Motherhood

...is another name for guilt!

I told the girls recently that if you looked up the word motherhood in the dictionary it would have as its first definition, guilt. One of the girl's mouth dropped open in disbelief until she realized I was just kidding.

Seriously, I think guilty feelings are at the top of every mother's thoughts on motherhood. It starts very early! For me, the first time I remember it was when I was pregnant with Hannah and hiding in the closet to eat a snack. I know it had to be earlier than that because Rachel was twenty-one months old when I got pregnant. This morning Rachel was feeling guilty that she was feeling nauseous and needed a nap when Susannah wanted to play.

I can't tell you how many times I've felt guilty because I said no to my child's childhood dreams of making millions of dollars at a lemonade stand or becoming the next great chef because I didn't want her to waste anymore flour or actually made her do her own chores even when she was tired.

Raising children is hard and I am bound to make a lot of mistakes. I have so many regrets like not staying up an extra ten minutes to read a little longer with one of the girls. Living a life of no regrets means a person has been completely perfect or is completely blinded to her own failures. I am thankful for a forgiving savior who provides a way for me to say, I'm sorry for not doing everything perfectly. I'm sorry that I chose sleep over reading, or whatever else I did that was selfish on my part. I'm sorry for being guilty of not caring for them in the best way possible.

There are times for mothers to step back and refresh themselves. It isn't selfish to occasionally read your own book, get your hair done, or visit with a friend. But, as a mom, I still feel guilty. Aren't you glad we don't parent by guilt?