I don't really care for "Christian" radio, but I was really bothered while listening to a local station that is supposed to be "safe for the whole family." There was a commercial for a "behavior modification" program to use on your children. This one lady said she couldn't even take her children out in public before she bought this program. Then in no time her kids' behavior was completely changed. I listened to this commercial with disbelief. A few days later Sarah was telling me about this ridiculous commercial she had heard about how to change your child's behavior in less than a minute. It turned out to be the same program.
I am amazed that real thinking adults would pay good money for someone to tell them how to change their children's behavior. There was never a mention about the child's heart. Anyone can use all kinds of manipulation techniques to change a person's behavior. What is needed is for parents to train their children's hearts. When you guide your child's heart and train him to desire the right things, his behavior will follow. A book we highly recommend to all parents (besides the Bible, of course) is Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. Dr. Tripp rightly addresses the heart of the parents in the very beginning of the book, then moves to practical ways to engage a child's heart. This is a book I have read many times to help me keep my focus on training my child's heart, not just modifying her behavior.
5 comments:
Thanks for this post Lori. This is the very thing Ryan and I are struggling through. When is it sin and when is it just something that annoys us? I know that sounds silly, but sometimes it's things like yelling in the house, running, being obnoxious at the table, whining/fusing about anything. I struggle to deal with their constant rebellion, disrespect and disobedience. I mean CONSTANT! We've tried reading through the book you mentioned, but struggle to understand how to train their heart. I feel crazy admitting that, but it's very difficult for us. I feel like we are disciplining constantly and they never seem to learn from the discipline, even though we ask them what they did wrong and they clearly know and tell us the offense. If you have any tips please let me know :)
At the age of your children, every moment of child training is constant. Spend some time asking them why they are doing what they are doing. This is a very long, tedious process with little ones. They need to know that when they whine they aren't considering others, they are being self centered, etc. Get to the heart of the sin, not how the sin affects you. Don't feel bad about admitting it's hard to get to the heart of their sin. It is often difficult to know why they are sinning, but it is key to their knowing that they have sinful hearts and need the Savior.
Great post, Lori! A friend of mine told me that our county's teachers have been trained to use this same type of behavior modification, since they cannot address the true heart issues and are so limited on the consequences they can assign to misbehavior.
Raising children with consistency is the hardest job I've ever had! It's certainly a marathon, not a sprint. I'm thankful for a husband who gently reminds me of that and helps me examine myself when I get distracted or lazy in the process.
How True Suzanne! Parenting is a loooong marathon and our hearts are the keys to raising our children.
Thanks Lori, much more understandable :)
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