How to Make Brothers and Sisters Best Friends

I can't be more proud of my girls than when they call each other best friend, and I have worked hard to accomplish this.

Along with many other words, BFF is tossed around flippantly in our society and anyone can be another girl's BFF at any given time. Words are powerful! I never let them say things that we all know aren't true, i.e. I hate you, I can't stand you, you're so bad, mean, ugly, etc. They slip up and evil comes out of their mouths, but it has to be corrected immediately. I don't want anyone leaving a conversation feeling like they were just abused verbally. Nor, do I want anyone to think they have the right to say anything that just pops into their heads.

It was very convenient to have all girls. They had built in playmates when they are little. I was often "guilty" of not scheduling play dates for them when I could have. They learned quickly that if they said they were bored they could be washing windows, scrubbing cabinets, cleaning out closets. It doesn't take long to figure out that is much more fun to play with a sister than to clean door frames. Sometimes when the older girls were little I would have three friends over for them to play with. After more children came along and space ran out in the car, it got a too hard to carry around extra children for my girls. They began playing more with each other. Gradually, I realized they were each others' friends. They didn't like for me to say that but it was true. If I limited their time with outside friends, they grew closer to each other.

They share rooms so there isn't this sense that they have to maintain a lot of privacy. They aren't allowed to read someone else's journals or snoop through purses and such. I don't do that and I don't expect them to. Each of the girls have their own little space on their dresser that they can put what ever they want. Everything else in their rooms have to be agreed upon. This is an area that the older girls have to be cautioned not to take advantage of the younger. Mary and Lydia share a bed in their room and Hannah and Sarah share a bed in their room, so that means there has to be some give and take. I think one girl gives the covers and the other one takes:). In those hours of trying to go to sleep, they share a lot of secrets that bind them together. When one of them isn't at home, the other waits up or tries to find somewhere else to sleep.

When Rachel was about ten we let her move into a room of her own. I wish I hadn't done that because I think that may have separated her from Hannah and Sarah too much. She is often left out of the loop on inside jokes or conversations and tends to get more lonesome than the others.

Another area that has encouraged togetherness is that the girls do not have televisions or video games in their rooms. Most of their play time is in the den with everyone else. They all have toys and projects going on in the den. I heard recently from another parent that her own children talk about the Rhodes' "bottomless game trunk". Though the two older girls have laptops, they aren't allowed to be on the internet in their rooms or do other things that pull them away from the family as a whole. Recently, I looked up on a rare evening when everyone was at home and realized I didn't know where all of the girls were. We had gotten too relaxed about this rule, but had to reign it back in.

Looking back, I think I would still have had their friends over as much as I could have because I love their friends. I think friends play an important role in their lives in many areas like accountability, encouragement, prayer partners, etc. Now logistically, the older girls have to work hard to carve out time with friends because of jobs, school and other responsibilities. And I encourage and provide time for that. With younger children, making that time is hard, with older ones it is exhausting. (They like making brownies at 2:00 in the morning!) Sleep isn't as important to them as it is to their 42 year old mom. Today, I am a little groggy from a rousing game night that included my five girls and nine other friends that lasted until midnight last night.

All that to say, my girls are each others' best friends. I love to hear whispers and giggles coming from their bedrooms late at night. (It's when the whispers and giggles turn to roaring laughter that I don't like so much.)