I'm a Helper

Is someone in your home very disorganized, losing things, forgetful?

At a recent wedding

For years, I would get so mad that Ray couldn't find his keys, phone, wallet, glasses or any combination of those things. He would walk in the house and put them down in random places, then forget where they were. He has a drawer right beside the back door to put those things in, but he often doesn't. He's intelligent, creative, compassionate and an all around great man, but he was (and sometimes still is) very disorganized.

When it would be time for him to leave the house, oftentimes he'd be rushing around looking for what he had lost. I would call out to everyone available to help find the lost item, then he could go on his way when it was recovered. If you're thinking that this post is about how to make someone else more organized, think again, it isn't. I have no idea how to help you.

But Ray's losing very important things was constantly making me mad. It took up my time, the kids' time and his time. It created unnecessary frustration.

The day that I realized that disorganization is not a sin was eye opening. It isn't a sin for him to put his things down wherever he wanted. How I responded was often very sinful! My irritation was sinful and it rubbed off on the girls. I could see their sinful eye rolls or irritations when they had to stop what they were doing to help their daddy with something so silly. After all, he's a grown man, why can't he find his own glasses?

Over the years, either, he has gotten better, or we have figured out where he is putting his things. There is less time digging, searching and scrambling than I remember. But the change may be that I realized that my job is to be his helper. Maybe focusing on what God has called me to do has shifted the big deal from his forgetfulness to my own sinful heart.

God created me to be Ray's helper.

Genesis 2:18 "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'"

So, when he says, "Have you seen my glasses?" I can respond with a cheerful heart. If I'm able to stop what I'm doing and help him, I do, and hopefully with a better attitude.

Ray and me with some of the most adorable people in the world - Caleb, Susannah and Josiah

But it's time to close now, I need to help him find his phone....

Keep Going

Easter 2017

I have found that it's harder to keep going after discouragement in parenting. It's easy to say, "I've done all I could, it's up to them now." Parenting is a long road, it shouldn't stop when the children get older.

Some time ago at church, I asked all of the children who had memorized their scripture memory verses to come to me to see how they are doing. The oldest child who came was eleven and said, "Oh, I'm the only one?" and walked off. She didn't even attempt to tell me how far she had gotten.

I found it sad to think that none of the teenagers had come to say their verses. Then I realized that one of my own children was in that group. I had told her to memorize, but I hadn't followed through, I had left it up to her.

There does come a time when we have to take a step back and let them take care of themselves. But I hadn't even attempted to follow through. Parenting teenagers is difficult. They have opinions and real life needs.

A few days after that night, that particular daughter mentioned something about the verse and said she had forgotten to come to me to tell me what she memorized. Whew, I'm off the hook, right? Wrong.

Just because she did the right thing at that moment, doesn't mean I could stop doing my job.

My job may look different, but it doesn't stop. Parenting Mary is a lot different than parenting Abigail. I no longer hold her hand to ensure she pick up her toys, I don't even tell her to. (Well, I try
not to.)

Mary knows that her things need to be picked up. If she doesn't, they may disappear, and she pays the consequences. Those consequences could be the time it takes to find the lost items, having to replace the lost items or living without the lost items.

I often have to remind myself that Mary isn't as old as Hannah and Sarah and she still needs guidance. Hannah and Sarah do too, but not as often. Parenting Rachel looks different too.

But how do we parent these older girls? One particular week I was in quite a dilemma. Hannah had been very sick and I have told her many times that she shouldn't go to work. A sick teacher produces sick students. She didn't think she could miss, saying that she thought she could do it.

I had to make a decision. Was I to let her go or not? In the end, she went.  It was a decision that I had to turn over to her.

Questions about concerts, over nights at friends' houses, parties with people we don't know send me into a tailspin sometimes. Can't I just pull all of my cubs inside my bear cave? That's what I want to do!

God's mercy to our family is so evident as the girls grow. He is the one to uphold us, as well as our children. They continue to grow and will make mistakes. But God will remain faithful to the end.

Easter 2017 at Nana's house
Catherine, Sarah, Lydia, Aunt Robin, Rebekah, Mary, Hannah

It's A Girl!

Rachel and Adrian are expecting a new baby girl in August. 

Grandparenting

One small part of parenting adult children is helping them. We want to help Rachel and Adrian build their marriage. That means encouraging short trips away from their babies. We get to benefit from that by babysitting. See, parenting adult children can be fun:)

Spending three days with my grandchildren was exhausting! But it was also priceless! There are a few things that you forget when you have a house full of preschoolers. Here are just a few -

• to go to the bathroom.
• to sit down, anywhere.
• how to clean up, toys are everywhere.
• they give compliments differently. My favorites this time were - "I'm going to marry you," and "Here, you can have one of my guns." The sloppy kisses and uninhibited hugs are pretty amazing too.
• boys and girls play differently from each other. I know this in theory, but nothing prepares you for it until it's experienced. 

Playing balls was so fun! Life lessons were learned after all the balls were left outside over night and our dog ate them (not every piece of them, but a piece out of all of them.)

This is the first time that Susannah and Abigail finally learned to fall asleep together. I see many nights of sleepovers and giggles happening.

This picture explains it all - boys play differently than girls. I didn't tell Josiah to find a gun, he just did. 

The sofas became launching pads, the pillows landing pads, the rest of the house became every imaginable place in the universe.

Children are Savages

Beautiful, adorable, amazing, made in God's image creatures, but they are still savages.

Susannah

Consider the newborn that has just emerged from the womb, the toddler who hasn't had his nap, the older child's eyes rolling... those are just a few ways that reveal the savage heart of a child.

Those little savages are slowly and gently turned into respectable grown adults. But it's a long hard process. Parents must be diligent and seek wisdom.

Going from the mother gently bouncing a crying newborn to the parent patiently listening and advising a young adult is a very long process.

For the parent it involves a laying down of themselves. To be a parent of savages requires diligence. There isn't a day when you can say, "Today I am not a parent, someone else can take care of them." Even though, I have (jokingly, of course) told my children that my parenting button is off after 9:00 pm and that I'm done with them for the night.

Sometimes parents need a break, to recharge, to breathe air that doesn't smell like dirty diapers and sweaty socks. But there is never a time that they can turn off their parenting buttons. If those buttons are paused, they and the children need to know the clear boundaries of where everyone is supposed to be and what they are supposed to be doing.

I can't tell you how many times I've failed his myself. I am praying for wisdom and the strength.

I know God has blessed our home tremendously. I am reminded that without His great mercy and grace, we would be in utter chaos.  I was told years ago that it's impossible to do this job (of parenting) without Christ. How true! Follow Christ first and foremost, He will lead you to parent your little savages.

Adrian and Josiah

Here's a few pictures of some of my favorite "savages" during our short blast of Winter. Rachel and Adrian are doing a great job of raising our grandchildren. What a privilege to be a part of their lives!

Caleb

Just Because My Grandchildren are Amazing!

Rachel had a birthday recently. I'm surprised she can be so old when I'm so young!

Susannah is the perfect granddaughter.

Every Friday morning Rachel's family gives away free coffee to passersby. They live immediately across from an elementary school.

This is just a tiny glimpse at the benefits to living so close to Rachel's family. I get to see them when they take walks. Caleb often falls asleep on the way back home. 

For Rachel's birthday we hiked to the Indian Seats in Cumming. Josiah made sure no bears attacked us.

The Day I Broke Up With Facebook

My Profile Picture

Unlike Scripture, Facebook can be whatever you want it to be.

Scripture is real, unchanging, sufficient, God's Holy Word. Facebook is not.

A few weeks ago, I found myself taking pictures of my beautiful family, thinking, "Oh, how this picture is going to look on Facebook!"

Facebook has invaded my thoughts way too much. It's not Facebook's fault, it's mine. I wonder why did that person say that, or what did they mean by that, or is that pointed at me, or why are they there, or what happened to them, or etc. I also spend more time than necessary trying to decide how I will say this or that, or which picture to post, or how many is too many, or will this make someone made, or I don't want to offend anyone but I should say, you get the idea.

See how much thought goes into Facebook?

I joined Facebook many years ago so that I could keep an eye on my kids and their friends. I wanted to be a part of what they were doing. In all those years, I've learned a lot! Sometimes, I learned way more than I wanted. But, for the most part, I have enjoyed seeing them do life, get jobs, get married, have babies, or just become adults.

I've also loved getting to see friends from my childhood. And the fact that I can stay informed about the lives of people that I don't get to interact with as often as I'd like is great too.

Cover Photo

It didn't take long for me to realize that other people on Facebook only let you see what they want you to see. No one on Facebook can possibly post everything about who they are. Most only post what they want others to see and that's fine. Facebook isn't real life and no one is required to post everything about their lives.  Nor would we want that.

I'm not one of those people who get tired of seeing pictures of someone's baby or dog and then block them, nor do I delete someone because they don't agree with me. I just scroll on by. I have a deleted a few because of vulgar words and pictures (I do have small children looking over my shoulder), but it takes a lot to get deleted from my Facebook.

Since I've started writing this post, I've had a few moments that I was bothered by what someone said. In my mind I had to deal with it. Would I say something or ignore it, would I let it stew in my thoughts too long?

I chose to remember why I'm on Facebook. It's a casual interaction with others. It's not meant to control my thinking or actions. (I actually did pray for that person.) If someone wants to promote their agenda on Facebook, that's fine. Facebook is the place for that.

But that agenda will not invade my thoughts so often. It will not keep my mind off of the real focus.

So here it is -

"Facebook, I'm breaking up with you. Consider us 'just friends' from now on. We can have the casual relationship that we might speak in passing, but I will not think about you anymore than that- in passing."

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8

I used the word Facebook for the sake of this article, but insert what ever social media that you use.

Dr. Husband

I was overcome with emotion when I heard the Pomp and Circumstance begin that day. To say that Ray has worked really hard is an understatement.  Unlike most PhD. candidates, DMin students usually do not move to the campus and they continue their full time jobs to complete their degree. Ray has sacrificed considerable time to study, write and defend his work. It was very common for him to be awake at 4:00 am and stay up late at night to work. His thesis is The Role of Bible Intake in the Marriage of Charles and Susannah Spurgeon. I'm so proud of him for his work.

Dr. Don Whitney (on the right) was his direct supervisor and proved to be the perfect person to keep Ray moving in the right direction at the right time. Dr. Joe Harrod (on the left) was his second reader (whatever that is, but he seemed to help a lot.)

Josiah, Abigail and Susannah

This degree was truly a family affair. We never studied for Ray and almost never read any of his work, but we really missed his presence. It's been great seeing this load lifted from him.

Hannah

Caleb

Lydia

Mary

Sarah

The Heart of Rebellion

How do we keep our children's hearts from rebelling? There no guarantees.

We have three adult daughters and three more in different stages of growth. Rachel is married with three children; no rebellion there. Hannah is a first grade teacher at a Christian school, lives at home, getting her masters degree; no rebellion there. Sarah is enrolled at a technical college, lives at home, looking forward to her career; no rebellion there.

I often think with the number of children we have, chances are that some of them will rebel. Good thing we don't live our lives based on chances. God is sovereign over all. He uses circumstances to bring about His will. In His grace to our family we have no rebellion - yet.

Or do we?

Every time a child rolls her eyes or pouts or stomps her foot, she has rebelled. But that also makes parents rebellious doesn't it? How many times have we pouted, stomped our foot, or rolled our eyes? (If it's done in the heart, it's been done.) I am often thankful that no one around me can see me stomping my foot in my heart.

Our children have a special gift of revealing our own sin. They learned so much of what they do from us. Disrespect, bad attitude, discontent, anger, disregard for others are all sins that I have passed on to my girls. Some days, I wish I hadn't been such a good teacher.

One thing I know is that if the most godly person in the world had raised my children, they would still be sinners. Romans 3:23 says that we have all sinned. We are sinners by nature and by choice. We have rebellious hearts that want to sin.

By God's grace, He has provided a way of forgiveness through Christ.  While there is no special formula to keep our children's hearts from rebellion on this earth, we know that God is faithful to forgive those who call on Him.

(Someone gave us tickets to Cirque du Soleil where these pictures were taken.)

Grandchildren Easter Pictures

I just can't help myself, they are so beautiful!

I love how she is ready to hold the baby and their sweet response to him. They love him so sweetly.

I Woke up Grumpy

But I should have let her sleep.

Today, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. There was no reason for it, but I was grumpy. I wanted to bite nails all morning. I let no infraction go among the girls and didn't want the sun shining either.

Right after lunch, Rachel called and said she was on the way over. When she got here, sweet slobbery kisses and contagious giggles made everything much better.

Caleb was fine help in Lydia's school work. Susannah and Josiah got busy playing.

And then this happened- We went outside, "wasted" some valuable time, blowing dandelions, swinging, and talking to the neighbor's dog through the fence.

Psalm 84:11

For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. 

No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.