Parenting is hard and Ray and I struggle just like everyone else. We could play "good guy, bad guy" parenting, but everyone knows that doesn't work. Invariably, the "good guy" parent would be home alone with the child and there would be a time when the child must obey. What's the "good guy" parent to do? Let the child run wild and have her way? Or change hats and be the "bad guy" parent and come down hard?
Both parents have to work together on this. I know that it's no fun to always be the one who says no. I'm probably the stricter of the two of us and have had times of discouragement over this. It is very important to be consistent in discipline when the children are small. That makes the job of parenting easier when they are older. If parents punish bad behavior at 12 months, they usually won't have to worry about their twelve year old being completely out of control. * But it gets tiresome to be that "bad guy" parent. I want to be the "good guy" parent too. Both parents have to be consistent.
If mom continually threatens, "Just wait until your dad gets home!" and then the child gets all of his punishments, the child learns to dread dad coming home. But if mom is doling out discipline and punishment all day, and it's all play time when the dad gets home, then mom is the big meanie.
In our home, Ray is typically the easy one on the younger girls and harder on the older ones, but we have to work together. With Abigail in church, he would hold her during the song service so I would have a break to hold her during the preaching. At first, she would pass back and forth and he would walk her around. Then she started expecting to be entertained and played with during the entire church service. Now, she is doing better in church, but we have a long ways to go.
During meals, she would drop her food and cups and he would laugh it off and play with her. When he wasn't there one day, she decided to "drop" a bowl of Cheerios and milk all over me. That's when we knew, she has to know that throwing food is never an option- for either parent. Balancing grace and consistency is a huge issue for parents and I'm in the very throws of it right now. But it must be stressed that Ray and I both have to be diligent to make Abigail behave for both of us - immediately,
completely and cheerfully.
* This is not a guarantee, just an applicable principle found in Proverbs 22:6.
1 comment:
Well said, Lori. I know some might think you and Ray have this parenting thing completely wired -- I mean, he's a pastor and you're so experienced! The reality is that each child is different, parenting changes through seasons of life, and sometimes we are training ourselves in diligence as much as we are training our children. Now that we are in a church with many small children, Jeff and I hope to be an encouragement to them as they wrestle with these issues -- even as we work on being diligent parents in our own season of life.
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