Ballet Begins Again

Rachel took ballet for a couple of years when she was very young. Today, we started ballet lessons for Abigail and Susannah with one of our favorite friends. Mary Margaret has been close friends with Mary for so many years and has agreed to teach Abigail and Susannah at our home. My face hurts from smiling so much while watching these two little beauties dance with her. They looked at her like she was a queen and she treated them like little princesses.

We haven't been able to figure out a good schedule for each child to do a sport and a music or art class. With so many daughters, it's really impossible for everyone to get to do all they want. We feel like sports, music and art are all important, but it's  impossible to do everything. It takes a lot of creativity and organization to get homeschooling done as well as extra curricular activities.

We have grappled with this topic for many years as the older girls grew. I'm sure there are gaps in a lot of their learnings, but so far they seem to be doing okay. There are no easy answers to growing healthy, well-rounded, contributors to society that love and honor God. Today, we got to enjoy a little bit of the process.

Josiah watched in amazement the whole time.

I Am Not a Minimalist

I have a confession... 

I like my stuff... there it is... now you know.  

I have things in my house just because I like them. They serve no purpose, they may or may not be beautiful, but I like them.

There would be a story for almost everything. There are stacks of books, some stacks on top of stacks, numerous toys, pretty dishes, handmade treasures, pictures upon pictures, etc.

We are hearing a lot lately about minimalism, that clutter causes stress, stuff like that. That may be true. I have a  harder time sitting still if my clutter is out of order.  Extra stuff creates more work - it has to be dusted and such.  I understand the idea behind minimalism. 

Using less sometimes means more. But what if you like more? Sitting in a sparsely decorated room may make some people uncomfortable. Maybe some people like to look around at lots of interesting things. It's not bad, just different. The Summer is coming and I plan to do some painting and extra cleaning out, but I don't think I'll be getting rid of too much.

I threw away one late trash bag of old homeschool files and took four large bags of stuff to our local women's shelter. (I'd rather not donate to Goodwill, but I will if necessary.)

Valentines

I love our Valentines traditions. We eat the traditional steak and potatoes meal by candlelight with everyone. (This is the only time every year that I will buy steak.) Ray gives everyone a heart box of chocolate. He wants the girls to be treated with love all the time and it's good for them to have a tangible picture of it on a special occasion. How he treats them now is giving them a standard to expect from their future husbands.

We often draw names to give gifts to our Valentine. It's fun to see the thoughtfulness put into each gift. Rachel actually touched our dog to make a painting for Mary. (If you know Rachel, she doesn't like dogs, at all.)

This was by far the easiest "special dessert" we've ever had. I bought a Sara Lee pound cake and sliced it. Abigail used cookie cutters to make hearts and the word Love to place on a plate around fruit. Then we dipped it in melted chocolate.

It's a Birthday Party at the Rhodes House

Ray turned fifty-five in October and we did a lot of cooking. He likes lots of options on the table so for his birthday, that's what he got - fried chicken, fried eggplant, potato casserole, roasted cauliflower and zucchini, and crusty bread. Dessert was a pound cake with strawberries and homemade whipped cream. He usually likes healthy eating, but he didn't get that.

An activity he really likes is something we've been calling the read a line game. Everyone in the house gets a book that they've been reading lately and reads a line, a paragraph or a page from it. I'm always impressed by what the girls find meaningful that they want to share. I wish we did it more often.

I love that the little ones wanted to read books that they have memorized. Their sweet little voices have already gotten the hang of the sing-song rhythm of reading aloud. Josiah chose Little Blue Truck, Susannah read If You Give a Pig a Pancake, and Abi read The Red Ripe Strawberry and the Big Hungry Bear.

This is the first time Rachel and Adrian played with us and we couldn't get her to stop reading. We should probably come up with a few rules like-

• pick your portion before anyone starts
• no reading silently while others are reading aloud
• have a question or comment about each person's reading
• there should probably be a time limit too

It's a good thing to enjoy books and reading!

Dawn Cocktail

One day this week I leaned over to blow dry my hair upside down. I couldn't get back up! For three days, I have limped, moaned and groaned. It seems I pulled a muscle. All that to say, between a back ache and my normal chaos, my house was gross. Nasty! Disgusting!

While I was hobbling around spraying and wiping, I thought that my job would be so much harder if I were still using that other stuff I use to buy. My sister-in-law convinced me to try this solution to clean. It has all the ingredients to clean my house and leaves a really clean smell when I'm done. (Well, I'm never done, but when I stop wiping.)

Her recipe was told to me like this - "You pour about this much Dawn dish liquid in a spray bottle. (She held up her fingers to show what was about two inches, but I'm still not sure about what size spray bottle.) Then you add about that same amount of vinegar. Then fill up the rest of the bottle with water, I like to heat my water up."

Well after playing around with her negotiable measurements, I have found the cleaning solution that I love.

This is our den on Christmas morning. There are no "after" pictures.

This daily battle is over.

I no longer am fighting the urge to keep my house spotless because it's Christmas and trying to keep everything clean to give my family the Norman Rockwell image to remember. Nor am I letting the housework go because I want my family to have these beautiful experiences of baking cookies, wrapping gifts and sipping hot chocolate while we enjoy the glow of the season.

Is it a real battle? Or did I make that up? What's important? Now that Christmas is long past, can you even remember what you did on many days during December? Were you purposeful in your days or did you let each day fall out as it could?

Christmas isn't the only time I fight that fight. Do I stay very strict and keep the house running smoothly, or do I throw up my hands and and let the laundry land where it lands? I often battle the "idol" of order in my home.

Hopefully, my children will remember a balance. They'll remember being allowed to have fun in our home, but not being embarrassed to bring their friends inside. We live in our home and we live hard, and there's no one going to be eating off of our floors. The bedroom can't be a fire trap, but I may need to keep the doors closed more than I'd like.

Stacks of books mean people are interested in things. Toys mean that children are allowed to do their "work." Laundry on the sofa for a week? Well, that's when I start to get uneasy with myself. It's all about balance. Norman Rockwell didn't paint the picture of a messy house for a reason.

There's no Norman Rockwell theology here, just a message to myself about balance. Next week I'll be dreaming of dusted furniture and Abigail will probably still be riding her bicycle in the house.

It's Official!

I'm the worst mother ever! This week, I've earned the title. I have-

And there's this...
Vacuuming!

• Made my kids do school while I laid down.
• Made one wash the cat food bowls even though her greatest fear is tiny worms and spiders.
• Failed to remind one enough times that a bill was coming due, so it was late getting mailed.
• Allowed one of them to keep doing school past five, even though they are supposed to stop at three.
• Made them memorize two verses this week instead of one because it was too easy.
• Had one ask me, "How long does menopause last?" That was in the middle of her two hour cleaning chores.
• Punished one because she "just felt like" telling another sister how awful and spoiled she was.
• Insisted my girls tell me EVERY time they leave who they are riding with. (Yes, I know bad grammar, but you can't use bad grammar and be mad, can you?)

But the best was when-

I ruined one of my girls' life because I wouldn't let her swim before breakfast. She actually said, "Well, thanks for ruining my life!"

At least I've been appreciated this week....

Recently, Rachel and Adrian invited our entire church over to their house. The plan was to set up tables in their front yard and everyone eat outside and play games. She was a little busier than she expected and couldn't get things as clean as she wanted.

I told her, "Don't worry about your dust, it'll make people feel more comfortable."

No one can attain perfection in their housework when they have small children. (That can't always do it without children either but it is a little easier I think.)

Have them over anyway. Make them comfortable.  I've had a few people seem relieved when they have found my house in a mess. No one can keep things perfectly clean, but that's easy to forget.

On the day that our church was to gather at their house, guess what happened?

As God would have it - Rain, and lots of it. People still came. 

We took of our shoes at the door and piled in. 

Adrian pushed the furniture against the wall and we ate together, sang together and played together. It was loud, but so fun.

Abigail and her sweet friend Karalynn held hands while they sang for a long time. The picture above doesn't show how many children there were gathered to sing together, but it was a sweet time. 

This Summer our church celebrates ten years together. I am grateful to God for the sweet fellowship.

In Between Age Kids - Part Two

When children start thinking more deeply about things discipline and punishment needs to change. It seems like the "brighter" the child, the earlier this might happen.

I said discipline and punishment need to change because they are two different things. Punishment is part of discipline, it is what happens when there has been a failure in discipline. This failure could be the fault of the parents, the child or both.

For an example - You expect your child to take out the trash. You cannot expect it to be done if there hasn't been some discipline involved. You certainly wouldn't want to punish a child for not doing what he didn't know that he was required to do or if he didn't know how to do the job. So you go through the steps of teaching him. Discipline involves training, that's what the word means, to train. The basic steps to teach a child a job -

• make sure there is physical capability. (Is the child tall enough to reach the trash can?)
• explain the task clearly. (Pull the bag out of the inside can, tie it up, place it in the outside can.)
• walk the child through the task. (Watch him take the trash out, explain anything that needs to be clarified, like - close the lid on the outside can, replace the liner on the inside can.)
• make sure he knows when he is required to do the job and how to keep track of that.
• say thank you for a job well done.

Honestly, all of that is common sense. You don't tell a three year old to go bake a cake and expect a cake. But those steps are the basic foundation to teaching your child to live in this world.

(Okay, the first and foremost thing to teaching your child to live in this world is to show them Christ and give them a proper worldview. Speaking to the practicalities of living in a home with other people, those are about as basic as you can get.)

After all of that has been taught, what do we do if the child just continues to "forget?" I would take a guess that there would be a million different answers if we asked a million different people. There are some very creative people in the world who have come up with some doozy of consequences for disobeying children.

I know one lady in her sixties now that would sleep in her teenagers' bedrooms at night until they got home just to make sure what time they came in. This creative mom also had her son apologize on the loud speaker to the entire school because he yelled at a referee during a football game. Her son is a well respected leader in the community now, so I think she did a pretty good job.

Siblings learning to navigate life together.

Fitting the punishment to the transgression is a tried and true method of discipline. If your child forgets to feed the dog, she should skip a meal. She doesn't pick up her clothes off of the floor, then she has to wear them all day - all of them. Siblings fight with each other, tie them together. Your daughter refuses to sit still at the meal table, then she stands at her spot through the entire meal. Stuff like this can happen without abuse, without humiliation and without embarrassment. The entire world doesn't need to know she "forgot" to take out the trash.

Honestly, the child should be embarrassed if he is in contestant sin. If he isn't, then there may be some bigger problems.

There are child advocates who would go crazy at some of this stuff, I know.  We must parent with a loving hand that teaches kindness, forgiveness and self-control. You don't teach those qualities if you don't discipline and punish without them.

But we cannot raise our children to think that the world revolves around them. They must learn to live in society - peaceably and working with others.  As parents we cannot raise them to think that they will not be held accountable for their own sin.

For all who have sinned without the law will also perish without the law, and all who have sinned under the law will be judged by the law. For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified.(Romans 2:12-13 ESV) 

Our children must obey the law, whether it is the law of the Bible, the law of the land, or the rules of the home. God is the only One, True, Righteous Judge, but He did give us our own children to raise according to His laws. 

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. (Colossians 3:20)

Occupied With Joy?

... because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart. (Ecclesiastes 5:20 ESV)

How can I be occupied with joy if I can't catch my breath? I'm over committed and feel like I am not  doing anything really well.  Haven't I said this before? Where is that promise to myself that I will learn to slow down and purposefully enjoy the gifts that God has given me?

Well meaning people (ahem, my family) will have some great ideas of how I should spend my days. If I'm not careful, I could be running back and forth from one to the other, not completing anything and not helping anyone. Oh, wait! That's how I feel most times at the the end of the day.

Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot. Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil—this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart. (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 ESV)

This is my life, my toil... to love and serve my family.

It is good to find enjoyment in my toil. It is amusing to see my two year old playing in a sink of dirty dishes. It is satisfying to hear my eleven year old explain what communism means. I can even feel somewhat accomplished to explain a little algebra to my fourteen year old.

Abigail and Susannah "helping" in the kitchen actually brought much joy, and a lot of mess!

Knowing that this is the "lot" that God has given me, helps to keep my perspective. I don't really have wealth and possessions, but I can enjoy what I have.

Soy

Hannah has had headaches and fainting spells for a long time. She went through every test that could be taken. After hundreds of dollars and countless doctor's appointments she was still constantly dizzy and randomly fainting. Someone suggested she look up different diets and menus for people with headaches, specifically migraines.

We cut out lots of different foods and finally found that the biggest culprit is soy and cured meats. She has been some time without fainting, feeling dizzy or debilitating migraines. She had dropped a few pounds (which is not good for her) but her weight seems to have leveled off again.

It was harder than I thought it would be to cut out soy, but once we got used to it, it isn't so bad. The first thing that I learned was that vegetable oil is actually soybean oil. And an olive oil bottle that says contains pure olive oil doesn't actually mean that it's 100 percent olive oil, it means that there is some olive oil in it but that there also may be some soybean oil.

I have appreciated her attitude about the whole thing. When she is in public she tries not to make a big deal about any food that is served. If she can't ask discreetly and politely about the soy, she doesn't eat. (Usually, there is the fresh fruit option.)

I have learned how to cook healthier and have expanded my recipes. The most useful is- I always have a bottle of this available. It's actually really good in chicken salad and on sandwiches.

Italian Salad Dressing

• 1 tablespoon garlic salt
• 1 tablespoon onion powder
• 1 tablespoon white sugar
• 2 tablespoons dried oregano
• 1 teaspoon ground black pepper

• 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1 teaspoon dried basil
• 1 tablespoon dried parsley
• 1/4 teaspoon celery salt
• 2 tablespoons salt

Directions

1. In a small bowl, mix together the garlic salt, onion powder, sugar, oregano, pepper, thyme, basil, parsley, celery salt and regular salt. Store in a tightly sealed container.
2. To prepare dressing, whisk together 1/4 cup white vinegar, 2/3 cup canola oil, 2 tablespoons water and 2 tablespoons of the dry mix.

How Am I Cultivating "The Village"?

Some would say that I'm growing my own village. We have always told the girls jokingly that when they get married they must marry a godly man that always wants to live near us. As parents, we want our children to live in the same house with us forever, or at least stay very close. It's kind of a joke, but it may not be all bad.

If Rachel hadn't lived so close to us, what would she have done the day she was pregnant and constantly vomiting, the septic system backed up all over her house, at the moment that Adrian couldn't possibly leave work? She spent the day on our sofa while we took care of the dirty business. We did it joyfully, not because I thought Adrian would bring home flowers (which he did), but because we love her and we wanted to help her.

Having daughters, I have always taught them to help at home. They can all cook, clean and take care of babies. I was very purposeful in teaching these things for two reasons. One reason is so that they could help others and the other reason was because I needed help.  My marriage needed that and I needed that. It was a glorious day when Ray and I could leave the house together without children. They are fully capable and even cheerful about taking care of things here when I need for them to. I have often said that I don't know how I got Rachel raised without her help.

Now, I'm reaping the rewards of teaching them to care for a home, but I hope others will too. There have been a few times when they have gone to a family member's or friend's house to help out, but not often enough. I can see firsthand of how helpful my older girls are to me and I want them to do the same for others.

When we see life getting hard for a friend we should step in and help. Wash her dishes so she can sit down to feed her baby with joy. Sit with her children while she goes to the grocery store alone. Prepare her a meal to serve at her home when she needs it. That's all part of living in a "village".

While Rachel is pregnant with her second child and working on a house, she needs extra help again. We are part of the "village" that she lives in. Our community is our family and church. So many times we have been at their new house and she would mention someone's name that had been over to help for a few hours. What a sweet reward to "living in a village."

Don't you love the story about Solomon asking the people to give of their belongings to build the temple and they gave so freely that he had to ask them to stop giving.

A pastor friend just recently died after a brain tumor. The family was so blessed by meals coming every day that his wife had to ask the meals to slow down, the people were giving too much. In her grief, the community wanted to pour their love on her and surround her with help.

I have to ask myself, have I given so much of myself that someone would consider asking me to stop? That's part of being in the village.

Sure you're going to come across someone that always wants your help. They keep asking and asking, but never seem to return the favors. There's a scripture about that too.

But what I want is for my family to be helping the body of believers that God has placed us in and for them to help me. That's the village that I really want to live in.

Scheduling Your Days

The last ladies Bible study from Proverbs.

Read Proverbs 31:10-31

I dare say most of you have grown up hearing about the Proverbs 31 lady, real person or not, she is one to emulate. She's the woman who has it all- adoring husband, precious children, beautiful clothes, land, you name it, she has it.

But what about her? A girl could think if I just model my life after her, then I could have it all too, right? Wrong.

After committing these verses to memory ten or fifteen years ago, I wanted to see how they had changed my life. Because that's one reason why we memorize scripture, to change our lives, for the good of course.

I'm a list maker, so I wrote out what my day looked like at the time and examined it next to the Proverbs 31 lady's day.  I know this isn't what she did every day, but it was a pattern. I walked step by step through my day and checked to see if it lined up with scripture. Somewhere on my blog there is the step by step ordering of my day back then.

My days were filled with many of the same things-

• Rising early to cook breakfast- read verse 15
• Walking for exercise- read verse 17
• Dressing my family- verse 21-22 (Scarlett, purple and fine linen)
• Gardening (at the time we had a big garden, but now it's just mostly my flower bed)- verse 16

But I wanted my life to be more than just doing the same things, I wanted it to have the heart change too. There has to be the heart change to go with the lists and schedules. You can't model your days after the Proverbs 31 lady without the heart examination.

Look at her heart-

• Trustworthy- read verse 11
• Does her husband good- read verse 12
• Industrious- read verse 24
• Strength, dignity, laughs at the future( no worry about tomorrow, and a joy in her life)- read verse 25
• Wisdom, kindness- read verse 26
• Takes care of her household, diligent- read verse 27

I want to encourage you to look at your days, consider how you spend them. Examine what you do on a regular basis and ask another godly person to help you look at your days. Are the days spent in vain toil under the sun, are you striving after the wind, do you look like the sluggard? Or are you enjoying the fruit of your hands, are you eating and drinking and finding enjoyment in your toil?

If there is a lack of joy or an abundance of frustrations in your days you need to do some more examining. I know I often to have to reassess my days.

First of all do you know Christ? Is He the One you turn to in praise or in need? Is He the One you want to glorify? Repent and turn from your sin, cry to Him for help.

But if you know Christ as your Savior, you can enjoy life with an above the sun perspective.  Why would we want to do that? Proverbs and all of Scripture is filled with the way to live but also the whys.

Why do we schedule our days according to Scripture?

• Read Proverbs 1:1-4 I want to know wisdom and understanding, receive instruction
• and 1:9- these words are a graceful garland around your neck
• Read verse 2:5-7

This is just the beginning of Proverbs, search the whole Bible to find other reasons why.

The third question of the children's prove it catechism asks why did God make us and all things?

• Read Romans 11:36

This goes back to the question how can you glorify God? Answer: by loving Him and doing what He commands.

• Read Deuteronomy 6:5,6

Verse six goes back to the top of what we are talking about. These words shall be on your heart. Read them, memorize them, study them, model your life by them, schedule your days by them.

I'm Not a Clean Freak...Really, I'm Not

There may be a problem with me. I'm not a "clean freak," even though my daughter over heard someone tell another person that I was. But I do feel really accomplished if I clean my house every week, not like everything is sanitary and sparkling, but wiped down and somewhat picked up.

It's always in the back of my mind if I haven't changed my sheets or there is a ring around my bath tub. I'm not talking about the stack of books that we are reading or the basket of toys dumped from a little one, that's all just life happening. I just love to get to do my Saturday cleaning.

I don't know why I'm this way, but maybe-

• It's the thought of a ninety year old woman, bent double still cleaning houses to make a living (she worked for my mom for years when I was a teenager)
• It's the years of design school that taught me that appearance is everything (I know, not true)
• It's because I stumble and trip over anything on the floor, especially shoes
• It's the knowledge that God is a God of order and it is good for things to be orderly

I have come a long ways. This morning I brushed aside the crumbs from the table cloth and out of the seat in the chair to have my quiet time. There was a time not too many years ago that I wouldn't have been able to even sit in that room, much less been able to read my Bible with such a mess. I would try to leave one room picked up before I went to bed every night so that I could have a spot to read my Bible with out going on a ridiculous straightening frenzy.

I have a friend who posted about how thrilled she was to have just spent three hours gardening. My first thought was to announce how excited I was that I just spent three hours cleaning the garage, actually, I was a little giddy. If you had seen how dirty it was you would totally understand. But what is it that makes me so beside myself to get something clean?

When my family came home from a fun day out all day long, I actually had them take a trip to the garage so that I could show them all my hard work. There was the obligatory oohs and aahs, then life went on, but I'm going to sleep tonight knowing that all of the coolers in my garage have been scrubbed today.

Yea.... I may have a problem.

Now, reading this, a person could get the idea that our home is spotless, it isn't. The dust bunnies in the dining room do not make up for a mopped garage floor. I'll tackle those little monsters another day.

Margin is...

• frozen waffles for breakfast instead of homemade muffins. Because let's face it, it takes longer to dress baby dolls than a two year old, especially when your two year old is helping.
• not vacuuming the house for a few weeks while I spend extra time at my oldest daughter's new home, helping her get set up to her own new house.
• leaving dishes in the sink when your two year old says, "let's snuggle mommy."

I stopped right in the middle of cooking supper and let Abigail brush my hair.

• being content with the same old hairstyle instead of taking the time to get it cut.
• putting up the Valentine's decorations, even though the Snow Village is still out.
• skipping the blog for more days than I had planned.
• a tea party before you go to Kroger.
• skipping homeschool for the morning to go to breakfast with girls that grow up too fast.
• deciding that a sleep over at the cousins' house is more important than a school day (this time).

I know that I am still over scheduling and making wrong decisions about time, but I also know my heart is beginning to follow what I know is right. I must stop over scheduling my family! I have to leave room for rest, creativity and growth. (And snuggling!)

I'm Loving Chinese Cooking!

I'm sure it's way too "Americanized" but we really like it. Since Hannah can't have soy of any kind it doesn't taste exactly like the restaurant version, but you don't get the MSG headache either. Egg rolls are loaded with cabbage, carrots, onions and ginger and fried in canola oil. Add that to stir fried chicken  and broccoli in ginger and you have a delicious Chinese dinner.  When Sarah had her wisdom teeth pulled we got lots of soup from the Chinese restaurant and they loaded us up on those free chips that they put on the table.

Egg rolls are actually fun to make.

The shredded cabbage mixture that goes inside the egg rolls is so good, we eat it as a side dish too.

Margin by Richard A. Swenson

Marginless is being thirty minutes late to the doctor's office because you were twenty minutes late getting out of the bank because you were ten minutes late dropping the kids off at school because the car ran out of gas two blocks from the gas station- and you forgot your wallet.
Margin on the other hand, is having breath left at the top of the staircase, money left at the end of the month, and sanity left at the end of adolescence.
Marginless is the baby crying and the phone ringing at the same time; margine is Grandma taking the baby for the afternoon. Marginless is being asked to carry a load five pounds heavier than you can lift; margin is a friend to carry half the burden. Marginless is not having time to finish the book you're reading on stress; margin is having time to read it twice.

After the fiasco of the morning that I tried to stay in my pajamas and purposefully relax and enjoy my life and children instead of herding them in the direction they must go for he day. I picked up this book. Ray had to read it for some of his doctoral studies and thought it really applied to us. I don't want my children to grow up thinking that they were herded through their childhood, school, or life.

That last sentence about not finishing a book hit me particularly. I often don't finish books because I don't have time. I have filled my time so full that I can't catch my breath, minister to others or hear my children, much less be the help meet that I want to be to my husband.

Is God pro-exhaustion? Doesn't He lead people by the still waters anymore?

I know that God does still lead by the still waters, He does want us to be quiet and listen to His voice, He does speak in a gentle whisper. I cannot hear Him if I am running through my house and my life at break neck speed. 

As I look at the goals for the past year and set new ones for this year, I will be praying for that which causes me to sit and be still and listen. 

Christmas Cakes

I love to make cakes, but rarely do because of the time and cost that it takes. So at Christmas, I try really hard to make at least one for some special occasion. The two that I have made the most are the hummingbird cake and caramel cake. They are both delicious and usually turn out to be pretty tasty. What is probably one of the highest compliments that I ever received is many, many years ago, my father-in-law told me that my caramel cake tasted just like his mother used to make. I'm not sure about that, but it certainly encouraged me to keep making it. It has been requested so much that we kind of got tired of it.

I made two completely different cakes this year and both had the huge "wow factor"because they were so pretty. (But definitely not as pretty as the picture in the magazines that I got the recipe from.)

This is the peppermint, white chocolate cake that was featured on the cover of the Paula Deen magazine. The white chocolate layers were amazing, but I didn't love the buttercream frosting. If I make it again, I will try to find a great way to crush peppermint candy. 

Southern Living featured the red velvet white chocolate cheesecake and it certainly looked impressive when it was cut! The alternating layers of red velvet cake and cheesecake were beautiful and the white chocolate icing was delicious! 

I think the conclusion of cake making this year is that I need to make the white chocolate layers and cover the cake with the white chocolate icing.

It Takes a Village

- Natalie is a young pregnant mom of three children under five years old. Her husband leads the worship music in our church and isn't able to sit with her for much of the service on Sunday mornings. One morning recently, their two year old was unusually fussy. In my heart I was praying for them when I noticed another friend, Kelly, slip out of her seat to go offer help.*

- When Rachel was less than a year old, I had a friend named Lena who lived around the corner from us. She and her teenage daughters would come pretty often and load Rachel's car seat into their car and take her to play at their house.*

- Courtney is a college student who lived with us for two semesters and saw how 'real' life is in our home. A few nights ago, she came for supper and spent the night. At supper, she asked if she could cook breakfast for us the next morning.*

These are just small illustrations of "it takes a village to raise a child." I'm not speaking of Hillary Clinton's village, the one of government programs that provide assistance in any area of life. These are  programs that offer "help" that many times in the end undermine the parent's ability to parent.

I'm referring to a proverb quoted by many that spoke of how we all need family and community to raise our children. It is difficult to raise small children! I know! Mothers are often home alone for many hours every day, balancing children of many ages with housework and cooking, and that doesn't mention anything that happens outside the home such as grocery stores and music lessons. What is a young mother to do when she is pregnant, sick, having another baby, or simply stretched thin by her responsibilities? It's impossible to think she can do it all alone.

Years ago, Ray made a comment to me that he regretted immediately. I was complaining about my workload with so many small children. He said, "If my grandmother could do it, so can you. She didn't even conveniences that you have." With great indignation I told him that he didn't marry his grandmother, he married me! Later I thought about that. Why did it seem so much harder for me than his grandmother?

I think it's because of the lack of community. We don't live in a society where the women meet together to wash clothes, make soap, talk to each other, and watch each other's children. Everything we need is in our own homes or we go to the store to buy it. We live too far away for close relatives to just drop by and pick up a child for a little while or offer help. Days are gone when young families live in the same communities that they grew up in and they know everyone in town. Now, a young family can go throughout the course of many days without bumping into someone they know. Here is a very interesting article that discusses why and how we lost this community.

The problem with this kind of isolation is that we are alone. We need help! We need to cry on someone's shoulder. We need someone to hold the baby while we just go to the bathroom. We were created for community and isolation breeds loneliness, exhaustion, despair....

We need community! Since we have moved away from extended family, we have to seek community elsewhere. I think the only place for that is the church. We have a family in the church body that loves us like no other, that sees us often (or they should!), and can see when we need help. How would Kelly have known that Natalie needed help if she hadn't been involved in her life? How would Lena have known that picking up Rachel very few days was so helpful to me if she hadn't been involved in my life? How would Courtney have known that cooking a meal for me would be such a great help if she hadn't been involved in our lives?

I'm busy, too busy! I'm not involved enough in others' lives to see as many needs as I know that there are. But the needs that I do see are overwhelming, not to mention those under my own roof! I don't know how women with small children function well without others? When my older girls were very small their Aunt Amy would take them sometimes or they would stay with everyone's favorite babysitter, Mrs. Wanda. Sometimes they even went for overnights to grandparents' houses. But I still remember feeling tired, overwhelmed and sometimes like I was harming them because I didn't enjoy them as much as could have.

I didn't realize what they needed was for me to rest, spend more energy on my marriage and let others help me. This article explains well what moms really need. I know we need to pray and seek God's help, relying on His strength to do our duties. But it's hard to remember that when you have to go to the grocery store in the pouring rain, get supper ready and your two year old has decided to throw a fit.  There have been many times when I would be thinking something like, "Sure, I know I need God's help, but is it too much to ask for Him to mop the kitchen?" He isn't going to mop the kitchen, but he does give me the strength to when I do it, or he provides someone else.

Now I'm wondering how to further this village mentality...

*Names are not changed to protect the innocent, but to encourage the weary.

What We're Having To Eat

It seems like I've gotten in a rut cooking lately, so I decided to write down what we're eating. Writing it down helps me see what I'm skipping and forces me to be a little more creative. I can tell it's fall because there isn't nearly as much fruit as we like and that we aren't eating enough leafy greens. My list also confirmed what I already knew, we eat a lot of leftovers and we eat too many chicken casseroles! My plan now is to see if I can keep from making any type chicken casserole until the end of the year.

Two weeks menu

Tuesday
Breakfast - scrambled eggs with spinach and mushrooms, grits, leftover banana muffins and pumpkin muffins

Lunch- pb and j, leftovers, pita chips and hummus

Supper- eat out with friends, girls ate homemade chicken noodle soup (took some to a sick family too)

Wednesday
Breakfast- scrambled eggs, leftover hash brown casserole, strawberry muffin from a mix

Lunch - leftover chicken noodle soup, pb and j

Supper- taco soup, tortilla chips, tossed salad, apple turnovers (Church supper)

Thursday
Breakfast- scrambled eggs with mushrooms and onions, frozen waffles, sausage

Lunch - leftover chicken noodle soup, ham sandwiches, pb and j

Supper - leftover taco soup, nacho chips and cheese, carrots and celery sticks

Friday
Breakfast- scrambled eggs with sausage, mushrooms, onions and cheese, grits, pumpkin/apple streusel muffins

Lunch- chicken and rice casserole, broccoli

Supper- ham and cheese sandwiches, chips, carrots

Saturday-
Breakfast- eggs scrambled with sausage, grits, leftover pumpkin muffins

Lunch- turkey hot dogs, chips, carrots

Supper- ravioli lasagna, broccoli

Sunday
Breakfast- scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, leftover muffins and toast, mixed frozen fruit

Lunch- eat at friends' house (it was a yummy chicken lasagna)

Supper- chicken pasta salad, grilled cheese sandwiches, pineapple

Monday
Breakfast- breakfast casserole with spinach, mushrooms and bacon, grits, pineapple

Lunch- leftover chicken/pasta salad, nacho chips with cheese, pb and j

Supper- baked ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls

Tuesday
Breakfast- fried egg sandwiches

Lunch- Chik-fil-A

Supper- macaroni and cheese with ham bake, spinach salad with grapes and oranges

Wednesday
Breakfast - eggs scrambled with ham and cheese, grits

Lunch- pb and j, pita chips, hummus

Supper- veggie soup, Mac and cheese, cornbread muffins, spinach salad, fall cookies (Church supper)

Thursday
Breakfast- scrambled eggs, apple/oatmeal muffins, grits

Lunch- eat at a friends house (butternut squash macaroni bake, I loved it)

Supper- leftover veggie soup, cornbread

Friday
Breakfast- leftover muffins, cereal

Lunch- spaghetti, tossed salad, rolls, cupcakes (Abigail's birthday meal)

Supper- leftover spaghetti

Saturday
Breakfast- frozen waffles

Lunch- pb and j, leftovers

Supper- wings, potato wedges, celery, salad, chips and dip

Sunday
Breakfast- scrambled eggs, grits, sausage, pumpkin/apple muffins

Lunch- poppy seed chicken, rice, brussel sprouts, spinach salad, muffins, pumpkin crisp (company came over)

Supper- clean out the fridge leftovers

Monday
Breakfast- grits casserole, pumpkin/apple muffins

Lunch- pb and j, salad, carrots

Supper- shepherds pie, green beans

Tuesday
Breakfast- leftover grits casserole

Lunch- pb and j, cheese quesdillas, carrots

Supper- chicken/broccoli and rice casserole, tossed salad, rolls

Snacks offered through the week- hot chocolate, pretzels, banana bread, raisins, cereal, peanut butter crackers, pita chips and hummus, chocolate chip cookies, oranges, trail mix, milkshakes, pretzels