Mentor Your Daughters

Hannah had the opportunity to speak at a Mother/Daughter Tea this week and asked me to share a little on mentoring as a parent. My notes are posted here. I'll try to share Hannah's too, she spoke longer and her presentation was much better than mine. 

Hannah and me

          I. As a mentor and parent you are responsible to teach your children the truth about God. Teach his Word.

Palm 78 :1 Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! 2 I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, 3 things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. 4 We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. 5 He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, 6 that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, 7 so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; 8 and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God.

I have loved the Charlotte Mason scripture memory system. It's an index card file system that helps you review your verses at least once a month so that you all will hide God's Word in your heart.  Whatever system you use to learn the Scriptures, use it! It is important.

            II. As a mentor and parent you are responsible to teach your children how to follow God's Word. Live by his commandments by word and example.

Deuteronomy 6:1 "Now this is the commandment-the statutes and the rules-that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, 2 that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son's son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. 3 Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.

We were glad to have family there-Ray's sister Robin and her daughter,  Rebekah

          III. As a mentor and a parent you must teach your children to live by their convictions.

I Thessalonians 1:2 We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, 3 remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 4 For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, 5 because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction. You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake. 6 And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy Spirit, 7 so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. 8 For not only has the word of the Lord sounded forth from you in Macedonia and Achaia, but your faith in God has gone forth everywhere, so that we need not say anything.

In kindergarten, Hannah spoke out about a movie that she had not been allowed to watch in front of her whole class. Her teachers later told me that she was respectful, considerate of others but firm with why she wouldn't watch the movie. The teachers told me that she was such a sweet example to them that their thinking on this particular movie was changed and they would be more discerning in the future.

What your convictions are is how you will live. It's one thing to know the Scripture and to say you believe things about God and His Word, but your convictions is how you will live. 


          IV. As a mentor and parent you are responsible to come alongside your children without provoking them to anger. You can be your daughters' friend AND parent.

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Mary, Robin's other daughter, Catherine and their friend Lilly

This is a two fold responsibility, children are to be obedient and we aren’t supposed to provoke them. But parents don’t be afraid to get involved in your daughter’s life. She needs you now more than ever. As middle school begins, friendships become more and more important. Don’t let that stop you. Be dogmatic that you stay close to your girls. Sometimes they naturally pull away, it’s the process of growing up. But that shouldn’t be when you relax pull out of their lives. You must continue to push your way in. Does that mean you go to every slumber party or read every note? Not necessarily, though you have the freedom to. I don’t do that, but I do have the freedom to.

What it means to push your way in to their lives, is to sit on the bed at midnight. Ask probing questions about their lives. Don’t just get by with, “Hi honey, how was your day?” "Fine." Get the details. Talk about what has happened in the light of Scripture, how God is working in their lives through each event, maybe what he could be teaching them.

One of my girls just went through a really big disappointment in her life. She didn’t yell and scream, slam doors, say things like “you just don’t understand!” Though she was very sad, she said things like “I want to know what God is trying to teach me through this, I don’t understand why, but I’m trusting you and Daddy.” THAT makes my heart full. I can weep with her, but I know because of God’s grace and her great relationship with us, she is going to be all right.

I can’t tell you what a joy it is to know that you have just heard from one of my very best friends. My daughters truly are the best friends a girl could have.