"My Wife Homeschools Too"

Unexpected guests at the door were met with an apology that things weren't ready for guests. We were in he middle of our morning routine, homeschooling, chores, half dressed kids, mom with wet hair. One of the men coming to meet with Ray shrugged it off politely saying, "Oh it's fine, my wife homeschools too."

Something struck me - "my wife..."

What about him? Does this husband not doing anything to homeschool his children? I'm sure he is involved, but I want to change the way he and we word that phrase.

Homeschooling has to be a family deal. If you teach your children at home, you are a homeschooling family. Now I know as well as anyone that looks different for each family.

Some families relate everything they do to homeschool. Their houses look like school- complete with labs growing in the refrigerator and Grammar rules hanging on the walls. Their schedules revolve around school- nothing happens between eight in the morning and five in the afternoon if it isn't school worthy. Their friends- they all homeschool too and use the same mode of teaching and curriculum. Their vacations- think Williamsburg, Gettysburg, an ice berg, .... Their clothes- okay, I'm not going there! Homeschooling is what defines them.

But in some families, homeschool has been integrated as part of their normal lives. The homeschool is important but doesn't rule their lives. Whether the children always sit together or go to their own rooms, they are getting their school work done and learning in a valuable way. There may be some children doing all of their lessons at home, some that go to a co-op and even some to a full time school. Flexibility in curriculum and schedules can be a great motivator to teach at home.

But no matter what your homeschool looks like, it involves the entire family! If everyone isn't fully committed there will be serious consequences. That doesn't mean that both parents are teaching equally and each child has the same love for the mode of teaching. It means that there is a respect from everyone in the household of the importance of an education and how the family has chosen to go about that.

There will be interruptions. There's a fine line between a want and a need in many cases and it's up to the parents and children to decide which direction to go. Who decides what will be done every day? How much time will be devoted to every subject? What counts as a "field trip?" Who decides if a concept has been learned? Who watches the clock to make sure the required time has been put in? What about the phone, internet and guests who drop by?

For each family those, and many more, are all questions that have to be answered.

But the biggest obstacle to homeschooling can often come from within the own home. It takes a lot of time, energy and money just to plan to homeschool.... Actually pulling it off takes that too.

Both parents must make the decisions about curriculum, style of teaching, and how consuming it will be in the family. Every member has to consider the other members and how their behaviors affect another's way of learning. All of these things need to be taken into consideration before homeschooling begins. As the years of homeschooling pass, and they will quickly, each family needs to reassess.  There are many decisions about changes that need to be made and what they want to continue. But it's still all in the family.

I'm not advocating that children have an equal say so in the decision making, but that they can give their opinion and make requests. I am emphasizing the need for both parents to work together, with their children, to make decisions about how school is to happen.

This is where I go back to the statement at the beginning - "My wife homeschools too." In the typical family one parent, usually the mom, will take on most, if not all, of the actual teaching of the children. But that doesn't mean that the other parent isn't very involved. He must know what's going on. He should know that homeschool is happening and that his children aren't learning in a haphazard way. He should have a real idea of the mode of teaching that works in his family and have a major hand in choosing those things.

I'm not bashing our guest for his statement, I don't even know him, much less how involved he is in the homeschool process. But I want to change his wording. I want him to say, "our family homeschools too" with the complete knowledge of what that means.