Challenge or Encourage?

Hannah with some of her "kids".

I looked up the definitions-
to challenge is to summon to a contest of skill, strength, etc.
to encourage is to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence.

Some of my girls thrive on a challenge. Put them in a corner and they come out on top, almost every time. They are at their best when someone is pushing them. They're the ones that if a coach gets in their face, it actually helps.

But others, well let's just say, don't yell at them.* They shut down at the first sign of discouragement. They're the ones that need that high five when they've truly tried. Even if they didn't perform excellently that time, the next time will be better.

How do you know? You have to know your child, and you have to parent them based on what they need, not on your personality.

Long time coach and friend Candi Martin with Lydia

What about when your children are being taught something by someone else? You as the parent are their best advocate. Tell the teacher/coach/leader how you think your child performs best.

Then get out of the way and let them teach/coach/lead. Perceptive teachers and leaders are going to pick up on each child's personality. Hannah has twelve students in her first grade class. One of the parents sends her a note with her child's lunchbox every day telling Hannah how to heat the child's food. Hannah had to tell this mom that the child knew how to heat his own food and had been doing it the entire school year.

She has learned, like most teachers do, every child is different and should be treated as an individual. Some children can have head phones while doing school and not be distracted, but some cannot. Some children need a list written out for them to follow, some can get a job done if you just give them an idea of what you expect. It has nothing to do with intelligence, but their personalities.

Learn your child, treat them with respect and lead them according to their personality. This leading must be done through the lens of Scripture. Make sure that the personality trait is not a sin issue. A sinful trait cannot be excused as "that's just how they are." Challenging and encouraging must be done according to God's Word.

Lydia with one of her coaches, Coach Kagan, who paid her the highest compliment that one of my children ever received. She said, "If I had a daughter, I'd want her to be Lydia."

 *P.S. I am never advocating yelling at kids.