipline ourselves to take care of that which God has given us. Our house is kind of big, not huge, just big enough to hold our family, and it takes a while to get it clean. I don't know of a time when the entire house was completely clean from top to bottom, but a general picture of orderliness and safety is a must. As I type I'm reminded of the nights I've pushed through the girls' rooms to make a clear path to the door. After all, how would they get out if there was a fire. That isn't often, but it does happen.

I don't think it's a secret I like for the beds to be made at my house. The whole bedroom looks better if the bed is made and it's a good discipline to have. The idea of good habits in house cleaning gets your house in a good general order and it never gets completely out of hand. (... like mine did recently) Women have so many conveniences to keep a house in order that it seems I should do better about keeping clean. I don't have to hand wash all of our clothes or draw water up from a well. I can load a dishwasher, fill up my giant capacity washer and dryer and guide my vacuum around the house. I just have to discipline myself to do those things. It would be easy for me to get up from the table and say, "I'll do those dishes later." But what really happens is that the later it gets, the more tired I get and ... I wait till morning. Then I have a mess for the new day.

With a baby in the house now, I'm reminded that cleaning isn't always as simple as I make it out. A mom may not be able to jump up after every meal and do the dishes. I know that there are some meals that a mom never even actually gets to sit down. I remember those days too. The days of having many small children are hard physically. A mom might have to wait a few years to have the entire house clean at the same time. She may have to settle with short bursts of clean. She may not be able to plan gourmet meals for a while, hamburgers and spaghetti will be sufficient.  The days of having little ones every where go by quickly. Don't be afraid to take all the shortcuts you can. Clean the sink and toilet while they are in the bathtub. Let them sit in one side of the sink while you wash veggies and dishes. Rachel remembers sitting on the side of the sink with her feet in the soapy water. All of my babies have ridden in the laundry hamper to take the clothes from the dryer to the sofa, and they LOVE "helping" like that. Give them their own small brooms and wet cloths to help with. And remember that the days they use cooking oil to mop the kitchen will pass by quickly. Take lots of pictures and smile. (In case you're wondering, this picture of Abigail doesn't show an unclean floor. It shows life with a baby in the house! Let your children LIVE in the house too.)

As your children grow, give them responsibilities to help you. They need to learn good disciplines and to be orderly too. A comforter and pillow make the bed easy for your little one to make. And if they can pull a toy out, they can put it away. Insist on it, or you'll be picking it up for them. Habits like that give them the impression that they are in charge and you are their servant. Gradually add to their jobs as soon as possible. You'd be surprised at how young children can really help take care of themselves and the home. Sarah would stand on a stool at three years old to unload part of the dishwasher. Our girls have had all kinds of chores and we switch them up regularly to keep them learning.

I know that being a home manager doesn't mean your house is spotless. There are a lot of things that go into home management, but it's a start. Writing this may also give the impression that my house is always clean. It isn't! Sometimes it's really embarrassing. But we are a work in progress and it is better than it was. As I grow with my family, I am able to figure out ways to make things a little easier. So stop by anytime, and I'll try really hard not to apologize for whatever I haven't cleaned up.

Unexpected Hospitality

While we were in Nashville, one of the girls told us about a couple of young men who would be coming through Georgia, traveling from Ohio to Florida - on the very night we would be getting home. We've known one the guy's family for a long time and would love to visit. I didn't hesitate to offer them a place to spend the night, that's what I do. But I did have to think seriously about my pride. When we left, our house was in a "picked up" condition, not company ready.  Mary and Lydia's room is the guest room, and I've had their room on my 'to-do' list for quite a while because it was a mess. (Not completely their fault. I had pulled down the Spring clothes and never organized them. Someone said it looked like a clothing store had exploded.)

So, when we got home at 10:30 that night, Mary shoved everything in her closet and cleaned the bathroom. That was the best she could do before the guys arrived. The visit was nice and no one commented about the closet door that couldn't be pushed open. I swallowed my pride and started cleaning their closet immediately after they left. It was a good reminder that I needed to manage my home better.

During the past few months of study on hospitality, I have gleaned so much from many books. The one thing that stands out the most is for me to manage my home. If I am a diligent homemaker, I won't find too many times when I'm surprised by a mess. Yes, I knew our company would see suitcases and such. But they shouldn't have seen piles of clothes and papers that needed to be put away. I am responsible to see that it's done, not that I have to do everything, but gets done. So as I continue to practice hospitality, I hope that it will be easier in the future while I am 'managing' my home that God has given me.