Decision Making

Making decisions for your children is often very difficult. When the girls were very young, it was easy to say yes or no to most anything. Even when the choices were all good, a parent can just make the call. As children grow, the decisions get bigger and have greater implications for their futures. It isn't quite as easy as saying, "I don't think that's a good idea so you shouldn't do that. I'm the parent and you obey me." We really value the girls' opinions and take that in to consideration. That being said - we are now trying to decide what Rachel will be doing next year because she has some great options. Following is a letter Rachel received from a man in our church who knew that we had set the deadline for today. I found it a helpful reminder for us all in determining God's will for our lives.
Rachel,First, let me thank you for the laughter you brought into our lives yesterday. If “a merry heart doeth good like a medicine,” then we had a liberal dose of that tonic. We appreciate your and your family’s care and friendship for us. So, again, thanks for the laugh!My primary purpose in writing to you is to offer a few thoughts regarding your upcoming decision about college. It seems to be weighing heavily on you, and I was especially burdened for you as I was praying this morning. I hope that you won’t consider my advice to be too forward or out of place. Having made many wrong decisions through the years that resulted in greater difficulties for me and my family, perhaps my advice can help you avoid some of the pitfalls that I've experienced.We have a special concern for you because you were so instrumental in leading Philip to the Lord. In a very real sense, we and he owe you his life in the same way that Philemon (Philemon v. 19) owed Paul his life (as he was likely the one who led him to Christ). So we take a particular interest in those things that affect you because of the special bond in Christ that you have with our family.One note before I continue...if anything I suggest below is in any way contradictory to the instructions and advice your parents have given you, then you know what to do immediately with my words – ignore them, discard them, don’t give them another thought. Your dad and mom have the best insight into your heart and circumstances, and have greater wisdom than I will ever possess, and I would never presume to offer any advice that would contradict theirs.With that said, let me offer some scattered thoughts as you are on the eve of your decision.It is no easy thing as we come to adulthood and face choices between (or among) paths that appear to be equally valid. It is easy to distinguish between right and wrong (though not always so easy to do the right and refuse the wrong!), but much more difficult, at least to my own heart and mind, to make choices between two things that seem to be equally reasonable and “right.” As you said Monday evening, and I know most people would echo the sentiment, “someone just tell me what to do!” We all secretly wish that we could have something like Paul’s vision of the man from Macedonia (Acts 16:9) to tell us exactly where to go and what to do for every big decision in our life.Remember, though, first and foremost, the Lord makes His will for us known clearly in His word. We need not debate or be doubtful in our minds as to what His will is. It is not some mysterious, dark, “floating cloud” of confusion that we have to get into some great straits of mind to understand. His word clearly reveals what we are to do and how we are to do it. True enough, it does not tell us to go to this specific school or place or job, or that one, but it does give us principles by which we can evaluate our options and determine what is right. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path,” (Psalm 119:105). It is both a lamp to show us where to place our next step safely and a light to illuminate our ultimate destination.In addition, as His child, you have the Holy Spirit to guide you in His word and in your walk. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths,” Prov. 3:5-6. We have God Himself dwelling in us in the person of His Spirit to lead us. He leads us into the word He Himself inspired to find direction, and He leads us by His word to walk in that direction He gives us. Every time in the past when I placed my trust in my own understanding, or sought to justify a particular course of action as the only choice I had at that time, I have led myself and my family away from the Lord and into great difficulty.If there “appears” to be only one option available, but that option violates Biblical principles or even has doubtful aspects which could lead to spiritual danger, then we are (to my mind) clearly instructed by His word to wait on the Lord to open up the right way – Psalm 37:7 “Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.” I learned this lesson the hard way several years ago when I entered into a business partnership with a lost man, despite Scripture’s clear warning not to do so (II Cor. 6:14), to my and my family’s great sorrow, because I thought at the time that was my only option so “it must be the Lord’s will.” No matter what our present circumstances, we are never justified in making a decision that has the consequence of violating God’s revealed will in His word.If we have a choice, though, between things that seem to be, on the surface, legitimate and worthy, then, to my mind, we have an obligation to thoroughly evaluate all the implications of those choices to see if there is anything in either of them that could lead to spiritual danger or even spiritual apathy. (The five foolish virgins of Matthew 25 were not condemned because they did anything overtly sinful but simply because they failed to make proper preparation.) As we’ve matured, we have learned through experience to ask questions such as, “Will one option or another cause us to be less faithful to the church?” “Will it cause us to have to physically move to a place where the faithful preaching of God’s word cannot be found?” (I chose not to take a job once because it would require that I travel every week and keep me away from my family and church far too often.) “Could one or the other cause me to have to compromise a doctrine or conviction that I hold in order to maintain myself in that choice?” “Does one choice above the other make it more possible that I will become lax or lazy in my spiritual disciplines?” “Can I discern a tendency in either choice that would make me less of a witness for the Lord?” There are probably numerous other questions that could be asked, but these hopefully would “prime the pump” of our thoughts. We are directed by Scripture to “count the cost” (Luke 14:27-33). I realize that this passage applies most directly to our salvation, but I think we have warrant to apply the principle to the decisions we make that affect our Christian walkCertainly we are all in danger of stumbling no matter what our situation or circumstance. We must always be careful to guard our hearts, however, we may be able, upon careful examination, to discern greater tendencies toward these things in one choice over another that would make it more apparent which is the better direction to go.The most important question to ask, I think, is “which choice in this decision, gives me the greatest opportunity to be salt and light where I am or will be?” Is that not our primary command from the Lord, to go and proclaim the gospel, to make disciples? This is our prime directive as Christians. (I realize I’m “preaching to the choir;” you know this better than I do!) We are to use every circumstance, seek every opportunity, and evaluate every life decision as a chance to display and proclaim the Savior, and if one option more than another gives us a greater ability to do so (assuming it does not violate any of the things discussed above) then it would seem to me that, barring any definite closing of a door by the Lord, that would be the better choice. As with anything, I don't think you can make this an unchangeable rule, but in general I think it is a safe guide for our choices.Well, I think I should conclude with that. I hope I have not wearied you, nor added confusion to an already difficult decision. It is truly my desire to be of some help, however small, to you in this. Perhaps the best thing we can do is pray that He who knows the end from the beginning will give you light and a lamp. We will most certainly continue to do just that. “The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace,” Numbers 6:24-26. May He always bless you and glorify Himself through you. Pray for us as we pray for you.Bro. John