Perspective

written on November 6, 2014

I'm waiting again on my doctor, on results of a test this time.   Three abnormal Pap smears should be dealt with. After having the same OBGYN for over twenty years, I knew what he was going to say. His nature is to jump to the worst scenario first, then slowly back down to what is more likely the out come.

So after some time and prayer, I had a small part of my cervix removed and a biopsy done. And now I'm waiting.

I don't think I have panicky nature, but these kinds of things do give me time to think about my perspective on life.

In the beginning of the school year we had to focus on school, a lot. It had to take top priority for a while. But once it got going a little more smoothly I remembered that just because we are knee deep in mud at the Battle at Passchendaele doesn't mean that's the most important thing to be learning.

We are learning to keep an above the sun perspective. Studying Ecclesiastes, along with unfavorable doctors visits, along with hardships in life for those I love has made me ask hard questions. Am I focusing too much energy on vain pursuits? Am I more concerned with my neighbors' souls than with pulling weeds? Do my children know Scripture as well as they know Taylor Swift? Does my husband receive my care as much as my children and the church? Do I work harder on the extra inches around my waist than on my heart for God?

Laying in the bed with my two year old's arms squeezed tight around my neck, I had to face hard answers. She squeezed with all of her might and said, "I just want to keep you here forever and ever." That's a sweet picture, and one I'll always cherish, but it's not possible. One day I will die, hopefully not anytime soon, but it will happen. Has my life made on impact on her, or anyone else for that matter, for eternity?

completed on November 10, 2014
The tests came back and I am all clear. The tests showed the early stage of cancer but it was not invasive and the doctor was sure that he got all of it. Little more needs to be done now.

I am not a contemplative person or one who is a big worrier so I am glad though for this glimpse of my own life, it's brevity and it's impact. God is kind to give us gentle reminders sometimes.