Do You Feel Peace?

The following was written by a young woman and sent to me to share with others. It's a message that our self-help, feel-good society needs to hear.

A rare view from our living room window recently. 

I have peace. I do not feel peace. I have peace because Jesus lives in me. This does not mean that I always experience peace. I don't. But Jesus is peace and I have Him and He is enough-even when I don't feel peaceful. One day we will experience the feeling of peace, but that day may not be today. I've been told so many times that if you don't "feel a peace about it" then it's not God's will. Or as a true Christian you will feel peaceful even in suffering. Or that if you pray then God will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding. I believe you have hope in the midst of suffering; I believe you have peace (Jesus) but I don't believe that you always feel peace in it. 

Hearing these thing made me feel like a bad Christian or not a Christian at all. What was everyone else doing that I wasn't feeling this peace? I prayed all the time, yet I still felt stress. Then, the pursuit of peacefulness and feeling good became my idol. Finally someone told me, stop worrying about that feeling and just pursue God. Embrace Him no matter how you feel. 

Jesus is the prince of peace. He didn't live in turmoil. But, when Jesus went to die on the cross, I don't think He felt a peace about it. He was sweating blood. He suffered anguish (Luke 22:44). Yet, He obeyed the will of the Father. Sometimes you won't feel a peace. You may be called to give your life away. That doesn't always feel good. I feel like in my job I serve all day long. I love my job, but it doesn't always feel good. It feels exhausting. But I know that the Bible calls me to serve. I will continue to serve regardless the risk and regardless how much peace it brings me. 

So here's my confession. I often don't feel peaceful. But I do know that God has called me as His child and Christ took the punishment for my sins and Christ rose again. Because of this I have the living Jesus alive in me. He is my peace and even if I never feel peaceful, He is enough. 

No doubt you are, or you know a person, who struggles with anxiety or over thinkers or even someone who is really sensitive to all the pain in the world. There are benefits for those people. They are often very compassionate, very aware, servant hearted, and very gentle. However, in my experience, they very rarely feel peace. Sometimes they feel a lot of darkness because they can't stop noticing all the pain. They help people a lot but the pain seeps into their mind and it can be very dark. Know this, it takes one light to break darkness. 

Think of the most compassionate person you know. Compassion is painful and that person may feel a lot of darkness and little peacefulness. You can be that one light to break through their darkness. Show them some of the sensitivity that they have shown you. I have found light in something someone says to me or in a song or in a book. That song or person or book can put me back on track when I start to fall apart. But, no matter how much you care, you are human and you can not be a perfect light. 

Jesus is light and He is a perfect light. That's why I cling so hard to the promise that Jesus lives in me and won't stop living in me no matter how much darkness I allow in. He is light and He is peace and that is enough to give me hope even in my darkest moments. And when God looks at me, He doesn't see my sin. He sees Jesus in all of His perfection. That is what picks me up off the floor after I've been throwing up, gets my weak body showered and takes me to work, allowing me to serve all day. I haven't felt the peace that surpasses all understanding a lot, but I have felt a strength that surpasses understanding very often. Notice what God is doing for you and thank Him for that. Realize what He has done for you and embrace that as being enough. 

All this is not to say that it's okay to be living in darkness and anxiety. It's not. It's painful and no one should. I can't lie to you and give you eight steps to live a stress free. I'm not sure how to make it stop. I've tried everything that people say and there is still often this mental turmoil that I can't shake. There is still a lot of dark times. There are times when it feels like my mind is twisted up and screaming even though there is a smile on my face. I look for any bit of relief I can get in the moment. 

I've kind of stopped pursuing that peaceful feeling. Instead, I've embraced the fact that Jesus is a light in my dark mind and that He offers me hope that one day in heaven there will be no darkness and fullness of peacefulness. In Him, I will wait. I will grow weary, I will be stressed out, I will have panic attacks, I will fall into depression, I will look for relief in sinful places, I will fail. Thankfully, my assurance is not in my abilities but in His strength. Thankfully, "even the dark is light to Him" (Psalm 139:12). I will wait and I will hope in Him regardless how I feel. 

And I will stop condemning myself. If you are a struggling with anxiety, if you feel like a second rate Christian, if you're praying but not feeling peaceful, know this: "God is not disappointed in you. Because what disappointment means is that there are unmet expectations. God had no unmet expectations about you. All the expectations for righteousness and for your debt have been fulfilled in Jesus." (Elyse Fitzpatrick) 

This is more than just two random pictures of my iron. These pictures were taken within fifteen seconds of each other. In one picture, the iron is on, the other, the iron is off. There's a short in the cord. It isn't broken enough to throw away so instead of buying another, I keep using it, shaking and maneuvering the cord to make it work. On Sunday mornings, it reveals the truth in my heart, I am a sinner!

These photos are a snapshot of the level of frustration over my own discontentment in my life. Why can't things just go the way that I want?  Unlike my iron, I can't seem to shake my contentment to get it back on. I want different situations fixed, right now. Why doesn't God fix them? Why won't He just shake things up and maneuver life so that everything goes the way that I want?

Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, ..." Somehow, I know that God is working together for my good. It doesn't feel good, but I am confident because His word is true that He is working for my good.

He won't throw me away when my cord is completely snapped, like what I plan to do any day now with my iron.

Deuteronomy 7:12

"...the Lord your God will keep with you the covenant and the steadfast love that he swore to your fathers."

Psalm 97

Psalm 97:1

"You don't have to worry about whether your world is under control. God rules. You just have to trust him when his rule isn't evident." Paul Tripp New Morning Mercies

"Honestly facing your lack of sovereignty over your own life produces either anxiety or relief. Anxiety is God-forgetting.... God-remembering...rests in the relief that although it may not look like it, your life is under the careful control of One who defines wisdom, power, and love."

 Daniel 4:34-35

"for his dominion is an everlasting dominion,

and his kingdom endures from generation to generation."

In a particular situation in my life right now, I tend to feel hopeless and helpless. I am the kind of person who likes to fix things. When something is wrong, I get out my lists and figure out a method of repair. That obviously doesn't always work. God is kind to give me this gentle reminder. 

Psalm 97:11-12

"...rest is not to be found in your control but in God's absolute rule over everything."

Handle the Bumps in the Road

Do you ever wish life were easy? Life tied up neatly in a bundle? You know the idea- happy parents, lovely children, all working together in harmony. Sure, little bumps pop up in the road here and there, but nothing too serious comes along, as least, rarely comes along.

I was sitting by the campfire listening to Hannah play a few songs on the guitar. It was a sweet moment of the girls talking and laughing and singing. The next minute one of the girls was worried about all she had to do, another needed to study, another was giving commands like she's the Queen of England, another was crying because she is lonely, another had a high fever. That all broke loose within a few short moments and the dishes never got done that night. None of those things include the bigger picture details of strife that involves our family.

Our idyllic setting lasted for ten minutes, ten short minutes! I was shaking my head at the thought, "Why can't my life be easy? When do I get a break?"

What about that? Our family is no different than anyone else's. Our struggles have different names, ages, faces, consequences, outcomes. But we all have struggles.

This life is going to have struggles because we are in it. We are sinners and mess life up, read Genesis 3.

But God is with me,

Psalm 18:39 "For you equipped me with strength for the battle..."Psalm 23:4 "for you are with me..."

Jeremiah 32:27 "Behold I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?"

And since the God over all flesh and power is with me, should I despair? The little bumps in the road seem big for a season, but the God of all creation is actively involved in my life and yours. He can handle whatever we face today.

This is our den on Christmas morning. There are no "after" pictures.

This daily battle is over.

I no longer am fighting the urge to keep my house spotless because it's Christmas and trying to keep everything clean to give my family the Norman Rockwell image to remember. Nor am I letting the housework go because I want my family to have these beautiful experiences of baking cookies, wrapping gifts and sipping hot chocolate while we enjoy the glow of the season.

Is it a real battle? Or did I make that up? What's important? Now that Christmas is long past, can you even remember what you did on many days during December? Were you purposeful in your days or did you let each day fall out as it could?

Christmas isn't the only time I fight that fight. Do I stay very strict and keep the house running smoothly, or do I throw up my hands and and let the laundry land where it lands? I often battle the "idol" of order in my home.

Hopefully, my children will remember a balance. They'll remember being allowed to have fun in our home, but not being embarrassed to bring their friends inside. We live in our home and we live hard, and there's no one going to be eating off of our floors. The bedroom can't be a fire trap, but I may need to keep the doors closed more than I'd like.

Stacks of books mean people are interested in things. Toys mean that children are allowed to do their "work." Laundry on the sofa for a week? Well, that's when I start to get uneasy with myself. It's all about balance. Norman Rockwell didn't paint the picture of a messy house for a reason.

There's no Norman Rockwell theology here, just a message to myself about balance. Next week I'll be dreaming of dusted furniture and Abigail will probably still be riding her bicycle in the house.

Margin is...

• frozen waffles for breakfast instead of homemade muffins. Because let's face it, it takes longer to dress baby dolls than a two year old, especially when your two year old is helping.
• not vacuuming the house for a few weeks while I spend extra time at my oldest daughter's new home, helping her get set up to her own new house.
• leaving dishes in the sink when your two year old says, "let's snuggle mommy."

I stopped right in the middle of cooking supper and let Abigail brush my hair.

• being content with the same old hairstyle instead of taking the time to get it cut.
• putting up the Valentine's decorations, even though the Snow Village is still out.
• skipping the blog for more days than I had planned.
• a tea party before you go to Kroger.
• skipping homeschool for the morning to go to breakfast with girls that grow up too fast.
• deciding that a sleep over at the cousins' house is more important than a school day (this time).

I know that I am still over scheduling and making wrong decisions about time, but I also know my heart is beginning to follow what I know is right. I must stop over scheduling my family! I have to leave room for rest, creativity and growth. (And snuggling!)

Thankful

As I sit on my front porch, rocking my sweet Susannah,  listening to the leaves fall and simply enjoying this amazing weather I am reminded to pray. Not everyone is enjoying the benefits of one amazing season turning in to another. They are still recovering from floods, typhoons, tropical storms and other natural disasters. God has blessed us abundantly in North Georgia with the perfect weather and for that I am so very thankful.

Psalm 119:30

I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me.

On my recent trip to Charleston with Ray, it was easy to be faithful to spiritual things. I had no hindrances or distractions of daily life, food was sumptuously provided, and sleeping was great. We took nice long walks, looked at beautiful scenery and talked about Scripture and things that mattered to us. We ate whenever we were ready to eat. Life was easy...Too easy. I certainly didn't have any trouble reading my Bible sitting in a cozy hotel bed next to a fireplace.

Back at home life takes over - discontentment sets in. Abigail wakes earlier than expected, breakfast needs to be prepared, and I can't seem to get to my Bible today. Who's able to read Scripture and pray with a baby crawling everywhere and girls "discussing" whose day it is to load the dishwasher? Walking through my own neighborhood isn't exciting, I've seen these houses hundreds of times. Same ole, same ole...

But things ARE different. The trees are changing colors, reminding me of God's faithfulness through the seasons; the children have grown, every day is new for them. It's wonderfully satisfying to get the house clean and hot meals on the table. This neighborhood is home, and I love it. I am so very thankful for God's faithfulness through the seasons, even when I'm not!

Habakkuk 3:17-20

17 Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
19 God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places.

Staying Home

Today, I woke early to get ready to go to visit Ray's parents. Everyone (except Rachel, because she had classes) was planning to go because there was a three day break from soccer and we all haven't been in a while. I had us packed and ready when I found out Sarah had a fever. Because Ray's dad is taking chemo for cancer and his mom has pneumonia, I knew she couldn't go. It seems for the past few months, someone has had something, and has kept us from being able to visit as much as we normally would. Ray went and took Hannah, Mary and Lydia with him. Rachel left for school, Sarah took Tylenol and went back to bed, and me...

I sat with a cup of coffee and read my Bible. For the past few hours I have read, done some picking up around the house and snacked. When I sat back down, I realized again how nice it is to be home. I watched a cardinal snack at the bird feeder outside our window, walked to the mailbox and enjoyed the sunshine and have counted my blessings by having a quiet day.

My thought was, "How long could I stay home without going anywhere except church?" I could make it a challenge to myself. I have a long list of things I want to do at home. Then I started thinking of all the things that I have to go to do, like get candy for the girls Spring baskets, pick up a few groceries, I want to see if I can get a few sunflower seeds to start, etc.... You know the list. Those are just things I want to do today. In the next week, I just couldn't miss the ladies' Bible study, soccer game, music lessons, doctor appointments, going to Nana and Granddaddy's, visiting with my mom for the first time since Christmas and the list goes on and on.

I think I'll skip the idea of not going anywhere at all right now, but I will enjoy the time I have at this moment. Contentment with where God has me seems to be a recurrent theme in my life. Maybe God gave me this extra time to study this week's lesson for the ladies' Bible study. I know I need it, the lesson is on propitiation!

Who I Am

Recently, I was introduced to large group of people as Ray Rhodes' wife and the mother of five daughters. That happens to me quite often and I love it. That is who I am. Oh I'm sure that drives the self-help gurus nuts, but I am very pleased with where God has me. As I grow older, I'm sure that there will be many changes in how that looks; I may even end up as a widow with children living far away. However, right now this is who I am-a wife and mother. When God decides to change my job description, I will learn that that is a great place to be also. Learning to be content with where God has you right now is very satisfying.

Where Would You Rather Be?

When Ray and I got married we left from our honeymoon and went straight to New Orleans for him to go back to seminary. I took a few classes including a Ministers' wives class. Trying to learn more about the students, during the first class our instructor asked the question, "If you could be anywhere else in the world, where would you rather be?" I was near the end of the class in responding and worried about what I would say. I heard responses like Hawaii on vacation, Idaho at home with family, and exotic sounding missions fields. When she finally got to me it occurred to me where I wanted to be. I said, "I've only been married for eight days so I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be than here with my husband." The class roared with laughter and I think everyone was glad to hear from a young newlywed. (I had just turned twenty years old.)
Recently, I heard someone ask the question, why am I here in this town? I had no earth shattering response except, "Because this is where God has you right now." As I think about why we are where we are, I couldn't be more content. Sure it seems life might be a little easier if we were close to family, or out in the country or, blah, blah, blah. What keeps coming back is - this is where God has us now. If He leads us somewhere else, that's where we should be, but for now I am content.
I would like to encourage you to thank God for where you are today. If He leads you and your family somewhere else, then rejoice. But for now, be content and let others know of you satisfacton in the Lord.