Parenting with the Law and Grace

While discussing an upcoming parenting Q & A at our church I made this comment flippantly, "Consistency without grace is legalism. "I keep thinking about that. I still think that is true but couldn't grace without consistency and laws be just as bad? Look at this - Galatians 2:27 "... For if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose."

There must be a balance between law and grace. What Christ did for us on the cross is the greatest example of grace, and as Christians, we have to display that to our children. We do that by forgiving wrongs and gently training them. But consider this verse on grace- Romans 6:1-2 "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means!" So if there is all grace and no law, wouldn't you have a free for all?

This is where balance comes in. For a household to operate, there must be rules. These are things that, for your family, should be followed for good order. I'm not talking about the Ten Commandments, those apply to all of us. I mean things like- no Internet in the bedroom, bedtime by 9:30, don't play past the stick, etc. Then you take those rules and let them be a guide, not your task master.

For example, normally, my little girls have to be in bed by 9:30, but if we have something special going on, they can stay up later. If they abuse that freedom, then it's taken away and they have to go back to the strict bedtime. Or this- the older girls were never allowed to have Internet upstairs in their room. With Hannah commuting to college and living at home, she often does school up in her room and uses the Internet. Abuse of that freedom and I would have to pull the plug on all computers upstairs.

As they get older and prove themselves, the freedoms increase and rules decrease. Using the bedtime example, at twelve years old Mary is four years older than Lydia, and she has a little more freedom on the bedtime. If she stays up a few minutes to write in her journal or read, it's okay. The older the girls get, the more freedom they will have because they've proven that they can govern themselves better and don't need as many rules. I want them to be able to behave as well without me as they would if I were watching.

My long term goal for them is to balance laws and grace so that they can live in our world without legalism or abounding sin. They will have self control and show kindness to the world around them and be able to share the gospel with others.