Ballet Begins Again

Rachel took ballet for a couple of years when she was very young. Today, we started ballet lessons for Abigail and Susannah with one of our favorite friends. Mary Margaret has been close friends with Mary for so many years and has agreed to teach Abigail and Susannah at our home. My face hurts from smiling so much while watching these two little beauties dance with her. They looked at her like she was a queen and she treated them like little princesses.

We haven't been able to figure out a good schedule for each child to do a sport and a music or art class. With so many daughters, it's really impossible for everyone to get to do all they want. We feel like sports, music and art are all important, but it's  impossible to do everything. It takes a lot of creativity and organization to get homeschooling done as well as extra curricular activities.

We have grappled with this topic for many years as the older girls grew. I'm sure there are gaps in a lot of their learnings, but so far they seem to be doing okay. There are no easy answers to growing healthy, well-rounded, contributors to society that love and honor God. Today, we got to enjoy a little bit of the process.

Josiah watched in amazement the whole time.

It's Been a Happy Day

Adrian and Susannah had their birthdays today and it was a great day.  At every birthday meal each person tells something they love about the birthday person or a favorite memory that they have with them. It's so fun to hear how each person impacts the others!

Until Adrian came along, I always thought it would be hard to give my daughters away in marriage. I'm so thankful for who he is and how he loves his family. He takes care of Rachel and the children with the sweetest spirit. One of my favorite things I've ever heard him say to Rachel (who was pregnant at the time) was, "You're growing a human, go sit and rest. I'll do the dishes." He is always willing to serve anyone in need and is passionate about the gospel.

Susannah Joy lives up to her name. She lives life as fully as she can, giving everything she has to what she does. When she hugs, it's a full hug. When she smiles, her whole body smiles. And when she laughs, oh, what a wonderful laugh! She's a girly-girl who can play as hard as the boys.

Ray always takes the birthday kids out on their own special date. This year Susannah was old enough to go by herself. I think Ray was glad she chose Waffle House. He and Adrian will go out later, because for some reason, Adrian has a little busier schedule than Susannah.

Parenting Grown-Ups

Well, here we are with another real adult, kind of. Sarah started working with an ambulance service in Athens as an Advanced EMT. She begins paramedic school in August.

I am more convinced than ever that parenting adult children is much harder than small children. Walking through the decision making process with her is just as hard as it has been with Hannah and Rachel.

Each child is different. They must be treated differently. Should she move out to be closer to work and school or should she commute? How should she pay for what she needs, who should she live with? She's making real life decisions.

God is faithful to guide us through His Spirit, but I am still fearful. When I am fearful of her living on her own or making long commutes after working through the night, I am trying to do God's job for Him. It's like I am telling God that He isn't able to protect her when she isn't under my roof.

She's a sensible girl who is trying to make wise decisions. I know God is faithful to His people and will work everything for their good. As we seek to love and obey Him, I'm praying that my heart will follow. It is hard on this mama's heart for her children to grow up so quickly.

But don't you think she looks too sweet to be a grown up?

Keep Going

Easter 2017

I have found that it's harder to keep going after discouragement in parenting. It's easy to say, "I've done all I could, it's up to them now." Parenting is a long road, it shouldn't stop when the children get older.

Some time ago at church, I asked all of the children who had memorized their scripture memory verses to come to me to see how they are doing. The oldest child who came was eleven and said, "Oh, I'm the only one?" and walked off. She didn't even attempt to tell me how far she had gotten.

I found it sad to think that none of the teenagers had come to say their verses. Then I realized that one of my own children was in that group. I had told her to memorize, but I hadn't followed through, I had left it up to her.

There does come a time when we have to take a step back and let them take care of themselves. But I hadn't even attempted to follow through. Parenting teenagers is difficult. They have opinions and real life needs.

A few days after that night, that particular daughter mentioned something about the verse and said she had forgotten to come to me to tell me what she memorized. Whew, I'm off the hook, right? Wrong.

Just because she did the right thing at that moment, doesn't mean I could stop doing my job.

My job may look different, but it doesn't stop. Parenting Mary is a lot different than parenting Abigail. I no longer hold her hand to ensure she pick up her toys, I don't even tell her to. (Well, I try
not to.)

Mary knows that her things need to be picked up. If she doesn't, they may disappear, and she pays the consequences. Those consequences could be the time it takes to find the lost items, having to replace the lost items or living without the lost items.

I often have to remind myself that Mary isn't as old as Hannah and Sarah and she still needs guidance. Hannah and Sarah do too, but not as often. Parenting Rachel looks different too.

But how do we parent these older girls? One particular week I was in quite a dilemma. Hannah had been very sick and I have told her many times that she shouldn't go to work. A sick teacher produces sick students. She didn't think she could miss, saying that she thought she could do it.

I had to make a decision. Was I to let her go or not? In the end, she went.  It was a decision that I had to turn over to her.

Questions about concerts, over nights at friends' houses, parties with people we don't know send me into a tailspin sometimes. Can't I just pull all of my cubs inside my bear cave? That's what I want to do!

God's mercy to our family is so evident as the girls grow. He is the one to uphold us, as well as our children. They continue to grow and will make mistakes. But God will remain faithful to the end.

Easter 2017 at Nana's house
Catherine, Sarah, Lydia, Aunt Robin, Rebekah, Mary, Hannah

Mary and Lydia

These two beauties are growing so quickly. They have proven over and over that God is gracious to my failings. It would be easy for them to check out of life and be like the rest of the world.  My heart is often divided and parenting children such vast ages, the middle girls too often get slighted. Mary and Lydia have taken over nearly all of the household chores, all of their school, music and jobs. I rarely hear a complaint.

If you were ever at our house during the morning basket time, you may or may not see something like this.  The "spanish game" gets out of  hand sometimes and one or the other needs to use drastic measures to win. Clearly, they aren't having much fun at school. (Just kidding, but they aren't going to like these pictures being posted.)

Long-Term Parenting

"Am I living with eternity stamped on my eyes or am I living for this very moment?"

This quote is written in my prayer journal to remind me to live for eternity. I hear the mantra to live in the moment, stop and enjoy the moment, etc. That's good advice, but it's easy to look at each moment and believe that's all there is.

Parenting and homeschooling is all about eternity. It must be!

We are planning for next year and my heart was thankful to God for the men who lead the families of our group as they prayed over us. The prayers were definitely for strength and wisdom now, but also focused on the long term vision of raising children who love the One True God and will be launched out to serve Him alone.

 Raising children to become adults is hard! It's a long term job and must me seen with eternity in view.  So as I grapple with day in and day out decisions, I need to remember the long term.

These pictures of Ray and Abigail are from a wedding this past weekend. She loves her daddy!

Grandparenting

One small part of parenting adult children is helping them. We want to help Rachel and Adrian build their marriage. That means encouraging short trips away from their babies. We get to benefit from that by babysitting. See, parenting adult children can be fun:)

Spending three days with my grandchildren was exhausting! But it was also priceless! There are a few things that you forget when you have a house full of preschoolers. Here are just a few -

• to go to the bathroom.
• to sit down, anywhere.
• how to clean up, toys are everywhere.
• they give compliments differently. My favorites this time were - "I'm going to marry you," and "Here, you can have one of my guns." The sloppy kisses and uninhibited hugs are pretty amazing too.
• boys and girls play differently from each other. I know this in theory, but nothing prepares you for it until it's experienced. 

Playing balls was so fun! Life lessons were learned after all the balls were left outside over night and our dog ate them (not every piece of them, but a piece out of all of them.)

This is the first time that Susannah and Abigail finally learned to fall asleep together. I see many nights of sleepovers and giggles happening.

This picture explains it all - boys play differently than girls. I didn't tell Josiah to find a gun, he just did. 

The sofas became launching pads, the pillows landing pads, the rest of the house became every imaginable place in the universe.

Valentines

I love our Valentines traditions. We eat the traditional steak and potatoes meal by candlelight with everyone. (This is the only time every year that I will buy steak.) Ray gives everyone a heart box of chocolate. He wants the girls to be treated with love all the time and it's good for them to have a tangible picture of it on a special occasion. How he treats them now is giving them a standard to expect from their future husbands.

We often draw names to give gifts to our Valentine. It's fun to see the thoughtfulness put into each gift. Rachel actually touched our dog to make a painting for Mary. (If you know Rachel, she doesn't like dogs, at all.)

This was by far the easiest "special dessert" we've ever had. I bought a Sara Lee pound cake and sliced it. Abigail used cookie cutters to make hearts and the word Love to place on a plate around fruit. Then we dipped it in melted chocolate.

Where Do You Want Your Children to Love to Be?

Gospel Project class

A parent told us years ago that they want their children to love to be at home and church more than any other place. We thought about that and wanted that a priority for our children as well, but we weren't sure how to make that happen.

After many years, I can say for the small children, at least, they love church! Decide the three places that you believe are the most important for your family to love to be and work to make that happen.

A few things that we have learned about getting our children to love church:

• Be there, it's not an option, go when the doors open. Be there for every service that's appropriate. Take your little girls to ladies' meetings, boys to men's meetings, if possible. Attend special events, showers, weddings, funerals, etc.
• Go with a cheerful heart. This is where we worship God, the God of great joy, comfort and peace! We are the pastor's family, believe me, we know that it's not always something you "feel" like doing.
• Go with them, do not send them, do not drop them off, they want to be with you. If you can't possibly get there, send them. 
• Stay with them. Sometimes, age graded activities are fun and helpful. Sometimes they aren't. Be with your children and talk to them, participate with them, help them understand the beauty of worshipping God.
• Sometimes, do not go with them. Yep! No one has to be at every service or activity that the church does. The regular worship services of the church are non-negotiable. But sometimes, churches may have so many programs going on that there isn't an ounce of time left for family. 

Now, I'm still working on the idea of teaching them to love being at home...

It's a Birthday Party at the Rhodes House

Ray turned fifty-five in October and we did a lot of cooking. He likes lots of options on the table so for his birthday, that's what he got - fried chicken, fried eggplant, potato casserole, roasted cauliflower and zucchini, and crusty bread. Dessert was a pound cake with strawberries and homemade whipped cream. He usually likes healthy eating, but he didn't get that.

An activity he really likes is something we've been calling the read a line game. Everyone in the house gets a book that they've been reading lately and reads a line, a paragraph or a page from it. I'm always impressed by what the girls find meaningful that they want to share. I wish we did it more often.

I love that the little ones wanted to read books that they have memorized. Their sweet little voices have already gotten the hang of the sing-song rhythm of reading aloud. Josiah chose Little Blue Truck, Susannah read If You Give a Pig a Pancake, and Abi read The Red Ripe Strawberry and the Big Hungry Bear.

This is the first time Rachel and Adrian played with us and we couldn't get her to stop reading. We should probably come up with a few rules like-

• pick your portion before anyone starts
• no reading silently while others are reading aloud
• have a question or comment about each person's reading
• there should probably be a time limit too

It's a good thing to enjoy books and reading!

Ten Ways To Destroy the Imagination of Your Child

It has been a long time since I've read a book that has challenged me so. I don't know who Anthony Esolen is but I suspect our theology is a bit different. For several reasons, his book on parenting has kept me awake recently.

The style- 

I'm sure there is a literary term for the style of the book, but I don't know what it is, however, the title kind of gives it away. It is written in the opposite of what would actually be helpful to training a child. So when the author says to keep your child indoors all of the time, he actually means to keep them outside. Having so many things written in the negative, I have to stay on guard while I'm reading, asking myself, "Is this what he thinks parents should or should not do?"

The subject-

The author deals with serious pieces of literature, works of art, many languages, random types of government, and scientific methods. He gives a complete run down on how a car works using words like - cylinders, differential, universal joint. He introduces Greek gods and obscure characters in literature like they are well known friends. He discusses poetry of every genre, Augustine, and Scripture alongside Chopin and Beethoven. He makes a fine argument against organized sports and programs, but for gangs of kids playing in the streets. My brain is stretched! 

The guilt- 

I should have been doing some of this all along. Sometimes I mourn for the older girls' losses because of my lack of wisdom. As a parent, I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. I know that God takes us where we are and uses us in His own plan, but I do wish I hadn't been so ignorant when Rachel was born. I nearly starved the poor child and then gave her straight apple juice out of a bottle. God's grace and mercy to us is so obvious through those days. Now, I haven't near the wisdom that I need to continue parenting, but at least I know that I don't know what I'm doing.

*Don't worry, I'm not about to sit Abigail out the back door and make her stay for twelve hours on her own, nor am I removing her from her formal music lessons. I can't throw all safety to the wind but I am trying to consciously build her imagination.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5- "Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful."

When I love Christ and when I love my family I will not be irritable and rude. I will not insist on my own way. When I am rude and even think I deserve more than I'm getting, I am not loving others. I am loving myself.

It's easy to point this out to others. Whether it's Abigail touching Lydia's chair, or one daughter "borrowing" another's clothes, I can point out rudeness with great ease. 

I just can't always see it in my own heart. 

Thankfully, God has given me the mirror of my own children. Their responses to others is a
direct reflection of myself. I have to hide God's Word in my heart so that I won't sin against God, or the people He's placed in my path.

These pictures are from our staycation this past Summer. It's easy to be patient, kind, and loving while you're on vacation.

But, if I love them, I will not be rude and irritable. Christians have the greatest example in the world of how to show love. Yet, we constantly fight for our own way. We are too often irritable or resentful. Because Christ died for our sins, can't we be patient and kind?

"Are you mad?"

Abi asks me this question often. She is usually peering into my face while she asks. At her young age, she has become a reader of expressions. We all are to some extent, but I don't remember any of the other girls starting so early.

She doesn't know that she has learned Luke 6:45, but she has.

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

What's in a person's heart is going to come out. So if I am walking around with a grumpy face, Abigail is going to find out what's going on. And sometimes she will even act accordingly. It makes me sad that she knows to steer clear of me if I'm walking around with a scowl. 

But she has a special gift of doing some great things to make me smile. I need to show her the joy in my heart more often.

The Heart of Rebellion

How do we keep our children's hearts from rebelling? There no guarantees.

We have three adult daughters and three more in different stages of growth. Rachel is married with three children; no rebellion there. Hannah is a first grade teacher at a Christian school, lives at home, getting her masters degree; no rebellion there. Sarah is enrolled at a technical college, lives at home, looking forward to her career; no rebellion there.

I often think with the number of children we have, chances are that some of them will rebel. Good thing we don't live our lives based on chances. God is sovereign over all. He uses circumstances to bring about His will. In His grace to our family we have no rebellion - yet.

Or do we?

Every time a child rolls her eyes or pouts or stomps her foot, she has rebelled. But that also makes parents rebellious doesn't it? How many times have we pouted, stomped our foot, or rolled our eyes? (If it's done in the heart, it's been done.) I am often thankful that no one around me can see me stomping my foot in my heart.

Our children have a special gift of revealing our own sin. They learned so much of what they do from us. Disrespect, bad attitude, discontent, anger, disregard for others are all sins that I have passed on to my girls. Some days, I wish I hadn't been such a good teacher.

One thing I know is that if the most godly person in the world had raised my children, they would still be sinners. Romans 3:23 says that we have all sinned. We are sinners by nature and by choice. We have rebellious hearts that want to sin.

By God's grace, He has provided a way of forgiveness through Christ.  While there is no special formula to keep our children's hearts from rebellion on this earth, we know that God is faithful to forgive those who call on Him.

(Someone gave us tickets to Cirque du Soleil where these pictures were taken.)

Mary's Final Final Paper

Yes, that's supposed to read her final final paper. She thought that writing a major paper on the Confessions of Augustine was her final paper, but for several reasons I decided it shouldn't be. This was the last minute assignment I gave her and Lydia -

Final paper

Titled- What Did I Actually Learn?

Rough draft completed by bedtime tonight
Short
Creative but Informative
Include some subjects studied, scripture learned
Be specific, but don't get bogged down by specifics
Don't be afraid to use big words and to make it fun

This is what I received (way before bedtime). I just wish all of the girls' schoolwork was so fun to receive.

What I’ve Actually Learned This Year

            In the duration of this past rotation of the earth around the sun, I have been truly blessed to have much new and valuable information imparted upon me. I have learned much of the days from yesteryear, such as the contrivance of the complex for the disposal of excretion in ancient cities.  This data will be monumentally important for me as I pursue a career in the medicinal field. I have also burned the midnight oil in order to peruse the volume containing the Confessions of Saint Augustine, and committing to memory passages of the Holy Bible. I have performed electron configurations, trend analyses on the periodic table, and attained the information and skills to utilize burettes for the purpose of titration. I have robbed friends of punch lines; I have provided ample entertainment for the entirety of my class. However, the aforementioned activities, however epoch making they may have been for my life and the lives of everyone around me, were not the most important of the year.

            This past span of one hundred and eighty school days have taught me to exert myself in order to produce the optimal results in everything I do. I have acquired the experiences necessary to succeed in school. I am able to do what is necessary to truly fathom the information imparted to me, not just recall it for the period of time necessary to pass an exam. I have (necessarily) learned to keep my mandible bone raised to the heavens even in times of trial and tribulation. I have learned that humor is necessary to the existence of humankind. I have learned fighting for what I believe is not always necessarily quite the spanking notion I would think. Sometimes it is necessary to keep one's trap shut in order to abstain from causing conflict in the mind of someone convinced of their conjectures. However, most importantly, I have stumbled upon the way to remember the way to spell “necessary.” A shirt necessarily has one Collar, and two Sleeves!

Mary Turned Sixteen

In January, we celebrated a milestone in Mary's life. It was fun to do something special for her "big" birthday. We chose to have her birthday broken down into sixteen fun things that she loves spread out over a weekend.

 

It turned out to be one of the easiest birthday bashes that I can remember. (But not the least expensive.) I asked Mary for a list of some of her favorite things to do, food, restaurants, people, etc. Then I put together the list in an order that would hopefully give her fun surprises through the course of the weekend. Some things had to be done in a certain order due to scheduling. Mary didn't know anything we had planned, but by number fourteen she was guessing correctly.  I wish I could have included more of family and friends for such a momentous occasion but sometimes, things can't be helped. The older girls helped with the details and did some of the driving. 

Following is the list in order as she received each thing. 

1. manicure

2. Dunkin Donuts for coffee

3. movie

4. Hannah J.- came to the movie with her

5. Catherine- also came to the movie

6. lunch with her Daddy at Ted's, which is becoming a family tradition

7. Mary Margaret- came to supper with us

8. dress up dinner at Luna's

9. Mary Margaret spent the night

10. Nana's green beans- all of the kids love! Nana Jarrard's green beans

11. family birthday party- where the sweet words of what we love about the birthday girl come from every person
12. Gray's anatomy book- a legitimate wrapped present
13. Amazon gift card
14. Sophie-came spend the night, this was delayed due to a death in Sophie's family
15. Olivia-drove Mary to several fast food restaurants because she herself hadn't ever eaten at many of them
16. fast food frenzy-Mary loves french fries from everywhere, but especially Arby's

For a lot of people, I would recommend this kind of party over the large gatherings of friends. We've all known that awkwardness of being the odd person out in a group of people who know each other.

Abigail had lots to say on this day!

Parents, don't check out. The older your kids get, the more they need for you to engage your minds. Don't get in to the habit of half listening to the four year old who babbles on and on. Listen carefully. In ten years, they're going to be asking hard questions and making decisions that have longer consequences. In twenty years, they may not be talking at all, at least not to you. Hopefully they've found a godly spouse or a trusted counselor. I really fuss a lot about technology, I really wish our lives weren't so dependent on it. I placed a basket on our buffet for phones to go into while were having family meals. But there are times that I miss moments because I'm looking down. These days are passing quickly. I want our children to remember me talking with them, not what the top of my head looked like when gray hair started popping up.

This picture reminds me of my love-hate relationship with technology. If I hadn't had my phone close by, I would've missed this moment. I don't think I was fully enjoying it as I should have at the time. But because I snapped several pictures I can look back and laugh at the morning that everyone became princesses.